Know Your Enemy

I was just browsing e-books on piratebay, and somehow read this comment in one of the torrents there...
by someone: Quantum12 at 2010-03-04 18:54 CET:

For centuries now, people have been indoctrinated into the notion that competition is BENEFICIAL to the species. It's insane.

People actually believe that working against each other is the best thing for humanity. They are brainwashed into thinking that fighting for the same small portion of resources passed down from the top of the pyramid is the smartest thing to do.

How much longer will people be this stupid? When will they learn that the entire purpose of dividing us is precisely so that we can never rise to facilitate change? There is no trust because everyone wants the same jobs, the same resources and the same small percentage of wealth. Over 95 percent of the world's wealth is owned by less than 1 percent of the population.

The answer to fighting crime isn't to put more police on the streets. Crime can only be defeated by removing the inequality that gives people the incentive to commit it in the first place. Politicians know this but are trapped in the system just like everybody else. Political success requires massive amounts of funding to be pumped into campaigns and advertising. I assure you that the poor don't pay for this.

When will people learn who their enemies are?

Did slavery end, or did it just evolve into something more nefarious and cunning?

I say wake the fuck up. It starts with you, America. Evil happens when good men do nothing. Capitalism must end or the human race will not survive.

P.S. There are three things you can do to help.

1) The system isolates people from one another by giving them conflicting interests from their competition. The way it hides this is by uniting the people in hatred of something else.

Unity is everything provided we face the right enemy. Tell people who the enemy is. They will not believe you, so be patient and persist. Do not let ignorance destroy us.

2) Do not have anything to do with the military.

The military takes orders from the government, but the government takes orders from the banking industry. War is about profit because the system is a business and not a charity. The best way to convince men to fight is to make them want to fight. Think about it.

Don't fall for the jingoism bullshit. There are no great pieces of land, just great people.

3) Know your enemy.

The system that lets most people suffer in poverty and a few to wallow in self-indulgence because of bloodline or blind luck is the enemy. This is the same system the Romans used, and will end in the same way. The greed of a few is holding back evolution for the rest.

The heart of the enemy is the banking industry. The banking industry perpetuates debt and most horrifyingly of all, it keeps people static. It weighs them down with car loans, mortgages, personal finance, stock options, credit cards, overdrafts etc..... The point is to keep you in permanent debt, and therefore an employee of the bank until you die. Everybody works for the banks: the only difference lies between those that know it and those that don't.

Strike the heart.
( is it this one? http://www.wowhead.com/?spell=55262#comments )

**reynn writes: hmm.. i wouldn't be surprised..creating diversion is a universal lame tactic..yup the banking people are the the enemy..like stated in "the new world order"..the illuminati. so could it be the time has come to go against the tide..wow thingy..could be..however..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrCDdm2yjXY&feature=related

Singing Can Change Your Life!

Singing Can Change Your Life!

by: Beth Lawrence

If you love to sing, then you`re already aware that singing is fun, energizing and a
great stress reducer. But if you`re one of millions who claim ` can`t sing!` then I
suggest that you consider singing as an absolutely free, non-prescription, safe and
effective life-enhancing tool. If you`re facing physical, emotional or mental
challenges, or if you just want more peace and happiness, here are 10 ways singing can change your life!

1. Promotes deep breathing!

As you begin to use `full body breathing` with a relaxed, soft belly, you allow the
diaphragm to drop down, giving the lungs the freedom to expand more fully.
Relaxed abdominals are essential for proper breath support while singing. I like to
think of `filling up like a balloon` when I sing. This gives firm, active breath support
and allows for deep, full breathing. Singing promotes slow, deep, healthy
breathing.

2. Oxygenates the blood!

As you use full body breathing, you are bringing in a greater volume of air. Oxygen
floods the blood system, bathing the cells in life-giving oxygen. You will feel more
alive as you breath deeply and fill yourself with energizing, oxygenated air! Singing oxygenates the blood!

3. Stimulates brain activity!

Singing requires thought. You are memorizing lyrics, melodies and rhythms, as well as connecting words with emotion. Your `singer`s breathing` technique is bringing more oxygen to the brain. Your brain`s neurons are firing furiously as you are integrating the physical, emotional and psychological functions necessary to joyful singing! Singing stimulates brain activity!

4. Releases `feel good` endorphins!

All this physical, neurological and emotional activity serves to release those `feel-
good` hormones called endorphins. So not only is your audience benefiting from
your lovely voice, but you are being flooded with happy hormones that give you a
sense of peace and well-being. Singing feels fantastic because it releases `feel
good` endorphins!

5. Reduces stress!

When you feel good, your stress level goes down. Endorphins help diminish stress
and agitation. By using deep, full body breathing you slow the heart rate and take
your mind off of unwanted anxiety. The next time you feel stressed or overwhelmed,
take a full body breath, and break out singing! Your stress will fly away as you reap
the benefit of joyful singing!

6. Builds self-confidence!

Speaking in public is still the #1 fear for Americans. Singing ranks right up there for
most of us. Singing is a risk-taking behavior because you`re putting yourself out
there in a very exposed way. It dredges up all our insecurities and self-imposed
limitations. When you dare to share your voice and music, a fantastic thing
happens. It`s like walking through fire. You overcome your fear, and emerge with
an incredible sense of accomplishment. You did it! Your self-esteem soars and you feel that you can do anything! Singing builds self-confidence in a BIG way!

7. Enhances memory!

Singing involves memorization as you learn new melodies, lyrics and complex
musical forms. It`s a great way to stimulate the areas of the brain involved with
memory, learning and concentration. Use it, or lose it! Singing is a great way to
enhance your memory!

8. Boosts creativity!

As you build your self-esteem and stimulate your artistic soul, you`ll find that all
areas of your life are positively affected by the act of singing. Suddenly you`ve
opened the floodgates of your creative soul, and you begin thinking outside the
box! Your productivity soars! By tapping into your creative reservoir you become
more alive and innovative! Singing boosts creativity!

9. Creates a powerful speaking voice!

If you`re a speaker, presenter, teacher, clergy or in any sales related business (aren`t we all??), you will benefit from learning to sing. Your voice is your instrument, no matter what you do in life, and singing gives you the skills to speak in a natural, powerful, confident voice. Everyone benefits from proper singing technique. You`ll discover your `true` voice that will reveal your confident, authentic self. Finding your voice is a joy. Singing creates a powerful speaking voice!

10. Makes you feel fantastic!

Singing makes you feel self-assured, in control, physically alive and fantastically
creative. It feeds your soul as it creates physical well-being. With increased self-
confidence you can do anything! Physical, mental and emotional health is a great
side effect of singing. There`s no doubt about it, singing makes you feel fantastic!





About the Author

Beth Lawrence is the only expert in the country teaching The Integrated Voice method, a holistic approach to voice coaching and therapy honoring the connection of body, mind and spirit. Beth is the CEO of Viva La Voice!, a company offering private coaching, workshops in the performing arts, and music camps for women.

**reynn writes: makes executing and presenting your homework worthwhile and beneficial kan.. ;)

The Language of Men: Understanding Your Husband’s Needs

Question

As salamu ‘alaykum

What do you think should be as a wife if a husband always criticize the wife from the way she eat, dress, talk, most of the time putting her down and the husband feels superior though she already did what he wants, but it is still not enough for him and still got criticize.

Answer by Dr Karima K Burns(Naturopathic Doctor, Herbalist – Waldorf School of Thought )

This situation can happen with husbands and with wives and can sometimes indicate an abusive relationship, however, usually it indicates a mutually dissatisfying situation for both spouses. You have not indicated you are being abused in this enquiry, provided details about yourself or examples of specific situations so I will approach the situation using the second scenario. Additionally, since you have written to me (and not your husband) I am going to approach the question with a solution that you can try yourself.

If you were seeing a counselor together or your husband had asked this question I would have a slightly different answer. However, there is one rule in relationships that has stood true across all time – you can only guarantee change if you work on your own problems. There is never any guarantee with others, as their actions and feelings are beyond your control.

Because of this it would be useless for me to provide you with information about what your husband could do. I am providing information about what you can do, and how you can understand the situation more clearly. Not because you are at fault or the only person at fault, but because, since you have asked for help, I want to give YOU the tools to regain control of your happiness in this marriage.

In the second scenario I mentioned above, the marriage has become unbearable for both spouses and the focus has turned to criticism instead of love and understanding. You may perceive that only your husband is being critical. However, your e-mail indicates that you are also critical of him. In your e-mail you are stating that your husband “puts down his wife” ,that he “feels superior”, that he is “not satisfied with what he has” and that he “criticizes his wife.”

These are four very negative statements about your husband. He most likely can sense that you feel these negative feelings towards him (and perhaps more?). Even if you don’t express these feelings he can feel this in two ways. If you do express negative feelings he will feel this in three ways:

1. If you express sadness, negative feelings, dissatisfaction, anger, etc…he will feel you are not happy with him. He wants to be able to make you happy. Knowing you are unhappy will make him very unhappy.

2. If you feel these feelings about him and do not verbalize them they will come out in non-verbal ways and he will sense them.

3. A man’s sense of worth in a marriage is often tied to his feeling of self-worth as a husband and father. A man, to be happy in a marriage, needs to feel he is a good husband and father and that he is taking good care of his family. If you are not letting him know or feel he is successful then he will be unhappy and be more likely to reflect this back to you.

This is different from what makes a woman happy in a marriage. Women are often happiest when their husband and children show that they love her. Women also want to feel they are able to make their families happy. However, most prominently, they thrive on feelings of love in the relationship. Although men also need love, men thrive more on accomplishment in the relationship.

When your husband feels successful and able to make you happy he will be more and more encouraged to continue this behavior. This may seem impossible. You may be thinking, “How can I let him know he makes me happy when he isn’t making me happy?”

To accomplish this you need to turn your focus from the negative and be able to reflect back to him, for some time, only the positive aspects of what he is doing for you as a husband. Forget, for a time, the things he is doing “wrong” and focus on and communicate to him the things he is doing “right”.

Does he support you financially? Is he handsome? Does he thank you for the meals you cook? Is he kind to his family? What good qualities does he have that you are thankful for? Why did you first love him? Why did you first marry him? Does he still have some of these qualities? Let him know about these things daily.

It may take some time for you to see some change. It depends on how long you have been married, how long this negative situation has been going on, and how dedicated and sincere you are in trying to change it.

If you can give this some effort and be patient, and give him some time to trust you again and really hear you, he will start to feel safe again in the relationship and will feel free to stop criticizing you and start complimenting you and enjoying your company.

Initially he may not trust what you are saying, or he may be so used to hearing critical things he may not understand what you are saying or really hear you at first. So please be patient and continue. Only the most severe of situations can withstand the force of so much positive energy. If you are able to infuse this relationship with as much positive energy as possible – in as many ways as you can think of – he will be unable to resist the “new mood” of the house and will naturally fall into the new patterns you have created. It may take a little time (1-3 months) but it will happen Insha-Allah.

Source: muslimmarriages.wordpress.com

The Number One Thing to Look for in a Partner

The Love Lesson Learned

What's the love lesson learned? One of the top traits to look for in a partner is an appealingly strong character.

Think about it for a moment. Good character values not only come in handy on a day-to-day basis, but during those eventual, inevitable times of conflict.

If you and your partner do not value putting in the effort of acting with strong character values during times of disagreement, disappointment, stress, crisis, temptation, sadness, monetary-challenges, illness, vulnerability, misunderstandings—then your relationship will always suffer!

Indeed, John Gottman, the famed psychologist and researcher who runs The Love Lab, says he can predict how long a couple will last, not by studying how well a couple gets along, but by studying how well a couple doesn't get along. A relationship is only as strong as its weakest link— how a couple handles their challenges.

The good news: If you're involved in what my favorite philosopher buddy Aristotle called a "Relationship of Shared Virtue"—you will both want to deal with conflict by facing up to it with "strong character values" and viewing it as "a laboratory for growth."

Basically, you must accept right here—right now—if you are going to be in happily ever after love, then your relationship must have a duo function.

2 Keys to a Happily-Ever-After Love Relationship

1. "Den of pleasure"—for fun, companionship, sex, laughter, etc. which you as a human need—so you can keep your soul alive with passion!

2. "Laboratory for growth"—the ultimate place of challenge for your soul to be nurtured to grow—where you inspire one another's "character development"—so you can both grow into your most esteemed selves - which is what Aristotle put forth was what true happiness was all about!

Unfortunately, many people solely view a relationship as a place to experience pleasure—leaving out the soul-ly aspects of love—where you nurture each other to grow!

In fact, when I ask the women I coach to describe what they're looking for in a partner, they always start off listing sexiness, funniness, smartness and wealthiness! But these are all personality traits—and pleasures of the body and ego —not character values which nurture the soul/core self.

If you want to "live happily ever after in love" you must prioritize finding a man who:

1. Values growing as a person

2. Truly understands a relationship serves the double function of "den of pleasure" and "laboratory for growth"

After all, if your partner doesn't value growth, he won't be ready to deal with non-fun, inevitable conflicts in a high integrity way. As a result, when those aforementioned disagreements, disappointments, stresses, crises, temptations, sadnesses, monetary-challenges, illnesses, vulnerabilities and misunderstandings arise, your relationship will suffer. Or worse, your partner will run for the hills—end of story, end of relationship!


Getting to Know a Guy's Character

You know what's funny? How we all know that embracing strong character values really does matter in life and love. Yet, our world mostly offers relationship tips like:

"Buy these sexy clothes!""Be more successful!"

"Tighten your buns!"

Nobody ever comes out and says:

"Yo! Value good strong character values in yourself and others!"

Isn't that weird? I suppose that's because it takes more time, effort and patience to work on strengthening one's character values—and to truly understand another person's inner character—than it does to quickly buy a superficial new sexy outfit, or share a leisurely romantic candlelit dinner. Hence why you must prioritize getting to know a guy's inner character up-front—before you drop your guards—or even your panties. Yes, if you want to live happily ever after with a man, it's essential you prioritize strong character values over strong biceps.


Size Does Matter! Look for a Guy with a Really Big Heart

Remember: It's called "finding a soul mate" not "finding an ego mate"! And if you're going to connect soul to soul, you must take the time to see your partner's soul and feel safe enough to reveal your own soul. For this feeling of safety to occur, you must trust your partner's integrity. Take the time to find out if your partner values embracing empathy, listening, direct communication, honesty, loyalty and growth. After all, a guy's character will always be the determinant behind his choosing to be naughty or nice—thereby making you feel sad or happy.

Think about all those fabulous Prince Charmings in fairy tales. What makes a Prince Charming truly "Princely"? Prince Charmings are made of good strong character fiber! They're noble, kind and generous with good deeds. Plus, they support a Princess in becoming liberated, so she can venture forth to become her fullest royal potential.

Meanwhile, evil Prince Harmings are just as good-looking, rich and charismatic as Prince Charmings. A Prince Harming's huge difference is the one spotted within his spotty character! Prince Harmings suffer from major character defects which create scenarios to torture and imprison a Princess.

Meaning? Although you might feel as if you're experiencing love at first sight with a Prince Harming, what you're really experiencing is infatuation at first sight—because all you're simply crushing on is this man's superficial self, not his superinsidehim self.


Don't Stay on the Surface When It's Time to Dive Deep!

All of this leads me to a very important question: Do you really prefer to place a higher value on a guy's superficial aspects (his sexiness, funniness, smartness, wealthiness) more than you value his superinsidehim self (his character, his soul)?

If so, then there is a big danger you will wind up involved with a guy who's rude, angry, dishonest, disloyal, hurtful, non-communicative, unempathic and selfish! As a result, all of his inner bad qualities will make you feel unhappy, insecure, unsafe, frazzled, neurotic and totally crazy!

All of this reminds me of a funny joke by Woody Allen:

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness."

Okay. I admit it. I find this Woody quote funny as hell. But I am here to remind you: Your love life should not be your suffering life! (Oh…and Woody Allen's also wrong about his cooking methods. Woody instructs: "Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.")

Reminder Time: The number one reason to spend time with a guy is that he makes you feel happier and he is improving your life. Not making you more unhappy, insecure, unsafe, or just plain frazzled!

Another way to explain all this is to make the following confession…


True Love Is a That, Not a Him

Confession Time: I used to look at a cute, funny, charismatic guy and think: "Yum, yum! I want him!" Now I know better. Now I look at loving, happy couples—watch the happy, healthy dynamic between the guy and girl— and think: "Yum, yum! I want that!"

My Lesson/Your Lesson: True love is a that —not a him.

Translation: True love is not a wish list but a "wish feeling." And the number one feeling—even before the feeling of love—is the feeling of safety. Without feeling safe, you will never feel true love. You must have trust in your partner's character and prioritize finding a partner who is honest, communicative, and empathic—someone who values growing—so you can feel safe to vulnerably be your truest core self with him—and then together the two of you can support one another to grow into your best possible selves.

Karen Salmansohn is a best-selling author known for creating self-help for people who wouldn't be caught dead reading self-help. Get more information on finding a loving happier-ever-after relationship in her book Prince Harming Syndrome .

Creating The Human Connection In A Loving Relationship

• Tell me often that you love me through your talk, your actions and your gestures. Don't assume that I know it. I may show signs of embarrassments and even deny that I need it,--but don't believe it, do it anyway.

• Compliment me often for jobs well done and don't downgrade but reassure me when I fail. Don't take the many things I do for you for granted. Positive reinforcement and appreciation works toward making sure I repeat them.

• Let me know when you feel low or lonely or misunderstood. It will make me stronger to know I have the power to comfort you. Feelings, unverbalized, can be destructive. Remember, though I love you, I still can't always read your mind.

• Express joyous thoughts and feelings. They bring vitality to our relationship. It's wonderful to celebrate non birthdays, our own sweetest days. Give gifts without reason and hear you verbalize your happiness.

• When you respond to me so I feel special, it will make up for all those who , during the day have passed me up without seeing me.

• Validate what I feel by telling me that what I or feel is significant or real. If I see and feel it -- for me -- it's my experience an therefore important and real.

• Listen to me without judgment or preconception. Being heard, like being seen is vital. If you truly see me and hear me as I am at the moment, it is a continued affirmation of my being as we help each other to change.

• Touch me. Hold me. Hug me. My physical self is revitalized by loving non verbal communication.
  

• Respect my silences. Alternatives for my problems, creativity, and my spirituality needs are most often realized in moments of quiet.

• Let others know you value me. Public affirmation of our love makes me feel special and proud. It is good to share the joy of our relationship with others.

- Loving Each Other Through Communication, LOVING EACH OTHER (The Challenge of Human Relationships) -

Your Field Guide to Guys

Your Field Guide to Guys

For any woman who's ever wished that men came with signs on their backs explaining how to date, mate and relate to them, we present the 17 types you might meet out there in the wild.

By Josh Aiello and Genevieve Roth




1. The Sexy Foreigner
Plumage: He's totally hot, from his great hair to his you-can't-tell-if-they've-ever-been-washed tight jeans. If he smokes (likely), he owns a Zippo.

Mating Habits: Attracts females via his impossibly sexy accent and the ability to transform out-of-date machismo into charming banter.

Field Notes: You could grow tired of the SF's Vespa and chest hair. But he makes you feel like a lady, drives exes mad with jealousy, and delivers capital-R romance. If he's not a cad, just say oui.

2. The Hobbyist
Plumage: More identifiable by his hobby than his physical appearance, this guy inspires your girlfriends to refer to him as the Wine Dude, the Beekeeper, the Racquetballer, etc.

Behavior: He's incredibly loyal, friendly and talkative, though most of his anecdotes will appeal only to fellow hobbyists. To you, it may sound like he's speaking another language.

Field Notes: You have two choices here: Familiarize yourself with his passion and join in the cork-sniffing fun, or give the guy loads of space and time (maybe even a wall on which to display his trophies) and cultivate your own obsessive pastime.

3. The Coffee Shop Intellectual
Plumage: His attire is mostly composed of black, and he has the rare ability to wear tight jeans without looking ridiculous. "I think every guy should own a pair of skinny black jeans and boots," says actor Sebastian Stan, pictured above. "When I showed up for the photo shoot, I had been wearing mine for like two days."

Behavior: He knows how to have fun, but big groups scare him. "Karaoke bars are up on the list of places I like to hang out. I really like going out with just my closest friends."

Mating Habits: He dislikes anyone — man or woman — who is fake. "Pretention is a huge turnoff," says Stan. "There's nothing more amazing than if you're lucky enough to be with someone who can inspire you. It's that, mixed with passion."

Field Notes: The CSI wants a woman who is comfortable (a) with herself — that's sexy — and (b) letting him be who he is, whoever that may be at the moment. "I'm a completely different person than I was four years ago," says Stan. "I try to meld with the times and stay open to new ideas."

4. The Workaholic
Plumage: His wardrobe costs more than yours.

Behavior: He asserts his manhood through a maniacal desire to make money. Works a 90-hour week and probably uses his BlackBerry on the john.

Mating Habits: Courts you by buying you jewelry no sane woman would refuse.

Field Notes: It can be hard to tell whether there's a real guy behind the money clip, so here's a litmus test: If he sleeps on an Aerobed without complaint at your parents' home, he's legit. If, on the other hand, he wakes up cranky and checks into a hotel, he's not The One.

5. The Pickup Artist
Plumage: First you're impressed by his fashion sense and perfect hair. Then you notice the shark tooth necklace and … is that a manicure?! Red flag!

Mating Habits: He's a disciple of pick-up manuals like The Game, and prepares for a date like a general plotting a battle.

Field Notes: Remember that, to him, dating is sport. You're like Mount Everest in heels, a test of his manhood. To win him over for real, you'll have to be his equal. Beat him at his own game and call him out on his tactics. (Unless, of course, all you want is no-strings-attached fun. That's fine too.)

6. The Surfer Boy
Plumage: With a glow like the last day of summer vacation, the Surfer Boy is one of nature's great gifts to women. His sun-bleached hair, perfect body squeezed into a vintage tee, and ability to walk barefoot are, at times, awe-inspiring.

Behavior: He overuses the words rad and gnarly. He shies away from anything resembling an actual job. He spends half the year in Tahiti … or something. But seriously: Have you seen this guy?

Field Notes: The Surfer Boy might not be husband material, but he's super positive and fun. A few flirtatious months together can be a life-affirmingly carefree experience.

7. The Man You Thought Was Gay
Behavior: This thoughtful and caring guy is always there to listen and is game for a quick detour into Bloomingdale's. You assume he's into men — all the good ones are.

Mating Habits: He's the most nonthreatening male you've ever encountered, but just as you're starting to open up to him, something's off. Wait, is his hand on your thigh?

Field Notes: TMYTWG has no idea you think he's gay. So keep an open mind — he could be the greatest boyfriend of all time. Still worried? Here's a tip: Ask about his dating history. Ambiguous, pronoun-free statements like "there once was this person I dated" are not good.

8. The Cowboy
Behavior: The Cowboy builds muscle roping steer, hitting the gym and doing physically intensive weekend projects. He's proud and traditional, and can wear a belt buckle like nobody's business. Note: Do not confuse him with the Suburban Cowboy, who, despite having never actually ridden a horse, dresses the part and enjoys grilling meat and yelling at the TV. Avoid.

Mating Habits: Rest assured, ladies, his rugged individualism extends to the bedroom.

Field Notes: He may not be quick to share his emotions, but the Cowboy is an all-around good dude with a lot of love to give. Giddyup!

9. The Life Coach
Behavior: Like Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady, the Life Coach makes it his personal mission to "improve" the woman he's dating.

Mating Habits: He prefers young and impressionable women, and he takes a mate under his wing using a mixture of hints, tips and passive-aggressive suggestions. Whatever you're doing, this guy knows a much better way to do it.

Field Notes: The Life Coach may seem sophisticated (he might even remind you of that college professor you always had a thing for), but the bottom line is that this dude feeds off controlling you. You're too good for that!

10. The Man-Child
Plumage: Anything comfortable and bright. "I tend to stick to T-shirts and jeans," says rapper and singer Kid Cudi, a child at heart. "Oh, and my Surface To Air leather jacket is the favorite thing I own. I love that jacket, and if anything ever happened to it, I'd be really hurt."

Behavior: He is happy spending the night with his video games. Really. "I've got an Xbox and I've got a Wii and I've got a PlayStation 3."

Mating Habits: The Man-Child is looking for someone who is as confident with who she is as he is with himself. "I love a girl who is true to herself. If you're not a girl that wears heels, then don't wear heels."

Field Notes: To be with this guy, you have to know how to have fun. "The first thing that attracts me is personality," says Cudi. "I'm a silly dude, and I love to crack jokes …. I want somebody who can hang with that. If I spit out a joke, I want somebody who bounces right back and spits out a joke at me."

11. The Undercover Hottie
Plumage: He's like Mr. Invisible: You wouldn't glance twice at him in the supermarket, couldn't pick him out of a police lineup, might not even notice him if he worked in the next cubicle …

Mating Habits: … and yet, despite appearances, the UH routinely attracts women way out of his league, leading to the intriguing conclusion that there must be something great about this guy.

Field Notes: He's a highly prized species, so if you spot him, pounce! (Many women report meeting the UH on a blind date.) He may not be tall, he may not have all of his hair, but this cool, funny guy will check off every other box on your list, in bed and out.

12. The Passionista
Plumage: Whatever he's doing, the Passionista dresses the part. His gear is always first-rate, and he always looks great, whether he's hunting big game or attending the opera.

Behavior: His joie de vivre is enthralling … and exhausting. He's into extreme sports, fine food, great wine, high culture. He's never tired, can hold his liquor, and is up for anything, anytime.

Mating Habits: This type's exploits aren't designed to attract women, but who can resist a guy whose desktop image shows him BASE jumping inside the Grand Canyon?

Field Notes: His zest for life may overwhelm you, but the Passionista is downright magnetic. And the bedroom prowess? Ridiculous.

13. Mr. Right
Plumage: He has no set look, dress, body type or style. Mr. Right can take on the form of any man, so attempt to stay at least a little open-minded.

Behavior: Startling truth: For all of Mr. Right's life, he may have been in one of the previous categories. To everyone else in the world, he may still be.

Mating Habits: He has no act, no game. He calls when he says he will, focuses on your needs in bed and is basically the coolest, nicest person you've ever met.

Field Notes: The most elusive of men, Mr. Right is difficult to locate but well worth the effort. Many women settle before finding him, so go out with your friends, be yourself and he will appear. Mazel tov.

14. Mr. Jealous
Behavior: At first, Mr. Jealous comes off as normal, attractive and well-groomed. You can't believe this guy isn't married! But eventually certain traits that seemed cute at first (he calls you every five minutes) start feeling … weird.

Field Notes: Mr. Jealous dates women like the CIA monitors terrorist activity! He casts a net of surveillance, grows suspicious of any male you encounter and is known to hack into your e-mail. Your relationship will devolve into a constant effort to prove you aren't doing anything wrong, until you finally dump him.

15. The Sensitive Rocker
Plumage: His wardrobe has been culled from the finest Goodwill stores around the country. And yet he wears $300 retro sneakers. Has been spotted wearing a leather jacket in July.

Behavior: Sweet and introspective, this guy can pick up more chicks than a high school quarterback in Texas. (And he sings!)

Field Notes: The very sensitivity you love him for can make him a bit … touchy. Major warning: If he's an actual singer, like one who goes on tour, you heard it here: Groupies are real.

16. Mr. Selective Memory
Behavior: So nice, so charming, so perfect. Oh, but he forgot to mention his girlfriend. Or that, you know, he's about to move to Alaska for work.

Habitat: Mr. Selective Memory can be found anywhere — at the office, at school, sipping green tea at the coffee shop — which is what makes him such a dangerous species of dude.

Field Notes: He might seem OK at first, but dating Mr. Selective Memory will only lead to heartache. At the first sign he's not being totally honest with you, run!

17. The Prepster
Plumage: Even this guy's casual is a bit dressy, and he knows how — and when — to rock a suit." I'm a jeans and T-shirt kind of guy," says Matt Bomer, actor on USA's White Collar. "But for a nice social function, I like to make an effort. It shows people that you give a damn."

Mating Habits: Good manners are a huge turn-on. "Anybody who is rude to anyone in the service industry is automatically out."

Field Notes: The prepster loves high-end hobbies, a full bookshelf and someone who can challenge him intellectually. "I like strong opinions — I'll take that any day over someone who agrees with everything."

8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid

8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid
April 28, 2009 | by Brett Blumenthal | 70 Comments

Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn’t so. Personally, I’ve had moments where I’ll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I’ll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much.

Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative. Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional. Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood.

Some of these situations, and yes, these people, can have a tremendously negative impact on our lives. And, although we are all human and have our ‘issues,’ some ‘issues’ are quite frankly, toxic. They are toxic to our happiness. They are toxic to our mental outlook. They are toxic to our self-esteem. And they are toxic to our lives. They can suck the life out of us and even shorten our lifespan.

Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them:

1. Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulation tactics. Is a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your ‘buttons’ are, and push them to get what they want.

Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don’t necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.
2. Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them. They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met. You often want to say to them “It isn’t always about you.”

Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust. You are left disappointed and unfulfilled. Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself.
3. Debbie Downers: These people can’t appreciate the positive in life. If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast. If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they’ll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be.

Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything. Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity. Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself.
4. Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive. If you find people’s unique perspectives refreshing, they find them ‘wrong’. If you like someone’s eclectic taste, they find it ‘disturbing’ or ‘bad’.

Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers. In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over. If the world was a homogeneous place, life would be pretty boring. Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well.
5. Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can’t do it. As you achieve, they try to pull you down. As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible.

Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be. Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars.
6. Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere. You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh. You feel depressed and sad and they give you a ‘there, there’ type response. You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response.

Why they are toxic: People who aren’t sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria. This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships. When you are really in need of a friend, they won’t be there. When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are. When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself.
7. Disrespectful Dannys: These people will say or do things at the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate ways. In essence, they are more subtle, grown up bullies. Maybe this person is a friend who you confided in and uses your secret against you. Maybe it is a family member who puts their busy-body nose into your affairs when it is none of their business. Or maybe, it is a colleague who says demeaning things to you.

Why they are toxic: These people have no sense of boundaries and don’t respect your feelings or, for that matter, your privacy. These people will cause you to feel frustrated and disrespected.
8. Never Enough Nellies: You can never give enough to these people to make them happy. They take you for granted and have unrealistic expectations of you. They find ways to continually fault you and never take responsibility for anything themselves.

Why they are toxic: You will spend so much time trying to please them, that you will end up losing yourself in the process. They will require all of your time and energy, leaving you worn out and your own needs sacrificed.
All of these personalities have several things in common. 1) the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue. 2) Unfortunately, most of these people don’t see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one. 3) Most of these people get worse with age, making their impact on you stronger with time.

Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity. If you can, avoid spending mucho time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you’ll feel a lot happier. Have you encountered these personalities? What have you done? Any personalities you would add?

6 Personality traits to admire and acquire

by Brett Blumenthal - Sheer Balance, on Thu Jan 28, 2010 6:49am PST


I’ve written numerous articles and posts on difficult people, personalities and relationships: Everything from Manipulative Marys to Bullies in the workplace to people who break boundaries to toxic relationships. Let’s face it: In life, we come across all kinds! As humans, we often focus on those who are negative or toxic leaving it difficult to appreciate those who are positive and healthy. Seeking out individuals with healthy, positive traits, however, may do a lot of good. The more we can surround ourselves with those who are positive and healthy, the more we may model those positive behaviors.
If you really think about it, once in awhile you come across a person who knocks you off your socks…legitimately. Maybe they have a fantastic outlook on life, even during difficult times. Maybe they are really humble, although they are extremely gifted. Maybe they make you feel special. All of these are good.

Below, I've listed some of the traits I admire most in people. Although I could probably list a dozen characteristics, I thought I’d list those that seem to be the rarest or most difficult to find.

Selflessness: In a world where many people don’t have the time or the interest in others, selflessness is a quality that seems to be less and less common. People can be selfless in the time they give, the ability to listen, their level of patience and the love that they give. Those who are giving and generous in nature have the power to make others feel loved, appreciated and special. While those who are self-absorbed tend to do the exact opposite.

Tolerance: Those people who are tolerant make us feel comfortable with who we are and special as individuals. All of us are different, and many of us have quirks and idiosyncrasies. After all, these differences make the world go round. Having the ability to accept people for who they are and not expect them to be who we want them to be is important in life, happiness and in the health of our relationships.

Genuineness: Having the ability to be real, authentic and honest is unique in a world where we put so much emphasis on the superficial. Feeling comfortable in one’s skin and being true to one’s self is one of the most beautiful traits one can possess. To have a REAL relationship with someone requires honesty…it requires hearing and giving input or feedback that may not always be popular…it means having the strength to tell it like it is and to not be afraid to face the consequences for doing so…it means loving people for who they really are…deep down…and not for what they appear to be.

Sensitivity: So often we are focused on what is important to ourselves that we can forget about those around us. Those who are sensitive are often thoughtful, appreciative and loving, in a way that makes you feel understood, valued and respected. Often, sensitive people are also self-aware, making them mindful of how they impact others with what they do and say.

Integrity: Call me cynical, but I think this characteristic is especially difficult to find. In a time when people will do things that are underhanded to make an extra buck (Bernie Madoff…can you hear me?), expose their personal lives to the public so they can be famous (balloon boy’s dad and any other reality TV mongers) and do what feels good in the moment without necessarily thinking of the consequences (Tiger Woods), integrity is a characteristic that is especially unique today.

Humility: Whether someone is super-smart, extremely talented or drop-dead gorgeous, there is something extra special about them if they don’t come across as though they know it all the time. Humility in those that possess extraordinary traits make others feel special too.
Oh boy the list could go on! What characteristics do you admire in others? Are there any that you want to cultivate?

7 Traits Of Irresistible Men

http://www.yourtango.com/fb_cb/.../200929208/7-traits-irresistible-men?page=0%2C0
7 Traits Of Irresistible Men
It takes more than rock-solid abs to reach the top of the sexiness charts.

We're not going to lie. A man boasting abs chiseled to perfection and biceps that pop just enough when flexed (without shredding shirts He-Man style) will no-doubt turn our heads. And even if caught mid check-him-out glance, we're not about to look away. Fit, toned bodies are the result of hard work and dedication to a healthy lifestyle. We certainly pay homage to that. But for a man to achieve a skyrocketing score on the sexiness scale there's got to be more to him than physical assets. Throw in these seven traits and he's guaranteed irresistible.

1. He Has Mastered The Wink. We don't know how they learn the technique but some guys really have the Richard Gere wink down pat. There's an art to this wink and getting it right can be tricky. It's more suave and smoky than cheeky and laughable. He's comfortable giving this signal and has the timing to the tee. Done right, this move is pure sexy. Caveat: The wink can be tricky to pull off. Practice first.

2. He Radiates Calm. It's sending shivers up our spine just thinking about how powerful a man's calm presence can be. Neurotic or hyper or frenzied is stressful, no matter how busy the man or what his excuse. But if he's got cool written all over his face and his gaze is pure steady and peaceful his sex appeal will shoot through the roof (think old-school James Dean). We women can unwillingly fall into the trap of over-worrying about things we can't control. A man who sets us at ease by reminding us how things always manage to work out in the end is absolutely hot.

3. He Takes Care Of Himself. Look, we're not saying it's a certain height or build that matters. If he keeps his body in relatively good shape this shows us he knows how to take care of himself. It also clues us in that he sets health as a priority. What's more, if he's active, working out even a few times a week, the endorphins his body is producing during gym sessions are sure to keep him in good spirits and energized. The bottom line: If he takes good care of himself he's likely to take good care of his partner (or at least help keep her motivated to do so). That's a turn-on.

4. He's Got Style. We don't want to give the wrong idea here. This is not to say he has to be one certain type of style, and that mimicking a prescribed "it" style is a surefire path to sexy (whether that's clean-cut, tattooed-up or punked-out). Not at all. Rather, what's attractive in a guy is that he has a style at all, a way of dressing that reflects in some way who he is and what he's into. A guy who wakes up hum-drum and throws the same dingy shirt and pair of jeans on every day? Not sexy. At all.

5. He Has A Manly Scent. Sounds so animalistic, we know. No man can control his natural scent, and it turns out our DNA compatibility dictates who smells good to us, anyway. But, every guy can augment his essence with a spritz (one will do just fine) of cologne. As long as it's not overdone, a man with a strong scent has the potential to drive women wild.

6. He Is Affectionate. Though we women try not to let on, affection (be it an arm around the shoulder or hand on the leg) lights us up like fireflies. Consider it your secret weapon. By affection, we do mean to include expressing your feelings through words, such as "I love you." It's amazing how many hot men fall short of sexy just for lack of articulating and showing their love. Let's put it this way: There are guys who reach out to their partner while driving, and there are guys who keep both hands on the wheel and eyes straight ahead. The lads of the former group qualify for sexy.

7. He Laughs Loud, Hard, Often. No news flash here. Comedy is highly enticing. It's worth noting though that there are different types of humor. The insecure comedy that's based on putting others down or calling them names doesn't gibe with us. But give us fun-loving, belly-jiggling jokes and laughter and you'll head straight to the top of the sexiness charts.

10 Signs He's Not the One

Some people say they "just knew" that they were dating their future spouse. But what about the rest of us? What happens when you're not sure if he's The One? If you're considering long-term commitment or marriage, it's time to ask yourself some tough questions. Below, 10 signs that may indicate he's not for you.

1. You have a list of things he needs to stop doing/saying/wearing if he wants your relationship to work. If you're fixating on his flaws, he's either not the one you want or you're not ready for a serious relationship. Cutting him loose allows you time to grow and gives you the opportunity to meet a guy whose flaws you can embrace -- or at least accept.

2. You don't trust him. A small dose of jealousy can be healthy, but if you're hacking into his email account, and going berserk when he goes out without you, something's wrong. If there's something about him that truly warrants your distrust, then perhaps he's not the right one for you.

3. You avoid conflict at any cost. Fighting is healthy. And, when done right (in the non-accusatory, rational sort of way), it can be a great way to air grievances, fix problems in your relationship, and come to a deeper understanding of each other. Ignoring problems is not the same as having no problems at all... even if it looks that way.

4. When you're sad, you don't turn to him for comfort. When you're a giant ball of tears and snot, do you lock yourself into the bathroom so he can't see you at your worst? If you're worried about scaring him away, one of you isn't ready for total commitment. Mr. Right should make you smile through your tears and be a calming, not stressful, presence.

5. One of you is struggling with an addiction. He's sweet. He's exciting. He loves you very much. But he loves his alcohol habit or his weekly gambling fix more. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you can change him or that your relationship will be strong enough to withstand the heartache that addiction will inevitably bring. An addict may be able to change, but he'll do so on his own terms.

6. You can't really imagine him as the father of your children. Ask yourself: Would he make a great parent? Is he financially responsible? Would he be an equal partner in your future together? If you have doubts, he's probably not the one.

7. Your long-term, non-negotiable goals in life are incompatible. You want kids; he doesn't. You go to church every week; he's an atheist. He lives in the country and doesn't want to move; you can't imagine ever leaving the city. Superficial differences can be overcome, but differences in basic values are harder to smooth over. Ask yourself: "Would I be willing to compromise on this?" If the answer is absolutely not, you may not be right for each other.

8. You don't respect each other. He puts you down in front of your friends and complains about you to his parents. You roll your eyes when he talks because there's just something about him that embarrasses you. A relationship without respect can't sustain itself.

9. You're not attracted to him. Physical intimacy is a hugely important component of a romantic relationship. If he doesn't do it for you, he's probably not your best long-term match.

10. On paper he seems great, but you have this strange feeling... Don't ignore your gut. You may get along on a superficial level, but if your instincts are telling you he's not the one for you, listen. That little voice inside your head does not lie.