How to Find Romance in 30 Days

How to Find Romance in 30 Days

Get tips on finding love in 30 days — from getting back out there, to common relationships mistakes people make, to managing your expectations about love — along with five ways to get started.

By Ariane de Bonvoisin

I haven't gone on a date in years. What's the best way for me to get back out there?
The first step is to do what makes you feel good about yourself: Get back to the gym, take an art class, spend the afternoon playing fetch with your dog. Radiating self-love is like being a taxi with its "available for hire" light on. The more comfortable you are in your own skin and the happier you are with your life, the more you'll attract someone with equal self-worth.

Know that you're not going to meet the right person immediately but that each date will bring you closer to the relationship you want. Think of every date as a piece of a puzzle: What did the experience show you about what you need? What did the guy do or not do that you liked (or didn't)? In time the pieces will come together, and life will bring the person who's meant for you.

What mistakes do people make when looking for a new relationship?
Often times, we're too focused on what we want and don't want — he has to be tall, funny, a nonsmoker — and that list hinders us from even getting to know people who fall outside of those requirements. But the right guy for you rarely fits that exact picture. And when a guy does have those qualities, we talk ourselves into staying with him even if our gut tells us he's not the one.

Your intuition is clearest during the first few dates, so pay close attention early on. After that, emotions take over, making it harder to listen to your gut. I remember after the first date with my ex, I knew the three reasons why it wouldn't work. Sure enough, those were the reasons we broke up a year later. A few key questions can help you: How does this guy make me feel? Happy? Insecure? Can I trust him? You'll know when a relationship feels right.

I often want too much too soon. How can I manage my expectations?
Expectations are dangerous because they can set us up for disappointment and prevent us from staying open to being surprised. Just think about what you expect from a date and you'll realize how long a list you have — maybe you expect him to pay for dinner or kiss you a certain way. When your expectations aren't met, you feel let down and blame him.

Also, when you're living in anticipation of bigger milestones — the first time you two sleep together or the first time he tells you he loves you — that keeps you from really being present and enjoying the excitement of the getting-to-know-you process. So think of falling in love as an adventure, and try to notice and appreciate the little things, such as how he holds your hand or brushes hair out of your face. You'll discover lots of joy and fun along the way.

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Looking for Love — 5 Ways to Get Started

1. Get a life. Maintain an exciting schedule full of friends, hobbies, and activities you love. Being happy in your life will draw others to you.

2. Get out there. Take advantage of online dating services, blind dates set up by friends, or classes where you might connect with someone with similar interests. Keep an open mind — you never know whom you'll discover.

3. Don't be shy. Make eye contact, smile, and start conversations. Nothing is more attractive than someone who is interested in the world.

4. Move on. If you feel sure that a guy doesn't have what you're seeking, don't keep seeing him. Each additional date with the wrong person is a missed opportunity to meet the right one.

5. Enjoy the journey. You're meeting new people, trying new activities, and exploring the fun, sexy side of yourself. The guy for you will come when the time is right.
—Nicole Yorio

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