8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid

8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid
April 28, 2009 | by Brett Blumenthal | 70 Comments

Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn’t so. Personally, I’ve had moments where I’ll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I’ll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much.

Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative. Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional. Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood.

Some of these situations, and yes, these people, can have a tremendously negative impact on our lives. And, although we are all human and have our ‘issues,’ some ‘issues’ are quite frankly, toxic. They are toxic to our happiness. They are toxic to our mental outlook. They are toxic to our self-esteem. And they are toxic to our lives. They can suck the life out of us and even shorten our lifespan.

Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them:

1. Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulation tactics. Is a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your ‘buttons’ are, and push them to get what they want.

Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don’t necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.
2. Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them. They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met. You often want to say to them “It isn’t always about you.”

Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust. You are left disappointed and unfulfilled. Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself.
3. Debbie Downers: These people can’t appreciate the positive in life. If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast. If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they’ll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be.

Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything. Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity. Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself.
4. Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive. If you find people’s unique perspectives refreshing, they find them ‘wrong’. If you like someone’s eclectic taste, they find it ‘disturbing’ or ‘bad’.

Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers. In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over. If the world was a homogeneous place, life would be pretty boring. Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well.
5. Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can’t do it. As you achieve, they try to pull you down. As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible.

Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be. Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars.
6. Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere. You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh. You feel depressed and sad and they give you a ‘there, there’ type response. You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response.

Why they are toxic: People who aren’t sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria. This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships. When you are really in need of a friend, they won’t be there. When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are. When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself.
7. Disrespectful Dannys: These people will say or do things at the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate ways. In essence, they are more subtle, grown up bullies. Maybe this person is a friend who you confided in and uses your secret against you. Maybe it is a family member who puts their busy-body nose into your affairs when it is none of their business. Or maybe, it is a colleague who says demeaning things to you.

Why they are toxic: These people have no sense of boundaries and don’t respect your feelings or, for that matter, your privacy. These people will cause you to feel frustrated and disrespected.
8. Never Enough Nellies: You can never give enough to these people to make them happy. They take you for granted and have unrealistic expectations of you. They find ways to continually fault you and never take responsibility for anything themselves.

Why they are toxic: You will spend so much time trying to please them, that you will end up losing yourself in the process. They will require all of your time and energy, leaving you worn out and your own needs sacrificed.
All of these personalities have several things in common. 1) the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue. 2) Unfortunately, most of these people don’t see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one. 3) Most of these people get worse with age, making their impact on you stronger with time.

Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity. If you can, avoid spending mucho time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you’ll feel a lot happier. Have you encountered these personalities? What have you done? Any personalities you would add?

6 Personality traits to admire and acquire

by Brett Blumenthal - Sheer Balance, on Thu Jan 28, 2010 6:49am PST


I’ve written numerous articles and posts on difficult people, personalities and relationships: Everything from Manipulative Marys to Bullies in the workplace to people who break boundaries to toxic relationships. Let’s face it: In life, we come across all kinds! As humans, we often focus on those who are negative or toxic leaving it difficult to appreciate those who are positive and healthy. Seeking out individuals with healthy, positive traits, however, may do a lot of good. The more we can surround ourselves with those who are positive and healthy, the more we may model those positive behaviors.
If you really think about it, once in awhile you come across a person who knocks you off your socks…legitimately. Maybe they have a fantastic outlook on life, even during difficult times. Maybe they are really humble, although they are extremely gifted. Maybe they make you feel special. All of these are good.

Below, I've listed some of the traits I admire most in people. Although I could probably list a dozen characteristics, I thought I’d list those that seem to be the rarest or most difficult to find.

Selflessness: In a world where many people don’t have the time or the interest in others, selflessness is a quality that seems to be less and less common. People can be selfless in the time they give, the ability to listen, their level of patience and the love that they give. Those who are giving and generous in nature have the power to make others feel loved, appreciated and special. While those who are self-absorbed tend to do the exact opposite.

Tolerance: Those people who are tolerant make us feel comfortable with who we are and special as individuals. All of us are different, and many of us have quirks and idiosyncrasies. After all, these differences make the world go round. Having the ability to accept people for who they are and not expect them to be who we want them to be is important in life, happiness and in the health of our relationships.

Genuineness: Having the ability to be real, authentic and honest is unique in a world where we put so much emphasis on the superficial. Feeling comfortable in one’s skin and being true to one’s self is one of the most beautiful traits one can possess. To have a REAL relationship with someone requires honesty…it requires hearing and giving input or feedback that may not always be popular…it means having the strength to tell it like it is and to not be afraid to face the consequences for doing so…it means loving people for who they really are…deep down…and not for what they appear to be.

Sensitivity: So often we are focused on what is important to ourselves that we can forget about those around us. Those who are sensitive are often thoughtful, appreciative and loving, in a way that makes you feel understood, valued and respected. Often, sensitive people are also self-aware, making them mindful of how they impact others with what they do and say.

Integrity: Call me cynical, but I think this characteristic is especially difficult to find. In a time when people will do things that are underhanded to make an extra buck (Bernie Madoff…can you hear me?), expose their personal lives to the public so they can be famous (balloon boy’s dad and any other reality TV mongers) and do what feels good in the moment without necessarily thinking of the consequences (Tiger Woods), integrity is a characteristic that is especially unique today.

Humility: Whether someone is super-smart, extremely talented or drop-dead gorgeous, there is something extra special about them if they don’t come across as though they know it all the time. Humility in those that possess extraordinary traits make others feel special too.
Oh boy the list could go on! What characteristics do you admire in others? Are there any that you want to cultivate?

7 Traits Of Irresistible Men

http://www.yourtango.com/fb_cb/.../200929208/7-traits-irresistible-men?page=0%2C0
7 Traits Of Irresistible Men
It takes more than rock-solid abs to reach the top of the sexiness charts.

We're not going to lie. A man boasting abs chiseled to perfection and biceps that pop just enough when flexed (without shredding shirts He-Man style) will no-doubt turn our heads. And even if caught mid check-him-out glance, we're not about to look away. Fit, toned bodies are the result of hard work and dedication to a healthy lifestyle. We certainly pay homage to that. But for a man to achieve a skyrocketing score on the sexiness scale there's got to be more to him than physical assets. Throw in these seven traits and he's guaranteed irresistible.

1. He Has Mastered The Wink. We don't know how they learn the technique but some guys really have the Richard Gere wink down pat. There's an art to this wink and getting it right can be tricky. It's more suave and smoky than cheeky and laughable. He's comfortable giving this signal and has the timing to the tee. Done right, this move is pure sexy. Caveat: The wink can be tricky to pull off. Practice first.

2. He Radiates Calm. It's sending shivers up our spine just thinking about how powerful a man's calm presence can be. Neurotic or hyper or frenzied is stressful, no matter how busy the man or what his excuse. But if he's got cool written all over his face and his gaze is pure steady and peaceful his sex appeal will shoot through the roof (think old-school James Dean). We women can unwillingly fall into the trap of over-worrying about things we can't control. A man who sets us at ease by reminding us how things always manage to work out in the end is absolutely hot.

3. He Takes Care Of Himself. Look, we're not saying it's a certain height or build that matters. If he keeps his body in relatively good shape this shows us he knows how to take care of himself. It also clues us in that he sets health as a priority. What's more, if he's active, working out even a few times a week, the endorphins his body is producing during gym sessions are sure to keep him in good spirits and energized. The bottom line: If he takes good care of himself he's likely to take good care of his partner (or at least help keep her motivated to do so). That's a turn-on.

4. He's Got Style. We don't want to give the wrong idea here. This is not to say he has to be one certain type of style, and that mimicking a prescribed "it" style is a surefire path to sexy (whether that's clean-cut, tattooed-up or punked-out). Not at all. Rather, what's attractive in a guy is that he has a style at all, a way of dressing that reflects in some way who he is and what he's into. A guy who wakes up hum-drum and throws the same dingy shirt and pair of jeans on every day? Not sexy. At all.

5. He Has A Manly Scent. Sounds so animalistic, we know. No man can control his natural scent, and it turns out our DNA compatibility dictates who smells good to us, anyway. But, every guy can augment his essence with a spritz (one will do just fine) of cologne. As long as it's not overdone, a man with a strong scent has the potential to drive women wild.

6. He Is Affectionate. Though we women try not to let on, affection (be it an arm around the shoulder or hand on the leg) lights us up like fireflies. Consider it your secret weapon. By affection, we do mean to include expressing your feelings through words, such as "I love you." It's amazing how many hot men fall short of sexy just for lack of articulating and showing their love. Let's put it this way: There are guys who reach out to their partner while driving, and there are guys who keep both hands on the wheel and eyes straight ahead. The lads of the former group qualify for sexy.

7. He Laughs Loud, Hard, Often. No news flash here. Comedy is highly enticing. It's worth noting though that there are different types of humor. The insecure comedy that's based on putting others down or calling them names doesn't gibe with us. But give us fun-loving, belly-jiggling jokes and laughter and you'll head straight to the top of the sexiness charts.

10 Signs He's Not the One

Some people say they "just knew" that they were dating their future spouse. But what about the rest of us? What happens when you're not sure if he's The One? If you're considering long-term commitment or marriage, it's time to ask yourself some tough questions. Below, 10 signs that may indicate he's not for you.

1. You have a list of things he needs to stop doing/saying/wearing if he wants your relationship to work. If you're fixating on his flaws, he's either not the one you want or you're not ready for a serious relationship. Cutting him loose allows you time to grow and gives you the opportunity to meet a guy whose flaws you can embrace -- or at least accept.

2. You don't trust him. A small dose of jealousy can be healthy, but if you're hacking into his email account, and going berserk when he goes out without you, something's wrong. If there's something about him that truly warrants your distrust, then perhaps he's not the right one for you.

3. You avoid conflict at any cost. Fighting is healthy. And, when done right (in the non-accusatory, rational sort of way), it can be a great way to air grievances, fix problems in your relationship, and come to a deeper understanding of each other. Ignoring problems is not the same as having no problems at all... even if it looks that way.

4. When you're sad, you don't turn to him for comfort. When you're a giant ball of tears and snot, do you lock yourself into the bathroom so he can't see you at your worst? If you're worried about scaring him away, one of you isn't ready for total commitment. Mr. Right should make you smile through your tears and be a calming, not stressful, presence.

5. One of you is struggling with an addiction. He's sweet. He's exciting. He loves you very much. But he loves his alcohol habit or his weekly gambling fix more. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you can change him or that your relationship will be strong enough to withstand the heartache that addiction will inevitably bring. An addict may be able to change, but he'll do so on his own terms.

6. You can't really imagine him as the father of your children. Ask yourself: Would he make a great parent? Is he financially responsible? Would he be an equal partner in your future together? If you have doubts, he's probably not the one.

7. Your long-term, non-negotiable goals in life are incompatible. You want kids; he doesn't. You go to church every week; he's an atheist. He lives in the country and doesn't want to move; you can't imagine ever leaving the city. Superficial differences can be overcome, but differences in basic values are harder to smooth over. Ask yourself: "Would I be willing to compromise on this?" If the answer is absolutely not, you may not be right for each other.

8. You don't respect each other. He puts you down in front of your friends and complains about you to his parents. You roll your eyes when he talks because there's just something about him that embarrasses you. A relationship without respect can't sustain itself.

9. You're not attracted to him. Physical intimacy is a hugely important component of a romantic relationship. If he doesn't do it for you, he's probably not your best long-term match.

10. On paper he seems great, but you have this strange feeling... Don't ignore your gut. You may get along on a superficial level, but if your instincts are telling you he's not the one for you, listen. That little voice inside your head does not lie.

Why Men Don't Talk

As the editor of the biggest men's magazine in the world, I am privy to something many women rarely hear - straightforward, uninhibited guy talk.

Don't be so shocked - guys do actually talk, and not just about Tom Brady's quarterback rating. Most women think their man is the strong, silent type (or maybe the oblivious, silent type), and they wonder why he doesn't share his feelings.

But here's the truth: Men do want to open up, about their hopes, their fears, and their passions. Yet put him alone in a room with you, and he often turns into a Sphinx. Why can't he take his eyes off the TV and talk about the state of the relationship, or the finances, or, heck, the backyard landscaping? Why in the world can't he just summarize his day for 10 minutes?

In fact, one in five women say that they typically fight about a man's lack of verbal interaction, and 30 percent of men say their failure to communicate is the source of major conflict in the relationship. Why is it this way?

Here's one answer: Because even men who have feelings to share don't always feel comfortable sharing them with their partner. These are some of the reasons why some men often prefer to zip it, rather than delivering the goods:

Guys Are A Little Intimidated
No question, women are expert communicators. They throw questions like Oprah after her third cup of coffee; they're connecting on all cylinders. And like the divine Ms. W, women bring a lot of skill to their game: A special awareness of the people-scape around them, a keen set of emotions keyed to that awareness, and a rich vocabulary they use to talk about anything at anytime.

And they're always practicing their Q&A skills on their many friends, so they're in top talk mode all the time. Men know this. And they also know that more than one-third of women say that men simply can't relate and don't understand women. The result: Men are afraid of saying too much, because saying the wrong thing may get them into more trouble than Lindsay Lohan as a designated driver.

Guys Need To Decompress
Woman's view: When a man walks in the door, he ought to cough up some of the details about his day. After all, it's been 10 hours since they've communicated, not counting the two IMs, three voice mails, and one actual mid-day conversation.

Man's view: Can I please make a beeline to the bathroom? When men reach home, it's like those ultra-marathoners staggering across the finish line in Death Valley. The last thing they want to do is discuss how bright the sunlight was, and how scarce the water stops were.

Further up on his want-to-do list after arriving home: 14 percent of men want to check email, 12 percent are looking for a little private time in the bathroom, and 10 percent simply want to eat dinner. The common theme here: After they've spent a day serving the needs of others, they want to take care of themselves a little.

So when a man is hit with a demand for conversation so closely after returning from the stressful environment of work, he has only one gear left to shift into, and sometimes it's reverse. He's retreat, retreat, retreat.

Guys Are More Comfortable With Actions Than Feelings
Rather than talking about how he "feels," often a man would rather express his love by changing her oil, or bringing home a flower, or relinquishing control of the remote.

And when men do talk, they'd prefer to talk about actions rather than emotions. For instance, a lot of guys would choose to express their long-range faith in a relationship by talking about next summer's vacation plans, not by launching into a soliloquy about undying love.

Both conversations can mean the same thing (that he plans on sticking around); he just prefers to say it with plane tickets, rather than poetry. It's one of the reasons men are more comfortable talking at work (the practical universe) than they are at home (the castle that emotion built). But you can bring out his great communicator by making him feel more like he's operating in work mode, even when the topic at hand is your love life. Here's an incredible article, "The Home Office," that shows how he can use his best office skills for great success at home.

Guys Don't Want To Be Put On The Spot
When men talk less and women want more, the scenario can escalate. Like when the bad cop is pummeling the reluctant witness, more silence equals more questions. A full 65 percent of men we surveyed recently told us they don't want their partners to ask them more questions about themselves.

It's clear that some men are just plain tired of feeling like they're on the witness stand. They're not necessarily hiding anything; many guys simply prefer not to have to relate confusing feelings that they may not even understand themselves.

An age-old tactic can make things better: Back off a little, give him room to operate in a conversation, and he's more likely to open up. To find out if his lack of communication really does mean that your relationship needs a tune up, take this quick quiz.

What Is A SOULMATE And How To Attract Our SOULMATE

Every individual has a set of values, a set of priorities that they live their life by. Everybody creates their soul mate according to the hierarchy of their values,they also have a search image based on all the experience they’ve had with a relationship, anything that tend to support their values they tend to put into a composite image they’re searching for..anything that ‘s challenging they tend to avoid, having a built-in kind of filter trying to find this person who will fulfill them. If you’ve had a series of relationships in the past that have been very painful,very challenging, you will accumulate association with that to avoid that in the picture..

As a result of that, even if you say you want this..you want that..in your relationship..if you don’t know what you real values are, you don’t know what you’re really about, you will actually be seeking something that’s not true to you and you keep frustrate yourself because you keep creating what your values dictate, and if you’ve had pain dealing with one on one relationship for periods, you will automatically disburse all the traits you’re looking for into many people..

He then gave a real life example of one girl he met on a plane who's looking for 22 personality traits in a guy only to find out that all of these traits are in many different people in her life all along.She then did some soul-searching with the dr.'s help and 3 weeks later found her soulmate..

Soulmate is always in the form of either one or many,soulmate is always present, it’s never missing, but we don’t honor it

As long as there’s more pain with one person in the past than many, you’ll keep disbursing it.If you are able to see the blessings in all relationship,how they give u guidance,gave u feedback in being who u are and you are not infatuated with freedom and fantasies about relationship, the soulmate’s available to you and will manifest very quickly .

Our soulmate is a person who complements us and helps us grow the most.We don’t grow by getting the things that support, we grow the most we get support and challenge. A soulmate is the one who gives perfect complementation of support and challenge. If we have more similarities than differences, we’ re infatuated.If we see more differences than similarities, we resent them.But if we have a perfect blend of similarities and differences, agreements and disagreements, we get true love which is maximizing our growth process.

Because we get nothing but support if stay juvenile,infatuated and blind. When we get nothing but challenge,we become withdrawn.But if we put the two things together, we get awesome lovemaking, which keeps us enduring a patient relationship.That’s the secret and that’s why a soul mate has the combination things we’re looking for and things that make us grow in challenges.And we attract people who have complementary values many times, so we’re seeking that to support our values and also attract that challenge our values...because the things we need is also things that we have low areas in our values so we can attract some and we can delegate utilitarian purposes to.

It’s not what they do,it’s your perception of your support and challenge.If you get too much support, you get bored, If you get too much challenge, you get burned out.So a maximum relationship occurs in the middle of bored and burned out.When you see thing that’s supporting you, how is it challenging you.When you see things that’s challenging you, how is it supporting you.

The soul is no question.There’s nothing but love and serenity.When you first get with somebody, the way you know you’re infatuated, is you start sacrificing the thing that’s important to you to be with them and start feeling the loss of them...if you start feeling the loss of them, you’re infatuated.and when you’re trying to be somebody you’re not to be with them, to keep them, you’re not being yourself and you will accumulate moments of resentment that you will download on that person and punish them because of the things you thought you sacrificed because you were not able to be yourself during the infatuation periods.

And then you wanna change them and this is undermining the relationship.When you're doing what you love and loving what you do and be true to yourself, you have the highest probability to attract a mate.When you're trying to be somebody you’re not,you’re automatically undermining, because now you got to go back being yourself and hope that they still love you. Be inspired by your own life and empower your own life.

Ask yourself this question when you meet a guy/girl who’s hot. You might ask..”what’s in it for them to be with me” if you’re not empowered in all areas of your own life,you’re not offering something. Any areas in your life that you’re disempowering is the area they’re gonna control.So you wanna make sure you’re empowered in your own life so you have the package to deal.Because they're never committed to you in a relationship, that’s a fantasy most people stuck with. They are for you to offer in fulfilling their values.

Once you realize that, you have to offer your values,in their value system to be able be something that they still wanna be with.If you don’t do that, and take it for granted..you start projecting your values on then and expect them to live according to your life and you guide, you start undermining the relationship and you’re pushing them to the door. You gotta find what their values are,you gotta honor them, you gotta learn to communicate yours in term of theirs to get what you want, and in the process of doing that, you get to experience love, and always keep it balanced,that’s the only way to keep a stable relationship.

Infatuation is what makes us blind,not love. When you love, there is no space and time.When you’re infatuated with them, you’re too humble to admit what u see in them is what's inside you, when you’re resenting them, you’re too proud to admit what you see in them is what’s inside you.but when you love them, you don’t have to pry self righteousness or the humbleness that way,you just see eye to eye in a relationship because you understand and have a respect for their unique values.

If you can't respect them for what they’re dedicated to,you’re not ready for a relationship with them, because if that’s who they are, you gotta love them for who they are and not what you fantasize that you’re gonna make them and punish them till they get there.

IDENTIFYING OUR EMOTIONAL NEEDS

Ok, as promised, though i volunteered.. it's still a promise to me so here they are..the 1st part of the 115 questions..it's just a method to identify our top 4 emotional needs.I'll post the how -to once we've identified yours heheh..take your time though i really hope you'll include this evaluation as part of your restructuring plan ;)

What to do with these questions?? Just read the scenarios below,if the situation rings true for you,check the corresponding need that most resonates with you.You are looking for the underlying needs that drives the behavior.If the scenario is true for you but none of the needs listed sounds right,then skip it okie dokie :)

1. You need a balance of work and play in your life in order to feel your best. If you work too much, you lose your sense of humor. If you play too much, you tend to get lazy or apathetic.

• Need for balance.
• Does not apply.

2. You are at a party and two people start to argue. You feel uncomfortable and either try to smooth things over or shy away from the conflict.

• Need to be accepted/liked.
• Need for peace/harmony.
• Does not apply.

3. You are always doing favors for other people, even at your own personal expense.

• Need to be accepted/liked.
• Need to be appreciated.
  
• Need to be useful/needed.
  
• Does not apply.

4. You keep others at arm’s length. You don’t want to get hurt.

• Need to be accepted.
• Need for safety/security.
• Does not apply.

5. You are the kind of person who goes out of your way to help others, even though you don't really

have the time.

• Need for peace/harmony.
• Need to useful/needed.
• Need to be responsible/do the right thing.
• Does not apply.

6. You are constantly sending thoughtful notes, cards or gifts to family, friends and colleagues.

• Need to be appreciated.
• Need to be accepted/liked/included.
• Need to loved/cherished.
• Does not apply.

7. You hate being interrupted.

• Need to be heard/listened to/communicate.
• Need for control/power.
• Does not apply.

8. People don’t take what you say seriously.

• Need to be heard/listened to/understood.
• Does not apply.

9. You feel like you are drowning-there are so many things vying for your attention that you have no time to pursue your true calling.

• Need for order.
• Need for balance/peace.
• Need for clarity.
• Does not apply.

10. You get irritable and cranky if your home is messy.

• Need for order/tidiness.
• Need for clarity.
• Does not apply.

11. You can’t think clearly until your desk is cleaned off.

• Need for order/tidiness.
• Need for clarity.
• Does not apply.

12. You find yourself volunteering in the community homeless shelter, the church, or some other charitable organization, but your family doesn't appreciate all you do for them and the work you do in the community.

• Need to be needed/useful.
• Need to be appreciated/liked/approved of.
• Need to be responsible/have a cause or mission.
• Does not apply.

13. When your boss micro-manages you, you feel suffocated. You think, ”Why can’t she/he trust me to do the job right?”

• Need to be independent/free.
• Need to be accepted/respected.
• Need for power/control/authority.
• Need to be right/deferred to.
• Does not apply.

14. It annoys you that your spouse/partner doesn't do things for you, like loading the dishwasher unless you ask him/her.

• Need to be cared for/supported/taken care of.
• Need to be loved/cherished.
• Does not apply.

15. You feel (fill in the blank) when your spouse or partner does small things around the house without your asking.

• Cherished/loved.
• Supported/taken care of.
• Does not apply.

16. You get anxious or restless when you don't have a project to work on. You enjoy pushing the limits to see what can be done.

• Need to accomplish/achieve.
• Need to be busy/work.
• Need to have a cause or mission/responsible.
• Does not apply.

17. You get frustrated with bureaucracy that slows you down from getting results.

• Need be free/independent.
• Need to accomplish/achieve.
• Need for power/control/authority.
• Does not apply.

18. You find yourself eating out of the fridge or in front of the TV even though you are not really hungry.

• Need to be cherished/loved.
• Need to be nurtured/supported/taken care of.
• Need for security/safety.
• Need to be busy/work.
• Does not apply.

19. People don't appreciate your point of view. You make a statement and nobody seems to hear you or understand you.

• Need to be heard/listened to/understood.
• Need to be recognized/get attention.
• Need to be appreciated/valued.
• Does not apply.

20. You always have to have the remote control.

• Need to be in control/power.
• Does not apply.

21. You can't stand it when your boss or colleague takes credit for what you've done.

• Need to be recognized/get credit/noticed.
• Need to be appreciated/acknowledged.
• Does not apply.

22. You get very frustrated and/or upset if you don't get the recognition you deserve at work.

• Need to be recognized/noticed.
• Need to be appreciated/acknowledged/valued.
• Does not apply.

23. You feel lonely and removed from people and lose the desire for sex when you are not in a relationship.

• Need to be touched/held.
• Need to be loved/cherished.
• Does not apply.

24. You get furious/hurt/angry or disappointed if you find out your friends make plans without inviting you, even if you know you can't attend. You still want to be invited regardless.

• Need to be included/liked.
• Does not apply.

25. You get really upset or annoyed if people do things or make plans without your knowledge.

• Need for power/control.
• Need to know/clarity/be informed.
• Does not apply.

26. You have plenty of money in the bank, but you still don’t feel secure. It is never enough somehow.

• Need for security/safety.
• Need for luxury/comfort.
• Does not apply.

27. Nobody loves losing, but you really can't stand it. You have to win, even if it is just Monopoly or a card game for fun

• Need to win/be the best.
• Does not apply.

28. People say that you are too opinionated or bull-headed because you have to get your point across.

Need to be heard/communicate.

• Need to be right/understood.
• Need to be responsible/do the right thing/duty.
• Need to win.
• Does not apply.

29. You have been known to tell your spouse or partner which way to turn out of the driveway.

• Need to control.
• Does not apply.

30. You like it when your boss, family and friends approve of what you do and find it disturbing if they don't.

• Need to be accepted/approved of.
• Need to be appreciated/valued.
• Does not apply.

31. At parties and social gatherings, you need to be the center of attention and will tell jokes, sing songs, do silly stuff, or wear clothes that are guaranteed to attract attention.

• Need to be recognized/get attention/be seen/noticed.
• Does not apply.

32. You find it hard to do nothing and prefer, even when on vacation, to work on some project or another.

• Need to be useful/needed.
• Need to accomplish/achieve.
• Need to be busy/work.
• Does not apply.

33. If you don't have at least ten minutes of quiet time a day to yourself, the rest of the day is off kilter.

• Need for peace/balance/be alone.
• Does not apply.

34. It is vital for you to be in a position of power or authority. You need to be the one in charge whether at work or at home.

• Need to control/power/authority.
• Does not apply.

35. You can't be in a relationship unless your partner/spouse is faithful to you. An open marriage wouldn't work for you.

• Need to be in control/power.
• Need for responsibility/duty/loyalty.
• Need to be loved/cherished.
• Does not apply.

36. You are a perfectionist and can't abide it when things go afoul.

• Need for perfection/order.
• Does not apply.

37. You find yourself shopping several times a week. You get a high from shopping, but then feel guilty afterwards because you are buying on credit and know you can't pay off your credit card balance. Still you continue to shop, knowing you really shouldn't.

• Need to be loved/cherished.
• Need for luxury/comfort/abundance.
• Does not apply.

38. You go into restaurants even when you are not planning to eat there, just to see if there is anyone you know dining there.

• Need to be seen/admired/recognized/known.
• Does not apply.

39. You can't sleep at night unless you've checked to make sure all the doors are locked.

• Need for safety/security.
• Does not apply.

40. You have a stockpile of canned goods and household supplies on hand.

• Need for luxury/comfort/abundance.
• Need for security/safety.
• Does not apply.

41. You feel compelled to always do the right thing, no matter what.

• Need for honesty/integrity.
• Need for duty/responsibility/justice.
• Does not apply.

42. Although you hate to admit it, you don't go on a second date with a person if they didn't pick up the tab on the first date. You much prefer being treated and feel that they can't be all that interested in you if they didn't treat.

• Need to be supported/cared for.
• Need to be loved/cherished.
• Does not apply.

3. You love gossip. You can’t resist passing on a juicy tidbit.

• Need to be recognized/get attention/known.
• Need to be included/accepted/liked.
• Need to be heard/communicate/tell stories.
• Does not apply.

44. You naturally expect people to bring presents to your birthday party and feel miffed if someone doesn't bring one.

• Need to be cared for/supported.
• Does not apply.

45. You would never eat at a restaurant where the service was lousy, even though the food was superb.

• Need to be cared for/attended to/supported.
• Need for luxury/comfort.
• Does not apply.

46. You need to know that your lover/partner/spouse desires you. It isn't enough that he/she says so. You want demonstrable evidence before you are satisfied.

• Need to be supported/cared for.
• Need to be touched/caressed.
• Need to be cared for.
• Does not apply.

47. You tend to find yourself in messes or problems, but fortunately, someone comes along to rescue you or help you out.

• Need to be saved/supported.
• Does not apply.

48. You ask leading questions in order to get a compliment, such as, “How do you like my dress/suit/hair?”.

• Need to be loved/cherished/desired/adored.
• Need to be admired/recognized.
• Need to be complimented/appreciated.
• Need to be supported/encouraged
• Does not apply.

49. You need a commitment before you can do your best work or be your best self-whether that is a job contract or a marriage contract.

• Need for security/safety.
• Need for clarity/certainty.
• Does not apply.

50. After a bad day, nothing makes you feel better than being held tenderly.

• Need to be touched/held.
• Need to be supported/cared for.
• Need to be loved/cherished/desired.
• Does not apply.

1. Life feels blah if you don’t have a cause to rally behind.

• Need to be responsible/have a cause or mission.
• Need to accomplish.
• Need to work/be busy.
• Does not apply.

52. You frequently write letters to the editor to correct injustices and wrongs.

• Need to have a cause or mission/duty/responsible.
• Need to be right.
• Need for honesty/integrity.
• Does not apply.

53. You have to have the last word in an argument.

• Need to be right.
• Need to win.
• Need for power/control.
• Does not apply.

54. You can’t stand being wrong.

• Need to be right.
• Need to win.
• Does not apply.

55. You go the extra mile when you have someone to encourage you.

• Need to be useful/needed.
• Need to be supported/encouraged.
• Does not apply.

Life Is a Gift

Life Is a Gift

Today
before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before
you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before
you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone
who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today
before you complain about life - Think of someone who died too earlyon this earth.

Before
you complain about your children - Think of someone who
desires children but they're barren.

Before
you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or
sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before
whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who
walks the same distance with their feet.

And when
you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the
unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your
job.

But
before you think of pointing the finger or condemning
another -Remember that not one of us is without sin.

And when
depressing thoughts seem to get you down –
Put a smile on
your face and think: you're alive and still around.

Jalan Orang Kuat muka 19

批判、批評精神をもて
Milikilah Semangat Mengkritik!

Apa saja topik tidak mengapa.
Berita semasa atau apa saja yang berlaku dalam dunia hiburan juga boleh.
Sukan mungkin yang paling sesuai.

Apa saja yang engkau fikirkan tentang apa yang berlaku di hadapan matamu -
harus sentiasa engkau berikan pendapat dan kritikan.
Boleh lakukan dalam hati juga.
Janganlan membiarkan sesuatu yang terjadi berlalu begitu sahaja.

Hanya membaca akhbar, menonton TV. berak dan tidur, tidak akan memberi sebarang perkembangan dalam dirimu.

Sentiasalah mengulang-ulang di fikiran -
'bagiku, ini yang aku fikir, aku rasa, aku percaya, aku ingin kata' -
tentang sesuatu atau apa saja!

Janganlah menjadi seperti orang bodoh yang apabila ditanya, hanya mampu menjawab -
'entahlah', 'biasa saja', 'biasalah tu','tak ada apa-apa','saya tak kisah...'
Orang seperti ini, lambat laun akan hilang jatidiri, tidak akan dipedulikan orang untuk pandangannya.

Sentiasalah menempa pemikiran sendiri, pendirian sendiri.
Kemudian, jadilah seorang yang kritikal sedaya-upayamu.

Habiskan dengan -
'Aku fikir begini, begini, begini...'

****
special nod to mr kritik of VF

Jalan Orang Kuat muka18

page 18.
Life Is A Serious Business.

Kehidupan - adalah suatu perkara yang besar, bukan main-main.
Kehidupan adalah satu pekerjaan, satu tugasan yang berat.
Pada masa yang sama, kehidupan adalah satu perjalanan yang panjang.

Keberhasilan, kegagalan, ketawa dan air mata - kehidupan mempunyai segala ragam.
Di mana ada cinta, di situ ada benci.
DI mana ada kejayaan, ada juga kekalahan.
Dalam setiap kehidupan, kegembiraan dan kesedihan silih berganti, seperti drama swasta di TV.

Kerana itulah, dalam semua keadaan - rancanglah tindakanmu untuk kehidupan yang akan engkau lalui.

Janganlah hanya menurut arus membawamu hanyut, ke dasar entah di mana. Kehidupanmu - engkaulah yang harus mengurusnya.
Mind Your Own Business! (<--ni tambahan je :D)

Untuk kehidupanmu yang seterusnya, bagaimana kau akan melaluinya?
Pertama, apa perancanganmu?