The Number One Thing to Look for in a Partner

The Love Lesson Learned

What's the love lesson learned? One of the top traits to look for in a partner is an appealingly strong character.

Think about it for a moment. Good character values not only come in handy on a day-to-day basis, but during those eventual, inevitable times of conflict.

If you and your partner do not value putting in the effort of acting with strong character values during times of disagreement, disappointment, stress, crisis, temptation, sadness, monetary-challenges, illness, vulnerability, misunderstandings—then your relationship will always suffer!

Indeed, John Gottman, the famed psychologist and researcher who runs The Love Lab, says he can predict how long a couple will last, not by studying how well a couple gets along, but by studying how well a couple doesn't get along. A relationship is only as strong as its weakest link— how a couple handles their challenges.

The good news: If you're involved in what my favorite philosopher buddy Aristotle called a "Relationship of Shared Virtue"—you will both want to deal with conflict by facing up to it with "strong character values" and viewing it as "a laboratory for growth."

Basically, you must accept right here—right now—if you are going to be in happily ever after love, then your relationship must have a duo function.

2 Keys to a Happily-Ever-After Love Relationship

1. "Den of pleasure"—for fun, companionship, sex, laughter, etc. which you as a human need—so you can keep your soul alive with passion!

2. "Laboratory for growth"—the ultimate place of challenge for your soul to be nurtured to grow—where you inspire one another's "character development"—so you can both grow into your most esteemed selves - which is what Aristotle put forth was what true happiness was all about!

Unfortunately, many people solely view a relationship as a place to experience pleasure—leaving out the soul-ly aspects of love—where you nurture each other to grow!

In fact, when I ask the women I coach to describe what they're looking for in a partner, they always start off listing sexiness, funniness, smartness and wealthiness! But these are all personality traits—and pleasures of the body and ego —not character values which nurture the soul/core self.

If you want to "live happily ever after in love" you must prioritize finding a man who:

1. Values growing as a person

2. Truly understands a relationship serves the double function of "den of pleasure" and "laboratory for growth"

After all, if your partner doesn't value growth, he won't be ready to deal with non-fun, inevitable conflicts in a high integrity way. As a result, when those aforementioned disagreements, disappointments, stresses, crises, temptations, sadnesses, monetary-challenges, illnesses, vulnerabilities and misunderstandings arise, your relationship will suffer. Or worse, your partner will run for the hills—end of story, end of relationship!


Getting to Know a Guy's Character

You know what's funny? How we all know that embracing strong character values really does matter in life and love. Yet, our world mostly offers relationship tips like:

"Buy these sexy clothes!""Be more successful!"

"Tighten your buns!"

Nobody ever comes out and says:

"Yo! Value good strong character values in yourself and others!"

Isn't that weird? I suppose that's because it takes more time, effort and patience to work on strengthening one's character values—and to truly understand another person's inner character—than it does to quickly buy a superficial new sexy outfit, or share a leisurely romantic candlelit dinner. Hence why you must prioritize getting to know a guy's inner character up-front—before you drop your guards—or even your panties. Yes, if you want to live happily ever after with a man, it's essential you prioritize strong character values over strong biceps.


Size Does Matter! Look for a Guy with a Really Big Heart

Remember: It's called "finding a soul mate" not "finding an ego mate"! And if you're going to connect soul to soul, you must take the time to see your partner's soul and feel safe enough to reveal your own soul. For this feeling of safety to occur, you must trust your partner's integrity. Take the time to find out if your partner values embracing empathy, listening, direct communication, honesty, loyalty and growth. After all, a guy's character will always be the determinant behind his choosing to be naughty or nice—thereby making you feel sad or happy.

Think about all those fabulous Prince Charmings in fairy tales. What makes a Prince Charming truly "Princely"? Prince Charmings are made of good strong character fiber! They're noble, kind and generous with good deeds. Plus, they support a Princess in becoming liberated, so she can venture forth to become her fullest royal potential.

Meanwhile, evil Prince Harmings are just as good-looking, rich and charismatic as Prince Charmings. A Prince Harming's huge difference is the one spotted within his spotty character! Prince Harmings suffer from major character defects which create scenarios to torture and imprison a Princess.

Meaning? Although you might feel as if you're experiencing love at first sight with a Prince Harming, what you're really experiencing is infatuation at first sight—because all you're simply crushing on is this man's superficial self, not his superinsidehim self.


Don't Stay on the Surface When It's Time to Dive Deep!

All of this leads me to a very important question: Do you really prefer to place a higher value on a guy's superficial aspects (his sexiness, funniness, smartness, wealthiness) more than you value his superinsidehim self (his character, his soul)?

If so, then there is a big danger you will wind up involved with a guy who's rude, angry, dishonest, disloyal, hurtful, non-communicative, unempathic and selfish! As a result, all of his inner bad qualities will make you feel unhappy, insecure, unsafe, frazzled, neurotic and totally crazy!

All of this reminds me of a funny joke by Woody Allen:

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness."

Okay. I admit it. I find this Woody quote funny as hell. But I am here to remind you: Your love life should not be your suffering life! (Oh…and Woody Allen's also wrong about his cooking methods. Woody instructs: "Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.")

Reminder Time: The number one reason to spend time with a guy is that he makes you feel happier and he is improving your life. Not making you more unhappy, insecure, unsafe, or just plain frazzled!

Another way to explain all this is to make the following confession…


True Love Is a That, Not a Him

Confession Time: I used to look at a cute, funny, charismatic guy and think: "Yum, yum! I want him!" Now I know better. Now I look at loving, happy couples—watch the happy, healthy dynamic between the guy and girl— and think: "Yum, yum! I want that!"

My Lesson/Your Lesson: True love is a that —not a him.

Translation: True love is not a wish list but a "wish feeling." And the number one feeling—even before the feeling of love—is the feeling of safety. Without feeling safe, you will never feel true love. You must have trust in your partner's character and prioritize finding a partner who is honest, communicative, and empathic—someone who values growing—so you can feel safe to vulnerably be your truest core self with him—and then together the two of you can support one another to grow into your best possible selves.

Karen Salmansohn is a best-selling author known for creating self-help for people who wouldn't be caught dead reading self-help. Get more information on finding a loving happier-ever-after relationship in her book Prince Harming Syndrome .

Posting Pics Online? What Your Photos Say About You

Posting Pics Online? What Your Photos Say About You

Jeanna Bryner
Senior Writer
LiveScience.com jeanna Bryner
senior Writer
livescience.com – Mon Nov 9, 11:23 am ET
Those photos you post on Facebook could paint an accurate picture of your personality, new research on first impressions suggests.


And perhaps as expected, the more candid a shot the more nuances of your personality show through.


"In an age dominated by social media where personal photographs are ubiquitous, it becomes important to understand the ways personality is communicated via our appearance," said study researcher Laura Naumann of Sonoma State University. "The appearance one portrays in his or her photographs has important implications for their professional and social life."


With this information, there's always the option of tweaking your image, and thus your personality to the outside world. "If you want potential employers or romantic suitors to see you as a warm and friendly individual, you should post pictures where you smile or are standing in a relaxed pose," Naumann said.


Scientists have known physical appearance is important for first impressions and that such initial impressions can be hard to undo, particularly negative ones. Studies have shown judgments made at first glance of a CEO can predict his or her success. But until now little was known about how well people judged personality based on appearance and what physical factors are most important.


In the new study, 12 observers looked at full-body photos of 123 undergraduate students who they had never met before. Six observers viewed the students in a neutral pose and six saw the same students in a spontaneous pose.


The participants rated each photo on 10 personality traits: extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, emotional stability, openness (open to experience), likability, self-esteem, loneliness, religiosity and political orientation.


To figure out accuracy of the judgments, the researchers compared the results with the posers' self-ratings and ratings from three close friends.


For the controlled poses, the observers accurately judged extraversion and self-esteem. When participants looked at the naturally expressive shots, which revealed dynamic non-verbal cues, they were nearly spot-on, getting nine out of the 10 traits correct (everything but political orientation).


For instance, both the neutral and expressive photos garnered about a 70 percent success rate.


"Extraversion is one of those things that's probably the easiest trait to judge," Naumann told LiveScience. "Even without seeing whether someone is smiling or not people can pick that up."


But when judging likeability, observers got it right on average for 55 percent of the photos with neutral poses and 64 percent of the expressive photos. Similar results were found for agreeableness, with participants judging correctly 45 percent of the time for neutral poses compared with 60 percent in the expressive images.


Beyond pure science, the researchers say the results, which will be detailed in the December issue of the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, have practical implications.


For example, if you want to come off as an extravert, try to smile more, stand in energetic and less tense ways, and gear your overall appearance to look healthy (as opposed to sickly), neat and stylish, the study found. For those interested in seeming open to new experiences, it'd be best to show off a distinctive style of dressing rather than a healthy, neat appearance.

50 Common Interview Q & A

Review these typical interview questions and think about how you would answer them. Read the questions listed; you will also find some strategy suggestions with it.

1. Tell me about yourself?

Ans : The most often asked question in interviews. You need to have a short statement prepared in your mind. Be careful that it does not sound rehearsed. Limit it to work-related items unless instructed otherwise. Talk about things you have done and jobs you have held that relate to the position you are interviewing for. Start with the item farthest back and work up to the present.

2. Why did you leave your last job?

Ans: Stay positive regardless of the circumstances. Never refer to a majorproblem with management and never speak ill of supervisors, co-workers or the organization. If you do, you will be the one looking bad. Keep smiling and talk about leaving for a positive reason such as an opportunity, a chance to do something special or other forward-looking reasons.

3. What experience do you have in this field?

Ans: Speak about specifics that relate to the position you are applying for. If you do not have specific experience, get as close as you can.

4. Do you consider yourself successful?

Ans:You should always answer yes and briefly explain why. A good explanation is that you have set goals, and you have met some and are on track to achieve the others.

5. What do co-workers say about you?

Ans: Be prepared with a quote or two from co-workers. Either a specific statement or a paraphrase will work. Jill Clark, a co-worker at Smith Company, always said I was the hardest workers she had ever known. It is as powerful as Jill having said it at the interview herself.

6. What do you know about this organization?

This question is one reason to do some research on the organization before the interview. Find out where they have been and where they are going. What are the current issues and who are the major players?

7. What have you done to improve your knowledge in the last year?

Try to include improvement activities that relate to the job. A wide variety of activities can be mentioned as positive self-improvement. Have some good ones handy to mention.

8. Are you applying for other jobs?

Be honest but do not spend a lot of time in this area. Keep the focuson this job and what you can do for this organization. Anything else is a distraction.

9. Why do you want to work for this organization?

This may take some thought and certainly, should be based on the research you have done on the organization. Sincerity is extremely important here and will easily be sensed... Relate it to your long-term career goals.

10. Do you know anyone who works for us?

Be aware of the policy on relatives working for the organization. This can affect your answer even though they asked about friends not relatives. Be careful to mention a friend only if they are well thought of.

11. What is your Expected Salary?

A loaded question. A nasty little game that you will probably lose if you answer first. So, do not answer it. Instead, say something like, That's a tough question. Can you tell me the range for this position? In most cases, the interviewer, taken off guard, will tell you. If not, say that it can depend on the details of the job. Then give a wide range.

12. Are you a team player?

You are, of course, a team player. Be sure to have examples ready. Specifics that show you often perform for the good of the team rather than for yourself are good evidence of your team attitude. Do not brag, just say it in a matter-of-fact tone. This is a key point..

13. How long would you expect to work for us if hired?

Specifics here are not good. Something like this should work: I'd like it to be a long time. Or As long as we both feel I'm doing a good job.

14. Have you ever had to fire anyone?

How did you feel about that? This is serious. Do not make light of it or in any way seem like you like to fire people. At the same time, you will do it when it is the right thing to do. When it comes to the organization versus the individual who has created a harmful situation, you will protect the organization. Remember firing is not the same as layoff or reduction in force.

15. What is your philosophy towards work?

The interviewer is not looking for a long or flowery dissertation here. Do you have strong feelings that the job gets done? Yes. That's the type of answer that works best here. Short and positive, showing a benefit to the organization.

16. If you had enough money to retire right now, would you?

Answer yes if you would. But since you need to work, this is the type of work you prefer. Do not say yes if you do not mean it.

17. Have you ever been asked to leave a position?

If you have not, say no. If you have, be honest, brief and avoid saying negative things about the people or organization involved.

18. Explain how you would be an asset to this organization ?

You should be anxious for this question. It gives you a chance to highlight your best points as they relate to the position being discussed. Give a little advance thought to this relationship. .

19. Why should we hire you?

Point out how your assets meet what the organization needs. Do not mention any other candidates to make a comparison..

20. Tell me about a suggestion you have made ?

Have a good one ready. Be sure and use a suggestion that was accepted and was then considered successful. One related to the type of work applied for is a real plus.

21. What irritates you about co-workers?

This is a trap question. Think real hard but fail to come up with anything that irritates you. A short statement that you seem to get along with folks is great.

22. What is your greatest strength?

Numerous answers are good, just stay positive. A few good examples: Your ability to prioritize, Your problem-solving skills, Your ability to work under pressure, Your ability to focus on projects, Your professional expertise, Your leadership skills, Your positive attitude

23. Tell me about your dream job ?

Stay away from a specific job. You cannot win. If you say the job you are contending for is it, you strain credibility. If you say another job is it, you plant the suspicion that you will be dissatisfied with this position if hired. The best is to stay genetic and say something like: A job where I love the work, like the people, can contribute andcan't wait to get to work.

24. Why do you think you would do well at this job?

Give several reasons and include skills, experience and interest.

25. What are you looking for in a job?

See answer # 23

26. What kind of person would you refuse to work with?

Do not be trivial. It would take disloyalty to the organization, violence or lawbreaking to get you to object. Minor objections will label you as a whiner.

27. What is more important to you: the money or the work?

Money is always important, but the work is the most important. There is no better answer.

28. What would your previous supervisor say your strongest point is?

There are numerous good possibilities: Loyalty, Energy, Positive attitude, Leadership, Team player, Expertise,Initiativ e, Patience, Hard work, Creativity, Problem solver

29. Tell me about a problem you had with a supervisor?

Biggest trap of all. This is a test to see if you will speak ill of your boss. If you fall for it and tell about a problem with a former boss, you may well below the interview right there. Stay positive and develop a poor memory about any trouble with a supervisor.

30. What has disappointed you about a job?

Don't get trivial or negative. Safe areas are few but can include: Not enough of a challenge. You were laid off in a reduction Company did not win a contract, which would have given you more responsibility.

31. Tell me about your ability to work under pressure.

You may say that you thrive under certain types of pressure. Give an example that relates to the type of position applied for.

32. Do your skills match this job or another job more closely?

Probably this one. Do not give fuel to the suspicion that you may want another job more than this one.

33. What motivates you to do your best on the job?

This is a personal trait that only you can say, but good examples are: Challenge, Achievement, Recognition

34. Are you willing to work overtime? Nights? Weekends?

This is up to you. Be totally honest.

35. How would you know you were successful on this job?

Several ways are good measures: You set high standards for yourself and meet them. Your outcomes are a success. Your boss tell you that you are successful

36. Would you be willing to relocate if required?

You should be clear on this with your family prior to the interview if you think there is a chance it may come up. Do not say yes just to get the job if the real answer is no. This can create a lot of problems later on in your career. Be honest at this point and save yourself future grief.

37. Are you willing to put the interests of the organization ahead of your own?

This is a straight loyalty and dedication question. Do not worry about the deep ethical and philosophical implications. Just say yes.

38. Describe your management style ?

Try to avoid labels. Some of the more common labels, like progressive, salesman or consensus, can have several meanings or descriptions depending on which management expert you listen to. The situational style is safe, because it says you will manage according to the situation, instead of one size fits all.

39. What have you learned from mistakes on the job?

Here you have to come up with something or you strain credibility. Make it small, well intentioned mistake with a positive lesson learned. An example would be working too far ahead of colleagues on a project and thus throwing coordination off.

40. Do you have any blind spots?

Trick question. If you know about blind spots, they are no longer blind spots. Do not reveal any personal areas of concern here. Let them do their own discovery on your bad points. Do not hand it to them.

41. If you were hiring a person for this job, what would you look for?

Be careful to mention traits that are needed and that you have.

42. Do you think you are overqualified for this position?

Regardless of your qualifications, state that you are very well qualified for the position.

43. How do you propose to compensate for your lack of experience?

First, if you have experience that the interviewer does not know about, bring that up: Then, point out (if true) that you are a hard working quick learner.

44. What qualities do you look for in a boss?

Be generic and positive. Safe qualities are knowledgeable, a sense of humor, fair, loyal to subordinates and holder of high standards. All bosses think they have these traits.

45. Tell me about a time when you helped resolve a dispute ?

between others. Pick a specific incident. Concentrate on your problem solving technique and not the dispute you settled.

46. What position do you prefer on a team working on a project?

Be honest. If you are comfortable in different roles, point that out.

47. Describe your work ethic ?

Emphasize benefits to the organization. Things like, determination to get the job done and work hard but enjoy your work are good.

48. What has been your biggest professional disappointment?

Be sure that you refer to something that was beyond your control. Show acceptance and no negative feelings.

49. Tell me about the most fun you have had on the job.

Talk about having fun by accomplishing something for the organization.

50. Do you have any questions for me?

Always have some questions prepared. Questions prepared where you will be an asset to the organization are good. How soon will I be able to be productive? and What type of projects will I be able to assist on? are examples.

And Finally Best of Luck Hope you will be succussful in the interview you are going to face in coming days.

"Never take some one for granted,Hold every person Close to your Heart because you might wake up one day and realise that you have lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones." Remember this always in life.

13 Cara Hilangkan Serabut

13 Cara Mudah Utk Kosongkan Fikiran Yg Berserabut

Kehidupan seharian yang sibuk dan permintaan demi permintaan yang menyesakkan dari tempat kerja dan rumah sudah pasti membuatkan kita hilang arah. Fikiran yang berserabut boleh mengurangkan fokus kepada perkara-perkara utama yang perlu diselesaikan. Akhirnya, kerja tak selesai dan fikiran makin berserabut.Untuk menjadi seorang yang produktif, kita perlu mempunyai pandangan yang jelas dalam membezakan perkara yang penting dengan perkara yang kurang penting. Kita harus mempunyai fikiran yang tenang untuk tujuan ini. Ambillah langkah-langkah dibawah ini untuk menenangkan fikiran anda.

1. Tarik Nafas

Ingat lagi bagaimana anda bersenam di waktu pagi semasa bersekolah dulu? Ingat lagi bagaimana kita memulakan senaman dengan menarik nafas dengan kaedah yang betul? Gunakan teknik ini untuk mula mengosongkan fikiran anda.

2. Ambil Wudhuk

Jika anda seorang yang beragama Islam, mengambil wudhuk boleh menenangkan fikiran. Kembali kepada fitrah manusia dapat memantapkan lagi rohani kita dan air yang bersih boleh mengembalikan kita kepada fitrah kejadian. Air yang segar dapat memberi tenaga dan fokus yang diperlukan dan wajah akan pasti kembali ceria.

3. Tulis

Ada banyak perkara yang bermain di dalam fikiran anda. Anda perlu mengenalpasti apa sebenarnya yang anda fikirkan untuk membolehkan minda mengurus perkara-perkara ini. Cara yang paling mudah adalah dengan menulis satu-persatu apa yang anda sedang fikirkan. Jangan cuba untuk mengenalpasti kategori perkara-perkara ini dahulu, teruskan sahaja menulis.

4. Kenalpasti Yang Utama

Setelah anda rasa puas dengan apa yang anda tulis, anda kini perlu kenalpasti yang mana yang paling utama. Tandakan dengan nombor atau gunakan “rating system” yang baik untuk membantu anda dalam proses ini. Lebih baik lagi jika anda klasifikasikan perkara-perkara ini berpandukan matlamat hidup anda dan apa yang paling penting dalam hidup anda; keluarga? kerjaya? cinta?

5. Buang Yang Tidak Penting

Pangkah atau padamkan perkara-perkara yang remeh dan tidak relevan. Perkara-perkara remeh yang anda fikirkan boleh jadi perkara seperti “Apa yang kekasih lama aku sedang lakukan?” atau “Osama hidup lagi kah?”. Anda akan dapat lihat yang kebanyakan perkara yang bermain di fikiran anda sebelum ini adalah perkara-perkara yang tidak relevan dan hanya membuatkan anda kurang produktif dalam menyelesaikan urusan harian dan masalah-masalah lain yang lebih penting. Perkara-perkara inilah sebenarnya yang menghalang anda untuk berfikir secara bijak.

6. Cukup Rehat & Tidur

Dengan memejamkan mata, atau memandang jauh ke arah kehijauan alam akan dapat memberi anda perasaan yang tenang. Tidur yang tidak cukup bermakna minda anda tidak mendapat rehat yang secukupnya. Sebab itu minda anda liar berfikir. Pejamkan mata untuk seketika di waktu rehat anda, atau keluar ambil angin dalam keadaan yang selesa dan positif.

7. Kurangkan menonton TV atau membaca akhbar di waktu pagi

Akhbar harian kita saban hari penuh dengan berita-berita yang menyanyat hati. Jenayah, kemalangan, bencana dan lain-lain boleh memberi tenaga yang negatif kepada kita. Jika anda mengamalkan tabiat membaca berita-berita ini di waktu anda bersarapan, anda akan bermula hari anda dengan pandangan yang negatif. Bangun pagi sahaja fikiran anda sudah berserabut. Elakkan atau tukar masa anda untuk membaca akhbar.

Menonton TV dengan berlebihan akan membuatkan fikiran anda menerawang jauh tentang perkara-perkara yang cuba disampaikan dalam rancangan yang anda tonton. Fokus anda kepada perkara yang lebih penting akan terjejas kerana anda mengizinkan info-info dan idea-idea baru ini masuk ke dalam minda anda. Kurangkan menonton TV.

8. Kembali Kepada Alam

Dalam kehidupan kota yang sibuk dan sesak, kita semua bergerak dengan pantas. Teknologi masa kini menjadikan kehidupan harian semakin laju. Mengembalikan diri kepada alam semulajadi akan dapat melambatkan waktu dan membolehkan anda hidup dalam waktu kini; Bukan hidup dalam waktu dahulu atau waktu hadapan, di mana anda terkejar-kejar dengan impian demi impian dan dilambatkan pula dengan kisah-kisah sedih dan sesalan demi sesalan tentang apa yang sudah pun berlaku. Bawa keluarga anda mandi air terjun atau pergi memancing dengan rakan, dan waktu akan menjadi perlahan bagi anda. Bila waktu bergerak perlahan, anda akan dapat memberi fokus.

9. Lepaskan

Anda risau tentang sesuatu? Anda rasa tidak puas tentang apa yang telah anda lakukan? Rasa marah? Berdendam? Tertekan? Cara yang paling mudah untuk mengosongkan fikiran yang berserabut adalah dengan mengalah dan melepaskan. Kita perlu menjadi seorang yang berjiwa mantap dan tegas dalam mengawal perasaan untuk membolehkan diri maju ke hadapan. Walaupun perasaan-perasaan ini adalah semulajadi, tetapi kebanyakannya adalah tidak menguntungkan. Fikirkanlah.

10. Kemas Ruang Anda

Tempat kerja atau kediaman anda perlu sentiasa berada dalam keadaan yang kemas. Mata kita sentiasa melihat, dan melihat keadaan yang tidak kemas sedikit-sebanyak akan mempengaruhi minda anda. Kita cuma tidak sedar akan hakikat ini. Ambillah tindakan dan inisiatif untuk mengemas dan anda pasti akan mendapat tenaga yang baru.

11. Berkongsi Masalah

Jangan simpan permasalahan anda. Jika anda mempunyai kekasih atau seseorang yang penting dalam hidup anda, berkongsilah masalah anda dengan mereka. Mendengar masalah orang lain juga dapat membantu anda dalam menyelesaikan masalah anda sendiri. Kadang-kadang kita tidak sedar tentang sesuatu yang lebih baik sebagai jalan penyelesaian. Dengarlah dan berbicaralah dengan hati dan minda yang terbuka.

12. Sedikit Lagi

Ingat lagi perkara-perkara yang anda tuliskan dalam langkah ketiga hingga langkah kelima? Buang separuh dari perkara-perkara ini.

13. Buat

Fikir dan buat. Jangan fikir dan terus berfikir. Buat perkara yang paling penting dan tidak mengambil masa yang lama terlebih dahulu. Jangan bertangguh!

Simple Tips For The Morning

IF YOU"RE LIKE MANY PEOPLE, the start of the day isn't your favourite time. So here are some tips you can sneak into your routine without much effort. Try at least one of these tomorrow.

1. Stretch every extremity for 15 seconds. Try this before you open your eyes. Lift your arm and begin by stretching each finger, then your arm. Repeat with another arm.

2. Then your toes, feet, ankles, and legs. end with a neck and back stretch that propels you out of the bed. You've just limbered up your muscles and joints and enhance the flow of blood through your body, providing an extra shot of oxygen to all your tissue.

3. Brush your tongue for one minute. There's no better way to rid yourself of the morning breath and begin the day minty fresh. Hundreds of bacteria take up residence in your mouth every night, so just brushing your teeth alone isn't going to vanquish them.

4. Drink a glass of water. Remember, you've been fasting all night long, so you wake each morning dehydrated.

5. Check your morning calendar. Have a large calendar or whiteboard in a prominent position in the kitchen. On it, write everything you need to know for that day. Check it each morning as you sip your coffee. It will help you to avoid the stress of forgetting something important.

6. Kiss all the people you love in your house before you leave. Connecting with the ones you love soothes stress and gives a positive start to your day.

Must-Know Info To Help You Get Your Zzz's

Can't sleep? You have plenty of company. About half of all adults experience insomnia on occasion, and 1 in 10 battle insomnia on a regular basis, according to the Cleveland Clinic. If you fall into one of those groups, chances are you're already following the tried-and-true rules for a good night’s sleep. Don't have too much caffeine (especially late in the day), do not exercise late at night, keep your bedroom at a cool, comfortable temperature, and make sure your bed, pillows and linens are comfy. Those are all good tips, but there are lesser-known things you can try to help you get more rest.

1. Set a Bedtime Alert
Most of us already use an alarm to wake up in the morning, but sleep expert Michael Breus, PhD, author of Beauty Sleep: Look Younger, Lose Weight, and Feel Great Through Better Sleep, suggests setting it at night as well. "I tell people to set their alarm for one hour before bedtime, which reminds them to begin what I call the power-down hour," says Dr. Breus, who is also a spokesman for the Zeo Personal Sleep Coach. He says you should spend the first 20 minutes of that hour taking care of any necessary chores (like walking the dog or making your kids' lunches), then spend the next 20 minutes on hygiene (washing up, brushing your teeth, etc.), and save the last 20 minutes before bed for relaxation. You don't necessarily have to meditate, if that doesn't appeal to you; you can also do deep breathing exercises, read a book or even watch a little TV (as long as it's not too stimulating).

2. Don't Clear U’r Mind
Experts say anxiety and depresion top the list of reasons people have trouble sleeping. Part of the problem is that many of us just can't seem to quiet that internal voice that starts rambling on about the worries of the day. Of course, if you can clear your mind, go ahead and do it. But if that's impossible, don't force it--you'll only end up panicking about the fact that you're not sleeping, says Paul McKenna, PhD, author of the soon-to-be-released book I Can Make You Sleep. Instead, try slowing down your thoughts. "Practice saying anything and everything that comes into your mind to yourself in a slow, monotonous, drowsy tone," says Dr. McKenna. It doesn't matter if you're thinking about what to buy tomorrow at the grocery store or how a big presentation at work is going to go. If you slow everything down and talk to yourself in an even tone, you'll find it's that much harder to keep worrying (or stay awake).

3. Count Numbers--Not Sheep
Another great way to quiet those racing thoughts is to count backward from 300 by 3s, says Dr. Breus. Unless you're a math ace, you probably won't be able to focus on anything else while you're doing this, which means you'll end up distracting yourself from your stressful thoughts.

4. Get Up a Half-Hour Earlier
Yes, you read that right! If you're suffering from chronic insomnia, try getting up, for example, at 6:30 instead of your usual 7 wakeup time--no matter what time you fell asleep the night before. You may be extra-sleepy for a little while, but this is hands-down the most effective way to reset u’r body clock, says Dr. McKenna. It works because it teaches your body that it can't catch up on sleep in the morning, so eventually you'll start feeling drowsier earlier in the evening.

5. Consider Seeing a Professional
A sleep psychologist is someone who specializes in gathering info about your emotions and your behaviors specifically as they relate to sleep. Often found at sleep centers, a sleep psychologist can usually help resolve your sleep issues in just four to six sessions, says Joseph Ojile, MD, founder of the Clayton Sleep Institute in St. Louis and a spokesman for the National Sleep Foundation.

6. Don't Worry If You Can't Sleep Right Away
You shouldn't pass out the second your head hits the pillow. If that happens all the time, it's a sign that you're sleep deprived. (Ditto for nodding off during boring meetings and long movies.) Ideally, it should take 15 to 25 minutes from when you lie down to when you drift off to sleep, says Dr. Breus.

7. Go to Bed When You're Tired
If you're having ongoing sleep troubles, don't worry so much about the fact that it's almost midnight and you have to get up in less than seven hours. Forcing yourself to stay in bed when you're not sleepy is just going to contribute to more tossing and turning, says Dr. Ojile. Instead, get up, do something relaxing, and go back to bed whenever you do feel tired. You might end up exhausted the next day (but that was bound to happen either way under these circumstances), and the following night you should have better luck getting to bed earlier.

Can I Control My Dreams?

I Believe I Can Fly
Can I teach myself to control my dreams?
By Mason CurreyPosted Friday, July 17, 2009, at 10:23 AM ET

The history of dream interpretation goes back to the very earliest human civilizations—the ancient Greek diviner Artemidorus put together a five-volume treatise on the subject about 17 centuries before Freud—but I like to think that it's reached new heights this year at my apartment. My girlfriend, you see, has a gift. Every morning, without fail, she awakes with exhaustively detailed memories of multiple dreams—which, naturally, are a favorite topic of speculation and debate around the breakfast table.

Unfortunately, it's a one-sided conversation. I'm one of those people who almost never remembers his dreams. I know I have them—the alarm clock often jolts me out of a vivid scenario—but by the time I lurch out of bed, poof, they're gone. And a few months ago, I started to feel left out. What's going on in my head every night that I'm missing out on?

Some Google sleuthing yielded a couple of unappealing remedies. There's a pill that is supposed to boost dream recall—but it looks about as trustworthy as those "natural male enhancement" offers that clog my spam folder. More promising was the idea of a progressive-wake alarm clock, which gradually rouses you through lights and sounds that increase in intensity over the course of a half-hour. Apparently, this gentle awakening is better for remembering dreams than, say, the aggressive marimbas of my iPhone alarm. But at $70, I wasn't about to find out.

Besides, as often happens to me, I was beginning to be distracted from my initial goal in favor of a much more ambitious and quirky one. My dream-memory searches kept turning up something called "lucid dreaming"—the idea that some sleepers will become conscious during a dream and then actually be able to "control" the dream scenario. Imagine the possibilities! Numerous lucid dreamers report being able to fly at will; others describe a general feeling of euphoria and well-being. One woman experienced her first lucid dream as "a blissful sensation of blending and melting with colors and light" that grew in intensity, "opening up into a total orgasm." This I had to try!

The above description comes from Stephen LaBerge and Howard Rheingold's 1990 book Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming, which I picked up from the New Age section of my local Barnes & Noble one day. Between the book and a handful of Web sites, I cobbled together a three-step plan for lucid-dream mastery. I also set a goal: I decided that I would consider my experiment a success when I could will myself to take dream flight. Although, really, why stop there? Why not wing it over to Giza, Egypt, whack a few tennis balls against the pyramids, guzzle a bottle of Château Lafite Rothschild, and race dune buggies along the banks of the Nile?

If this all sounds nuts—well, I was thinking the same thing. So I called up Jerome Siegel, the director of UCLA's Sleep Research Center and an expert in REM sleep behavior, to make sure I wasn't embarking on a fool's errand. Siegel said that while he had never experienced a lucid dream himself, he finds it plausible that some people do have them. "You can control your daydreams," he said. "Why not your night dreams?" That was good enough for me.

Step 1: Keep a Dream Journal
First, I had to achieve my initial goal of simply remembering my dreams—otherwise, how would I know whether I was having lucid episodes? (Plus, getting a handle on your typical dream subjects becomes useful for inciting lucidity—more on this later.) My reading suggested that I could ignore pharmaceuticals and expensive gadgets in favor of a much simpler method: keeping a bedside dream journal. So I installed a nice aqua-blue Moleskine notebook next to my pillow and set to work. The key, I discovered, is to write down dreams as soon as you wake up, before the usual parade of morning thoughts ("What's for breakfast?" "Would anyone notice if I wore the same shirt two days in a row?") elbow the fragile memories aside.

Lo and behold, it worked! Within a few weeks, I'd written down a dozen dreams—more than enough to finally hold my own at breakfast-table interpretation sessions. Before I knew it, I was ready to move on to more advanced stuff.

Step 2: Identify Dream Signs and Perform Reality Checks
This is where it starts to get tricky. In theory, the way to train yourself to become conscious during a dream is to get in the habit of regularly questioning whether you are awake or dreaming. At first, this feels stupid: Obviously, you know that you're awake. But the point is to make it a reflex, and particularly during situations that seem bizarre or surreal, since dreams are full of them. (I find that the New York City subway is an especially fertile testing ground.) Eventually, this questioning should happen while you're actually asleep—and, bam, you're lucid dreaming and can go about fulfilling your fantasies of sleeping with supermodels; punching out your boss; eating a really, really big pizza; or whatever.

Common reality checks include things like flipping a light switch on and off (apparently there's no artificial lighting in dreams); looking at a piece of text or a digital clock, looking away, and then looking back (in a dream, the letters or numbers should rearrange themselves); or simply pinching yourself. I picked what seemed like the least conspicuous test: looking carefully at my hand. According to wikiHow's impressively detailed instructions, a carefully studied dream hand will prove to have more or fewer than five fingers. Creepy, yes, but at least I could do this on the subway or in a meeting without looking like a lunatic.

While I got in the habit of testing reality, I also set about trying to identify my personal "dream signs." These are recurring circumstances or settings that you should pay particular attention to while awake. For instance, if you keep dreaming about elevators, then every time you get in an elevator during the day, you should perform a reality check—thereby increasing your chances of doing the same thing in a dream.

Initially, my dreams didn't seem to have much in common, except perhaps a somewhat depressing number of pop-culture references. (In my first recorded dream, I was attending a day camp aboard a Star Trek-style spaceship; in another, I was studying photos of Elvis—only to realize that his signature hairdo was actually a toupee!) I did find one genuine dream sign, however: bathrobes. More than once, I had variations of the classic naked-in-the-classroom anxiety dream that involved me being out in public in just a bathrobe. But let's not think too hard about what that means and move on to the final, and most challenging, step.

Step 3: Redistribute Your Sleep
For the first month or so of my experiment, everything was going according to plan—I was writing down dreams in my journal and performing regular reality checks. But I still hadn't experienced the slightest hint of lucidity. And as the weeks wore on, my resolve started to slacken. Work became unusually busy and I began neglecting my dream journal, forgetting to do the reality checks, and generally feeling frustrated with the whole experiment. Lucid dreaming seemed destined to join my personal graveyard of overambitious projects: the theremin I tried to build after high school, the novel I tried to write after college, the 100 pushups program I've been trying to follow for the past several months.

I was also, frankly, avoiding Step 3. According to LaBerge and Rheingold, the most reliable method for inducing a lucid dream is to "redistribute" your sleep. It works like this: Set an alarm to wake you two hours earlier than normal, "go about your business" for those two hours, and finally go back to sleep for at least two more hours. The idea is that this delayed final stretch of sleep is particularly rich with REM activity. When I called up professor Siegel at UCLA, he confirmed that this method had some validity—late-morning dreams are typically the longest and most intense.

But, man, what a hassle. I finally worked up the motivation to try it one Tuesday night, setting my alarm for 4 a.m. (ugh). The next morning, after a good half-hour of riding the snooze button, I dragged myself out of bed and proceeded to putter about the house in the dark. But without my usual two cups of coffee—which I figured would prevent me from going back to sleep later—I couldn't manage to do much other than stare at the wall, unload half the dishwasher, and aimlessly surf the Internet.

Jumping back into bed at 6 was bliss. And waking up to full sunshine at 8 felt wonderfully lazy. If I could actually do some work during those first two hours, I think I could get used to this schedule—it combines early-a.m. productivity with the delicious feeling of sleeping in. Getting out of bed twice in one morning, however, is a bitch. (I was also a good 20 minutes late for work.) As for the dreams, I definitely felt as if I had more of them during the delayed sleep—but, alas, none were lucid.

For the next two mornings, I tried, and failed, to rouse myself again at 4 a.m. Finally, the weekend rolled around and my schedule allowed a little more flexibility. On Sunday morning, I woke myself up at 6, did some reading and light housework, and then spent several minutes, as LaBerge and Rheingold suggest, picturing myself having a lucid dream. I closed my eyes and imagined stepping off a dining-room chair—but instead of landing on the floor, I hover midair, levitating around the room like David Blaine.

At 8, I crawled back in bed and drifted into a light sleep. Like last time, the delayed sleep was rich with dreams. In one, I'm walking up a path into the lobby of an old apartment building, but the door is blocked by a couple in the midst of a heavy make-out session. Oops. I walk to the next building—this one is definitely where I live—but as I'm going for the door, a very tall man grabs my shoulder and spins me around. Behind him is another, even taller man. They're accosting me for some reason that is obscure now. But in the dream, instead of being threatening, the men seem silly. So silly, in fact, that the situation finally trips my reality-check reflex. I don't need to stare at my hand: Obviously, I'm dreaming. This is it! I look at the very tall man in front of me and I think: Now's your chance—take flight! And, sure enough, I begin slowly to float up off the ground, until I'm up to the tall man's shoulders, and then to his face, and then I'm looking down at him from above. I feel a suffusing sense of giddiness, a kind of euphoria even, as I rise up into the sky, accelerating rapidly, the ground disappearing far below me.

And then I woke up. I tried to go back to sleep, to get back to the dream, but it was impossible—I was wide awake. I felt great, too. And now I can happily report that this lucid dreaming thing is for real, although it's not exactly as I imagined it. I felt capable of moving about within the dream—and taking flight was easy, natural even—but it wasn't as if I could suddenly plant myself in the final seconds of the Super Bowl and mount a game-winning drive or steal a car and go joyriding along the coast. It was a much more diffuse feeling, closer to an out-of-body experience than hanging out on the holodeck.

Granted, I'm still an amateur. Despite my high hopes to the contrary, in the weeks since that first lucid dream, I have failed to experience any new episodes. I'm largely to blame: I haven't managed to drag myself out of bed early enough to repeat the experiment under ideal conditions. And, frankly, it doesn't seem worth it. Lucid dreaming was nice, and maybe it gets better, but it hardly seems like something that's warrants rearranging your life.

Later on the same morning of my brief lucid dream, I downloaded Bob Dylan's new album. In the song "I Feel a Change Comin' On," Dylan neatly sums up my attitude toward the whole experience.

Well now, what's the use in dreamin'?
You got better things to do.
Dreams never did work for me anyway.
Even when they did come true.

The 7 Secrets of Highly Successful Students
By Don Asher

What does it cost a student to go to college without any idea of how to manage the process? It may cost a lot. Students who have knowledgeable parents or older siblings to guide them can finesse the process, earn higher grades, get along better with faculty, solve problems with the business office, and so on. But students who are the first in their family to go to college have no one to guide them, and their mistakes can cost them that awesome post-college job, or access to the best graduate schools.

At a recent conference, I sat at a table full of staffers from various undergraduate research programs. We got to musing about how nice it would be if all students knew the insider tips and techniques the best students seem to soak up from the ether.

This is not about being smart. This is about being savvy. So from our notes scribbled on a stack of paper napkins, here is what savvy students know that others seem to miss:

1. Grades are engineered, not "earned"
A savvy student wants to earn as many A's as possible, as few B's as possible, and avoid C's at all costs.

So how do you engineer your GPA? Class-shop at the beginning of each semester. Sign up for more classes than you can possibly take, and drop boring or difficult professors sometime in the first two weeks. (It won't show up on your transcripts.) If you get a bad exam or quiz score, ask the professor what you can do to earn extra credit. Reading an optional book, writing a one- or two-page paper, or even just helping the prof out with mundane tasks such as setting up for class can push you back into the A column.

If you're not earning the grade you want in a class, negotiate an "incomplete" grade, then do whatever it takes to get that I turned into an A or at least a B. (Be warned, some profs won't give an A on an incomplete, no matter what you do). Or, worst case scenario, drop the class before finals. You don't want to do this a lot, but a "withdrawal" or two stamped on your transcript is much better than a low GPA.

Get involved with study groups, and your GPA will likely go up. Take a light load during the semester when you have a known difficult class, such as organic chemistry. And finally, be sure to take enough of a class load that you can ditch a bad class without dropping below minimum credits, especially if you're on financial aid or your parents are strict about the four-year plan.

2. Visit professors outside of class
Professors are people, too. They worry about being liked, whether they're gaining a few pounds and whether or not they're good at their jobs. So go visit them. Ask them for clarification of some point they made in class. Try out your paper or lab ideas on them to see if you're headed in the right direction. Ask them the best way to study for the exams.

It's probably not a great idea to focus on grades only, as in "What do I need to do to earn an A in your class?" Get your professors to help you be a better student. And maybe ask, "Have you lost a little weight?"

3. Prerequisites matter
Naïve students always want to go around prerequisites and take any class that interests them. This is unwise. Prerequisites are in place to make sure you have the skills you need to do well in a class, so skipping them is perilous. Don't take "Population Biology" until you've had "Math 321" or you'll be sorry. If you think you don't need the prereq, contact the professor and find out before you sign up for the class.

4. Internships are required, not optional
The norm now is two internships, not just one, so you have to build them into your summers starting at the end of the sophomore year. Recruiters look at students without internships as deficient, no matter how strong the GPA and rigor of the curriculum. Earning money on a fishing boat may be great for the first summer, but those other two summers need to be used for internships to support your post-college career or grad school plans. You can find a paid internship if you need the money, or a part-time internship combined with a part-time job. Savvy students know this, and un-savvy students go fishing.

5. Study abroad in the sophomore year, not the junior
The junior year is a time to concentrate on your major and get the most out of your department. If you're abroad, you can't do that. Plus, some students get distracted by drinking in Naples, or that cute French guy or gal in Nice, and blow their GPA during the study abroad. Grad schools and employers care most about your GPA in the final two years of college, and if you go abroad in the junior year those grades are prominent. Finally -- and don't tell anyone -- but most sophomores aren't 21 yet. In most of the world, the drinking age, official and unofficial, is much younger than that. So...

6. Read your handbook and catalog
How many credits make a full-time course load? How many classes do you have to take to major in X or minor in Y or double major in X and Y? What's the last date to drop a class without it appearing on your transcript? Is there any place to get a short-term, emergency loan? If you retake a class, do both grades appear, or does the first grade disappear? These are the kinds of questions that your catalog and handbook answer.

Here's a massive tip: The rules in the course catalog that's published when you begin your college career often apply until you graduate, even if the rules change. So keep that catalog! Don't rely on your adviser or your professors for rules and regulations. They might not know them very well anyway, and you'll pay the penalty for following bad advice.

7. It takes the entire senior year to get launched from college
No matter what your major, the career center can help you get a job or apply to graduate school. Naïve students don't worry about life after college until they've graduated. They miss a huge chance. You're only a college senior once in your life. Participate in the on-campus interview process, because it's part of the college experience and it's there for every undergraduate. English majors and philosophy majors can get great jobs out of college, but not if they're hiding out in the game room dissecting Kant and Bukowski and griping about how nobody gives them a chance. Spend the entire senior year making sure that come June, you know where you're going. That's what the savvy students do.

About the Author:
Donald Asher is the author of 10 books on careers and higher education, including Cool Colleges for the Hyper-Intelligent, Self-Directed, Late Blooming and Just Plain Different and Graduate Admissions Essays, the best-selling guide to the graduate admissions process. He speaks at over 100 college and university campuses every year, and invites your comments at don@donaldasher.com.

How to Find Romance in 30 Days

How to Find Romance in 30 Days

Get tips on finding love in 30 days — from getting back out there, to common relationships mistakes people make, to managing your expectations about love — along with five ways to get started.

By Ariane de Bonvoisin

I haven't gone on a date in years. What's the best way for me to get back out there?
The first step is to do what makes you feel good about yourself: Get back to the gym, take an art class, spend the afternoon playing fetch with your dog. Radiating self-love is like being a taxi with its "available for hire" light on. The more comfortable you are in your own skin and the happier you are with your life, the more you'll attract someone with equal self-worth.

Know that you're not going to meet the right person immediately but that each date will bring you closer to the relationship you want. Think of every date as a piece of a puzzle: What did the experience show you about what you need? What did the guy do or not do that you liked (or didn't)? In time the pieces will come together, and life will bring the person who's meant for you.

What mistakes do people make when looking for a new relationship?
Often times, we're too focused on what we want and don't want — he has to be tall, funny, a nonsmoker — and that list hinders us from even getting to know people who fall outside of those requirements. But the right guy for you rarely fits that exact picture. And when a guy does have those qualities, we talk ourselves into staying with him even if our gut tells us he's not the one.

Your intuition is clearest during the first few dates, so pay close attention early on. After that, emotions take over, making it harder to listen to your gut. I remember after the first date with my ex, I knew the three reasons why it wouldn't work. Sure enough, those were the reasons we broke up a year later. A few key questions can help you: How does this guy make me feel? Happy? Insecure? Can I trust him? You'll know when a relationship feels right.

I often want too much too soon. How can I manage my expectations?
Expectations are dangerous because they can set us up for disappointment and prevent us from staying open to being surprised. Just think about what you expect from a date and you'll realize how long a list you have — maybe you expect him to pay for dinner or kiss you a certain way. When your expectations aren't met, you feel let down and blame him.

Also, when you're living in anticipation of bigger milestones — the first time you two sleep together or the first time he tells you he loves you — that keeps you from really being present and enjoying the excitement of the getting-to-know-you process. So think of falling in love as an adventure, and try to notice and appreciate the little things, such as how he holds your hand or brushes hair out of your face. You'll discover lots of joy and fun along the way.

***

Looking for Love — 5 Ways to Get Started

1. Get a life. Maintain an exciting schedule full of friends, hobbies, and activities you love. Being happy in your life will draw others to you.

2. Get out there. Take advantage of online dating services, blind dates set up by friends, or classes where you might connect with someone with similar interests. Keep an open mind — you never know whom you'll discover.

3. Don't be shy. Make eye contact, smile, and start conversations. Nothing is more attractive than someone who is interested in the world.

4. Move on. If you feel sure that a guy doesn't have what you're seeking, don't keep seeing him. Each additional date with the wrong person is a missed opportunity to meet the right one.

5. Enjoy the journey. You're meeting new people, trying new activities, and exploring the fun, sexy side of yourself. The guy for you will come when the time is right.
—Nicole Yorio

More from MSN Lifestyle Site Search: For additional content on finding love, click here.

How To Win Friends & Influence People

Fundamental technique in handling people

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation

3. Arouse in other person an eager want


Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people

2. Smile

3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language

4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves

5. Talk in terms of other person's interests

6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely


How to win people in to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it

2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, you're wrong'

3.If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically

4.Begin in a friendly way

5.Get the other person saying "yes, yes' immediately

6.Let the other person do a great deal of the talking

7.Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers

8.Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view

9.Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires

10. Appeal to the nobler motives

11. Dramatize your idea

12.Throw down a challange

How To Improve Your Memory & Exercise Your Brain

Everyone can take steps to improve their memory, and with time and practice most people can gain the ability to memorize seemingly impossible amounts of information. Whether you want to win the World Memory Championships, ace your history test, or simply remember where you put your keys, this article can get you started. Scientists believe that exercising your brain can create a ‘cognitive reserve’ that will help you stay sharp as you age.

1. Convince yourself that you do have a good memory that will improve.

Too many people get stuck here and convince themselves that their memory is bad, that they are just not good with names, that numbers just slip out of their minds for some reason. Erase those thoughts and vow to improve your memory. Commit yourself to the task and bask in your achievements — it’s hard to keep motivated if you beat yourself down every time you make a little bit of progress.

2. Keep your brain active.

The brain is not a muscle, but regularly “exercising” the brain actually does keep it growing and spurs the development of new nerve connections that can help improve memory. By developing new mental skills—especially complex ones such as learning a new language or learning to play a new musical instrument—and challenging your brain with puzzles and games you can keep your brain active and improve its physiological functioning.

3. Exercise daily.

Regular aerobic exercise improves circulation and efficiency throughout the body, including in the brain, and can help ward off the memory loss that comes with aging. Exercise also makes you more alert and relaxed, and can thereby improve your memory uptake, allowing you to take better mental “pictures.”

4. Reduce stress.

Chronic stress, although it does not physically damage the brain, can make remembering much more difficult. Even temporary stresses can make it more difficult to effectively focus on concepts and observe things. Try to relax, regularly practice yoga or other stretching exercises, and see a doctor if you have severe chronic stress.

5. Eat well and eat right.

There are a lot of herbal supplements on the market that claim to improve memory, but none have yet been shown to be effective in clinical tests (although small studies have shown some promising results for ginkgo biloba and phosphatidylserine). A healthy diet, however, contributes to a healthy brain, and foods containing antioxidants—broccoli, blueberries, spinach, and berries, for example—and Omega-3 fatty acids appear to promote healthy brain functioning. Feed your brain with such supplements as Thiamine, Vitamin E, Niacin and Vitamin B-6. Grazing, eating 5 or 6 small meals throughout the day instead of 3 large meals, also seems to improve mental functioning (including memory) by limiting dips in blood sugar, which may negatively affect the brain.

6. Take better pictures.

Often we forget things not because our memory is bad, but rather because our observational skills need work. One common situation where this occurs (and which almost everyone can relate to) is meeting new people. Often we don’t really learn people’s names at first because we aren’t really concentrating on remembering them. You’ll find that if you make a conscious effort to remember such things, you’ll do much better. One way to train yourself to be more observant is to look at an unfamiliar photograph for a few seconds and then turn the photograph over and describe or write down as many details as you can about the photograph. Try closing your eyes and picturing the photo in your mind. Use a new photograph each time you try this exercise, and with regular practice you will find you’re able to remember more details with even shorter glimpses of the photos.

7. Give yourself time to form a memory.

Memories are very fragile in the short-term, and distractions can make you quickly forget something as simple as a phone number. The key to avoid losing memories before you can even form them is to be able to focus on the thing to be remembered for a while without thinking about other things, so when you’re trying to remember something, avoid distractions and complicated tasks for a few minutes.

8. Create vivid, memorable images.

You remember information more easily if you can visualize it. If you want to associate a child with a book, try not to visualize the child reading the book – that’s too simple and forgettable. Instead, come up with something more jarring, something that sticks, like the book chasing the child, or the child eating the book. It’s your mind – make the images as shocking and emotional as possible to keep the associations strong.

9. Repeat things you need to learn.

The more times you hear, see, or think about something, the more surely you’ll remember it, right? It’s a no-brainer. When you want to remember something, be it your new coworker’s name or your best friend’s birthday, repeat it, either out loud or silently. Try writing it down; think about it.

10. Group things you need to remember.

Random lists of things (a shopping list, for example) can be especially difficult to remember. To make it easier, try categorizing the individual things from the list. If you can remember that, among other things, you wanted to buy four different kinds of vegetables, you’ll find it easier to remember all four.

11. Organize your life.

Keep items that you frequently need, such as keys and eyeglasses, in the same place every time. Use an electronic organizer or daily planner to keep track of appointments, due dates for bills, and other tasks. Keep phone numbers and addresses in an address book or enter them into your computer or cell phone. Improved organization can help free up your powers of concentration so that you can remember less routine things. Even if being organized doesn’t improve your memory, you’ll receive a lot of the same benefits (i.e. you won’t have to search for your keys anymore).

12. Try meditation.

Research now suggests that people who regularly practice “mindfulness” meditation are able to focus better and may have better memories. Mindfulness (also known as awareness or insight meditation) is the type commonly practiced in Western countries and is easy to learn. Studies at Massachusetts General Hospital show that regular meditation thickens the cerebral cortex in the brain by increasing the blood flow to that region. Some researchers believe this can enhance attention span, focus, and memory.

13. Sleep well.

The amount of sleep we get affects the brain’s ability to recall recently learned information. Getting a good night’s sleep – a minimum of seven hours a night – may improve your short-term memory and long-term relational memory, according to recent studies conducted at the Harvard Medical School.

14. Build your memorization arsenal.

Learn pegs, memory palaces, and the Dominic System. These techniques form the foundation for mnemonic techniques, and will visibly improve your memory.

15. Venture out and learn from your mistakes.

Go ahead and take a stab at memorizing the first one hundred digits of pi, or, if you’ve done that already, the first one thousand. Memorize the monarchs of England through your memory palaces, or your grocery list through visualization. Through diligent effort you will eventually master the art of memorization.

Don't Give Up!!

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
sitilondon: As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL:
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but more from God

Rahsia Jadi Ayah Yang Berkesan

BEBERAPA kajian menunjukkan bahawa kehadiran ayah menyumbang terhadap kejayaan anak dalam setiap fasa kehidupan mereka. Kajian itu disimpulkan dalam Father Facts, Edisi Ketiga (1998), antaranya:
Bayi yang mempunyai ayah yang selalu bersama-sama anaknya di lapan minggu pertama, lebih berkemampuan menangani tekanan di alam persekolahan.

Anak yang rapat dengan ayahnya pada zaman kanak-kanak menjadi ejen penyelesai masalah yang baik apabila dewasa berbanding kanak-kanak yang tidak dipedulikan oleh ayahnya.

Apabila anak lelaki dan perempuan dididik dan dibelai oleh ayahnya serta sentiasa di sampingnya, sikap mereka apabila dewasa menjadi lebih berinisiatif dan mampu mengawal diri.Kanak-kanak yang mempunyai hubungan rapat dengan ayahnya ketika zaman tumbesarannya akan menjadi seorang remaja dan orang dewasa yang seimbang.

Anak yang tidak berbapa.

Kajian menunjukkan kekosongan daripada belaian kasih ayah mempunyai hubungan rapat dengan pelbagai permasalahan gejala sosial dan prestasi pembelajaran anak-anak.

Anak yang tidak tinggal dengan ayahnya menunjukkan gejala seperti di bawah:

Tiga kali lebih ramai yang mengandung tanpa nikah.

Lebih 50 peratus kemungkinan keciciran dalam pembelajaran, terbabit dengan gangsterism, penyalahgunaan dadah dan jenayah juvana.(Sumber: Pusat Kebapaan Kebangsaan)

rahsia menjadi ayah yang berkesan.

Ramai lelaki terbilang berjaya dan berbangga kerana menjadi seorang ayah cemerlang dan berkesan. Menurut kajian Dr Ken Canfield, pengasas dan juga Presiden Pusat Kebapaan Kebangsaan dalam penyelidikannya mengenai kebapaan ada enam rahsia menjadi ayah yang berkesan:

1) Bapa yang komited dan bertanggungjawab.

Jalankan tugas bapa dengan penuh dedikasi dan bertanggungjawab. Kenal pasti apakah tugas anda sebagai bapa dalam rumah tangga. Tunjukkan dan beritahu anak bahawa anda juga ada tugas dalam rumah tangga, disamping ibu mereka. Anda bukan hanya bertugas di luar. Sekali-sekala berikan mereka peluang untuk mengutarakan pandangan atau menegur anda jika terlupa atau terlalai melakukan tugas anda di rumah. Selalu memeriksa dan memantau apakah anda telah melaksanakan tugas di rumah. Bayangkan hadiah atau anugerah yang bakal didapati (sama ada di dunia atau akhirat) jika anda menjadi ayah cemerlang!


2) Kenali anak anda.
Ambil masa untuk mengenali secara khusus keunikan dan kualiti anak anda. Libatkan diri dalam dunia mereka, hadiah yang mereka sukai, ketakutan, kekecewaan malah impian dan cita-cita mereka. Cuba ingatkan semua nama kawan mereka serta pembawaan masing masing.Kenal pasti apa yang selalu mengecewakan, ditakuti, dibenci, paling memalukan serta yang boleh memberi motivasi dan perangsang kepada merekal Istiqamah (tetap pendirian) .

Apabila anak tahu apa yang bapa mahukan, mereka akan lebih berasa yakin serta boleh menyesuaikannya dengan kehendak anda. Jadi, istiqamah, tetap pendirian serta konsisten.

Ada enam tempat anda perlu konsisten iaitu hadkan perubahan mood (jangan terlalu mengikuti perasaan); sentiasa ada di rumah (selalu menghadirkan diri dalam acara kekeluargaan); kotakan apa yang dikata, bukan cakap tidak serupa bikin; sentiasa menjaga moral dan adab sopan; mempunyai atur cara kehidupan teratur serta ada hobi dan kegemaran baik yang boleh dilihat dan diikuti.

3) Melindungi, menyara dan mendoakan.
Sediakan suasana dan rasa selamat dalam rumah dengan memberikan respon yang positif setiap kali berlaku krisis dan permasalahan dalam rumah. Paling penting anda memberikan saraan yang cukup kepada mereka. Bapa tidak boleh menghalang berlakunya krisis, tetapi tindakan anda ketika berlaku krisis dan mengembalikan suasana normal, sebenarnya mengajar anak menangani krisis. Jangan lupa doakan untuk anak selepas solat.

4) Mencintai ibu mereka.
Zahirkan cinta anda kepada isteri anda di depan anak untuk menunjukkan satu hubungan suami isteri yang intim dan bermakna. Jadikan diri anda sebagai anggota dalam pasukan keibubapaan, bukan hanya ibu. Inilah langkah dan hadiah terbaik untuk anak. Dalam jangka panjang, anak mendapat manfaat yang sangat bernilai daripada hubungan ibu bapa yang hormat menghormati, bekerjasama dan berkasih sayang.


5) Menjadi pendengar yang baik.

Sedarlah bahawa anak mudah tersesat atau terpesong dalam arus dunia. Dengar apa yang mereka katakan dan apa yang tidak terluahkan. Tunjukkan kepada mereka bahwa mereka berhak untuk didengari dan diberi perhatian.


6)Jadikan diri anda pemimpin kerohanian.
Beri peluang anak anda mengenali Allah dengan menunjukkan keimanan dan amal harian anda yang selari dengan tuntutan agama. Bersolat bersama-sama dan jadi imam dalam solat lima waktu di rumah. Bawalah mereka bersama-sama menunaikan solat berjemaah di masjid. Selalu bercerita mengenai makhluk yang dicintai Allah di bumi dan langit.

How To Be A Good Friend

1. Be real. Are you trying to be friends with someone to be accepted into a certain clique, or because you'd like to get to know someone else that he or she knows? That's not friendship, it's opportunism. Every new person you meet has the right to be accepted (or not) on his or her own merits, it's better to just be yourself than let anyone else influence you into being someone you are not.


2. Be honest. A dishonest person has no chance of having true friends. Keep your promises, do what you say you are going to do, and most importantly, don't lie! Lying leads to more lies, and people will eventually figure you out. If you found yourself lying about something, be honest - go up to them, tell them the truth and how you felt, as well as how you may think they would've felt (explain that you were second-guessing rather than trusting your friendship). Don't be a coward; if you know you were at fault for the whole dilemma, own up. Simply talk about it, hope your friend will forgive you. They'd most likely appreciate it in the future, to look back and say, 'wow!' I have/had an amazing friend by my side.


3. Be loyal. If your friend tells you something in confidence, don't blab about it to anyone else. Don't talk about your friend behind his/her back. Nobody likes a backstabber. Never say anything about your friend that you would not want to repeat face to face. Don't let others say bad things about your friend until you've had a chance to hear your friend's side of the story. If someone says something that shocks you and doesn't seem like a thing your friend would do or say, tell them, "I know him/her, and that just doesn't sound right. Let me talk to him/her, find out his/her perspective on this. If it turns out to be true, I'll let you know. Otherwise, I would appreciate it if you didn't spread that around, because it might not be." You can't play both sides of the fence.


4. Be respectful. Know the boundaries. Things you and your friend discuss should be treated with care - your friend is not sharing this information with just anyone, and may not want to. She shared it with you - and only you, as far as you know. Example: If your friend doesn't want to name her crush, don't push her into it. If she has named her crush, don't tell anyone else. This is just common courtesy anyone and everyone deserves the expectation that you will keep confidences.


5. Watch out for your friend. If you sense that s/he is getting drunk at a party, help him or her to get away from the alcohol. Don't allow your friend to drive drunk - take his or her keys and/or drive your friend home personally. If your friend begins talking about running away or committing suicide, tell someone about it. This rule overrides the "respect privacy" step, because even if your friend begs you not to tell anyone, you should do it anyway. Suggest a help line or professional to your friend. Talk to your and your friend's parents or spouse first (unless they are the ones causing the problems) before involving anyone else.


6. Pitch in for friends during times of crisis. If your friend has to go to the hospital, you could help pack his or her bags; if her/his dog runs away, help to find it, if he/she needs someone to pick him/her up, be there. Take notes for your friend in school and give them their homework assignments when they're absent and sick at home. Send cards and care packages. If there is a death in his/her family, you might want to attend the funeral or cook dinner for them. Care about your friend enough to help him or her open up and let tears roll. Give them a tissue and listen. You don't have to say anything, just be with them.


7. If your friend is going through a crisis, don't tell them everything is going to be all right if it's not going to be. This goes right along with keeping it real. It's hard not to say this sometimes, but false reassurance can often be worse than none, and it may undermine your friend's ability to get through the crisis as well as they might. Instead, tell your friend that whatever they need, you are there for them. If they need to talk, talk; if they need to sit quietly, sit with them; if they need to get their mind off things, take them to a movie or concert. Give them a hug. You are friends, not strangers, after all. Just stay honest, but upbeat and positive. Even a stranger would most probably appreciate it.


8. Give advice, add perspective. Don't judge your friend, but do advise to stay out of situations where they may harm themselves or others. Tell him/her how you perceive his/her situation, and what you might do in the same circumstances. Don't be offended if they listen to your advice and then decide to ignore it. Your friend must make his or her own decisions. Avoid saying "You should... ".


9. Give your friend space. Understand if he/she wants to be alone or hang out with other people. Allow it to happen. There's no need to become clingy or needy. Allowing one another the time to hang with other friends gives you much-needed breathing room, and allows you to come together fresh and appreciating each other even more.


10. Never make a promise you know you can't keep. Good friendship is based on trust - if you break a friend's trust, the friendship may be very hard to salvage. Of course, if you have made a promise and planned to keep it, but circumstances beyond your control conspire to prevent it, let your friend know as soon as you find out. Don't wait until 15 minutes after you were supposed to arrive to call and say, "gee, I'm sorry." Instead, a quick call to say, "Hey, I know I promised to help you with whatever it is, but my mom is telling me we are going to my aunt's for the weekend, and leaving tomorrow just after school - that means I won't be able to make it. I'm so sorry. Can we reschedule?" That's just honoring the fact that your friend is counting on you, and respecting the fact that, given a little notice, your friend might just be able to get someone else to help with whatever it was - or not, whatever. But at least you won't be hanging your friend out to twist in the wind.


11. Listen to them. you don't have to agree with them - just listen to what they have to say. Make sure they are talking too and you are not just running your mouth. Some people don't really find it interesting listening to someone talk about their feelings 24/7. If you're monopolizing every conversation with your feelings, they aren't getting anything out of the friendship. Invite them to share their hearts with you as often as you share yours with them.


12. Don't be selfish. Grabbing, stealing and begging are big NOs in the rules of friendship. The friend will soon get tired of this and eventually more towards more selfless people who are willing to give what they get.


13. Learn to share. As before, if you have a selfless friend, they will expect something back, even if they don't make it obvious. This does not necessarily mean giving them large expensive presents. This can just mean being there for them when they need you.


14. Don't abuse their generosity or "wear out your welcome" If your friend does something nice for you, then reciprocate. Money doesn't have to be an issue. Don't use your friends! Don't let them pay every time you go out, even if they offer. Don't help yourself to things at their house without asking, unless you are willing and they do the same at your house. No one wants to be friends with a moocher or feel used. If you borrow something from a friend, take good care of it and then return it without being asked. Also, if you end the friendship then you should return any gifts they bought for you, especially if they gave you any gifts under false pretenses. It's proper etiquette.



15. Live by the golden rule. Always treat a friend as you would want to be treated. If you don't there will be repercussions. Don't do or say anything to them that you wouldn't want done to you. Be there for them through thick and thin as long as they are a TRUE friend to you. Also learn to forgive, and apologize. Dont be a brat!

Petua Untuk Dapat Jodoh

Petua untuk dapat jodoh (sebagai tambahan kepada usaha2 lain).. amalkan ayat 131 dan 132 Surah Toha selepas solat setiap solat fardu, bermula dari :

" Walaa tamuddanna'ainaika illa ma mata'na bihi azwajanminhum zahratul hayattu linaftinahum fiih, warizqo robbikaa hairu wa abqa, wa' mur ahlakaa bisSolaati,wastabir 'alaiha, laa nas aluka rizqo, nahnu narzukuqa, wal'aqibati lit taqwa... ... ."
bererti

"Jangan lah pandangan mata kamu terpesona melihat perhiasan kehidupan (yang Kami beri kepada orang2 kafir) yang menjadi ujian padanya. Dan rezeki kurniaan daripada tuhanmu (Allah) itulah lebih baik dan kekal(balasan Syurga). DAn suruhlah /arahkan ahlimu (keluarga dan anak2 serta org terdekat) mengerjakan solat, dan bersabarlah kamu atas perkara itu. Tidak lah Kami minta rezeki dari mu, tetapi Kamilah(Allah) yang mengurniakan rezeqi kepadamu dan 'akibat kesudahan baik itu adalah bagi mereka yang bertaqwa"


juga ada doa yang boleh dijadikan sarana permohonan kepada Allah agar mendapatkan jodoh, antara lain doa nabi Zakariya yang artinya:

Dan (ingatlah kisah) Zakariya, tatkala ia menyeru Tuhannya 'ya Tuhanku, janganlah Engkau membiarkan aku hidup seorang diri, dan Engkau adalah Waris Yang Paling Baik'. (QS. Abiya/ 21: 89)



Selain itu, perbanyak membaca shalawat nabi Muhammad saw. Allahumma shalli wasallim ëalaa sayyidinaa Muhammad. Waíalaa aali sayyidinaa Muhammad. (Ya Allah, semoga kesejahteraan dan keselamatan tercurah kepada junjungan nabi Muhammad saw., dan segenap keluarga beliau). Dibaca minimal 1000 kali dalam sehari semalam. Insya Allah doa Anda dikabulkan oleh Allah SWT. (11)

25 Success Principles : 1st

petikan buku:
The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You are to Where You Want to be
by Jack Canfield

1. Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life

The only person responsible for the quality of the life you live is YOU.

It is time to stop looking outside yourself for the answers to why you haven't
created the life and results you want, for it is YOU who creates the quality of
the life you lead and the results you produce.
You - no one else!

Taking 100% responsibility means you acknowledge that you create everything
that happens to you. It means you understand that you are the cause of all
your experience.

Give Up All Your Excuses.
99% of all failures come from people who have a habit of making excuses.

You always have had the power to make it different, to get it right, to produce the
desired result.
Choose to exercise that power!

You are 100% responsible for everything that does or doesn't happen to you.

E + R = O
( Event + Response = Outcome )

It is not the external conditions and circumstances that stop you - it is YOU!

If You Don't Like Your Outcomes, Change Your Responses

Everything You Experience Today Is the Result of Choices You Have Made
in the Past

You only have control over three things in your life :
1 the thoughts you think
2 the images you visualize
3 the actions you take ( your behaviour )

If You Keep on Doing What You've Always Done, You'll Keep on Getting
What You've Always Got

insanity - continuing the same behaviour and expecting a different result

Give Up Blaming

All blame is waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another,
and regardless of how much you blame him, It Will Not Change You.

Give Up Complaining
…people only complain about things they can do something about
and they simply don't do it because they involve risks…

( fear nothing, risks everything - Redline )

People Always Complaining to the Wrong Person
they complain to the people who can't do anything about their complaint…

Learn to replace complaining with making requests and taking action that will achieve
your desired outcomes.

If you find yourself in a situation you don't like, either work to make it better or leave.
Do something to change it or get the heck out.

Don't Just Sit There ( and complain ), Do Something!
- age old adage

You Either Create or Allow Everything That Happens to You

Often, we simply allow things to happen to us by our Inaction and our Unwillingness to
do what is necessary to create or maintain what we want…

Yellow Alerts
Be aware that nothing ever just '"happens" to you.
There are external and internal, and whole language of signs that informs us
Do not pretend you don't see or don't know… take the risks!

Successful people face facts squarely.

Respond quickly and decisively to signals and events as they occur.
Replace self-talk with something like :
"I feel great"
"I am in control"
"I can make things happen"

You are the one who is creating your life the way it is.
The life you are currently live is the result of all your past thoughts and actions.
Every action is under your control.

Ask for feedback.
"Is what I'm doing working? Could I be doing it better? Is there something more I should
be doing that I am not? Is there something I am doing that I should stop doing? How do
you see me limiting myself?"

Don't be afraid to ask.
The truth is the truth. You are better off knowing the truth than not knowing it. Once you
know, you can do something about it.

Slow down and pay attention.
Ask yourself :
How am I creating or allowing this to happen?
What am I doing that's working that I need to be doing more of?
What am I doing that's not working? What do I need to be doing less of?
What am I not doing that I need to try on to see if it works?

The formula is simple :
do more of what is working
do less of what isn't
try on new behaviors to see if they produce better results

Pay Attention … Your Results Don't Lie
The only thing that will change your results is to change your behavior.
Don't kid yourself. Be ruthlessly honest with yourself. Take your own inventory.