IDENTIFYING OUR EMOTIONAL NEEDS

Ok, as promised, though i volunteered.. it's still a promise to me so here they are..the 1st part of the 115 questions..it's just a method to identify our top 4 emotional needs.I'll post the how -to once we've identified yours heheh..take your time though i really hope you'll include this evaluation as part of your restructuring plan ;)

What to do with these questions?? Just read the scenarios below,if the situation rings true for you,check the corresponding need that most resonates with you.You are looking for the underlying needs that drives the behavior.If the scenario is true for you but none of the needs listed sounds right,then skip it okie dokie :)

1. You need a balance of work and play in your life in order to feel your best. If you work too much, you lose your sense of humor. If you play too much, you tend to get lazy or apathetic.

• Need for balance.
• Does not apply.

2. You are at a party and two people start to argue. You feel uncomfortable and either try to smooth things over or shy away from the conflict.

• Need to be accepted/liked.
• Need for peace/harmony.
• Does not apply.

3. You are always doing favors for other people, even at your own personal expense.

• Need to be accepted/liked.
• Need to be appreciated.
  
• Need to be useful/needed.
  
• Does not apply.

4. You keep others at arm’s length. You don’t want to get hurt.

• Need to be accepted.
• Need for safety/security.
• Does not apply.

5. You are the kind of person who goes out of your way to help others, even though you don't really

have the time.

• Need for peace/harmony.
• Need to useful/needed.
• Need to be responsible/do the right thing.
• Does not apply.

6. You are constantly sending thoughtful notes, cards or gifts to family, friends and colleagues.

• Need to be appreciated.
• Need to be accepted/liked/included.
• Need to loved/cherished.
• Does not apply.

7. You hate being interrupted.

• Need to be heard/listened to/communicate.
• Need for control/power.
• Does not apply.

8. People don’t take what you say seriously.

• Need to be heard/listened to/understood.
• Does not apply.

9. You feel like you are drowning-there are so many things vying for your attention that you have no time to pursue your true calling.

• Need for order.
• Need for balance/peace.
• Need for clarity.
• Does not apply.

10. You get irritable and cranky if your home is messy.

• Need for order/tidiness.
• Need for clarity.
• Does not apply.

11. You can’t think clearly until your desk is cleaned off.

• Need for order/tidiness.
• Need for clarity.
• Does not apply.

12. You find yourself volunteering in the community homeless shelter, the church, or some other charitable organization, but your family doesn't appreciate all you do for them and the work you do in the community.

• Need to be needed/useful.
• Need to be appreciated/liked/approved of.
• Need to be responsible/have a cause or mission.
• Does not apply.

13. When your boss micro-manages you, you feel suffocated. You think, ”Why can’t she/he trust me to do the job right?”

• Need to be independent/free.
• Need to be accepted/respected.
• Need for power/control/authority.
• Need to be right/deferred to.
• Does not apply.

14. It annoys you that your spouse/partner doesn't do things for you, like loading the dishwasher unless you ask him/her.

• Need to be cared for/supported/taken care of.
• Need to be loved/cherished.
• Does not apply.

15. You feel (fill in the blank) when your spouse or partner does small things around the house without your asking.

• Cherished/loved.
• Supported/taken care of.
• Does not apply.

16. You get anxious or restless when you don't have a project to work on. You enjoy pushing the limits to see what can be done.

• Need to accomplish/achieve.
• Need to be busy/work.
• Need to have a cause or mission/responsible.
• Does not apply.

17. You get frustrated with bureaucracy that slows you down from getting results.

• Need be free/independent.
• Need to accomplish/achieve.
• Need for power/control/authority.
• Does not apply.

18. You find yourself eating out of the fridge or in front of the TV even though you are not really hungry.

• Need to be cherished/loved.
• Need to be nurtured/supported/taken care of.
• Need for security/safety.
• Need to be busy/work.
• Does not apply.

19. People don't appreciate your point of view. You make a statement and nobody seems to hear you or understand you.

• Need to be heard/listened to/understood.
• Need to be recognized/get attention.
• Need to be appreciated/valued.
• Does not apply.

20. You always have to have the remote control.

• Need to be in control/power.
• Does not apply.

21. You can't stand it when your boss or colleague takes credit for what you've done.

• Need to be recognized/get credit/noticed.
• Need to be appreciated/acknowledged.
• Does not apply.

22. You get very frustrated and/or upset if you don't get the recognition you deserve at work.

• Need to be recognized/noticed.
• Need to be appreciated/acknowledged/valued.
• Does not apply.

23. You feel lonely and removed from people and lose the desire for sex when you are not in a relationship.

• Need to be touched/held.
• Need to be loved/cherished.
• Does not apply.

24. You get furious/hurt/angry or disappointed if you find out your friends make plans without inviting you, even if you know you can't attend. You still want to be invited regardless.

• Need to be included/liked.
• Does not apply.

25. You get really upset or annoyed if people do things or make plans without your knowledge.

• Need for power/control.
• Need to know/clarity/be informed.
• Does not apply.

26. You have plenty of money in the bank, but you still don’t feel secure. It is never enough somehow.

• Need for security/safety.
• Need for luxury/comfort.
• Does not apply.

27. Nobody loves losing, but you really can't stand it. You have to win, even if it is just Monopoly or a card game for fun

• Need to win/be the best.
• Does not apply.

28. People say that you are too opinionated or bull-headed because you have to get your point across.

Need to be heard/communicate.

• Need to be right/understood.
• Need to be responsible/do the right thing/duty.
• Need to win.
• Does not apply.

29. You have been known to tell your spouse or partner which way to turn out of the driveway.

• Need to control.
• Does not apply.

30. You like it when your boss, family and friends approve of what you do and find it disturbing if they don't.

• Need to be accepted/approved of.
• Need to be appreciated/valued.
• Does not apply.

31. At parties and social gatherings, you need to be the center of attention and will tell jokes, sing songs, do silly stuff, or wear clothes that are guaranteed to attract attention.

• Need to be recognized/get attention/be seen/noticed.
• Does not apply.

32. You find it hard to do nothing and prefer, even when on vacation, to work on some project or another.

• Need to be useful/needed.
• Need to accomplish/achieve.
• Need to be busy/work.
• Does not apply.

33. If you don't have at least ten minutes of quiet time a day to yourself, the rest of the day is off kilter.

• Need for peace/balance/be alone.
• Does not apply.

34. It is vital for you to be in a position of power or authority. You need to be the one in charge whether at work or at home.

• Need to control/power/authority.
• Does not apply.

35. You can't be in a relationship unless your partner/spouse is faithful to you. An open marriage wouldn't work for you.

• Need to be in control/power.
• Need for responsibility/duty/loyalty.
• Need to be loved/cherished.
• Does not apply.

36. You are a perfectionist and can't abide it when things go afoul.

• Need for perfection/order.
• Does not apply.

37. You find yourself shopping several times a week. You get a high from shopping, but then feel guilty afterwards because you are buying on credit and know you can't pay off your credit card balance. Still you continue to shop, knowing you really shouldn't.

• Need to be loved/cherished.
• Need for luxury/comfort/abundance.
• Does not apply.

38. You go into restaurants even when you are not planning to eat there, just to see if there is anyone you know dining there.

• Need to be seen/admired/recognized/known.
• Does not apply.

39. You can't sleep at night unless you've checked to make sure all the doors are locked.

• Need for safety/security.
• Does not apply.

40. You have a stockpile of canned goods and household supplies on hand.

• Need for luxury/comfort/abundance.
• Need for security/safety.
• Does not apply.

41. You feel compelled to always do the right thing, no matter what.

• Need for honesty/integrity.
• Need for duty/responsibility/justice.
• Does not apply.

42. Although you hate to admit it, you don't go on a second date with a person if they didn't pick up the tab on the first date. You much prefer being treated and feel that they can't be all that interested in you if they didn't treat.

• Need to be supported/cared for.
• Need to be loved/cherished.
• Does not apply.

3. You love gossip. You can’t resist passing on a juicy tidbit.

• Need to be recognized/get attention/known.
• Need to be included/accepted/liked.
• Need to be heard/communicate/tell stories.
• Does not apply.

44. You naturally expect people to bring presents to your birthday party and feel miffed if someone doesn't bring one.

• Need to be cared for/supported.
• Does not apply.

45. You would never eat at a restaurant where the service was lousy, even though the food was superb.

• Need to be cared for/attended to/supported.
• Need for luxury/comfort.
• Does not apply.

46. You need to know that your lover/partner/spouse desires you. It isn't enough that he/she says so. You want demonstrable evidence before you are satisfied.

• Need to be supported/cared for.
• Need to be touched/caressed.
• Need to be cared for.
• Does not apply.

47. You tend to find yourself in messes or problems, but fortunately, someone comes along to rescue you or help you out.

• Need to be saved/supported.
• Does not apply.

48. You ask leading questions in order to get a compliment, such as, “How do you like my dress/suit/hair?”.

• Need to be loved/cherished/desired/adored.
• Need to be admired/recognized.
• Need to be complimented/appreciated.
• Need to be supported/encouraged
• Does not apply.

49. You need a commitment before you can do your best work or be your best self-whether that is a job contract or a marriage contract.

• Need for security/safety.
• Need for clarity/certainty.
• Does not apply.

50. After a bad day, nothing makes you feel better than being held tenderly.

• Need to be touched/held.
• Need to be supported/cared for.
• Need to be loved/cherished/desired.
• Does not apply.

1. Life feels blah if you don’t have a cause to rally behind.

• Need to be responsible/have a cause or mission.
• Need to accomplish.
• Need to work/be busy.
• Does not apply.

52. You frequently write letters to the editor to correct injustices and wrongs.

• Need to have a cause or mission/duty/responsible.
• Need to be right.
• Need for honesty/integrity.
• Does not apply.

53. You have to have the last word in an argument.

• Need to be right.
• Need to win.
• Need for power/control.
• Does not apply.

54. You can’t stand being wrong.

• Need to be right.
• Need to win.
• Does not apply.

55. You go the extra mile when you have someone to encourage you.

• Need to be useful/needed.
• Need to be supported/encouraged.
• Does not apply.

Life Is a Gift

Life Is a Gift

Today
before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before
you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before
you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone
who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today
before you complain about life - Think of someone who died too earlyon this earth.

Before
you complain about your children - Think of someone who
desires children but they're barren.

Before
you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or
sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before
whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who
walks the same distance with their feet.

And when
you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the
unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your
job.

But
before you think of pointing the finger or condemning
another -Remember that not one of us is without sin.

And when
depressing thoughts seem to get you down –
Put a smile on
your face and think: you're alive and still around.

Jalan Orang Kuat muka 19

批判、批評精神をもて
Milikilah Semangat Mengkritik!

Apa saja topik tidak mengapa.
Berita semasa atau apa saja yang berlaku dalam dunia hiburan juga boleh.
Sukan mungkin yang paling sesuai.

Apa saja yang engkau fikirkan tentang apa yang berlaku di hadapan matamu -
harus sentiasa engkau berikan pendapat dan kritikan.
Boleh lakukan dalam hati juga.
Janganlan membiarkan sesuatu yang terjadi berlalu begitu sahaja.

Hanya membaca akhbar, menonton TV. berak dan tidur, tidak akan memberi sebarang perkembangan dalam dirimu.

Sentiasalah mengulang-ulang di fikiran -
'bagiku, ini yang aku fikir, aku rasa, aku percaya, aku ingin kata' -
tentang sesuatu atau apa saja!

Janganlah menjadi seperti orang bodoh yang apabila ditanya, hanya mampu menjawab -
'entahlah', 'biasa saja', 'biasalah tu','tak ada apa-apa','saya tak kisah...'
Orang seperti ini, lambat laun akan hilang jatidiri, tidak akan dipedulikan orang untuk pandangannya.

Sentiasalah menempa pemikiran sendiri, pendirian sendiri.
Kemudian, jadilah seorang yang kritikal sedaya-upayamu.

Habiskan dengan -
'Aku fikir begini, begini, begini...'

****
special nod to mr kritik of VF

Jalan Orang Kuat muka18

page 18.
Life Is A Serious Business.

Kehidupan - adalah suatu perkara yang besar, bukan main-main.
Kehidupan adalah satu pekerjaan, satu tugasan yang berat.
Pada masa yang sama, kehidupan adalah satu perjalanan yang panjang.

Keberhasilan, kegagalan, ketawa dan air mata - kehidupan mempunyai segala ragam.
Di mana ada cinta, di situ ada benci.
DI mana ada kejayaan, ada juga kekalahan.
Dalam setiap kehidupan, kegembiraan dan kesedihan silih berganti, seperti drama swasta di TV.

Kerana itulah, dalam semua keadaan - rancanglah tindakanmu untuk kehidupan yang akan engkau lalui.

Janganlah hanya menurut arus membawamu hanyut, ke dasar entah di mana. Kehidupanmu - engkaulah yang harus mengurusnya.
Mind Your Own Business! (<--ni tambahan je :D)

Untuk kehidupanmu yang seterusnya, bagaimana kau akan melaluinya?
Pertama, apa perancanganmu?

Jalan Orang Kuat Intro dan Muka 17

デキルヤツになれ! Be a Man!

上司でも親でもない兄貴からの伝言。
A message, not from your superior or your parents, but from your brother.

ページ１７．Page 17.
だれにでも好かれるようなヤツになんかなるな
Don't try to be a person likable by all.

Marilah berbaik-baik dengan semua orang～
Hentikan! Jangan fikirkan begitu!
Kadang-kadang, jadilah orang yang dibenci!
Kadang-kadang, cari gaduh ataupun bertikam lidah!
Jangan fikirkan siapa lawanmu. Lebih hebat lebih baik.
Kepada ketua atau senior - protes and komplen sebanyak-banyaknya.

Hanya tersenyum dan bermanis muka dengan siapa sahaja lambat laun akan menghilangkan kewujudan dirimu, dan kau akan dipermainkan orang-orang.

Siapa dirimu?
Untuk menjadi dirimu yang sebenar, pasti ada terjadi satu atau dua perbalahan atau pertelingkahan, atau sekurang-kurangnya perselisihan pendapat.
Dan pastinya ada seorang dua yang tidak layak untuk perkataan 'maaf' darimu.
Ini adalah lumrah kehidupan.

Seorang yang tidak mampu bertengkar, tidak akan mampu menanam kepercayaan, memelihara kepentingan atau menarik perhatian.

Apatah lagi menjadi Orang Kuat.

*********************************************

alright, here is my first post about this book, titled DEKIRU YATSU NI NARE!
loosely translated into - Be Someone Who Can, or, Be a Man (some people may think that this will imply that woman does not need to bothered to read this...but again, woman does not need to be told to be someone who can...).

I want to try and see if I can get somewhere with this book.
if anything, my version of this book will be 'Jalan Orang Kuat'

raygour and out.

Dale Carnegie - Don't Argue

as posted on VF.
Posted On: Thu, 02 Jul 2009 12:07:00 AM

guess we need to learn a little from Dale Carnegie.

sedikit suntingan dari buku terkenal dale carnegie. muka surat 115.

YOU CAN'T WIN AN ARGUMENT.

there is only one way to get the best of an argument - and that is to avoid it.
9/10 dari setiap argument (apa dah dlm BM?), berakhir dengan setiap pihak bertambah yakin bahawa merekalah yang benar-benar benar.

you can't win an argument. you can't because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. KENAPA? well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. then what? you will feel fine. but what about him? you have made him feel inferior. you have hurt his pride. he will resent your triumph. and -

A MAN CONVINCED AGAINST HIS WILL IS OF THE SAME OPINION STILL.
(Orang yang diyakinkan dengan sesuatu yang bertentangan dengan kemahuannya sendiri tetaplah tidak berubah keyakinannya)

it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent's good will.

pantun inggeris:
Here lies the body of William Jay
Who died maintaining his right of way -
He was right, dead right, as he sped along,
But he's just as dead as if he were wrong.

anda mungkin betul, sangat betul, as you speed along in your argument; BUT AS FAR AS CHANGING ANOTHER'S MIND IS CONCERNED, YOU WILL PROBABLY BE JUST AS FUTILE AS IF YOU WERE WRONG.

'better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. even killing the dog would not cure the bite'
__________________

rajinnya saya menulis dari buku ini.

harapnya anda semua jangan berhenti dari berbalas-balas pendapat dalam tajuk-tajuk lain. semuanya sangat membuka fikiran dan menambah pengetahuan.

cuma jangan berlebih-lebihan sehingga 'calling names' dsb, tu dah lari dari argument.

good day to all.

21 Success Secrets of Self-made Millionaire

21 Jurus : 7 Yang Pertama
source : Brian Tracy
copied directly from my Excel summary

21 SUCCESS SECRET OF SELF-MADE MILLIONAIRE
>VIRTUALLY EVERYONE STARTS WITH NOTHING
>NOBODY IS BETTER THAN YOU
>AND NOBODY IS SMARTER THAN YOU
>IT IS ALL UP TO YOU
>THERE ARE NO LIMITS EXCEPT
THE LIMITS YOU PLACE ON YOURSELF

1 DREAM BIG DREAMS
>IF YOUR LIFE WAS PERFECT IN EVERY ASPECT,
WHAT WOULD IT LOOK LIKE?

2 DEVELOP A CLEAR SENSE OF DIRECTION
>YOU BECOME WHAT YOU THINK AND TALK ABOUT MOST OF THE TIME

3 SEE YOURSELF AS SELF-EMPLOYED
>YOU ARE IN CHARGE. YOU MAKE THINGS HAPPEN.
>YOU ARE THE BOSS OF YOUR OWN LIFE.

4 DO WHAT YOU LOVE TO DO
>IF YOU WON A MILLION DOLLARS TOMORROW, WOULD YOU
CONTINUE TO DO WHAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY DOING?

5 COMMIT TO EXCELLENCE
>BE THE VERY BEST AT WHAT YOU DO
>THROW YOUR WHOLE HEART INTO IT.
>AIM FOR THE HIGHEST

6 DEVELOP A WORKAHOLIC MENTALITY
>START EARLIER, WORK HARDER, STAY LATER
>WORK ALL THE TIME YOU WORK. DON'T WASTE TIME

7 DEDICATE YOURSELF TO LIFELONG LEARNING
>GET UP AND READ IN YOUR FIELD
>LISTEN TO AUDIO PROGRAMS; ATTEND COURSE AND SEMINAR

21 Jurus : 7 Yang Kedua
source : Brian Tracy, 21 Secrets of the Millionaire

8 PAY YOURSELF FIRST
>SAVE AND INVEST 10% OF YOUR INCOME
>PRACTICE FRUGALITY, FRUGALITY, FRUGALITY IN ALL THINGS

9 LEARN EVERY DETAIL OF YOUR BUSINESS
>BE AN EXPERT IN YOUR CHOSEN FIELD
>READ ALL THE MAGAZINES, GET INVOLVED WITH THE TOP PEOPLE

10 DEDICATE YOURSELFE TO SERVING OTHERS
>ALWAYS LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITY TO DO MORE THAN YOU ARE
PAID FOR. ALWAYS GO THE EXTRA MILES.

11 BE IMPECCABLY HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS
>YOUR WORD IS YOUR BOND. YOUR HONOR IS EVERYTHING.
ALWAYS LIVE UP TO THE VERY BEST THAT YOU KNOW
>"WHAT KIND OF WORLD WOULD MY WORLD BE, IF EVERYONE IN IT
WAS JUST LIKE ME?"
>SET HIGH STANDARD FOR YOURSELF.
>WHEN IN DOUBT, ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING.

12 SET YOUR PRIORITIES ON YOUR ACTIVITES AND CONCENTRATE
Q1:WHAT ARE MY HIGHEST VALUE ACTIVITIES?
Q2:WHY AM I ON THE PAYROLL?
Q3:WHAT CAN I AND ONLY I DO THAT,IF DONE WELL,
WILL MAKE A REAL DIFFERENCE?
Q4:WHAT IS THE MOST VALUABLE USE OF MY TIME RIGHT NOW?
>WORK SINGLE MINDEDLY ON ONE TASK. PUSH YOURSELF TO STAY
AT THE JOB UNTIL IT IS DONE.

13 DEVELOP A REPUTATION FOR SPEED AND DEPENDABILITY

14 BE PREPARED TO CLIMB FROM PEAK TO PEAK
IN YOUR LIFE AND IN YOUR CAREER
>TAKE THE LONG VIEW IN EVERYTHING YOU DO

21 Jurus : 7 Yang Ketiga

15 PRACTICE SELF-DISCIPLINE IN ALL THINGS
[[THE MOST IMPORTANT SINGLE QUALITY FOR SUCCESS]]
>DELAY GRATIFICATION
>PLEASING RESULTS, NOT PLEASING METHODS
>GOAL ACHIEVING, NOT TENSION RELIEVING
>HARD AND NECESSARY AND IMPORTANT,
NOT FUN AND EASY AND GIVE IMMEDIATE ENJOYMENT.

16 UNLOCK YOUR INBORN CREATIVITY
>CREATIVITY IS JUST ANOTHER WORD 'IMPROVEMENT'

17 GET AROUND THE RIGHT PEOPLE
>EVERYTHING IS RELATIONSHIPS. NETWORK CONTINUOUSLY.
>BE A GO-GIVER RATHER THAN A GO-GETTER. CONSTANTLY LOOK
FOR WAYS TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE ACHIEVE THEIR GOALS.

18 TAKE EXCELLENT CARE OF YOUR PERSONAL HEALTH
>SET A GOAL TO LIVE TO BE AT LEAST 80 YEARS OLD
>EAT LESS AND EXERCISE MORE

19 BE DESICIVE AND ACTION-ORIENTED
>THINK CAREFULLY AND MAKE DECISION QUICKLY
>THE KEY TO TRIUMPH IS TO TRY
>UNSUCCESSFUL PEOPLE ARE INDECISIVE

20 NEVER CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY OF FAILURE
>SUCCESS LIES ON THE FAR SIDE OF FAILURE
>DARE TO GO FORWARD. TAKE CALCULATE RISKS
>IF YOU DO ONE THING YOU FEAR, THE DEATH OF FEAR
IS CERTAIN.

21 BACK EVERYTHING YOU DO WITH PERSISTANCE AND DETERMINATION
>NEVER GIVE UP, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN
>BE WILLING TO STAY AT IT LONGER THAN ANYONE ELSE
>SHOW WHAT YOU ARE TRULY MADE OF
>SUCCESS, IS PREDICTABLE
>THERE ARE NO LIMITATIONS TO WHAT YOU CAN DO

How to Stop Attracting Negative People to Your Life

Placing your attention, energy and focus on the negative aspects of some people in your life brings you more of the same. Simply put, that's the Law of Attraction at work.

When you shift your attention to the kinds of people you DO want in your life, that shift, coupled with your clear desire to STOP attracting negative people into your life, will set the energy in motion for new results to show up. When you shift from what you don't want to what you do want, your vibration changes. And know this, you can only hold one vibration at a time! The Law of Attraction is always matching your vibration in any given moment.

The Law of Attraction can be used to ensure that you are always in vibrational harmony with the people you are attracting into your life. If you plot your vibration on a scale that measures from 1-100, with 100 being the highest calibration, you are currently attracting other people into your life that match your score on this scale. In other words, if your vibration measures 75 on this scale and a person in your life measures closely to that, you are a close vibrational match. It is also important to realize that if your vibration measures 30 on this scale, you are a close match to another person whose vibration is at 30.

Your feelings always tell you if you are in vibrational harmony with another person. When you meet someone who is offering a significantly lower vibration than yours, you often feel dragged down by that person, i.e. the experience just doesn't feel good. On the other hand, when you are with someone who vibrates closely to your score, it feels good to be with them. You are in vibrational harmony with that person. Suppose you are the one with the much lower vibration. If you experience a person with a significantly higher vibration, you may feel uplifted and raise your vibe to match theirs, or you may feel uncomfortable being around them. In short, the distance between your score and the score of another person, equals the extent to which it doesn't feel good. We call that resistance. The greater difference in the scores, the greater resistance there is.

Here's a great tool to help you next time you experience a negative person in your life. While you are having a conversation with that person, perhaps listening to them describe (in great detail), what they don't want and how negative their life is, ask them the following question "So, what do you want? How would you like it to be different?" In their response, they will stop talking about what they don't want and start talking about what they do want. In that very moment, their vibration will shift and they'll start raising their vibration to match yours.

Remember too, people treat you the way you allow them to. In Law of Attraction this means that you can set your vibrational boundaries so that you will only participate in and maintain positive conversations. Feeding into somebody's negative conversation will bring your vibration down. Decide today to maintain your high vibration and stop feeding into other people's negative vibes. This will go a long way to maintaining your high, positive vibration, which will in turn, attract other people with high, positive vibrations into your life.

Why Did I Attract That?

Why Did I Attract That?

Does this sound like something you've caught yourself saying? Are you curious about how YOU, of all people, can attract something negative?

Sometimes it's obvious why you are attracting negative things. In many cases it's because you've been talking about what you don't want. Or you've been listening to someone else as they talk about what they don't want. As you've heard me say over and over again, "Whatever you give your attention, energy and focus to, you'll get more of!"

Yet there are still many of you who put your hands on your hips and say, "I didn't want that! I didn't want it so how could I have possibly give it attention. I didn't talk about it, so how could I possibly attract it?"

Well there's another reason! If you haven't been talking about it, you've been unintentionally observing it. Observing what you DON'T like or DON'T want causes you to attract more of it. That's right! Just observing it.

Observing what you DON'T like or DON'T want causes you to attract more of it.

Remember, as you observe anything, you are giving it attention, energy and focus. What are you paying attention to that you DON'T want to attract?

* The real estate market that everyone is complaining about?
* The negative stock market reports that the media constantly repeats 24/7.
* Health problems your friends share with you.
* All the details about a bad relationship one of your friends is experiencing?

It's time to mind your own vibration and start deliberately giving your attention, energy and focus to what you DO want. In your observation of anything positive or negative, you offer or send out a matching negative or matching positive vibration. And, most of you know, the Law of Attraction does not know whether what you are attracting is something you want or desire. It constantly unfolds and orchestrates whatever needs to happen to bring you more of the same vibration you are sending out.

Start today to become more conscious, cautious and deliberate about what you are observing.

What can you do today to deliberately observe only what you want more of?

Here are my suggestions:

1. Observe couples who are romantic and enjoying each others company.
2. In business, keep the file folders of your ideal clients nearby so you can observe them regularly. Do the same with positive sales reports! Observe them more often!
3. Watch happy TV only!

If He's Distant, Does He Really Love You??

Dear Women,

Ever feel like you'd have a less real
"connection" or intimacy with a man if you didn't
try so hard to keep your relationship "alive"?

And, that the man you're with might not even
notice, let alone know, how to help you both grow
and change together when something is "off" in
your relationship?

Are men really so different that they don't
think about or notice problems in your
relationship?

Or, is something worse going on here where a
man doesn't want the relationship to go anywhere
and has given up on it, and you?

And...

Have you ever had the sudden realization that
if it wasn't for YOUR patience, caring and the
attention you pay to him and your relationship,
that you'd just be drifting apart from each other?

That you'd never grow closer... never get to
know each other on a deeper level... and never
become MORE COMMITTED if it wasn't for what YOU
insist on and struggle to create?

Do you ever wonder why it can seem like a man
just doesn't care about your relationship and
where it's headed... even though you know that
somewhere deep down he does love and care about
you?

Well, there's a reason why these things are so
common with men in relationships... and why they
can be so frustrating to deal with and get past
as a woman.

The truth is, if you're like most women who
are UNSUCCESSFUL in their long term relationships,
then your "approach" to your relationship often
depends on a man figuring out how to have a great
relationship FOR YOU.

You know, all that knight in shining armor
stuff where a man's love and unrelenting
commitment to you will make it all work out.

Good luck with that.

There's a better way...

If you've had a few relationships in the past,
then you've already learned that putting the fate
of your love life and relationship in the hands
of a man to save is NOT the perfect or ideal
situation.

You've figured out that if you're going to
have a REAL relationship, that a man isn't going
to have all the answers when things get difficult
or uncertain.

Don't wait for a man to figure out how love
and a relationship works.

And sure... a man has to do HIS part and learn
and grow, too.

A man needs to know how to love and be loved
too.

But, wouldn't it be great if you had the
CONFIDENCE that comes from KNOWING that you could
create what YOU WANT in your relationship?

What if you never had to wait for a man to
"figure it out" to have the love and connection
you want in your life?

It's likely that you've already got a head
start growing up as a woman... which is why it's
time to put your knowledge and intuition to good
use.

You're about to learn 3 of the most important
ways that men are different when it comes to
relationships... and what to do about it.

And, by the way, if you've got a man in your
life who knows how to keep you both close and
connected in your relationship at all times and
you KNOW it's going to LAST... then you don't
need to read this email.

Go enjoy your love life with confidence, and
give and share all of yourself freely.

But, if you aren't 100% CERTAIN that you're
going to be able to keep a loving relationship
with a man... and you've had problems with this
in the past... then it's time to recognize and
learn how to get past those UNCERTAIN and
UNCOMMITTED places with men and relationships.

Keep reading and you'll be on your way to
finding the confidence and understanding in your
relationship that only a deep, close, emotional
connection with a man can bring.


"GETTING CLEAR" ON WHAT'S GOING ON WITH MEN WHEN
THEY'RE DISTANT OR UNINVOLVED IN RELATIONSHIPS

Let me tell you a quick story...

A man and a woman meet and they have an
AMAZING connection from the start.

She quickly falls for him, as he does for her,
and they instantly grow close and start spending
almost all of their time together.

When they're apart, most of the time they're
thinking about one another.

A few weeks or months pass, and things are
going great... but as it happens in life, a few
difficult situations come up in each others lives.

Stress and tension starts to build, and as
more issues and situations come up, the closeness,
affection and communication starts to change.

The woman begins to notice how the man has
changed and tries to talk to him to bridge the
gap and stay close.

But, what used to work to bring them together
now only seems to make things worse as he pulls
away when she wants to talk.

And now she's getting worried.

She asks herself...

"Why is he acting this way?"

"What happened to what we had?"

"Did his feelings for me change?"

"Did I do something that pushed him away?"

And... "Why doesn't he seem to notice or care
and do anything about it!?"

The man just seems to want to pretend that
everything is fine and ignore what's happening.

When he does talk, he's short with his words
and unexpressive... not sharing his thoughts or
feelings about much at all.

He seems "detached" somehow.

And now she feels like if she didn't do
anything to keep the relationship going, that
they'd simply drift apart and he wouldn't do
anything about it or even really care.

Ok, end of story.

This story is basically a collection of common
situations and feelings that lots of women
experience.

Let's talk about it.

The things going on in the story bring up an
important idea - the ways in which men are
"naturally" different from women when it comes to
communicating and interacting in relationships.

And sure, men are the same in lots of ways.

They want love.

They want respect.

And they want to be heard.

But, men are also very different...

They're different in how they think.

They're different in how they feel.

They're different in their beliefs about what
makes for a "good relationship".

And, they're different in how they approach
and try to "resolve" relationship issues.
(Sometimes by not trying at all!)

If you want to learn about what's going on in
the UNCERTAIN situations with men... and how to
think and respond in POSITIVE, HEALTHY,
CONSTRUCTIVE ways for the sake of growing and
improving your long term relationship...

Then you need to take a deeper look at what
men are REALLY thinking and feeling.

You probably already know from experience that
men will often tell you one thing about how
they're thinking or feeling... but actually think
and feel another way.

Frustrating, right!?

And, you probably already know from experience
that becoming frustrated or overly "emotional"
with a man doesn't often get you very far in
becoming closer and growing together in your
relationship.

But, isn't it important to share and express
your true feelings in any "real" relationship?

Absolutely.

Which leads us to a frustrating PARADOX.

How do you stay "true" to your own feelings
and emotions... while ALSO communicating in a way
that keeps you close and avoids the common male
withdrawal response?

Part of the secret here is to communicate with
a man in a way that speaks HIS language and helps
him have a better understanding of YOU.

Some women end up analyzing themselves to
death over every little thing that happens...
what it means, what they should say, and how the
guy is going to respond.

The strange truth is that part of the problem
here IS analyzing things too much... so, when
they show up to talk to the man in their life,
she overwhelms him.

Give me a little nod if you've watched your
friends do this... or you can relate in your own
life.

It's time to stop worrying so much and start
doing things that WORK to create the love life
you know you can have.

It's time for it to finally be easy to
communicate and share love with the man in your
life in the long run.

It's time for CLARITY.

Let's talk about what's going on here and turn
what can seem impossible and complex into
something SIMPLE and CLEAR.


THE TRUTHS ABOUT HOW MEN ARE DIFFERENT - THAT ANY
WOMAN WHO WANTS A LASTING, COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP
WITH A MAN NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT...

Before we get to some real in-depth specifics
about men and relationships here, there's
something important I want to share...

I have a good friend who has taught me more in
a few years than I would have learned living 20
years not knowing her.

She's one of the smartest and insightful people
I've ever met when it comes to her unique
understanding of HUMAN BEHAVIOR and PSYCHOLOGY...
and how it relates to building long term
relationships in all areas of life.

Including romantic relationships.

I've learned a lot of what I know, or been led
to, in one way or another, by her.

Anyway... many years back she shared something
with me. Something that has taken me years to
come to know and understand for myself.

(As you know, someone can tell you something
again and again ... but it can take you days,
months or even years to come to understand and
know what THEY mean by it. Or in other words, it
often takes more time that we expect or would
like it to, to raise our own level of
CONSCIOUSNESS.)

Let me share what she said with you...

She said that when it comes to people and
relationships, there's a big secret EVERYONE uses
who are able to build and keep close, fulfilling,
trusting relationships in their lives through
thick and thin.

That secret is -

"First, seek to understand."

"Then, seek to be understood."

When I first heard this, it sounded like a
"new-agey" kind of thing.

I thought I "got" what this meant and what it
was all about.

My mind quickly went to thinking about how
much I already tried to understand others... and
how what came from this wasn't all it was cracked
up to be.

In my experience, I had been a "giver", and I
often felt at the mercy of others because of it.
ESPECIALLY in relationships.

I bet you can relate.

So, the idea of becoming MORE UNDERSTANDING
and listening to others more, made me feel like
things would just be less satisfying and more
difficult in my relationships.

As much as I could see the benefit of
listening and understanding first, it just didn't
seem to work out so well in real life for me.

Actually... the people who were a bit more
"selfish" seemed to be the ones who more often
got what they wanted and had it easy in life.

The reality was that I wasn't able to see that
the world could work any differently from my
perspective at the time.

It was only after years or living, studying,
observing, learning from others and thinking
about my life and the relationships in it that I
started to see things differently.

And one day something "snapped" into place.

I had an AMAZING EXPERIENCE as I was going
back through an old journal of mine and came
across what my friend had said about seeking to
understand first.

I hadn't thought about this idea in a long
time... and it hit me in different way now that I
was in a different place in my life.

To make a long story short, once you start
down your own path of growth in your life and
relationships... you're going to find new meaning
and depth in things that didn't used to be so
significant.

And this means you're becoming more AWARE and
CONSCIOUS of the world around you - which is one
of the first steps to creating amazing and
lasting change.

Of course, I'm talking about life more in
general here... but the exact same principles
apply to men, dating and relationships.

And, by the way, if you're getting that
anxious or frustrated feeling right now where
giving a man more of your understanding is the
last thing you want to do... then I've got some
unfortunate news for you...

YOU are creating your very own RESISTANCE.

That's right.

YOU are adding to the distance and lack of
understanding that's taking place.

As much as a man might be wrong, acting
distant or unfair, or hurting your feelings... if
YOU are putting your energy into the negative
patterns of fear, or doing the all too common
"demand and withdraw" behaviors tons of women
slip into in these situations...

Then you're only adding to the problems and
creating more of the "disconnect" between you two.

Ok, so what can you do instead!?

Good question.

First, seek to understand.

So, let's get right to how this works.

Let's look at the ways men are different when
it comes to relationships, and learn to
understand more and put it to work for you...

I promise everything with a man will instantly
start to become clearer and easier once you do.


Difference #1: With A Man, Improving Your
Relationship Is Often As Easy As Improving "The
Now".

There's a kind of relationship "shortcut" some
women know about and others don't.

And women who know what it is and how it works
often have the men they're with, feeling deeply
connected... and ASKING THEM to become more
committed... and share more love.

But there's a catch to this "trick".

YOU, as a woman, have to be in the right
mental and emotional state to make these kinds of
"breakthroughs" in your relationship and the way
that you interact with a man.

Why?

Because if you're not, you're going to do all
kinds of things to sabotage yourself and get in
the way of your own success here.

You'll start feeling needy or unappreciated
and want the man to take over and make things
happen for you.

Don't make this mistake and miss out on the
love and connection that's possible for you in
your relationship.



So, here's the shortcut you can use with any
man at almost anytime. (I've seen this work with
men who were so distant that I would have never
believed it if I hadn't seen it happen myself.)

When a man is acting distant with a woman in a
relationship, it's often because he's "off in his
head" thinking about something else he needs to
do or has to take care of.

And, in case you didn't know... for most men
it's so extremely important to be a strong
successful "provider" with a woman, that the
closer he is with a woman... the more his mind
will try and turn to the outside world, work,
etc. in order to make sure he can protect and
provide for a woman.

For most men, whether or not they are an
"attractive" person relies heavily on if he's
financially successful and has a high level of
"social status".

Of course, a man isn't often CONSCIOUS that
he's thinking or behaving this way.

These things are part of our "inner biology".

They are "wired" deep in our brains and affect
us on deep SUBCONSCIOUS levels.

So, why am I telling you all of this?

Because you can use it to your advantage and
move straight past the detached, withdrawn, work-
focused man.

You can learn how to "invite" a man into love
and affection with you.

And here is where the shortcut comes in.

See, as much as I hate to admit it, and you
might already know this about men... well, we can
be simple-minded.

If we have a woman that we are close with,
like a girlfriend, the reality is that she has
the power change our mood INSTANTLY.

Especially if she triggers the feeling of
ATTRACTION.

Let me explain how this works...

When a man is detached, unemotional, etc.,
often it's because his mind is focused on
"things", and not on people or relationships.

Things like sports, work, cars, or whatever
hobby a man happens to be into.

And, it's this "Focus" that often makes a man
seem withdrawn, disinterested or inattentive.

But, there IS something a woman can do to
easily get him out of this "Focus" mode to where
a man will be more present, "connected" and
emotionally responsive.

A woman can help a man move his thinking and
attention out of his "mind" and into his body.
(Don't worry, feelings and emotions will
naturally follow... and if this isn't making much
sense right now, it will in a second.)

It can start with a soft touch, a playful tap,
or even just a smile.

It doesn't take much, other than attention and
a little patience.

What's probably the easiest way to do this, is
to do what men naturally do to get out of their
heads and into the present moment.

They become more physical.

Have you ever watched couples play-fight or
wrestle?

For lots of men, this is the easiest way they
know to become close and connected with a woman...
as they aren't even conscious what they're doing.

They just naturally become more affectionate
and in-tune with a woman than they could have
ever figured out how to be trying to talk to a
woman about how this all works.

Of course, if you watch a woman do this with a
man and you don't know what she's up to... it can
look like she's just trying to get his attention
in a physical and sexual way.

And some women do this, too.

But, if you've been reading my newsletters,
picked up my eBook, or seen a few of my CD or DVD
programs, then you've come to recognize that
there is more than one type of ATTRACTION a man
can feel and experience with a woman.

There's a type of attraction that goes BEYOND
PHYSICAL ATTRACTION and gets a man's attention on
an emotional and intellectual level.

This is the kind of attraction I'm talking
about creating with a man... where he will move
"out of his head" and become open and attentive
in the present moment with you.

Lots of women try to TALK with a man in order
to get him to be present, loving, affection, etc.
with them.

But often times, this completely BACKFIRES.

The reason why is because these women don't
know this "other" kind of attraction works for a
man.

Don't make the mistake of thinking that
attraction works the same way for you as it does
for a man...

Or, that you can try and use Physical
Attraction with a man to get an EMOTIONAL
response.

You need to learn how to get the EMOTIONAL
response from a man that you're looking for...
without demanding it of him in a way that will
only encourage him to WITHDRAW.

Inviting a man out of his Focus, or out of his
"head", is a simple first step.


Difference #2: Instead Of Discussing, Exploring
And FEELING The Problems In Your Relationship, A
Man Will Often Want To "Starve" Them... Or Try To
Give You The "Logical Solution" As His Way Of
Making Things Better

I've got to ask you something. Be honest when
you answer -

Do you think men, or more to the point, the
men you've dated in your life, enjoy talking
about their feelings and your relationship as
much as you do?

Or, that they enjoy it much at all really?

I'm guessing the answer is, "No".

If so, then this is a vital piece of
information for you in your relationship.

But, what have you done with this knowledge?

Have you tried to MAKE A MAN better at talking
about his feelings in your relationship, and then
become frustrated and upset when it hasn't gone
the way you had hoped?

And, have you ever wanted to talk about
something important in your relationship with a
man, and brought it up... and then he gave you a
short "detached" answer... or he became angry
with you and started telling you what to do?

Is this really the best approach?

Think about this for a second...

What if, without knowing it, you've been
asking a man for the exact thing you DON'T want?

What if, accidentally, the way you were
communicating with him was telling him, in his
own "language", to STOP SHARING, to CLOSE OFF,
and to be LESS EXPRESSIVE?

Is this possible?

What if there was another way to be with a man
that would get you the result you wanted (him
opening up to you more) AND... it made everything
a whole lot easier for YOU?

Think about it for a minute.

How do men "typically" react when a woman
comes to them with intense emotions and feelings
and wants to talk about them?

One of two things usually happens.

1. He gives you a short answer that often seems
cold and uninterested. Kind of like he isn't
paying attention to you and your FEELINGS.


2. He gets anxious or irritated and instead of
responding with caring and understanding, he
seems angry. In effect, he starts telling you
what to do and to stop bothering him.

Both of these responses have something in
common.

Can you guess what it is?

They both show how men tend to want to remove
themselves from any situations they see or
experience as unnecessarily intense or
"emotional".

I'm not saying that this is a good thing or a
bad thing about men, by the way.

But, it is THE REALITY of how most men think
and behave.

Which leaves YOU with a choice.

You can either learn to work WITH the way
things are...

Or, you can keep fighting AGAINST the way
things are and continue the negative,
self-defeating patterns in your love life.

And here's something else to think about -

Given the two different ways that men often
respond that I mentioned above...

Does a man, reacting in one of these ways,
have to mean that he doesn't care for a woman or
her feelings?

And, does a man reacting this way mean he
doesn't care about his relationship?

In a man's mind, the answer is NO.

But, what do lots of women do when they are
confronted with a man's anxious or irritated
response that comes from not knowing what to do
with a woman's feelings?

Instead of trying a different approach, they
simply take what is NOT working and dial up the
intensity about 20 notches...

Hello!

Duh! (A scientific term that means you're
acting like a jack-ass)

Stop making your life so difficult for
yourself.

Becoming more intense and "emotionally
demanding" with others rarely builds strong
relationships or gets you what you want.

There is a way to communicate and move to a
more committed and "connected" place with a man
that does NOT involve asking him to do so, trying
to convince him to listen, or demanding that your
relationship grow.

If you've tried any of these things with a man,
then you know that they can just turn into an
uphill battle... and trigger the DISTANCE and
RESISTANCE you're trying to avoid.

These two differences I've shared with you
here are just the beginning.


If you've ever wondered why a man says he
wants his "Freedom"...

And, you know that he wants to love you and be
loved...

But, he also wants to do things "on his own"
first, before he settles down...

I go into depth about how these contradictions
are all part of a man's growth process, what they
mean, and exactly what to do as each one of these
comes up in your relationship.

Oh... and what if you had a "map" of how the
COMMITMENT PROCESS works for a man?

What if you knew what it was that would help a
man see and KNOW that your connection and what
you share is special enough to go deeper into and
to commit himself to on an emotional level.

It's not that most men aren't capable of a
deep, lasting, emotional commitment with a woman.

It's that they don't know how to get there on
their own... and most women don't know how to
help them in their relationship.

In fact, most women accidentally push a man
away from the things that will make him want to
discover his emotions, his feelings and the love
he can share with a woman all on his own -
because they try and take over and tell him how
to do it when things aren't working just right.

Now, you can avoid all those mistakes and let
a man find his own way to where he'll be leading
YOU into a more deeply connected and fulfilling
relationship.

Part of the secret here, I explain and walk
you through an exercise to discover what a man's
"Love Preference" is.

Each person, including you, has their favorite
way to be complimented, pleased or appreciated.

And as you know, feeling honored, respected
and appreciated is important for BOTH people in
any long term relationship that is going to LAST.

reynn writes...

Salam...i would like to express my gratitude to the owner of this blog..DraygourN..for inviting me to be in his team..though i always like to write my mind..i've never had my own blog..mainly because i doubted there would be any followers kot,and partly laziness hehe..and now thanks to him i'd be able to do just that,to share my thoughts n all,especially my reading materials :D don't worry bro..i won't hijack ur precious blog ni, i'm your co-pilot je heheh..will treat it with my most gentle care... :P

shall we launch an IPO?
anyway, thanks a lot, you will be great help.

A New Labeling System

sup Reynn?
please edit this post as necessary.
__________________________________

I think we can put together all 'Ulasan Buku' atau excerpt from books in one category, what say you?
this alone could reduce the number of category we may need.
I will check some other sites for their 'labeling system'.

a few Labels/category I have in mind (please post yours too):

Draygourn's Category :
- Health, Fitness
- Education, Career
- Family, Parenting
- Man and Woman
- Agama Corner
(keep in mind that some articles may share categories, like, Agama Corner articles also may sometimes fit in 'Guides' category)
-
-
-
-
-

Reynn's Categories :
- Reynn writes...
- whatever you have in mind lah
-

AAHAAA.. last time I tried to rob some articles from VF, and also some of their category.
They have:
- Agama Corner ( I did take it already :D )
- Computing and Technology
- Cooking and Recipes (this blog is not social site so I think we can leave this)
- Health, Beauty, Fitness (looks like a good combo)
- Lifestyle / Lite& easy / Stories / Students / Fun / General

Pain Threshold, or Why People Stay

Cebisan Kitab – AtGW by AR

Change is usually not a question of capability; it’s almost always a question of motivation.
The problem is, change is often a ‘should’ and not a ‘must’

Page 125.
Pain Threshold.

Have you ever experienced this in a personal relationship, for example? You hung in there, it was painful and you really weren’t happy, but you stayed in anyway. Why? You rationalized that it will get better, without doing anything to make it better.
If you were in so much pain, why didn’t you leave? Even though you were unhappy, your fear of the unknown was a more powerful motivating force. “Yeah, I’m unhappy now,” you may have thought, “but what if I leave this person and then I never find anyone else? At least I know how to deal with the pain I have now.”

This kind of thinking is what keeps people from making changes.

Posting Pics Online? What Your Photos Say About You

Posting Pics Online? What Your Photos Say About You

Jeanna Bryner
Senior Writer
LiveScience.com jeanna Bryner
senior Writer
livescience.com – Mon Nov 9, 11:23 am ET
Those photos you post on Facebook could paint an accurate picture of your personality, new research on first impressions suggests.


And perhaps as expected, the more candid a shot the more nuances of your personality show through.


"In an age dominated by social media where personal photographs are ubiquitous, it becomes important to understand the ways personality is communicated via our appearance," said study researcher Laura Naumann of Sonoma State University. "The appearance one portrays in his or her photographs has important implications for their professional and social life."


With this information, there's always the option of tweaking your image, and thus your personality to the outside world. "If you want potential employers or romantic suitors to see you as a warm and friendly individual, you should post pictures where you smile or are standing in a relaxed pose," Naumann said.


Scientists have known physical appearance is important for first impressions and that such initial impressions can be hard to undo, particularly negative ones. Studies have shown judgments made at first glance of a CEO can predict his or her success. But until now little was known about how well people judged personality based on appearance and what physical factors are most important.


In the new study, 12 observers looked at full-body photos of 123 undergraduate students who they had never met before. Six observers viewed the students in a neutral pose and six saw the same students in a spontaneous pose.


The participants rated each photo on 10 personality traits: extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, emotional stability, openness (open to experience), likability, self-esteem, loneliness, religiosity and political orientation.


To figure out accuracy of the judgments, the researchers compared the results with the posers' self-ratings and ratings from three close friends.


For the controlled poses, the observers accurately judged extraversion and self-esteem. When participants looked at the naturally expressive shots, which revealed dynamic non-verbal cues, they were nearly spot-on, getting nine out of the 10 traits correct (everything but political orientation).


For instance, both the neutral and expressive photos garnered about a 70 percent success rate.


"Extraversion is one of those things that's probably the easiest trait to judge," Naumann told LiveScience. "Even without seeing whether someone is smiling or not people can pick that up."


But when judging likeability, observers got it right on average for 55 percent of the photos with neutral poses and 64 percent of the expressive photos. Similar results were found for agreeableness, with participants judging correctly 45 percent of the time for neutral poses compared with 60 percent in the expressive images.


Beyond pure science, the researchers say the results, which will be detailed in the December issue of the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, have practical implications.


For example, if you want to come off as an extravert, try to smile more, stand in energetic and less tense ways, and gear your overall appearance to look healthy (as opposed to sickly), neat and stylish, the study found. For those interested in seeming open to new experiences, it'd be best to show off a distinctive style of dressing rather than a healthy, neat appearance.