IDENTIFYING OUR EMOTIONAL NEEDS

Ok, as promised, though i volunteered.. it's still a promise to me so here they are..the 1st part of the 115 questions..it's just a method to identify our top 4 emotional needs.I'll post the how -to once we've identified yours heheh..take your time though i really hope you'll include this evaluation as part of your restructuring plan ;)

What to do with these questions?? Just read the scenarios below,if the situation rings true for you,check the corresponding need that most resonates with you.You are looking for the underlying needs that drives the behavior.If the scenario is true for you but none of the needs listed sounds right,then skip it okie dokie :)

1. You need a balance of work and play in your life in order to feel your best. If you work too much, you lose your sense of humor. If you play too much, you tend to get lazy or apathetic.

• Need for balance.
• Does not apply.

2. You are at a party and two people start to argue. You feel uncomfortable and either try to smooth things over or shy away from the conflict.

• Need to be accepted/liked.
• Need for peace/harmony.
• Does not apply.

3. You are always doing favors for other people, even at your own personal expense.

• Need to be accepted/liked.
• Need to be appreciated.
  
• Need to be useful/needed.
  
• Does not apply.

4. You keep others at arm’s length. You don’t want to get hurt.

• Need to be accepted.
• Need for safety/security.
• Does not apply.

5. You are the kind of person who goes out of your way to help others, even though you don't really

have the time.

• Need for peace/harmony.
• Need to useful/needed.
• Need to be responsible/do the right thing.
• Does not apply.

6. You are constantly sending thoughtful notes, cards or gifts to family, friends and colleagues.

• Need to be appreciated.
• Need to be accepted/liked/included.
• Need to loved/cherished.
• Does not apply.

7. You hate being interrupted.

• Need to be heard/listened to/communicate.
• Need for control/power.
• Does not apply.

8. People don’t take what you say seriously.

• Need to be heard/listened to/understood.
• Does not apply.

9. You feel like you are drowning-there are so many things vying for your attention that you have no time to pursue your true calling.

• Need for order.
• Need for balance/peace.
• Need for clarity.
• Does not apply.

10. You get irritable and cranky if your home is messy.

• Need for order/tidiness.
• Need for clarity.
• Does not apply.

11. You can’t think clearly until your desk is cleaned off.

• Need for order/tidiness.
• Need for clarity.
• Does not apply.

12. You find yourself volunteering in the community homeless shelter, the church, or some other charitable organization, but your family doesn't appreciate all you do for them and the work you do in the community.

• Need to be needed/useful.
• Need to be appreciated/liked/approved of.
• Need to be responsible/have a cause or mission.
• Does not apply.

13. When your boss micro-manages you, you feel suffocated. You think, ”Why can’t she/he trust me to do the job right?”

• Need to be independent/free.
• Need to be accepted/respected.
• Need for power/control/authority.
• Need to be right/deferred to.
• Does not apply.

14. It annoys you that your spouse/partner doesn't do things for you, like loading the dishwasher unless you ask him/her.

• Need to be cared for/supported/taken care of.
• Need to be loved/cherished.
• Does not apply.

15. You feel (fill in the blank) when your spouse or partner does small things around the house without your asking.

• Cherished/loved.
• Supported/taken care of.
• Does not apply.

16. You get anxious or restless when you don't have a project to work on. You enjoy pushing the limits to see what can be done.

• Need to accomplish/achieve.
• Need to be busy/work.
• Need to have a cause or mission/responsible.
• Does not apply.

17. You get frustrated with bureaucracy that slows you down from getting results.

• Need be free/independent.
• Need to accomplish/achieve.
• Need for power/control/authority.
• Does not apply.

18. You find yourself eating out of the fridge or in front of the TV even though you are not really hungry.

• Need to be cherished/loved.
• Need to be nurtured/supported/taken care of.
• Need for security/safety.
• Need to be busy/work.
• Does not apply.

19. People don't appreciate your point of view. You make a statement and nobody seems to hear you or understand you.

• Need to be heard/listened to/understood.
• Need to be recognized/get attention.
• Need to be appreciated/valued.
• Does not apply.

20. You always have to have the remote control.

• Need to be in control/power.
• Does not apply.

21. You can't stand it when your boss or colleague takes credit for what you've done.

• Need to be recognized/get credit/noticed.
• Need to be appreciated/acknowledged.
• Does not apply.

22. You get very frustrated and/or upset if you don't get the recognition you deserve at work.

• Need to be recognized/noticed.
• Need to be appreciated/acknowledged/valued.
• Does not apply.

23. You feel lonely and removed from people and lose the desire for sex when you are not in a relationship.

• Need to be touched/held.
• Need to be loved/cherished.
• Does not apply.

24. You get furious/hurt/angry or disappointed if you find out your friends make plans without inviting you, even if you know you can't attend. You still want to be invited regardless.

• Need to be included/liked.
• Does not apply.

25. You get really upset or annoyed if people do things or make plans without your knowledge.

• Need for power/control.
• Need to know/clarity/be informed.
• Does not apply.

26. You have plenty of money in the bank, but you still don’t feel secure. It is never enough somehow.

• Need for security/safety.
• Need for luxury/comfort.
• Does not apply.

27. Nobody loves losing, but you really can't stand it. You have to win, even if it is just Monopoly or a card game for fun

• Need to win/be the best.
• Does not apply.

28. People say that you are too opinionated or bull-headed because you have to get your point across.

Need to be heard/communicate.

• Need to be right/understood.
• Need to be responsible/do the right thing/duty.
• Need to win.
• Does not apply.

29. You have been known to tell your spouse or partner which way to turn out of the driveway.

• Need to control.
• Does not apply.

30. You like it when your boss, family and friends approve of what you do and find it disturbing if they don't.

• Need to be accepted/approved of.
• Need to be appreciated/valued.
• Does not apply.

31. At parties and social gatherings, you need to be the center of attention and will tell jokes, sing songs, do silly stuff, or wear clothes that are guaranteed to attract attention.

• Need to be recognized/get attention/be seen/noticed.
• Does not apply.

32. You find it hard to do nothing and prefer, even when on vacation, to work on some project or another.

• Need to be useful/needed.
• Need to accomplish/achieve.
• Need to be busy/work.
• Does not apply.

33. If you don't have at least ten minutes of quiet time a day to yourself, the rest of the day is off kilter.

• Need for peace/balance/be alone.
• Does not apply.

34. It is vital for you to be in a position of power or authority. You need to be the one in charge whether at work or at home.

• Need to control/power/authority.
• Does not apply.

35. You can't be in a relationship unless your partner/spouse is faithful to you. An open marriage wouldn't work for you.

• Need to be in control/power.
• Need for responsibility/duty/loyalty.
• Need to be loved/cherished.
• Does not apply.

36. You are a perfectionist and can't abide it when things go afoul.

• Need for perfection/order.
• Does not apply.

37. You find yourself shopping several times a week. You get a high from shopping, but then feel guilty afterwards because you are buying on credit and know you can't pay off your credit card balance. Still you continue to shop, knowing you really shouldn't.

• Need to be loved/cherished.
• Need for luxury/comfort/abundance.
• Does not apply.

38. You go into restaurants even when you are not planning to eat there, just to see if there is anyone you know dining there.

• Need to be seen/admired/recognized/known.
• Does not apply.

39. You can't sleep at night unless you've checked to make sure all the doors are locked.

• Need for safety/security.
• Does not apply.

40. You have a stockpile of canned goods and household supplies on hand.

• Need for luxury/comfort/abundance.
• Need for security/safety.
• Does not apply.

41. You feel compelled to always do the right thing, no matter what.

• Need for honesty/integrity.
• Need for duty/responsibility/justice.
• Does not apply.

42. Although you hate to admit it, you don't go on a second date with a person if they didn't pick up the tab on the first date. You much prefer being treated and feel that they can't be all that interested in you if they didn't treat.

• Need to be supported/cared for.
• Need to be loved/cherished.
• Does not apply.

3. You love gossip. You can’t resist passing on a juicy tidbit.

• Need to be recognized/get attention/known.
• Need to be included/accepted/liked.
• Need to be heard/communicate/tell stories.
• Does not apply.

44. You naturally expect people to bring presents to your birthday party and feel miffed if someone doesn't bring one.

• Need to be cared for/supported.
• Does not apply.

45. You would never eat at a restaurant where the service was lousy, even though the food was superb.

• Need to be cared for/attended to/supported.
• Need for luxury/comfort.
• Does not apply.

46. You need to know that your lover/partner/spouse desires you. It isn't enough that he/she says so. You want demonstrable evidence before you are satisfied.

• Need to be supported/cared for.
• Need to be touched/caressed.
• Need to be cared for.
• Does not apply.

47. You tend to find yourself in messes or problems, but fortunately, someone comes along to rescue you or help you out.

• Need to be saved/supported.
• Does not apply.

48. You ask leading questions in order to get a compliment, such as, “How do you like my dress/suit/hair?”.

• Need to be loved/cherished/desired/adored.
• Need to be admired/recognized.
• Need to be complimented/appreciated.
• Need to be supported/encouraged
• Does not apply.

49. You need a commitment before you can do your best work or be your best self-whether that is a job contract or a marriage contract.

• Need for security/safety.
• Need for clarity/certainty.
• Does not apply.

50. After a bad day, nothing makes you feel better than being held tenderly.

• Need to be touched/held.
• Need to be supported/cared for.
• Need to be loved/cherished/desired.
• Does not apply.

1. Life feels blah if you don’t have a cause to rally behind.

• Need to be responsible/have a cause or mission.
• Need to accomplish.
• Need to work/be busy.
• Does not apply.

52. You frequently write letters to the editor to correct injustices and wrongs.

• Need to have a cause or mission/duty/responsible.
• Need to be right.
• Need for honesty/integrity.
• Does not apply.

53. You have to have the last word in an argument.

• Need to be right.
• Need to win.
• Need for power/control.
• Does not apply.

54. You can’t stand being wrong.

• Need to be right.
• Need to win.
• Does not apply.

55. You go the extra mile when you have someone to encourage you.

• Need to be useful/needed.
• Need to be supported/encouraged.
• Does not apply.