Quotes about Effort

All the so-called "secrets of success" will not work unless you do. ~Author Unknown


You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind. ~Author Unknown


Much good work is lost for the lack of a little more. ~Edward H. Harriman


God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest. ~J.G. Holland


The one thing that matters is the effort. It continues, whereas the end to be attained is but an illusion of the climber, as he fares on and on from crest to crest; and once the goal is reached it has no meaning. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Wisdom of the Sands, translated from French by Stuart Gilbert


I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. ~Thomas Jefferson


Character is what emerges from all the little things you were too busy to do yesterday, but did anyway. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966


I've got a theory that if you give 100 percent all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end. ~Larry Bird


The difference between try and triumph is a little umph. ~Author Unknown


Many an opportunity is lost because a man is out looking for four-leaf clovers. ~Author Unknown


No one understands that you have given everything. You must give more. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin


Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. ~Thomas Edison


Men are made stronger on realization that the helping hand they need is at the end of their own arm. ~Sidney J. Phillips


The person who is waiting for something to turn up might start with their shirt sleeves. ~Garth Henrichs


He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying. ~Friedrich Nietzsche


The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary. ~Attributed to both Vidal Sassoon and Donald Kendall


Nobody ever drowned in his own sweat. ~Ann Landers


When I was young, I observed that nine out of ten things I did were failures. So I did ten times more work. ~George Bernard Shaw


Put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success. ~Swami Sivananda


Now I know, a refuge never grows
from a chin in the hand and a thoughtful pose
Gotta tend the earth if you want a rose.
~Indigo Girls


There's nothing like biting off more than you can chew, and then chewing anyway. ~Mark Burnett


Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all. ~Sam Ewing


Though the barriers of life seem formidable, we find when we challenge them that they have no will. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com


One saves oneself much pain, by taking pains; much trouble, by taking trouble. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827


Some people dream of success... while others wake up and work hard at it. ~Author Unknown


The winds and waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators. ~Edward Gibbon, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire


Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle. ~Abraham Lincoln


The footprint of the owner is the best manure. ~English Proverb


Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. ~Will Rogers


Most of us can easily do two things at once; what's all but impossible is to do one thing at once. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966


The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen. ~Sarah Brown


Sweat is the cologne of accomplishment. ~Heywood Hale Broun


If a man is called a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and Earth will pause to say, Here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.


Gift, like genius, I often think only means an infinite capacity for taking pains. ~Jane Ellice Hopkins


If you feel you are down on your luck, check the level of your effort. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com


The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work. ~Emile Zola


We work for praise, and dawdle once we have it. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960


Effort is only effort when it begins to hurt. ~José Ortega y Gassett


People know you for what you've done, not for what you plan to do. ~Author Unknown


Plough deep while sluggards sleep. ~Benjamin Franklin


Man stands for long time with mouth open before roast duck flies in. ~Chinese Saying


For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business. ~T.S. Eliot


There are no easy methods of learning difficult things; the method is to close your door, give out that you are not at home, and work. ~Joseph de Maistre


Yes, to be a good parent, you have to sacrifice, but this is not a requirement of parenting, it is a requirement of being good at something. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com


Labor disgraces no man; unfortunately, you occasionally find men who disgrace labor. ~Ulysses S. Grant


He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody. ~Joseph Heller, Catch-22, 1961


Success is a ladder you cannot climb with your hands in your pockets. ~American Proverb


God gave us two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Success depends on which one you use. Head you win, tail you lose. ~Author Unknown


Doors don't slam open. ~John M. Shanahan, The Most Brilliant Thoughts of All Time (In Two Lines or Less)


About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age. ~Gloria Pitzer


Many people think they want things, but they don't really have the strength, the discipline. They are weak. I believe that you get what you want if you want it badly enough. ~Sophia Loren


Be not afraid of going slowly; be afraid only of standing still. ~Chinese Proverb


If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind. ~Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.


No man ever wetted clay and then left it, as if there would be bricks by chance and fortune. ~Plutarch


He who is outside his door has the hardest part of his journey behind him. ~Dutch Proverb


To go beyond is as wrong as to fall short. ~Confucius, Analects

7 top homebuying myths debunked

7 top homebuying myths debunked

Think that you get more for your money in the suburbs, that homeownership is the path to wealth and that a big down payment is always better? Think again.

By Marilyn Lewis of MSN Real Estate

Myth No. 1: Buying beats renting
Yes, that's what you've been hearing all your life. But then, the chances are that housing values have been climbing for much of your life.

Now, the mortgage meltdown is changing attitudes about buying and renting. In a recent survey, government finance agency Fannie Mae found that 23% of renters are postponing their plans to buy a home.

One big reason to think twice about buying is that home-maintenance chores are endless. Caulk the windows. Regrout the bathroom tiles. Change the furnace filter. Will it ever end? No. Sure, you can hire someone to do all this for you — if you have the money. Otherwise, there goes your weekend: mowing, weeding and checking off items on the honey-do list. That list of stuff hangs over your head like homework.

The only thing worse? Repairs. The roof springs a leak; there goes $20,000. You wanted a new car? Too bad. See that carefree gal at the Saturday matinee? When her toilet broke, she called the landlord — and then she headed out the door.

These days, when people do buy, it's to make a home, not a fortune. People gave the Fannie Mae pollsters mostly nonfinancial reasons such as safety (43%) and school quality (33%) for buying.

Myth No. 2: A home is a great investment
"Real estate is the path to wealth." This belief is so ingrained in our thinking that it's nearly a religion. And maybe once it was so. But today, the return on real-estate investments – and that includes your home – is abysmal. The hard truth: Your money is better off in stocks.

Blogger J.D. Roth did the math. His calculations show that money invested since 1926 in owning a home earned roughly 1% above inflation. Stocks, on the other hand, averaged about 7% over inflation. Not the 15% returns that many investors had been hoping for, but a whole lot better than your average real-estate investment. Nationally, home prices have fallen about 33% since mid-2006, according to the S&P Case-Shiller Home Price Index (.PDF file).

Jack Hough, a financial writer, reached the same conclusion. Stocks have rewarded investors with 7% inflation-adjusted return over long periods, while homes netted their owners about 0%, he says.

"If you have $300,000 and a choice between spending it on a house or shares, you'll pay $6,000 a year in incidentals if you buy the house or about $15,000 a year ($1,250 a month) in rent if you buy the shares. But the shares will return $21,000 a year after inflation, while the house will return zero. My numbers work out even better than these. I pay a smidgen less than $1,250 a month for rent," Hough writes, in "Why rent? To get richer."

But New York Times writer David Leonhardt, a proponent of renting, is rethinking: He now finds buying may be better — in some places. The economics on housing costs vary by market, Leonhardt says in this recent article.

To decide, he calculates a "rent ratio." Divide a home's purchase price by the cost of renting a similar home for a year. At a ratio of around 20 or above, renting looks better. Below 20, buying gets more cost-effective. (Comparing a $300,000 home with a $1,500-a-month rental — $18,000 annually — yields a ratio of 16.6; a strong case for buying.) Many big metros now are down to 16 or lower, but markets with ratios of 25 could be in a bubble. The ratio is only one part of the decision. Other factors matter, too, such as homeowners association fees and commute times and costs.

* Video: The hidden costs of homeownership

The new caution on homebuying does seem to be sinking in: 70% of people surveyed recently by Fannie Mae believed that buying a home was "one of the safest investments available." Seven years ago, the same survey found 83% believing that a home purchase was safe. (Just 17% thought stocks were safe.)

* MSN Money: 40 ways to save money on almost anything

Myth No. 3: My home is my piggy bank
When homes were gold mines, borrowing against the equity was common. Prices were rising, interest rates were low and lenders were pushing refinancing; you could imagine that you were borrowing against selling your house in the future for a huge pile to pay it all back.

People used equity lines of credit or mortgage refinances to buy cars and vacations and to put the kids through college. It wasn't unheard of to finance your ongoing monthly expenses with home equity.

In retrospect, it was an awful idea. Today, banks are more conservative about lending, even to those with equity.

* On our blog, 'Listed': Sen. Al Franken proposes Homeowner Advocate office

But cash-out refis will be back. When home prices rise again and lenders rediscover their courage, remembering the $2,000 and $3,000 fees they earned from each new loan, you could find yourself thinking, "We need a new roof and, look, there's all that equity just sitting there."

When you do, remember that home values can fall, leaving you stuck with a debt bigger than the home is worth. Leaving a cushion of equity gives you protection; you can sell if you need to and still make a little money or at least break even. (Read personal-finance guru Liz Pulliam Weston's "4 reasons not to refinance.")

* What’s your home worth? Find out

Myth No. 4: A bigger down payment is always better
Buyers usually are urged to put lots of cash into a home purchase. The reasoning: You'll borrow less, saving tens of thousands of dollars in interest on the loan and lowering your monthly mortgage payments. You won't need to buy mortgage insurance, which is required if you put less than 20% down. Also, if your home value falls and you want to sell, you have a cushion of equity and less chance you'll have to contribute extra cash to pay off your mortgage.

But you don't have to put 20% down. Federal Housing Administration loans, with down payments as low as 3.5%, have grown in popularity.

There are a couple of powerful reasons why a small down payment, coupled with the required mortgage insurance, might be a good idea:

* Borrowers with mortgage insurance may be able to get a lower interest rate than those who put down 20% or even 25%, according to this New York Times article. Lenders apparently feel safer when loans are insured; the insurance covers the lender if you default.
* A low down payment may help you buy now, while prices are at record lows, if you haven't yet saved 20%. If you wait to save a bigger chunk, prices could rise beyond your reach.

There are some other benefits to a smaller down payment:

* Flexibility. Your money is not all tied up in your house, leaving you with little or no cash for home repairs and improvements, an emergency or job loss.
* Diversification. You can diversify your investments, distributing your money more safely among a variety of investment types — stocks, bonds or mutual funds, for example. That way, a real-estate downturn won't wipe you out.
* Choice. You can always make additional payments, adding to your equity and paying off the loan sooner; you can stop paying mortgage insurance once you have 20% equity in the home.

Myth No. 5: You get more for your money in the suburbs
Builders of newer, lower-cost homes like to concentrate on the suburbs, where land is cheaper. First-time buyers can be forgiven if they think these homes look like bargains. You do get more home for the money, it's true. And they're often brand new, to boot.

But the hidden costs of suburban life can break you. The farther you move from jobs, stores, schools, friends, family and entertainment, the more you'll spend on transportation. Savings from lower-cost housing often are wiped out by unexpectedly high transportation costs.

Depending on the region, it costs $1,500 to $3,800 more a year to live where homes are built far from services, says a study by The Center for Neighborhood Technology, a nonprofit think tank that promotes "sustainable urban communities." The center created a housing and transportation index showing the true cost of sprawl on a family's life.

Here are average monthly commuting costs from Arlington County, Va., Real Cost of Commuting, (.PDF file):

* $110 for 10 miles.
* $229 for 30 miles.
* $349 for 50 miles.
* $648 for 100 miles.

And those numbers don't include parking.

They also don't consider the toll on your sanity. The Census Bureau finds that Americans spend an average of 100 hours a year commuting to work. What would your life be like if you got back just half of those hours — more than an entire workweek each year?

Myth No. 6: Remodeling is a great investment
Go ahead and remodel if you want to. Just don't tell yourself it's an investment. You'll be lucky to recoup your costs, much less make money. "The home-improvement-as-investment myth, combined with easy credit, fueled an awful lot of irresponsible spending in the past few years," Weston writes in "Remodeling? It's a waste of money."

That's not to say that you can't get back some of the money you spend on remodeling when you sell your home — if you choose your projects wisely. The return on your investment dollar will depend a lot on what you remodel, how much you spend on the job and where you live.

These days, with money tight and homes cheap, homeowners are getting a smaller return on their money, according to Remodeling Magazine's 2010 Cost vs. Value report, which is based on surveys of real-estate agents.

Many maintenance projects must be done to keep up the value of a home, but a great return on your money is not guaranteed. Some projects recoup only about two-thirds of their cost when you sell the house, while others pay a better return:

* a roof (pays back roughly 67% of the cost at resale).
* vinyl siding (80%).
* an entry door (steel 129%, fiberglass 65%).
* windows (vinyl or wood 77%).

Remodeling projects with the best payback include:

* adding living space by converting an attic (83%).
* converting a basement (75%).
* midrange deck additions (80%).
* minor kitchen remodel (79%).

Less lucrative:

* major kitchen remodel (72%).
* master-suite addition (61%).
* sunroom addition (57%).

Of course these are averages of agents' estimates. Costs and resale values vary by city and region. An office addition that pays back big in one city may recoup little value in another.

Also, taste is such an individual matter. "While working in real estate, I watched sellers gut their kitchens to update them and get more money for their house and at the same time the buyers would walk into those just remade new kitchens and talk about gutting them because the fridge should be over there instead of over here – 'over there' being where the fridge was prior to the sellers doing the renovation," writes reader DodgyHingst, in comments on "Remodeling in 2010? Additions are out, replacements are in" on MSN Real Estate.

Bottom line: The payback you can count on is the pleasure of living in your remodeled home. Remodeling is not really an investment; it’s consumption.

Myth No. 7: Homeownership brings security and peace of mind.
Younger people are urged — by parents, real-estate agents and even government (remember President George W. Bush's "ownership society"?) to buy homes. Homeownership is touted as the path to personal security.

Some benefits are compelling:

* Your life and stability aren't hostage to the whims of landlords who may raise your rent, sell the house or kick you out to give the house to their children.
* You won't have to jerk your kids out of a school — or school district — because you have to move again.
* You're spared the upheaval (and big expense) of packing up and moving yet again.
* There's a feeling of confidence in knowing that you — not the landlord – can choose what color to paint the walls and whether to tear out the kitchen light fixture. If the roof leaks or the oven dies, there's no need to pray the landlord will spring for repairs.

And yet, there's no feeling of security right now for the 10.7 million households — about one in four — whose mortgages are underwater.

Many Americans' dreams of moving on or moving up are on hold because they can't afford to sell their homes for enough money to pay off the loan, let alone make a profit. Unhappy couples wanting to divorce can't split up their assets and start over because they can't get their money out of the family home.

Peace of mind? Not at the moment.

Oprah 101 on Men

*lanun dekat VF*

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what
makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle.If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better."

You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not
better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any
differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you,speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he
has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you
are.

Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two way street. You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage...

Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.

Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others. "

What is New Politics?

New Politics: Nick Clegg's 19th May 2010 speech on constitutional reform
On 19th May 2010, Nick Clegg, Leader of the Liberal Democrats, gave his first official speech as Deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

“I have spent my whole political life fighting to open up politics. So let me make one thing very clear: this government is going to be unlike any other.

This government is going to transform our politics so the state has far less control over you, and you have far more control over the state.

This government is going to break up concentrations of power and hand power back to people, because that is how we build a society that is fair.

This government is going to persuade you to put your faith in politics once again.

I’m not talking about a few new rules for MPs; not the odd gesture or gimmick to make you feel a bit more involved.

I’m talking about the most significant programme of empowerment by a British government since the great enfranchisement of the 19th Century.

The biggest shake up of our democracy since 1832, when the Great Reform Act redrew the boundaries of British democracy, for the first time extending the franchise beyond the landed classes.

Landmark legislation, from politicians who refused to sit back and do nothing while huge swathes of the population remained helpless against vested interests.

Who stood up for the freedom of the many, not the privilege of the few.

A spirit this government will draw on as we deliver our programme for political reform: a power revolution.

A fundamental resettlement of the relationship between state and citizen that puts you in charge.

So, no, incremental change will not do.

It is time for a wholesale, big bang approach to political reform.

That’s what this government will deliver.

It is outrageous that decent, law-abiding people are regularly treated as if they have something to hide.

It has to stop.

So there will be no ID card scheme.

No national identity register, no second-generation biometric passports.

We won’t hold your Internet and e-mail records when there is just no reason to do so.

CCTV will be properly regulated, as will the DNA database, with restrictions on the storage of innocent people’s DNA.

And we will end practices that risk making Britain a place where our children grow up so used to their liberty being infringed that they accept it without question.

There will be no ContactPoint children’s database.

Schools will not take children’s fingerprints without even asking their parent’s consent.

This will be a government that is proud when British citizens stand up against illegitimate advances of the state.

That values debate, that is unafraid of dissent.

That’s why we’ll remove limits on the rights to peaceful protest.

It’s why we’ll review libel laws so that we can better protect freedom of speech.

And as we tear through the statute book, we’ll do something no government ever has:

We will ask you which laws you think should go.

Because thousands of criminal offenses were created under the previous government...

Taking people’s freedom away didn’t make our streets safe.

Obsessive lawmaking simply makes criminals out of ordinary people.

So, we’ll get rid of the unnecessary laws, and once they’re gone, they won’t come back.

We will introduce a mechanism to block pointless new criminal offenses.”

Why We Cheat: The 80/20 Rule

More than 50 per cent of marriages end in divorce these days. That’s outlandish and just sad. A main element of the divorce rate is cheating. Here’s a pragmatic reason why. And why most of the time it’s sexual.

Relationships are tricky buggers. It is easy at first with all the excitement of the chase, the mystery surrounding your love interest and the escalating sexual tensions. But after a couple of weeks, months or years you might find that your relationship has stage dived and you begin to question if the end-all cliché applies: Are they the one? But before your eyes wander too much, think about the 80/20 Rule and see if your relationship is measuring up.

The 80/20 Rule is simple. In a healthy relationship, you get about 80 per cent of what you need/want from your partner. They are caring, respectful and share a lot of the same interests as you, but then you meet someone who catches your attention for an unknown reason. It may well be because they fulfill the missing 20 per cent in your relationship – namely the sexual component. Because that 20 per cent has been missing for so long, you quickly conclude, “Hey, this person has everything I am looking for in a partner.” This can be a relationship killer. Since you jump genitals-first for this new interest, you may have given up your 80 per cent loving partner for a 20 per cent fling. The regret automatically sets in.

During the good times in a loving relationship, the other 20 per cent doesn’t really matter because you don’t notice it missing. You are content and fulfilled with your partner. Your 80 per cent feels like 100 per cent. When you are in an argument, however, because your partner is too messy or something petty, then the 20 per cent is tossed into the limelight.

This isn’t to say that you should stick with the current, thankless partner. You might only be getting the 20 per cent in the relationship, anyway. In this case, if you are truly miserable, maybe you should shop around. The point is to look at your relationship and really question if something substantial is missing. If this is the case and you feel unsatisfied, then move on and find someone who can offer you more. Remember, a key element to any relationship is honesty – not just to your partner, but yourself.

The 80/20 Rule explains some of the mysteries of relationships. It makes sense why cheaters go after the 20 per cent while trying to hold on to the other 80 per cent. The relationship crush (when you are in a loving relationship but have a crush on the local barista) often manifests because you see the other 20 per cent in the crush. And even the “players,” who jump from one 20 per cent adventure to another in a vain attempt to eventually equal 100.

If your relationship is going through a rough patch, think about the 80/20 Rule. Before switching partners, be careful since you might be giving up more than you think. First look at what you have instead of focusing on what is missing. Just remember, don’t throw away a good thing for a piece of new ass. We don’t need the divorce rate to inflate anymore.

source : travismagazine.wordpress.com

Secrets of An Everlasting Marriage ( Enhancing The Passion with Great Communicaton )

The Primary Love Needs of Women and Men.

Women need to receive :
1. Caring
2. Understanding
3. Respect
4. Devotion
5. Validation.
6. Reassurance

Men need to receive :
1. Trust
2. Acceptance
3. Appreciation
4. Admiration
5. Approval
6. Encouragement


1. She Needs CARING and He Needs TRUST

When a man shows interest in a woman's feelings and heartfelt concern for her well-being, she feels loved and cared for. When he makes her feel special in this caring way, he succeeds in fulfilling her first primary need. Naturally, she begins to trust him more.When she trusts, she becomes more open and receptive.

When a woman's attitude is open and receptive toward a man, he feels trusted. To trust a man is to believe that he is doing his best and that he wants the best for his partner. When a woman's reactions reveal a positive belief in her man's abilities and intentions, his first primary love need is fulfilled. Automatically he is more caring and attentive to her feelings and needs.

2. She Needs UNDERSTANDING and He Needs ACCEPTANCE

When a man listens without judgement but with empathy and relatedness to a woman express her feelings, she feels heard and understood. An understanding attitude doesn't presume to already know a person's thoughts or feelings; instead, it gathers meaning from what is heard, and moves toward validating what is being communicated. The more a woman's need to be heard and understood is fulfilled, the easier it is for her to give her man the acceptance he needs.

When a woman lovingly receives a man without trying to change him, he feels accepted. An accepting attitude does not reject but affirms that he is being favorable received. It does not mean the woman believes he is perfect but indicates that she is not trying to improve him, that she trusts him to make his own improvements. When a man feels accepted, it is much easier for him to listen and give her the understanding she needs and deserves.

3. She Needs RESPECT and He Needs APPRECIATION

When a man responds to a woman in a way that acknowledges and prioritizes her rights, wishes, and needs, she feels respected. When his behavior takes into consideration her thoughts and feelings, she is sure to feel respected. Concrete and physical expression of respect, like flowers and remembering anniversaries, are essential to fulfill a woman's third primary love need. When she feels respected it is much easier for her to give her man the appreciation than he deserves.

When a woman acknowledges having received personal benefit and value from a man's efforts and behavior, he feels appreciated. Appreciation is the natural reaction to being supported. When a man is appreciated he knows his effort is not wasted and is thus encouraged to give more. When a man is appreciated he is automatically empowered and motivated to respect his partner more.

4. She Needs DEVOTION and He Needs ADMIRATION

When a man gives priority to a woman's needs and proudly commits himself to supporting and fulfilling her, her fourth primary love need is fulfilled. A woman thrives when she feels adored and special. A man fulfills her need to be loved in this way when he makes her feelings and needs more important than his other interests -- like work, study, and recreation. When a woman feels that she is number one in his life then, quite easily, she admires him.

Just as a woman needs to feel a man's devotion, a man has a primary need to feel a woman's admiration. To admire a man is to regard him with wonder, delight, and pleased approval. A man feels admired when she is happily amazed by his unique characteristics or talents, which may include humor, strength, persistence, integrity, honesty, romance, kindness, love, understanding, and other so-called old-fashioned virtues. When a man feels admired, he feels secure enough to devote himself to his woman and adore her.

5. She Needs VALIDATION and He Needs APPROVAL

When a man does not object to or argue with a woman's feelings and wants but instead accepts and confirms their validity, a woman truly feels loved because her fifth primary needs is fulfilled. A man's validating attitude confirms a woman's right to feel the way she does. ( It is important to remember one can validate her point of view while having a different point of view.) When a man learns how to let a woman know that he has this validating attitude, he is assured of getting the approval that he primarily needs.

Deep inside, every man wants to be his woman's hero or knight in shining armor. The signal that he has passed her tests is her approval. A woman's approving attitude acknowledges the goodness in a man and expresses overall satisfaction with him. ( Remember, giving approval to a man doesn't always mean agreeing with him.) An approving attitude recognizes or looks for the good reasons behind what he does. When he receives the approval he needs, it becomes easier for him to validate her feelings.

6. She Needs REASSURANCE and He Needs ENCOURAGEMENT

When a man repeatedly shows that he cares, understands, respects, validates, and is devoted to his partner, her primary need to be reassured is fulfilled. A reassuring attitude tells a woman that she is continually loved.

A man commonly makes the mistake of thinking that once he has met all of a woman's primary love needs, and she feels happy and secure, that she should know from then on that she is loved. This is not the case. To fulfill her sixth primary love need he must remember to reassure her again and again.

Similarly, a man primarily needs to be encouraged by a woman. A woman's encouraging attitude gives hope and courage to a man by expressing confidence in his abilities and character. When a woman's attitude expresses trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration and approval , it encourages a man to be that he can be. Feeling encouraged motivates him to give her the loving reassurance that she needs.

The best comes out in a man when his six primary love needs are fulfilled. But when a woman doesn't know what he primarily needs and gives a caring love rather than a trusting love, she may unknowingly sabotage their relationship.

Source : Mars And Venus IN TOUCH - John Gray -

The Worst Words to Say at Work

The Worst Words to Say at Work
9 common words and phrases that will make you sound noncommittal, undependable, and untrustworthy

by Linnda Durre, Forbes.com

Some words and phrases are often used to buy time, avoid giving answers, and escape commitment. If you use these words and phrases yourself, take a scalpel and cut them out of your thinking, speaking, and writing.

"Try"
"Try" is a weasel word. "Well, I'll try," some people say. It's a cop-out. They're just giving you lip service, when they probably have no real intention of doing what you ask. Remember what Yoda says to Luke Skywalker in "Star Wars": "Do or do not--there is no try." Take Yoda's advice. Give it your all when you do something. And if it doesn't work, start over.

Put passion into your work, and give it your best effort, so you can know that you did all you could to make it happen. So if the outcome you were expecting didn't come to fruition, it's not because you didn't do everything you could to make it happen. It just wasn't the right time for it or it wasn't meant to be.

"Whatever"
This word is a trusted favorite of people who want to dismiss you, diminish what you say, or get rid of you quickly. "Whatever," they will say as an all-purpose response to your earnest request. It's an insult and a verbal slap in the face. It's a way to respond to a person without actually responding. When you say "whatever" after another person has said his or her piece, you have essentially put up a wall between the two of you and halted any progress in communicating. It's a word to avoid.

"Maybe" and "I don't know"
People will sometimes avoid making a decision--and hide behind words and phrases like "maybe" and "I don't know." There's a difference between legitimately not knowing something and using words like these as excuses. Sometimes during a confrontation, people will claim not to know something or offer the noncommittal response "maybe," just to avoid being put on the spot. If that seems to be the case, ask, "When do you think you will know?" or "How can you find out?" Don't let the person off the hook so easily.

"I'll get back to you"
When people need to buy time or avoid revealing a project's status, they will say, "I'll get back to you," and they usually never do. If people say they will get back to you, always clarify. Ask them when they will get back to you, and make sure they specify the day and time. If they don't, then pin them down to a day and time and hold them to it. If they won't give you a day or time, tell them you'll call in a day or week and follow up. Make sure you call and get the information you need.

"If"
Projects depend on everyone doing his or her part. People who use "if" are usually playing the blame game and betting against themselves. They like to set conditions, rather than assuming a successful outcome. People who rely on conditional responses are fortifying themselves against potential failure. They will say, "If Bob finishes his part, then I can do my part." They're laying the groundwork for a "no fault" excuse and for not finishing their work.

There are always alternatives, other routes, and ways to get the job done. Excuse makers usually have the energy of a slug and the spine of a jellyfish. You don't want them on your team when you're trying to climb Mt. Everest.

"Yes, but . . ."
This is another excuse. You might give your team members suggestions or solutions, and they come back to you with "Yes, but . . ." as a response. They don't really want answers, help, or solutions. You need to call the "Yes, but . . ." people out on their avoidance tactic by saying something like "You know, Jackie, every time I offer you a suggestion you say, 'Yes, but . . . ,' which makes me think you don't really want to solve this problem. That's not going to work. If you want to play the victim, go right ahead, but I'm not going to allow you to keep this up." After a response like that, you can be assured that the next words you hear will not be "Yes, but . . ."!

"I guess . . ."
This is usually said in a weak, soft-spoken, shoulder-shrugging manner. It's another attempt to shirk responsibility--a phrase that is muttered only when people half agree with you but want to leave enough leeway to say, "Well, I didn't really know. . . . I was only guessing." If you use this phrase, cut it out of your vocabulary.

"We'll see . . ."
How many times did we hear our parents say this? We knew they were buying time, avoiding a fight or confrontation, or really saying no. It's better to be decisive and honest by saying, "I need more information. Please present your case or send me the data--both pro and con--so I can make an informed decision." That way, the interested parties will contribute to an in-depth, well-researched "verdict."

This column is an excerpt of "Surviving the Toxic Workplace" (McGraw-Hill, 2010), by Linnda Durre, a psychotherapist, business consultant, and columnist. You can follow her on Twitter: @LinndaDurreShow

Traitor! Blasphmey!

LOL, just kidding.

actually I got a news from my old komrade Mr Konggo / Mokhz*** or his character Konggor.
He said he still playing WoW, together with other hordy Mr Bergay / A**** K**** Y***** bin L** ( his char name Bergay ).

They are playing on Wodnet server, and the thing is...

THE ROLLED ALLIANCES!!!

as you can see, this site name is ForTheGhorde, derived from the Horde.
in WoW, everything is Horde vs Alliance.
and we have been, I mean, 'I' have been HORDE from the start (not really, I started with Alliance actually, a human warlock LOLZ). BUT I have been HORDE for YEARS! My life for Aiur!! errk masuk SC pulak.

and Mr Konggo is the one who helped me set up this blog.

so what does it all mean?

not much really. I just want to write something about it. that's all.

The Post of Four Questions

page 336, AtGW by Tony Robbins. based on The Books of Questions.

1. What is your most treasured memory?

2. If you could end world hunger today by killing one innocent person, would you? Why and why not?

3. If you bumped a red Porsche and scratched it, and no one was around, would you leave a note? Why and why not?

4. If you could earn $10,000 for eating a bowlful of live cockroaches, would you? Why and why not?

** personally, I think this is kinda tough questions, and it really need proper evaluation **

" A man's character is his guardian divinity " - Heraclitus

page 342.

If we want the deepest level of life fulfillment, we can achieve it in only one way : By Deciding Upon What We Value Most in Our Life, what our highest value are, and then Committing to Live by Them every single day. Unfortunately, this action is far too rare in today's society.

Too often, people have no clear idea of what's important to them. The waffle on any issue; the world is a mass of gray to them; They Never Take a Stand for Anything or Anyone.

Fuck the Karate Kid

http://www.johndiesattheend.com/updates/?p=1071
****
**** a little note from Dray ****
**** 1. check the link for full article with links
**** 2. skip the parts you don't like
**** 3. I will try to highlight my fav points
**** 4. reynn can you put this in proper category?

Fuck the Karate Kid
February 16th, 2010
by David Wong

I think The Karate Kid ruined the modern world.

Not just that movie, but all of the movies like it (you certainly can’t let the Rocky sequels escape blame). Basically any movie with a training montage.

You know what I’m talking about; the main character is very bad at something, then there is a sequence in the middle of the film set to upbeat music that shows him practicing. When it’s done, he’s an expert.

When I run out of ideas for horror novels (which will happen about, oh, two horror novels from now) I want to write this up as a self-help book, probably titled Fuck the Karate Kid: Why Life is So Much Harder Than We Think, by Dr. David Wong. I also have to become a doctor at some point.

(NOTE: If you’re new here, hi, my name is David Wong and I wrote John Dies at the End, available everywhere in hardcover etc).

It seems so obvious that it actually feels insulting to point it out. But it’s not obvious; every adult I know–or at least the ones who are depressed–continually suffers from something like sticker shock (that is, when you go shopping for something for the first time and are shocked to find it costs way, way more than you thought). Only it’s with effort. It’s Effort Shock.

We have a vague idea in our head of the “price” of certain accomplishments, how difficult it should be to get a degree, or succeed at their job, or stay in shape, or raise a kid, or build a house. And that vague idea is almost always catastrophically wrong.

Accomplishing worthwhile things isn’t just a little harder than people think; it’s ten or twenty times harder. Like losing weight. You make yourself miserable for six months and find yourself down a whopping four pounds. Let yourself go at a single all-you-can-eat buffet and you’ve gained it all back.

So, people bail on diets. Not just because they’re harder than they expected, but because they’re so much harder it seems unfair, almost criminally unjust. You can’t shake the bitter thought that, “This amount of effort should result in me looking like a panty model.”

And it applies to everything. America is full of frustrated, broken, baffled people because so many of us think, “If I work this hard, this many hours a week, I should have (a great job, a nice house, a nice car, etc). I don’t have that thing, therefore something has corrupted the system and kept me from getting what I deserve, and that something must be (my wife, my boss, the government, illegal immigrants etc).”

Or, think about the whole economic collapse and the bad credit bubble. You can imagine millions of working types saying, “All right, I have NO free time. I work every day, all day. I come home and take care of the kids. We live in a tiny house, with two shitty cars. And we are still deeper in debt every single month.” So they borrow and buy on credit because they have this unspoken assumption that, damn it, the universe will surely right itself at some point and the amount of money we should have been making all along (according to our level of effort) will come raining down.

All of it comes back to having those massively skewed expectations of the world. Even the people you think of as pessimists, they got their pessimism by continually seeing the world fail to live up to their expectations, which only happened because their expectations were grossly inaccurate in the first place.

You know that TV show where Gordon Ramsay tours various failing restaurants and swears at the owners until everything is fine again? Every episode is a great example. They all involve some haggard restaurant owner, a half a million dollars in debt, looking exhausted into the camera and saying, “How can we be losing money? I work ninety hours a week!”

The world demands more. So, so much more. How have we gotten to adulthood and failed to realize this? Why would our expectations of the world be so off? I blame the montages. Five breezy minutes, from sucking at karate to being great at karate, from morbid obesity to trim, from geeky girl to prom queen, from terrible garage band to awesome rock band.

In the real world, the winners of that Karate tournament in Karate Kid would be the kids who had been at it since they were in elementary school. Skipping video games and days out with their friends and birthday parties so they can practice, practice, practice. And that’s just what it takes to get “pretty good” at it. Want to know how long it takes to become an expert at something? About 10,000 hours, according to research.

That’s practicing two hours a day, every day, for almost 14 years.

As a lot of you know, I’m the Editor over at Cracked.com and what many of you don’t know is that we run the site on a unique, open submission system where anybody can submit an article idea, and everybody’s idea–whether submitted by a 15 year-old anime fan or a Nobel Prize-winning journalist–comes in through the same system, on equal footing. Then we have a way of filtering out the horrible ones and getting it down to just the ones we want to publish.

So I deal with literally thousands of aspiring writers and I never get tired of watching people experience Effort Shock, and seeing how they deal with it. It’s great to work with the special few who can fight through it. And it is a fight; people fucking freak out when they get into the writing process and realize how many hours a good article is going to suck from their free time.

Yeah, Cracked is just doing short little comedy articles, not building skyscrapers. But that makes it worse; because everything is written in a conversational style and is full of boner jokes, it seems to the casual observer like you should be able to sit down and just pound out an article in an hour or so (where this one took me about 30 hours).

I bring all of this up now because I’m giving a talk at JordanCon, a fantasy book convention in a couple of months about my ridiculous, roundabout path to getting my book published (if you’ll be in the South this spring, JordanCon will be held at the Crowne Plaza Ravinia at Perimeter April 23-25th in Atlanta, GA). And I hope I can convey this without turning everybody off.

John Dies at the End took eight years to get where it is now, in fancy hardcover on real book store shelves. But I wasn’t drinking and sleeping in my car that whole time, waiting to get discovered. I was working two jobs and updating a website three times a week and getting those ten thousand hours in.

Oh, I sure as fuck didn’t realize it at the time. Don’t let me come off as a guru here; I’m three years removed from looking at the Classifieds and seriously considering making ends meet with night jobs that would have had me cleaning toilets.

I walked out of college at 22 thinking I was going to be king of the world within a few years. Ten years later I had failed at one career, then failed at another, tried to go back to school twice, accumulated $15,000 in credit card debt, and was working at a job where I was one promotion above high school kids.

I felt like I was working myself to death. Year after year. And even then, so many things had to break my way to get what I have now. I lost hope and lowered my expectations over and over and over. Nothing that had happened in my life up to that point prepared me for it. Nobody told me.

Fucking Karate Kid.

Anyway. I know what will make us feel better:

General Motors: Weight Loss Diet Program

The following diet and health program was developed for employees and dependents of General Motors, Inc. and is intended for their exclusive use. This program was developed in conjunction with a grant from U.S. Department of Agriculture and the Food and Drug Administration. It was field tested at the Johns Hopkins Research Centre and was approved for distribution by the Board of Directors, General Motors Corp. at a general meeting on August 15, 1985. General Motors Corp. wholly endorses this program and is making it available to all employees and families. This program will be available at all General Motors Food Service Facilities. It is management's intention to facilitate a wellness and fitness program for everyone.

This program is designed for a target weight loss of 10-17 lbs per week. It will also improve your attitudes and emotions because of its cleansing systematic effects.

The effectiveness of this seven day plan is that the food eaten burn more calories than they give to the body in caloric value.

This plan can be used as often as you like without any fear of complications. It is designed to flush your system of impurities and give you a feeling of well being. After seven days you will begin to feel lighter because you will be lighter by at least 10 lbs. You will have an abundance of energy and an improved disposition.

During the first seven days you must abstain from all alcohol
You must drink 10 glasses of water each day

Day One All fruits except bananas. Your first day will consist of all the fruits you want. It is strongly suggested that you consume lots of melons the first day. Especially watermelon and a loupe. If you limit your fruit consumption to melons, your chances of losing three lbs. on first day are very good.

Day Two All vegetables. You are encouraged to eat until you are stuffed with all the raw or cooked vegetables of your choice. There is no limit on the amount or type. For your complex carbohydrate, you will start day two with a large baked potato for breakfast. You may top the potato with one pat of butter.

Day Three A mixture of fruits and vegetables of your choice. Any amount, any quantity. No bananas yet. No potatoes today.

Day Four Bananas and milk. Today you will eat as many as eight bananas and drink three glasses of milk. This will be combined with the special soup which may be eaten in limited quantities.

Day Five Today is feast day. You will eat beef and tomatoes. Eat two 10 oz. portions of lean beef. Hamburger is OK. Combine this with six whole tomatoes. On day five you must increase your water intake by one quart. This is to cleanse your system of the uric acid you will be producing.

Day Six Beef and vegetables. Today you may eat an unlimited amount of beef and vegetables. Eat to your hearts content.

Day Seven Today your food intake will consist of brown rice, fruit juices and all the vegetables you care to consume.

Tomorrow morning you will be 10-17 lbs. lighter than one week ago. If you desire further weight loss, repeat the program again. You may repeat this program as often as you like, however, it is suggested that you are allowed two glasses of white wine in addition to the instructions on the program. You may substitute champagne for white wine. Under no circumstances are you to drink any other alcoholic beverages with the exception of beer which is allowed. Any liquor (bourbon, vodka, rum) is forbidden. Cream drinks are especially forbidden. You may have an occasional cordial such as creme de menthe or schnapps, but you must always limit yourself to two drinks. If you wine, drink only wine that day. If you have beer, drink only beer that day, etc. Alcohol adds empty calories to your diet. However, after the first week it will help your digestion and settle your stomach.

G.M.'S Wonder Soup

The following soup is intended as a supplement to your diet. It can be eaten any time of the day in virtually unlimited quantities. You are encouraged to consume large quantities of this soup.

28 oz, Water, 6 Large Onions, 2 Green Peppers, Whole Tomatoes (fresh or canned), 1 Head Cabbage, 1 Bunch Celery, 4 Envelopes Lipton Onion Soup Mix, Herbs and Flavouring as desired.

Additional Comments

Vegetables as may be taken in the form of a salad if desired. No dressing except malt, white or wine vinegar, squeezed lemon, garlic, herbs. No more than one tea spoon of oil.

You have been given a recipe for the WONDER SOUP which can be eaten in unlimited quantities. This soup is a supplement while you are on the program and it should be a pleasure to eat. Not everyone likes cabbage, green peppers, calory etc. This recipe is not inflexible. You may substitute vegetables according to your taste. You may add any vegetables you like: asparagus, peas, corn, turnips, green beans, cauliflower, etc. Try to stay away from beans (lima, pinto, kidney, etc.), however, because they tend to be high in calories even though they are very good for you.

Beverages you may consume while on the program :

1. Water (flavoured with lemon/lime if desired).
2. Club Soda is OK.
3. Black Coffee. No cream or cream substitute. No sugar or sweetness.
4. Black Tea = Herb or Leaf.
5. Absolutely nothing else except the fruit juices which are part of day seven. No fruit juices before day seven.

How and Why It Works

Day One you are preparing your system for the upcoming programme. Your only source of nutrition is fresh or canned fruits. Fruits are nature's perfect food. They provide everything you could possibly want to sustain life except total balance and variety.

Day Two starts with a fix of complex carbo-hydrates coupled with an oil dose. This is taken in the morning for energy and balance. The rest of day two consists of vegetables which are virtually calorie free and provide essential nutrients and fiber.

Day Three eliminates the potato because you get your carbohydrates from the fruits. You system is now prepared to start burning excess pounds. You will still have cravings which should start to diminish by day four.

Day Four, bananas, milk and soup sound the strangest and least desirable. You're in for a surprise. You probably will not eat all the bananas allowed. But they are there for the potassium you have lost and the sodium you may have missed the past three days. You will notice a definite loss of desire for sweets. You will be surprised how easy this day will go.

Day Five, Beef and tomatoes. The beef is for iron and proteins, the tomatoes are for digestion and fiber. Lots and lots of water purifies your system. You should notice colorless urine today. Your allowance calls for the equivalent of five "quarter ponders". Do not feel you have to eat all this beef. You must eat the six tomatoes.

Day Six is similar to day five, Iron and proteins from beef, Vitamins and fiber from vegetables. By now your system is in a total weight loss inclination. There should be a noticeable difference in the way you look today, compared to day one.

Day Seven finished off the program like a good cigar used to finish off Victorian meals, except much healthier. You have your system under control and it should thank you for the flushing and cleaning you just gave it.

THE POWER OF MONEY

By Adam Khoo - Singapore's youngest millionaire at 26 yrs.

I travel around the region pretty frequently, having to visit and conduct seminars at my offices in Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand and Suzhou (China).

I am in the airport almost every other week so I get to bump into many people who have attended my seminars or have read my books.

Recently, someone came up to me on a plane to KL and looked rather shocked. He asked, 'How come a millionaire like you is traveling economy?' My reply was, 'That's why I am a millionaire. ' He still looked pretty confused.

This again confirms that greatest lie ever told about wealth (which I wrote about in my latest book 'Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires' ). Many people have been brainwashed to think that millionaires have to wear Gucci, Hugo Boss, Rolex, and sit on first class in air travel. This is why so many people never become rich because the moment that earn more money, they think that it is only natural that they spend more, putting them back to square one.

The truth is that most self-made millionaires are frugal and only spend on what is necessary and of value. That is why they are able to accumulate and multiply their wealth so much faster.

Over the last 7 years, I have saved about 80% of my income while today I save only about 60% (because I have my wife and 2 kids, mother in law, 2 maids etc. to support). Still, it is way above most people who save 10% of their income (if! they are lucky).

I refuse to buy a first class ticket or to buy a $300 shirt because I think that it is a complete waste of money.
When I joined the YEO (Young Entrepreneur' s Orgn)a few years back (YEO is an exclusive club open to those who are under 40 and make over $1m a year in their own business) I discovered that those who were self-made thought like me. Many of them with net worth well over $5m, travelled economy class and some even drove Toyota's and Nissans,not Audis, Mercs, BMWs.

I noticed that it was only those who never had to work hard to build their own wealth (there were also a few ministers' and tycoons' sons in the club) who spent like there was no tomorrow. Somehow, when you did not have to build everything from scratch, you do not really value money. This is precisely the reason why a family's wealth (no matter how much) rarely lasts past the third generation.

Thank God my rich dad foresaw this terrible possibility and refused to give me a cent to start my business.
Then some people ask me, 'What is the point in making so much money if you don't enjoy it?'
The thing is that I don't really find happiness in buying branded clothes, jewellery or sitting first class. Even if buying something makes me happy it is only for a while, it does not last.

Material happiness never lasts, it just give you a quick fix. After a while you feel lousy again and have to buy the next thing which you think will make you happy. I always think that if you need material things to make you happy, then you live a pretty sad and unfulfilled life..

Instead, what makes me happy is when I see my children laughing and playing and learning ! so fast. What makes me happy is when I see my companies and trainers reaching more and more people every year in so many more countries.

What makes me really happy is when I read all the emails about how my books and seminars have touched and inspired someone's life.

What makes me really happy is reading all your wonderful posts about how this blog is inspiring you. This happiness makes me feel really good for a long time, much much more than what a Rolex would do for me.

I think the point I want to put across is that happiness must come from doing your life's work(be it teaching, building homes, designing, trading, winning tournaments etc.) and the money that comes is only a by-product.

If you hate what you are doing and rely on the money you earn to make you happy by buying stuff, then I think that you are living a life of meaninglessness.

21 Things We're Learning to Live Without

By Rick Newman
http://www.usnews.com/money/blogs/flowchart/2010/1/21/21-things-were-learning-to-live-without.html
Posted: January 21, 2010

What do you really need?

It's become a national question. With jobs and money scarce, consumers are taking inventory and tossing lots of stuff once deemed important into a humongous discard pile. To safeguard the essentials—a safe home and supportive community, the kids' education, Internet connectivity, sustenance for a pet—Americans are giving up lots of other things. Some sacrifices are painful; others bring surprise benefits.

To gauge America's changing priorities, I synthesized market research, business trends, economic data, and reports from hundreds of consumers into a list of things that many people seem to be significantly cutting back on, or living without completely. Here are 21 of them:

Monthly payments. Old mentality: I don't care about the price, as long as I can borrow to pay for it and I have enough income to cover the monthly payment. New mentality: I've already got too much debt, and the banks won't lend me the money anyway. Result: More cash purchases and a lot less financing of cars, furniture and other costly items. "The era of unbridled, debt-financed consumer spending is over, and the monthly payer is out of action," Eric Janszen, president of iTulip, a finance-advisory firm, wrote in Harvard Business Review last year.

Window shopping. Browsing used to be an acceptable pastime. But consumers have discovered that window shopping encourages them to buy tons of stuff they don't need. So now, they're shopping only when necessary, making a list and sticking to it, or skipping the mall in favor of online sites, where temptations are weaker. "I no longer spend a day at the mall when I'm bored," says Debby Abrams of Rising Sun, Ind. "I don't buy, rebuy, and rebuy again: Buy a lamp, buy one I like better and put the first one in the basement, then buy a third one and put the second one in the basement."


Bells and whistles. The technology arms race is slowing, with consumers gravitating to simpler gizmos like Netbooks, prepaid cellphones, and older, used electronics. Shaving features is obviously a way to save money, but some users also find the simpler devices a relief. "My cellphone is back to being just a phone and not my connection to the rest of the world via texting or the Web," says Dorothy Robson of Durham, N.C. "Simplicity is definitely the new thing. Now if we can get the government to be frugal, that would be great!"

Clutter. As Americans downsize, do more of their own cleaning, and look for stuff they can sell online, they're discovering tons of things around the house they can get rid of. After Russ and Deborah Merchant of Delaware, Ohio, moved into a smaller rental home in 2007, they dug out hundreds of items they had never used and didn't need. For a year, they gave away more stuff than they purchased. "We keep being amazed at how having less stuff, with no deprivation, actually gives us better quality of life," says Deborah Merchant. "We've gained emotional and spiritual maturity."

Cable TV. Many people are cutting back on pay-TV services or canceling them altogether, which saves $50 to $100 a month. As a replacement, some viewers watch free programs on Hulu or YouTube or make do with broadcast TV. Others are giving up television completely. "There's no money for cable TV, so my Internet does me for all my news and other entertainment," says Mariluna Martin of Los Angeles. "That's money saved, plus no TV means no blaring of bad news, fear-mongering, ad pressures, and other unpleasantness." Martin spends more time reading books and sipping tea at a neighborhood café. She finds that rewarding: "The changes I've had to make have made my life better. Things are simpler and healthier now."

A home phone. How many phones do you need, anyway? With cellphones ubiquitous, the home unit is becoming redundant. Internet voice services like Skype and magicJack slash the cost of calls but still provide most of the services that are available through the phone lines. Many people are reducing their cellphone service as well. Kathy Bowman of Joseph, Ore., figures she's saving about $800 per year since she replaced her cellphone with a prepaid Tracfone she mainly reserves for emergencies. Canceling a fax line to her home saves another $120 per year.

Privacy. Got room on the couch? To save on rent or mortgage payments, roommates are doubling up and grown kids are moving back in with their parents. Mark Hamister of Elyria, Ohio, says privacy is one of the many things he's given up as two of his grown daughters have moved back home, bringing boyfriends, pets—and a granddaughter. But he's not complaining. "We have learned to enjoy a simple, cost-effective, and minimalist approach to life by developing an appreciation for nature and family," he says. "Big, expensive toys and trips were fun before, but we really don't need them anymore."

Prepared foods. More people are cooking at home, and they're doing it with fewer premade sauces, marinades, dressings, and other ingredients. "Moms are back to basic cooking," says Chance Parker, a market researcher at J.D. Power & Associates. "They want to use fresh herbs and spices. It saves money, and it's more healthy." Patricia Tremblay of Dayton, Ohio, has given up her microwave as she's cut back over the last two years. She now cooks instead of zapping a premade entrée. "I've traded convenience for choice and done well, with the added bonus of weight loss and a sense of accomplishment," she says. "It's a great beginning that seems likely to stick."

Tupperware parties. Sales of Tupperware and other storage products are up, since people are cooking at home more and husbanding leftovers. But consumers still want the best deal, and they're skeptical of merchants—even if it's a friend or neighbor. "I flatly refuse to go to any 'home parties' where the hostess is selling candles, plastic ware, etc., and she gets free merchandise," says Lois Barber of Sandy Hook, Conn. "The stuff costs about three times what you would pay retail. My blanket excuse is, 'My sister sells it.' "

Packaged cigarettes. The average price of cigarettes is about $5 a pack or $45 a carton, which mounts quickly for regular puffers. Kicking the habit is the most obvious way to save money, but short of that, more smokers are buying small machines that let them roll their own smokes. "We learned to make our own cigs with a machine that cost $40," says one smoker. "We now save around $120 a month."

Lattes. The $5 daily coffee is always one of the first small luxuries to go. But more people are brewing at home. Sales of single-serving home brewing machines have soared.

Guilt. Keeping up with all the latest trends and technology takes an emotional toll. "When I could afford it, I always felt pressured to buy the latest software and gadgets," says Kathryn Husby of Plantation, Fla. When job and health issues curtailed the family income, she and her husband cut back to bare necessities. That meant she didn't have to learn a new set of buttons or menu options every year; she just kept pressing the same familiar buttons on the old model. "I'm happier than I've been for many years," she says. "I feel like I'm in charge of my life instead of multinational corporations telling me what to consume."

Extra calories. Some Americans say they're eating less to save money and drinking more water or doing other things to suppress their appetite. Restaurants are hurting as people eat out less, but some diners are trimming the check instead of scotching the entire outing. Some strategies for lighter eating: Going out for lunch instead of dinner, sharing entrees, skipping appetizers and side dishes, and turning restaurant leftovers into one or two at-home meals. A few restaurant chains, like Panera Bread, the Olive Garden, and Buffalo Wild Wings, have even managed to gain business by offering high-quality food at slender prices.


Newspapers and magazines. It's bad news for the publishing industry, but millions have canceled subscriptions to print periodicals and started getting free news and information online (which is probably where you're reading this article!). The trend may be strongest among tomorrow's consumers, otherwise known as teenagers: A study by the Kaiser Family Foundation found that kids between 8 and 18 spend just 38 minutes a day with some form of print media, down from 43 minutes in 2004. That's out of a total of 7 hours and 38 minutes they spend every day using some form of media.

Healthcare. A forced reduction in healthcare coverage is probably one of the most crushing effects of a weak economy, as the unemployed and others without insurance make drastic trade-offs to cut costs and get by. Millions of Americans are forgoing doctor visits, abandoning medication, ignoring problems, and simply hoping they don't get seriously ill or hurt. "I don't go to the doctor as often," says Debby Abrams. "Aches and pains work themselves out. I have some neurological thing going on in my left thumb right now, but I'm going to ignore it and attribute it to aging rather than go to a neurologist."

New gifts. Regifting is a time-tested practice—but there's always room to refine your strategy. Linda Amicucci of Tenafly, N.J., holds a "treasure party" with a group of friends after Thanksgiving every year to swap recyclable gifts. "We bring all the unwanted, unused items in our house that could be used as gifts or were given to us as gifts throughout the past year," she explains. "We swap items, since a gift received last year during a grab bag cannot be regifted in the same social circle. But in a different social circle, it's a brand new gift!"

New cars. It's no secret that new-car sales plunged to levels 40 percent lower than the peak in 2006. But many buyers who have traded down to a used model are surprised at the quality of the merchandise. "I have found that many people take really good care of their cars," says Jay Bailey of Phoenix, who's currently shopping for a used SUV. "You can find cars that have over 100,000 miles that have been maintained so well that you can easily get another 100,000 miles out of them." Many other car shoppers apparently agree, one reason used-car prices have actually been rising, with some models hard to find.

Comfort. Thermostats all across America are going lower in winter, higher in summer. After losing his job last year, Phil Landry, a Florida software salesman, analyzed his use of utilities, among other things, and decided to shave costs by setting the temp at 86 in the summer. "Every once in awhile I'll lower it to 84," he says. "But as long as you're not running marathons in the house, 86 is OK." Carrie Chiarenza, an Army officer who is based at Fort Hood, Texas, and is currently serving a yearlong tour in Iraq, takes supershort "combat showers" when she's at home, and she applies other tricks learned while living in the field. "Never leave any water running if you don't have to," she says. "So when lathering hair with shampoo, water comes off. Same thing with hand washing. Sometimes the task takes longer, but it helps the environment, and my utility bills."

A daily commute. If you're unemployed, obviously there's no job to drive to, one reason the number of vehicle miles driven has dipped to 2004 levels (and traffic on some of the most congested highways has eased). Telecommuting increased during the recession as well, and more people say they're riding bikes or walking more to save on gas costs—or a gym membership.

Fancy dates. Online dating services like Match.com are growing, but courtship is a bit of a comedown these days. Discount-dating advisers suggest cooking at home instead of eating out, looking for free performances, browsing at bookstores, going hiking, and exploring yard sales (yes, yard sales). And some discouraged singletons are sitting on the sidelines, waiting for better times. "I am not dating," says one woman who recently lost her job at a financial firm in San Diego. "Who will want to date an unemployed female?" Still, she says, "I am determined and motivated to survive this recession." And date again.

Debt. Who needs it? "I have learned that it takes little time to run dangerously high credit card balances," says Tom Poirer of Lowell, Mass., "but an inordinately long time to pay it back. I have learned to deprogram myself from the consumerist mayhem." Many Americans seem to agree. Total credit card debt is about 7 percent lower than it was a year ago, and Americans have paid down more than $100 billion in credit card loans and other types of revolving credit since October 2008. We may ultimately end up with less stuff. But at least we'll be able to afford what we have.

Live Life To The Fullest

Life is short. So, live it to the fullest! Enjoy all that it has to offer.

Allow Love to be your leader in your life. Love whatever you have to do, thus you will always be able to do what you love and to love what you do.

1.Seize each day. Live each day as if it's your last. Leave the past behind and do not anticipate the future. Be present to enjoy the moment.

2.Be adventurous. Explore, live on the edge a little and embrace new challenges. Visit new places with your loved ones. Take the road less traveled. Think of life as beautiful.

3.Keep a journal. Record your accomplishments as well as your delights. Take time to reflect on what has been previously written. Be an inspiration to yourself and others.

4.Love yourself. Focus on your inner and outer beauty to see the same in others. Acceptance comes from within.

5.Love everyone. Love the ones who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Life is too precious to be wasted on waiting for love.

6.Accept everyone. Be kind and courteous. Enjoy the company of others. Acknowledge their goodness rather than the differences in their beliefs.

7.Find purpose in life. Be selfless in service to others. Begin with your neighbor. Do charitable service outside of your immediate community as well.

8.Be realistic. Set attainable goals according to your abilities and talents. Consider each effort to be an attainment. Achieve one step before the other towards stability and security

9.Seek balance. Understand the night and day, back and forth, good and bad in all things. Focus on good thoughts and good things will happen

10.Maintain control. Be responsible for your actions and inaction. Be true to yourself. Maintain a personal code in the situation at hand. Find common ground

11.Listen to your heart and soul. Listen for advice, but be confident in making your own decision. Use your instinct.

12.Clear your mind. Rituals of yoga, meditation and tai chi will replenish and rejuvenate your soul to focus more clearly on serenity and happiness.

13.Be carefree. Desires, obsessions and possessions possess you. Free yourself of inhibitions. Make an active decision to have simple daily needs.

14.Laugh. Laughter is the best medicine. It releases endorphins and promotes longevity. Inner joy is beautiful!

15.Be flexible. Accept change as a positive thing in life. At times, go with the flow that is before you.

16.List a few daily goals. Meet a new friend, swim at the lake or walk in the park. Enhance your day and initiate fun!

17.Appreciate the little things. Take a walk around your ?community to experience the wonder in a way that you have never experienced it before.

18.Forgive yourself and others. Release your negative energy that holds you back, your past failures, embrace whatever life offers you.

19.Anticipate next day. Everyday is unique, like the blossoming clouds.It's never the same, but always beautiful.

20.Accept death. Pondering death brings appreciation to life. Take time to appreciate the expanse and beauty of your life and our earth. Let go peacefully.

21.Appreciate Environment. Take a break occasionally and go for a walk. Assume that you have come from another planet. Take a fresh look at the clouds, the colors of sky at sunset and sunrise. Look at the plants, trees, leaves, flowers and how they sway when wind blows..! Look at water how it shakes and shape itself in the vessel it's stored.. Look at numerous forms of life - insects, animals, birds and human. This exercise will clear off the dead memories and monotony that kills the joy of living.

22.Take actions towards resolving the root cause any bad thoughts (anger, fear, doubt, hate,... ). Cancel each one out with a good thought called affirmations: "I'm over that." "I am brave!" "I know I can do it!" "I forgive and I do not hate!" You may not be feeling the best at the moment, but you will feel better once you think about good things. Think about all of the things life has to offer, because though things may be horrible at the moment -- the future holds a lot of hope. It should make you smile and not store negative feelings to be relived later.

23.Maintain a strong foundation of beliefs, but be humble and open to others opinions (in truth). If another person has another belief be humble and loving to show them why you believe a certain way. But, do not get caught up on little things, e.g. it's alright to think one colour is the better than another, but it's wrong to think massacre is good.

24.Make a bucket list. Make a list of all the things you want to do before you die like: bungee jumping, sky diving, and ziplining, etc. You'll feel like you've accomplished something

25.Make friends whom you can be yourself around, ie: your true friends. Go more places with them so that you can share your joy with someone else. By being around people you will become a more understanding person.

26.Do all these in love, care and concern for others past, present and future. Do to others as you would want to be treated.Be happy and live life.

Know Your Enemy

I was just browsing e-books on piratebay, and somehow read this comment in one of the torrents there...
by someone: Quantum12 at 2010-03-04 18:54 CET:

For centuries now, people have been indoctrinated into the notion that competition is BENEFICIAL to the species. It's insane.

People actually believe that working against each other is the best thing for humanity. They are brainwashed into thinking that fighting for the same small portion of resources passed down from the top of the pyramid is the smartest thing to do.

How much longer will people be this stupid? When will they learn that the entire purpose of dividing us is precisely so that we can never rise to facilitate change? There is no trust because everyone wants the same jobs, the same resources and the same small percentage of wealth. Over 95 percent of the world's wealth is owned by less than 1 percent of the population.

The answer to fighting crime isn't to put more police on the streets. Crime can only be defeated by removing the inequality that gives people the incentive to commit it in the first place. Politicians know this but are trapped in the system just like everybody else. Political success requires massive amounts of funding to be pumped into campaigns and advertising. I assure you that the poor don't pay for this.

When will people learn who their enemies are?

Did slavery end, or did it just evolve into something more nefarious and cunning?

I say wake the fuck up. It starts with you, America. Evil happens when good men do nothing. Capitalism must end or the human race will not survive.

P.S. There are three things you can do to help.

1) The system isolates people from one another by giving them conflicting interests from their competition. The way it hides this is by uniting the people in hatred of something else.

Unity is everything provided we face the right enemy. Tell people who the enemy is. They will not believe you, so be patient and persist. Do not let ignorance destroy us.

2) Do not have anything to do with the military.

The military takes orders from the government, but the government takes orders from the banking industry. War is about profit because the system is a business and not a charity. The best way to convince men to fight is to make them want to fight. Think about it.

Don't fall for the jingoism bullshit. There are no great pieces of land, just great people.

3) Know your enemy.

The system that lets most people suffer in poverty and a few to wallow in self-indulgence because of bloodline or blind luck is the enemy. This is the same system the Romans used, and will end in the same way. The greed of a few is holding back evolution for the rest.

The heart of the enemy is the banking industry. The banking industry perpetuates debt and most horrifyingly of all, it keeps people static. It weighs them down with car loans, mortgages, personal finance, stock options, credit cards, overdrafts etc..... The point is to keep you in permanent debt, and therefore an employee of the bank until you die. Everybody works for the banks: the only difference lies between those that know it and those that don't.

Strike the heart.
( is it this one? http://www.wowhead.com/?spell=55262#comments )

**reynn writes: hmm.. i wouldn't be surprised..creating diversion is a universal lame tactic..yup the banking people are the the enemy..like stated in "the new world order"..the illuminati. so could it be the time has come to go against the tide..wow thingy..could be..however..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrCDdm2yjXY&feature=related

Singing Can Change Your Life!

Singing Can Change Your Life!

by: Beth Lawrence

If you love to sing, then you`re already aware that singing is fun, energizing and a
great stress reducer. But if you`re one of millions who claim ` can`t sing!` then I
suggest that you consider singing as an absolutely free, non-prescription, safe and
effective life-enhancing tool. If you`re facing physical, emotional or mental
challenges, or if you just want more peace and happiness, here are 10 ways singing can change your life!

1. Promotes deep breathing!

As you begin to use `full body breathing` with a relaxed, soft belly, you allow the
diaphragm to drop down, giving the lungs the freedom to expand more fully.
Relaxed abdominals are essential for proper breath support while singing. I like to
think of `filling up like a balloon` when I sing. This gives firm, active breath support
and allows for deep, full breathing. Singing promotes slow, deep, healthy
breathing.

2. Oxygenates the blood!

As you use full body breathing, you are bringing in a greater volume of air. Oxygen
floods the blood system, bathing the cells in life-giving oxygen. You will feel more
alive as you breath deeply and fill yourself with energizing, oxygenated air! Singing oxygenates the blood!

3. Stimulates brain activity!

Singing requires thought. You are memorizing lyrics, melodies and rhythms, as well as connecting words with emotion. Your `singer`s breathing` technique is bringing more oxygen to the brain. Your brain`s neurons are firing furiously as you are integrating the physical, emotional and psychological functions necessary to joyful singing! Singing stimulates brain activity!

4. Releases `feel good` endorphins!

All this physical, neurological and emotional activity serves to release those `feel-
good` hormones called endorphins. So not only is your audience benefiting from
your lovely voice, but you are being flooded with happy hormones that give you a
sense of peace and well-being. Singing feels fantastic because it releases `feel
good` endorphins!

5. Reduces stress!

When you feel good, your stress level goes down. Endorphins help diminish stress
and agitation. By using deep, full body breathing you slow the heart rate and take
your mind off of unwanted anxiety. The next time you feel stressed or overwhelmed,
take a full body breath, and break out singing! Your stress will fly away as you reap
the benefit of joyful singing!

6. Builds self-confidence!

Speaking in public is still the #1 fear for Americans. Singing ranks right up there for
most of us. Singing is a risk-taking behavior because you`re putting yourself out
there in a very exposed way. It dredges up all our insecurities and self-imposed
limitations. When you dare to share your voice and music, a fantastic thing
happens. It`s like walking through fire. You overcome your fear, and emerge with
an incredible sense of accomplishment. You did it! Your self-esteem soars and you feel that you can do anything! Singing builds self-confidence in a BIG way!

7. Enhances memory!

Singing involves memorization as you learn new melodies, lyrics and complex
musical forms. It`s a great way to stimulate the areas of the brain involved with
memory, learning and concentration. Use it, or lose it! Singing is a great way to
enhance your memory!

8. Boosts creativity!

As you build your self-esteem and stimulate your artistic soul, you`ll find that all
areas of your life are positively affected by the act of singing. Suddenly you`ve
opened the floodgates of your creative soul, and you begin thinking outside the
box! Your productivity soars! By tapping into your creative reservoir you become
more alive and innovative! Singing boosts creativity!

9. Creates a powerful speaking voice!

If you`re a speaker, presenter, teacher, clergy or in any sales related business (aren`t we all??), you will benefit from learning to sing. Your voice is your instrument, no matter what you do in life, and singing gives you the skills to speak in a natural, powerful, confident voice. Everyone benefits from proper singing technique. You`ll discover your `true` voice that will reveal your confident, authentic self. Finding your voice is a joy. Singing creates a powerful speaking voice!

10. Makes you feel fantastic!

Singing makes you feel self-assured, in control, physically alive and fantastically
creative. It feeds your soul as it creates physical well-being. With increased self-
confidence you can do anything! Physical, mental and emotional health is a great
side effect of singing. There`s no doubt about it, singing makes you feel fantastic!





About the Author

Beth Lawrence is the only expert in the country teaching The Integrated Voice method, a holistic approach to voice coaching and therapy honoring the connection of body, mind and spirit. Beth is the CEO of Viva La Voice!, a company offering private coaching, workshops in the performing arts, and music camps for women.

**reynn writes: makes executing and presenting your homework worthwhile and beneficial kan.. ;)

The Language of Men: Understanding Your Husband’s Needs

Question

As salamu ‘alaykum

What do you think should be as a wife if a husband always criticize the wife from the way she eat, dress, talk, most of the time putting her down and the husband feels superior though she already did what he wants, but it is still not enough for him and still got criticize.

Answer by Dr Karima K Burns(Naturopathic Doctor, Herbalist – Waldorf School of Thought )

This situation can happen with husbands and with wives and can sometimes indicate an abusive relationship, however, usually it indicates a mutually dissatisfying situation for both spouses. You have not indicated you are being abused in this enquiry, provided details about yourself or examples of specific situations so I will approach the situation using the second scenario. Additionally, since you have written to me (and not your husband) I am going to approach the question with a solution that you can try yourself.

If you were seeing a counselor together or your husband had asked this question I would have a slightly different answer. However, there is one rule in relationships that has stood true across all time – you can only guarantee change if you work on your own problems. There is never any guarantee with others, as their actions and feelings are beyond your control.

Because of this it would be useless for me to provide you with information about what your husband could do. I am providing information about what you can do, and how you can understand the situation more clearly. Not because you are at fault or the only person at fault, but because, since you have asked for help, I want to give YOU the tools to regain control of your happiness in this marriage.

In the second scenario I mentioned above, the marriage has become unbearable for both spouses and the focus has turned to criticism instead of love and understanding. You may perceive that only your husband is being critical. However, your e-mail indicates that you are also critical of him. In your e-mail you are stating that your husband “puts down his wife” ,that he “feels superior”, that he is “not satisfied with what he has” and that he “criticizes his wife.”

These are four very negative statements about your husband. He most likely can sense that you feel these negative feelings towards him (and perhaps more?). Even if you don’t express these feelings he can feel this in two ways. If you do express negative feelings he will feel this in three ways:

1. If you express sadness, negative feelings, dissatisfaction, anger, etc…he will feel you are not happy with him. He wants to be able to make you happy. Knowing you are unhappy will make him very unhappy.

2. If you feel these feelings about him and do not verbalize them they will come out in non-verbal ways and he will sense them.

3. A man’s sense of worth in a marriage is often tied to his feeling of self-worth as a husband and father. A man, to be happy in a marriage, needs to feel he is a good husband and father and that he is taking good care of his family. If you are not letting him know or feel he is successful then he will be unhappy and be more likely to reflect this back to you.

This is different from what makes a woman happy in a marriage. Women are often happiest when their husband and children show that they love her. Women also want to feel they are able to make their families happy. However, most prominently, they thrive on feelings of love in the relationship. Although men also need love, men thrive more on accomplishment in the relationship.

When your husband feels successful and able to make you happy he will be more and more encouraged to continue this behavior. This may seem impossible. You may be thinking, “How can I let him know he makes me happy when he isn’t making me happy?”

To accomplish this you need to turn your focus from the negative and be able to reflect back to him, for some time, only the positive aspects of what he is doing for you as a husband. Forget, for a time, the things he is doing “wrong” and focus on and communicate to him the things he is doing “right”.

Does he support you financially? Is he handsome? Does he thank you for the meals you cook? Is he kind to his family? What good qualities does he have that you are thankful for? Why did you first love him? Why did you first marry him? Does he still have some of these qualities? Let him know about these things daily.

It may take some time for you to see some change. It depends on how long you have been married, how long this negative situation has been going on, and how dedicated and sincere you are in trying to change it.

If you can give this some effort and be patient, and give him some time to trust you again and really hear you, he will start to feel safe again in the relationship and will feel free to stop criticizing you and start complimenting you and enjoying your company.

Initially he may not trust what you are saying, or he may be so used to hearing critical things he may not understand what you are saying or really hear you at first. So please be patient and continue. Only the most severe of situations can withstand the force of so much positive energy. If you are able to infuse this relationship with as much positive energy as possible – in as many ways as you can think of – he will be unable to resist the “new mood” of the house and will naturally fall into the new patterns you have created. It may take a little time (1-3 months) but it will happen Insha-Allah.

Source: muslimmarriages.wordpress.com

The Number One Thing to Look for in a Partner

The Love Lesson Learned

What's the love lesson learned? One of the top traits to look for in a partner is an appealingly strong character.

Think about it for a moment. Good character values not only come in handy on a day-to-day basis, but during those eventual, inevitable times of conflict.

If you and your partner do not value putting in the effort of acting with strong character values during times of disagreement, disappointment, stress, crisis, temptation, sadness, monetary-challenges, illness, vulnerability, misunderstandings—then your relationship will always suffer!

Indeed, John Gottman, the famed psychologist and researcher who runs The Love Lab, says he can predict how long a couple will last, not by studying how well a couple gets along, but by studying how well a couple doesn't get along. A relationship is only as strong as its weakest link— how a couple handles their challenges.

The good news: If you're involved in what my favorite philosopher buddy Aristotle called a "Relationship of Shared Virtue"—you will both want to deal with conflict by facing up to it with "strong character values" and viewing it as "a laboratory for growth."

Basically, you must accept right here—right now—if you are going to be in happily ever after love, then your relationship must have a duo function.

2 Keys to a Happily-Ever-After Love Relationship

1. "Den of pleasure"—for fun, companionship, sex, laughter, etc. which you as a human need—so you can keep your soul alive with passion!

2. "Laboratory for growth"—the ultimate place of challenge for your soul to be nurtured to grow—where you inspire one another's "character development"—so you can both grow into your most esteemed selves - which is what Aristotle put forth was what true happiness was all about!

Unfortunately, many people solely view a relationship as a place to experience pleasure—leaving out the soul-ly aspects of love—where you nurture each other to grow!

In fact, when I ask the women I coach to describe what they're looking for in a partner, they always start off listing sexiness, funniness, smartness and wealthiness! But these are all personality traits—and pleasures of the body and ego —not character values which nurture the soul/core self.

If you want to "live happily ever after in love" you must prioritize finding a man who:

1. Values growing as a person

2. Truly understands a relationship serves the double function of "den of pleasure" and "laboratory for growth"

After all, if your partner doesn't value growth, he won't be ready to deal with non-fun, inevitable conflicts in a high integrity way. As a result, when those aforementioned disagreements, disappointments, stresses, crises, temptations, sadnesses, monetary-challenges, illnesses, vulnerabilities and misunderstandings arise, your relationship will suffer. Or worse, your partner will run for the hills—end of story, end of relationship!


Getting to Know a Guy's Character

You know what's funny? How we all know that embracing strong character values really does matter in life and love. Yet, our world mostly offers relationship tips like:

"Buy these sexy clothes!""Be more successful!"

"Tighten your buns!"

Nobody ever comes out and says:

"Yo! Value good strong character values in yourself and others!"

Isn't that weird? I suppose that's because it takes more time, effort and patience to work on strengthening one's character values—and to truly understand another person's inner character—than it does to quickly buy a superficial new sexy outfit, or share a leisurely romantic candlelit dinner. Hence why you must prioritize getting to know a guy's inner character up-front—before you drop your guards—or even your panties. Yes, if you want to live happily ever after with a man, it's essential you prioritize strong character values over strong biceps.


Size Does Matter! Look for a Guy with a Really Big Heart

Remember: It's called "finding a soul mate" not "finding an ego mate"! And if you're going to connect soul to soul, you must take the time to see your partner's soul and feel safe enough to reveal your own soul. For this feeling of safety to occur, you must trust your partner's integrity. Take the time to find out if your partner values embracing empathy, listening, direct communication, honesty, loyalty and growth. After all, a guy's character will always be the determinant behind his choosing to be naughty or nice—thereby making you feel sad or happy.

Think about all those fabulous Prince Charmings in fairy tales. What makes a Prince Charming truly "Princely"? Prince Charmings are made of good strong character fiber! They're noble, kind and generous with good deeds. Plus, they support a Princess in becoming liberated, so she can venture forth to become her fullest royal potential.

Meanwhile, evil Prince Harmings are just as good-looking, rich and charismatic as Prince Charmings. A Prince Harming's huge difference is the one spotted within his spotty character! Prince Harmings suffer from major character defects which create scenarios to torture and imprison a Princess.

Meaning? Although you might feel as if you're experiencing love at first sight with a Prince Harming, what you're really experiencing is infatuation at first sight—because all you're simply crushing on is this man's superficial self, not his superinsidehim self.


Don't Stay on the Surface When It's Time to Dive Deep!

All of this leads me to a very important question: Do you really prefer to place a higher value on a guy's superficial aspects (his sexiness, funniness, smartness, wealthiness) more than you value his superinsidehim self (his character, his soul)?

If so, then there is a big danger you will wind up involved with a guy who's rude, angry, dishonest, disloyal, hurtful, non-communicative, unempathic and selfish! As a result, all of his inner bad qualities will make you feel unhappy, insecure, unsafe, frazzled, neurotic and totally crazy!

All of this reminds me of a funny joke by Woody Allen:

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness."

Okay. I admit it. I find this Woody quote funny as hell. But I am here to remind you: Your love life should not be your suffering life! (Oh…and Woody Allen's also wrong about his cooking methods. Woody instructs: "Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.")

Reminder Time: The number one reason to spend time with a guy is that he makes you feel happier and he is improving your life. Not making you more unhappy, insecure, unsafe, or just plain frazzled!

Another way to explain all this is to make the following confession…


True Love Is a That, Not a Him

Confession Time: I used to look at a cute, funny, charismatic guy and think: "Yum, yum! I want him!" Now I know better. Now I look at loving, happy couples—watch the happy, healthy dynamic between the guy and girl— and think: "Yum, yum! I want that!"

My Lesson/Your Lesson: True love is a that —not a him.

Translation: True love is not a wish list but a "wish feeling." And the number one feeling—even before the feeling of love—is the feeling of safety. Without feeling safe, you will never feel true love. You must have trust in your partner's character and prioritize finding a partner who is honest, communicative, and empathic—someone who values growing—so you can feel safe to vulnerably be your truest core self with him—and then together the two of you can support one another to grow into your best possible selves.

Karen Salmansohn is a best-selling author known for creating self-help for people who wouldn't be caught dead reading self-help. Get more information on finding a loving happier-ever-after relationship in her book Prince Harming Syndrome .