Marriage Jokes Collection

WARNING : a joke is meant as a joke, not to be taken seriously. if you feel hurt or couldn't laugh, that's your own damn problem. go see a doctor or psychiatric.
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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

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A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband.

When he was slipping in and out of a coma for several months, she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.

"When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.

"You know what?"

"What, dear?" his wife asked gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."

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A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?" "Oh, Mum," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mum, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd ever heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mum!"

"Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, Mum," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"

"Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mum, they were words like dust, wash, iron, cook!"

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RS : Arcturus Mengsk

"Fellow Terrans, I come to you in the wake of recent events to issue a call to reason. Let no human deny the perils of our time. While we battle one another, divided by the petty strife of our common history, the tide of a greater conflict is turning against us, threatening to destroy all that we have accomplished. It is time for us as nations and as individuals to set aside our long-standing feuds and unite.

The tides of an unwinnable war are upon us, and we must seek refuge upon higher ground, lest we be swept away by the flood. The Confederacy is no more; Whatever semblance of unity and protection it once provided is a phantom, a memory. With our enemies left unchecked, who will you turn to for protection? The devastation wrought by the alien invaders is self-evident. We have seen our homes completely destroyed by the calculated blows of the Protoss. We have seen firsthand our friends and loved ones consumed by the nightmarish Zerg. Unprecedented and unimaginable though they may be, these are the signs of our time.

The time has come, my fellow Terrans, to rally to a new banner. In unity, lies strength; already, many of the dissident factions have joined us. Out of the many, we shall forge an indivisible hold, capitulating only to a single throne. And from that throne, I shall watch over you.

From this day forward, let no human make war upon any other human, let no Terran agency conspire against this new beginning, and let no man consort with alien powers, and to all the enemies of humanity: seek not to bar our way, for we shall win through, no matter the cost."

-Emperor Arcturus Mengsk of the Terran Dominion

25 Success Principles : 1st

petikan buku:
The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You are to Where You Want to be
by Jack Canfield

1. Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life

The only person responsible for the quality of the life you live is YOU.

It is time to stop looking outside yourself for the answers to why you haven't
created the life and results you want, for it is YOU who creates the quality of
the life you lead and the results you produce.
You - no one else!

Taking 100% responsibility means you acknowledge that you create everything
that happens to you. It means you understand that you are the cause of all
your experience.

Give Up All Your Excuses.
99% of all failures come from people who have a habit of making excuses.

You always have had the power to make it different, to get it right, to produce the
desired result.
Choose to exercise that power!

You are 100% responsible for everything that does or doesn't happen to you.

E + R = O
( Event + Response = Outcome )

It is not the external conditions and circumstances that stop you - it is YOU!

If You Don't Like Your Outcomes, Change Your Responses

Everything You Experience Today Is the Result of Choices You Have Made
in the Past

You only have control over three things in your life :
1 the thoughts you think
2 the images you visualize
3 the actions you take ( your behaviour )

If You Keep on Doing What You've Always Done, You'll Keep on Getting
What You've Always Got

insanity - continuing the same behaviour and expecting a different result

Give Up Blaming

All blame is waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another,
and regardless of how much you blame him, It Will Not Change You.

Give Up Complaining
…people only complain about things they can do something about
and they simply don't do it because they involve risks…

( fear nothing, risks everything - Redline )

People Always Complaining to the Wrong Person
they complain to the people who can't do anything about their complaint…

Learn to replace complaining with making requests and taking action that will achieve
your desired outcomes.

If you find yourself in a situation you don't like, either work to make it better or leave.
Do something to change it or get the heck out.

Don't Just Sit There ( and complain ), Do Something!
- age old adage

You Either Create or Allow Everything That Happens to You

Often, we simply allow things to happen to us by our Inaction and our Unwillingness to
do what is necessary to create or maintain what we want…

Yellow Alerts
Be aware that nothing ever just '"happens" to you.
There are external and internal, and whole language of signs that informs us
Do not pretend you don't see or don't know… take the risks!

Successful people face facts squarely.

Respond quickly and decisively to signals and events as they occur.
Replace self-talk with something like :
"I feel great"
"I am in control"
"I can make things happen"

You are the one who is creating your life the way it is.
The life you are currently live is the result of all your past thoughts and actions.
Every action is under your control.

Ask for feedback.
"Is what I'm doing working? Could I be doing it better? Is there something more I should
be doing that I am not? Is there something I am doing that I should stop doing? How do
you see me limiting myself?"

Don't be afraid to ask.
The truth is the truth. You are better off knowing the truth than not knowing it. Once you
know, you can do something about it.

Slow down and pay attention.
Ask yourself :
How am I creating or allowing this to happen?
What am I doing that's working that I need to be doing more of?
What am I doing that's not working? What do I need to be doing less of?
What am I not doing that I need to try on to see if it works?

The formula is simple :
do more of what is working
do less of what isn't
try on new behaviors to see if they produce better results

Pay Attention … Your Results Don't Lie
The only thing that will change your results is to change your behavior.
Don't kid yourself. Be ruthlessly honest with yourself. Take your own inventory.

Why This Blog Again?

just a reminder to myself.

this blog is my summary of [ the good books I have read but I can't bring it to everywhere I may go ]

*honestly, if one could practice only one chapter from any book, he will be a changed man. let me be the one among them, amen.

For The Ghorde Is Not

EXPANDING.

When I tried to expand FTG, I barely posted anything after a few initial posts. That's why they said 'Too Much Is Never Enough'.

So I deleted all 'Isu Bermasa' posts, and going to drop 'Isu Bermasa' from my list.

I'm going back to my initial purpose of setting up this blog in the first place - to talk /summarize the books I have read.

*and also, I deleted some posts under random quotes.
and, going to delete some posts under Dunia Peperangan too, as I already quit World of Warcraft at this point.

going to turn this weblog into something I actually created it for.