sup Reynn?
please edit this post as necessary.
__________________________________
I think we can put together all 'Ulasan Buku' atau excerpt from books in one category, what say you?
this alone could reduce the number of category we may need.
I will check some other sites for their 'labeling system'.
a few Labels/category I have in mind (please post yours too):
Draygourn's Category :
- Health, Fitness
- Education, Career
- Family, Parenting
- Man and Woman
- Agama Corner
(keep in mind that some articles may share categories, like, Agama Corner articles also may sometimes fit in 'Guides' category)
-
-
-
-
-
Reynn's Categories :
- Reynn writes...
- whatever you have in mind lah
-
AAHAAA.. last time I tried to rob some articles from VF, and also some of their category.
They have:
- Agama Corner ( I did take it already :D )
- Computing and Technology
- Cooking and Recipes (this blog is not social site so I think we can leave this)
- Health, Beauty, Fitness (looks like a good combo)
- Lifestyle / Lite& easy / Stories / Students / Fun / General
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Pain Threshold, or Why People Stay
Cebisan Kitab – AtGW by AR
Change is usually not a question of capability; it’s almost always a question of motivation.
The problem is, change is often a ‘should’ and not a ‘must’
Page 125.
Pain Threshold.
Have you ever experienced this in a personal relationship, for example? You hung in there, it was painful and you really weren’t happy, but you stayed in anyway. Why? You rationalized that it will get better, without doing anything to make it better.
If you were in so much pain, why didn’t you leave? Even though you were unhappy, your fear of the unknown was a more powerful motivating force. “Yeah, I’m unhappy now,” you may have thought, “but what if I leave this person and then I never find anyone else? At least I know how to deal with the pain I have now.”
This kind of thinking is what keeps people from making changes.
Change is usually not a question of capability; it’s almost always a question of motivation.
The problem is, change is often a ‘should’ and not a ‘must’
Page 125.
Pain Threshold.
Have you ever experienced this in a personal relationship, for example? You hung in there, it was painful and you really weren’t happy, but you stayed in anyway. Why? You rationalized that it will get better, without doing anything to make it better.
If you were in so much pain, why didn’t you leave? Even though you were unhappy, your fear of the unknown was a more powerful motivating force. “Yeah, I’m unhappy now,” you may have thought, “but what if I leave this person and then I never find anyone else? At least I know how to deal with the pain I have now.”
This kind of thinking is what keeps people from making changes.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Posting Pics Online? What Your Photos Say About You
Posting Pics Online? What Your Photos Say About You
Jeanna Bryner
Senior Writer
LiveScience.com jeanna Bryner
senior Writer
livescience.com – Mon Nov 9, 11:23 am ET
Those photos you post on Facebook could paint an accurate picture of your personality, new research on first impressions suggests.
And perhaps as expected, the more candid a shot the more nuances of your personality show through.
"In an age dominated by social media where personal photographs are ubiquitous, it becomes important to understand the ways personality is communicated via our appearance," said study researcher Laura Naumann of Sonoma State University. "The appearance one portrays in his or her photographs has important implications for their professional and social life."
With this information, there's always the option of tweaking your image, and thus your personality to the outside world. "If you want potential employers or romantic suitors to see you as a warm and friendly individual, you should post pictures where you smile or are standing in a relaxed pose," Naumann said.
Scientists have known physical appearance is important for first impressions and that such initial impressions can be hard to undo, particularly negative ones. Studies have shown judgments made at first glance of a CEO can predict his or her success. But until now little was known about how well people judged personality based on appearance and what physical factors are most important.
In the new study, 12 observers looked at full-body photos of 123 undergraduate students who they had never met before. Six observers viewed the students in a neutral pose and six saw the same students in a spontaneous pose.
The participants rated each photo on 10 personality traits: extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, emotional stability, openness (open to experience), likability, self-esteem, loneliness, religiosity and political orientation.
To figure out accuracy of the judgments, the researchers compared the results with the posers' self-ratings and ratings from three close friends.
For the controlled poses, the observers accurately judged extraversion and self-esteem. When participants looked at the naturally expressive shots, which revealed dynamic non-verbal cues, they were nearly spot-on, getting nine out of the 10 traits correct (everything but political orientation).
For instance, both the neutral and expressive photos garnered about a 70 percent success rate.
"Extraversion is one of those things that's probably the easiest trait to judge," Naumann told LiveScience. "Even without seeing whether someone is smiling or not people can pick that up."
But when judging likeability, observers got it right on average for 55 percent of the photos with neutral poses and 64 percent of the expressive photos. Similar results were found for agreeableness, with participants judging correctly 45 percent of the time for neutral poses compared with 60 percent in the expressive images.
Beyond pure science, the researchers say the results, which will be detailed in the December issue of the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, have practical implications.
For example, if you want to come off as an extravert, try to smile more, stand in energetic and less tense ways, and gear your overall appearance to look healthy (as opposed to sickly), neat and stylish, the study found. For those interested in seeming open to new experiences, it'd be best to show off a distinctive style of dressing rather than a healthy, neat appearance.
Jeanna Bryner
Senior Writer
LiveScience.com jeanna Bryner
senior Writer
livescience.com – Mon Nov 9, 11:23 am ET
Those photos you post on Facebook could paint an accurate picture of your personality, new research on first impressions suggests.
And perhaps as expected, the more candid a shot the more nuances of your personality show through.
"In an age dominated by social media where personal photographs are ubiquitous, it becomes important to understand the ways personality is communicated via our appearance," said study researcher Laura Naumann of Sonoma State University. "The appearance one portrays in his or her photographs has important implications for their professional and social life."
With this information, there's always the option of tweaking your image, and thus your personality to the outside world. "If you want potential employers or romantic suitors to see you as a warm and friendly individual, you should post pictures where you smile or are standing in a relaxed pose," Naumann said.
Scientists have known physical appearance is important for first impressions and that such initial impressions can be hard to undo, particularly negative ones. Studies have shown judgments made at first glance of a CEO can predict his or her success. But until now little was known about how well people judged personality based on appearance and what physical factors are most important.
In the new study, 12 observers looked at full-body photos of 123 undergraduate students who they had never met before. Six observers viewed the students in a neutral pose and six saw the same students in a spontaneous pose.
The participants rated each photo on 10 personality traits: extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, emotional stability, openness (open to experience), likability, self-esteem, loneliness, religiosity and political orientation.
To figure out accuracy of the judgments, the researchers compared the results with the posers' self-ratings and ratings from three close friends.
For the controlled poses, the observers accurately judged extraversion and self-esteem. When participants looked at the naturally expressive shots, which revealed dynamic non-verbal cues, they were nearly spot-on, getting nine out of the 10 traits correct (everything but political orientation).
For instance, both the neutral and expressive photos garnered about a 70 percent success rate.
"Extraversion is one of those things that's probably the easiest trait to judge," Naumann told LiveScience. "Even without seeing whether someone is smiling or not people can pick that up."
But when judging likeability, observers got it right on average for 55 percent of the photos with neutral poses and 64 percent of the expressive photos. Similar results were found for agreeableness, with participants judging correctly 45 percent of the time for neutral poses compared with 60 percent in the expressive images.
Beyond pure science, the researchers say the results, which will be detailed in the December issue of the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, have practical implications.
For example, if you want to come off as an extravert, try to smile more, stand in energetic and less tense ways, and gear your overall appearance to look healthy (as opposed to sickly), neat and stylish, the study found. For those interested in seeming open to new experiences, it'd be best to show off a distinctive style of dressing rather than a healthy, neat appearance.
Monday, November 2, 2009
50 Common Interview Q & A
Review these typical interview questions and think about how you would answer them. Read the questions listed; you will also find some strategy suggestions with it.
1. Tell me about yourself?
Ans : The most often asked question in interviews. You need to have a short statement prepared in your mind. Be careful that it does not sound rehearsed. Limit it to work-related items unless instructed otherwise. Talk about things you have done and jobs you have held that relate to the position you are interviewing for. Start with the item farthest back and work up to the present.
2. Why did you leave your last job?
Ans: Stay positive regardless of the circumstances. Never refer to a majorproblem with management and never speak ill of supervisors, co-workers or the organization. If you do, you will be the one looking bad. Keep smiling and talk about leaving for a positive reason such as an opportunity, a chance to do something special or other forward-looking reasons.
3. What experience do you have in this field?
Ans: Speak about specifics that relate to the position you are applying for. If you do not have specific experience, get as close as you can.
4. Do you consider yourself successful?
Ans:You should always answer yes and briefly explain why. A good explanation is that you have set goals, and you have met some and are on track to achieve the others.
5. What do co-workers say about you?
Ans: Be prepared with a quote or two from co-workers. Either a specific statement or a paraphrase will work. Jill Clark, a co-worker at Smith Company, always said I was the hardest workers she had ever known. It is as powerful as Jill having said it at the interview herself.
6. What do you know about this organization?
This question is one reason to do some research on the organization before the interview. Find out where they have been and where they are going. What are the current issues and who are the major players?
7. What have you done to improve your knowledge in the last year?
Try to include improvement activities that relate to the job. A wide variety of activities can be mentioned as positive self-improvement. Have some good ones handy to mention.
8. Are you applying for other jobs?
Be honest but do not spend a lot of time in this area. Keep the focuson this job and what you can do for this organization. Anything else is a distraction.
9. Why do you want to work for this organization?
This may take some thought and certainly, should be based on the research you have done on the organization. Sincerity is extremely important here and will easily be sensed... Relate it to your long-term career goals.
10. Do you know anyone who works for us?
Be aware of the policy on relatives working for the organization. This can affect your answer even though they asked about friends not relatives. Be careful to mention a friend only if they are well thought of.
11. What is your Expected Salary?
A loaded question. A nasty little game that you will probably lose if you answer first. So, do not answer it. Instead, say something like, That's a tough question. Can you tell me the range for this position? In most cases, the interviewer, taken off guard, will tell you. If not, say that it can depend on the details of the job. Then give a wide range.
12. Are you a team player?
You are, of course, a team player. Be sure to have examples ready. Specifics that show you often perform for the good of the team rather than for yourself are good evidence of your team attitude. Do not brag, just say it in a matter-of-fact tone. This is a key point..
13. How long would you expect to work for us if hired?
Specifics here are not good. Something like this should work: I'd like it to be a long time. Or As long as we both feel I'm doing a good job.
14. Have you ever had to fire anyone?
How did you feel about that? This is serious. Do not make light of it or in any way seem like you like to fire people. At the same time, you will do it when it is the right thing to do. When it comes to the organization versus the individual who has created a harmful situation, you will protect the organization. Remember firing is not the same as layoff or reduction in force.
15. What is your philosophy towards work?
The interviewer is not looking for a long or flowery dissertation here. Do you have strong feelings that the job gets done? Yes. That's the type of answer that works best here. Short and positive, showing a benefit to the organization.
16. If you had enough money to retire right now, would you?
Answer yes if you would. But since you need to work, this is the type of work you prefer. Do not say yes if you do not mean it.
17. Have you ever been asked to leave a position?
If you have not, say no. If you have, be honest, brief and avoid saying negative things about the people or organization involved.
18. Explain how you would be an asset to this organization ?
You should be anxious for this question. It gives you a chance to highlight your best points as they relate to the position being discussed. Give a little advance thought to this relationship. .
19. Why should we hire you?
Point out how your assets meet what the organization needs. Do not mention any other candidates to make a comparison..
20. Tell me about a suggestion you have made ?
Have a good one ready. Be sure and use a suggestion that was accepted and was then considered successful. One related to the type of work applied for is a real plus.
21. What irritates you about co-workers?
This is a trap question. Think real hard but fail to come up with anything that irritates you. A short statement that you seem to get along with folks is great.
22. What is your greatest strength?
Numerous answers are good, just stay positive. A few good examples: Your ability to prioritize, Your problem-solving skills, Your ability to work under pressure, Your ability to focus on projects, Your professional expertise, Your leadership skills, Your positive attitude
23. Tell me about your dream job ?
Stay away from a specific job. You cannot win. If you say the job you are contending for is it, you strain credibility. If you say another job is it, you plant the suspicion that you will be dissatisfied with this position if hired. The best is to stay genetic and say something like: A job where I love the work, like the people, can contribute andcan't wait to get to work.
24. Why do you think you would do well at this job?
Give several reasons and include skills, experience and interest.
25. What are you looking for in a job?
See answer # 23
26. What kind of person would you refuse to work with?
Do not be trivial. It would take disloyalty to the organization, violence or lawbreaking to get you to object. Minor objections will label you as a whiner.
27. What is more important to you: the money or the work?
Money is always important, but the work is the most important. There is no better answer.
28. What would your previous supervisor say your strongest point is?
There are numerous good possibilities: Loyalty, Energy, Positive attitude, Leadership, Team player, Expertise,Initiativ e, Patience, Hard work, Creativity, Problem solver
29. Tell me about a problem you had with a supervisor?
Biggest trap of all. This is a test to see if you will speak ill of your boss. If you fall for it and tell about a problem with a former boss, you may well below the interview right there. Stay positive and develop a poor memory about any trouble with a supervisor.
30. What has disappointed you about a job?
Don't get trivial or negative. Safe areas are few but can include: Not enough of a challenge. You were laid off in a reduction Company did not win a contract, which would have given you more responsibility.
31. Tell me about your ability to work under pressure.
You may say that you thrive under certain types of pressure. Give an example that relates to the type of position applied for.
32. Do your skills match this job or another job more closely?
Probably this one. Do not give fuel to the suspicion that you may want another job more than this one.
33. What motivates you to do your best on the job?
This is a personal trait that only you can say, but good examples are: Challenge, Achievement, Recognition
34. Are you willing to work overtime? Nights? Weekends?
This is up to you. Be totally honest.
35. How would you know you were successful on this job?
Several ways are good measures: You set high standards for yourself and meet them. Your outcomes are a success. Your boss tell you that you are successful
36. Would you be willing to relocate if required?
You should be clear on this with your family prior to the interview if you think there is a chance it may come up. Do not say yes just to get the job if the real answer is no. This can create a lot of problems later on in your career. Be honest at this point and save yourself future grief.
37. Are you willing to put the interests of the organization ahead of your own?
This is a straight loyalty and dedication question. Do not worry about the deep ethical and philosophical implications. Just say yes.
38. Describe your management style ?
Try to avoid labels. Some of the more common labels, like progressive, salesman or consensus, can have several meanings or descriptions depending on which management expert you listen to. The situational style is safe, because it says you will manage according to the situation, instead of one size fits all.
39. What have you learned from mistakes on the job?
Here you have to come up with something or you strain credibility. Make it small, well intentioned mistake with a positive lesson learned. An example would be working too far ahead of colleagues on a project and thus throwing coordination off.
40. Do you have any blind spots?
Trick question. If you know about blind spots, they are no longer blind spots. Do not reveal any personal areas of concern here. Let them do their own discovery on your bad points. Do not hand it to them.
41. If you were hiring a person for this job, what would you look for?
Be careful to mention traits that are needed and that you have.
42. Do you think you are overqualified for this position?
Regardless of your qualifications, state that you are very well qualified for the position.
43. How do you propose to compensate for your lack of experience?
First, if you have experience that the interviewer does not know about, bring that up: Then, point out (if true) that you are a hard working quick learner.
44. What qualities do you look for in a boss?
Be generic and positive. Safe qualities are knowledgeable, a sense of humor, fair, loyal to subordinates and holder of high standards. All bosses think they have these traits.
45. Tell me about a time when you helped resolve a dispute ?
between others. Pick a specific incident. Concentrate on your problem solving technique and not the dispute you settled.
46. What position do you prefer on a team working on a project?
Be honest. If you are comfortable in different roles, point that out.
47. Describe your work ethic ?
Emphasize benefits to the organization. Things like, determination to get the job done and work hard but enjoy your work are good.
48. What has been your biggest professional disappointment?
Be sure that you refer to something that was beyond your control. Show acceptance and no negative feelings.
49. Tell me about the most fun you have had on the job.
Talk about having fun by accomplishing something for the organization.
50. Do you have any questions for me?
Always have some questions prepared. Questions prepared where you will be an asset to the organization are good. How soon will I be able to be productive? and What type of projects will I be able to assist on? are examples.
And Finally Best of Luck Hope you will be succussful in the interview you are going to face in coming days.
"Never take some one for granted,Hold every person Close to your Heart because you might wake up one day and realise that you have lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones." Remember this always in life.
1. Tell me about yourself?
Ans : The most often asked question in interviews. You need to have a short statement prepared in your mind. Be careful that it does not sound rehearsed. Limit it to work-related items unless instructed otherwise. Talk about things you have done and jobs you have held that relate to the position you are interviewing for. Start with the item farthest back and work up to the present.
2. Why did you leave your last job?
Ans: Stay positive regardless of the circumstances. Never refer to a majorproblem with management and never speak ill of supervisors, co-workers or the organization. If you do, you will be the one looking bad. Keep smiling and talk about leaving for a positive reason such as an opportunity, a chance to do something special or other forward-looking reasons.
3. What experience do you have in this field?
Ans: Speak about specifics that relate to the position you are applying for. If you do not have specific experience, get as close as you can.
4. Do you consider yourself successful?
Ans:You should always answer yes and briefly explain why. A good explanation is that you have set goals, and you have met some and are on track to achieve the others.
5. What do co-workers say about you?
Ans: Be prepared with a quote or two from co-workers. Either a specific statement or a paraphrase will work. Jill Clark, a co-worker at Smith Company, always said I was the hardest workers she had ever known. It is as powerful as Jill having said it at the interview herself.
6. What do you know about this organization?
This question is one reason to do some research on the organization before the interview. Find out where they have been and where they are going. What are the current issues and who are the major players?
7. What have you done to improve your knowledge in the last year?
Try to include improvement activities that relate to the job. A wide variety of activities can be mentioned as positive self-improvement. Have some good ones handy to mention.
8. Are you applying for other jobs?
Be honest but do not spend a lot of time in this area. Keep the focuson this job and what you can do for this organization. Anything else is a distraction.
9. Why do you want to work for this organization?
This may take some thought and certainly, should be based on the research you have done on the organization. Sincerity is extremely important here and will easily be sensed... Relate it to your long-term career goals.
10. Do you know anyone who works for us?
Be aware of the policy on relatives working for the organization. This can affect your answer even though they asked about friends not relatives. Be careful to mention a friend only if they are well thought of.
11. What is your Expected Salary?
A loaded question. A nasty little game that you will probably lose if you answer first. So, do not answer it. Instead, say something like, That's a tough question. Can you tell me the range for this position? In most cases, the interviewer, taken off guard, will tell you. If not, say that it can depend on the details of the job. Then give a wide range.
12. Are you a team player?
You are, of course, a team player. Be sure to have examples ready. Specifics that show you often perform for the good of the team rather than for yourself are good evidence of your team attitude. Do not brag, just say it in a matter-of-fact tone. This is a key point..
13. How long would you expect to work for us if hired?
Specifics here are not good. Something like this should work: I'd like it to be a long time. Or As long as we both feel I'm doing a good job.
14. Have you ever had to fire anyone?
How did you feel about that? This is serious. Do not make light of it or in any way seem like you like to fire people. At the same time, you will do it when it is the right thing to do. When it comes to the organization versus the individual who has created a harmful situation, you will protect the organization. Remember firing is not the same as layoff or reduction in force.
15. What is your philosophy towards work?
The interviewer is not looking for a long or flowery dissertation here. Do you have strong feelings that the job gets done? Yes. That's the type of answer that works best here. Short and positive, showing a benefit to the organization.
16. If you had enough money to retire right now, would you?
Answer yes if you would. But since you need to work, this is the type of work you prefer. Do not say yes if you do not mean it.
17. Have you ever been asked to leave a position?
If you have not, say no. If you have, be honest, brief and avoid saying negative things about the people or organization involved.
18. Explain how you would be an asset to this organization ?
You should be anxious for this question. It gives you a chance to highlight your best points as they relate to the position being discussed. Give a little advance thought to this relationship. .
19. Why should we hire you?
Point out how your assets meet what the organization needs. Do not mention any other candidates to make a comparison..
20. Tell me about a suggestion you have made ?
Have a good one ready. Be sure and use a suggestion that was accepted and was then considered successful. One related to the type of work applied for is a real plus.
21. What irritates you about co-workers?
This is a trap question. Think real hard but fail to come up with anything that irritates you. A short statement that you seem to get along with folks is great.
22. What is your greatest strength?
Numerous answers are good, just stay positive. A few good examples: Your ability to prioritize, Your problem-solving skills, Your ability to work under pressure, Your ability to focus on projects, Your professional expertise, Your leadership skills, Your positive attitude
23. Tell me about your dream job ?
Stay away from a specific job. You cannot win. If you say the job you are contending for is it, you strain credibility. If you say another job is it, you plant the suspicion that you will be dissatisfied with this position if hired. The best is to stay genetic and say something like: A job where I love the work, like the people, can contribute andcan't wait to get to work.
24. Why do you think you would do well at this job?
Give several reasons and include skills, experience and interest.
25. What are you looking for in a job?
See answer # 23
26. What kind of person would you refuse to work with?
Do not be trivial. It would take disloyalty to the organization, violence or lawbreaking to get you to object. Minor objections will label you as a whiner.
27. What is more important to you: the money or the work?
Money is always important, but the work is the most important. There is no better answer.
28. What would your previous supervisor say your strongest point is?
There are numerous good possibilities: Loyalty, Energy, Positive attitude, Leadership, Team player, Expertise,Initiativ e, Patience, Hard work, Creativity, Problem solver
29. Tell me about a problem you had with a supervisor?
Biggest trap of all. This is a test to see if you will speak ill of your boss. If you fall for it and tell about a problem with a former boss, you may well below the interview right there. Stay positive and develop a poor memory about any trouble with a supervisor.
30. What has disappointed you about a job?
Don't get trivial or negative. Safe areas are few but can include: Not enough of a challenge. You were laid off in a reduction Company did not win a contract, which would have given you more responsibility.
31. Tell me about your ability to work under pressure.
You may say that you thrive under certain types of pressure. Give an example that relates to the type of position applied for.
32. Do your skills match this job or another job more closely?
Probably this one. Do not give fuel to the suspicion that you may want another job more than this one.
33. What motivates you to do your best on the job?
This is a personal trait that only you can say, but good examples are: Challenge, Achievement, Recognition
34. Are you willing to work overtime? Nights? Weekends?
This is up to you. Be totally honest.
35. How would you know you were successful on this job?
Several ways are good measures: You set high standards for yourself and meet them. Your outcomes are a success. Your boss tell you that you are successful
36. Would you be willing to relocate if required?
You should be clear on this with your family prior to the interview if you think there is a chance it may come up. Do not say yes just to get the job if the real answer is no. This can create a lot of problems later on in your career. Be honest at this point and save yourself future grief.
37. Are you willing to put the interests of the organization ahead of your own?
This is a straight loyalty and dedication question. Do not worry about the deep ethical and philosophical implications. Just say yes.
38. Describe your management style ?
Try to avoid labels. Some of the more common labels, like progressive, salesman or consensus, can have several meanings or descriptions depending on which management expert you listen to. The situational style is safe, because it says you will manage according to the situation, instead of one size fits all.
39. What have you learned from mistakes on the job?
Here you have to come up with something or you strain credibility. Make it small, well intentioned mistake with a positive lesson learned. An example would be working too far ahead of colleagues on a project and thus throwing coordination off.
40. Do you have any blind spots?
Trick question. If you know about blind spots, they are no longer blind spots. Do not reveal any personal areas of concern here. Let them do their own discovery on your bad points. Do not hand it to them.
41. If you were hiring a person for this job, what would you look for?
Be careful to mention traits that are needed and that you have.
42. Do you think you are overqualified for this position?
Regardless of your qualifications, state that you are very well qualified for the position.
43. How do you propose to compensate for your lack of experience?
First, if you have experience that the interviewer does not know about, bring that up: Then, point out (if true) that you are a hard working quick learner.
44. What qualities do you look for in a boss?
Be generic and positive. Safe qualities are knowledgeable, a sense of humor, fair, loyal to subordinates and holder of high standards. All bosses think they have these traits.
45. Tell me about a time when you helped resolve a dispute ?
between others. Pick a specific incident. Concentrate on your problem solving technique and not the dispute you settled.
46. What position do you prefer on a team working on a project?
Be honest. If you are comfortable in different roles, point that out.
47. Describe your work ethic ?
Emphasize benefits to the organization. Things like, determination to get the job done and work hard but enjoy your work are good.
48. What has been your biggest professional disappointment?
Be sure that you refer to something that was beyond your control. Show acceptance and no negative feelings.
49. Tell me about the most fun you have had on the job.
Talk about having fun by accomplishing something for the organization.
50. Do you have any questions for me?
Always have some questions prepared. Questions prepared where you will be an asset to the organization are good. How soon will I be able to be productive? and What type of projects will I be able to assist on? are examples.
And Finally Best of Luck Hope you will be succussful in the interview you are going to face in coming days.
"Never take some one for granted,Hold every person Close to your Heart because you might wake up one day and realise that you have lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones." Remember this always in life.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Men Are From Mars, Women
Buku Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
www.saifulislam.com
"Sempena saya nak berumahtangga ni, apa kitab yang ustaz nasihatkan saya baca?", tanya seorang anak muda kepada saya.
"Kalau ustaz cadangkan buku, boleh? Bukan kitab", saya mengusik.
"Sama sahaja tu ustaz. Satu Bahasa Arab, satu Bahasa Malaysia", beliau membalas.
"Bukan apa, susah orang nak terima kalau Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus oleh John Gray tu sebagai 'kitab'!", saya menyambung.
"Ustaz suruh saya baca buku tu? Kenapa?", tanyanya seperti terkejut.
"Itulah, ustaz dah cakap, mesti anta terkejut punya", saya tersenyum.
"Kenapa ustaz tak cadangkan saya baca buku Adab Perkahwinan oleh al-Albani ke, atau buku Tarbiyyah al-Aulaad fi al-Islaam oleh Abdullah Nasih Ulwan?", beliau menyambung pertanyaan.
"See, kalau ustaz sebut kitab-kitab tu, anta pun dah tahu dan faham kenapa buku tu perlu dibaca. Tapi buku John Gray ni, kalau ustaz tak sebut, rasa-rasanya anta terfikir tak untuk membacanya?", saya menguji.
"Hmm, entahlah. Mungkin tak kot", jawabnya perlahan.
Apabila adik-adik meminta nasihat tentang perkahwinan, saya tidaklah begitu bimbang dengan soal hukum. Terutamanya bagi mereka yang sudah biasa dengan usrah, program-program agama dan bahan-bahan bacaan berkaitan yang pelbagai. Soal hukum-hakam, kita tahu di mana hendak bertanya, dan bagaimana hendak menyelesaikannya.
Tetapi rumahtangga bukan terbina hanya atas kejelasan soal hukum fiqh. Malah jarang benar saya berbual dan berkongsi kisah tentang rumahtangga, membabitkan soal hukum. Hukum yang Syariatullah itu jelas dan cerah.
Namun ketetapan Allah bukan hanya sekadar pada apa yang halal dan apa yang haram. Hidup ini bukan hanya pada Syariatullah. Manusia saling berhubung dengan Sunnatullah. Psikologi manusia dan peraturan komunikasi.
Inilah yang menjadikan saya senang mencadangkan buku Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus oleh John Gray itu. Buku itu adalah hasil kaji selidik (survey) yang membabitkan jumlah manusia yang ribuan. Ia adalah kajian tentang tabiat manusia.
Kali pertama saya mengenal buku ini ialah pada tahun 2000 iaitu pada ulangtahun pertunangan saya yang pertama. Tunang saya ketika itu mengepos buku ini jauh dari Ireland ke London, dengan meletakkan harapan agar saya membaca dan menghayatinya. Semasa buku itu saya terima, senget juga wajah saya membaca tajuknya.
"Buang tebiat ke ni? Buku apa ni?", saya mengomel sendirian semasa membuka bungkusan pos.
"Ustaz kena baca buku tu. Besar harapan Kak Muna tu", kata Nasreel, housemate saya ketika itu.
Selembar demi selembar saya belek. Ternyata buku itu sungguh mengenyangkan. Mengenyangkan emosi dan fikiran saya, tentang betapa perlunya saya belajar tentang manusia. Khususnya insan yang bakal berkongsi kehidupan dengan saya hingga ke hujung usia.
APA YANG SAYA BELAJAR?
Lelaki dan perempuan nyata berbeza. Ungkapan klasik al-Ghazzali dalam isu yang sama menyebut, "lelaki itu 9 akal dan 1 nafsu manakala perempuan pula 9 nafsu dan 1 akal". Terjemahan itu telah mengelirukan saya walhal soal hawa nafsu, lelaki tidak mudah dibezakan dengan perempuan.
Selepas membaca tulisan John Gray, saya mengubah kefahaman saya terhadap kata-kata al-Ghazzali itu. Ungkapan beliau sepatutnya diterjemahkan kepada "LELAKI ITU 9 LOGIK DAN 1 EMOSI, PEREMPUAN PULA 9 EMOSI DAN 1 LOGIK ".
Fikiran, keputusan dan tindakan seorang lelaki banyak dipengaruhi oleh logik dan rasional akal. Lelaki lebih selamat untuk dipertanggungjawabkan pada urusan-urusan yang perlu diputuskan dengan rasional dan bukan emosi. Maka saya akur pada ketetapan Allah yang menyerahkan persoalan Talaq di tangan lelaki. Maka lelaki yang lemah rasional dan sering emosional dalam kehidupan, adalah lelaki yang kurang kelelakiannya.
Namun, lelaki lemah emosi. Kelemahan itu menjadikan lelaki kurang sensitif dalam membaca bahasa emosi perempuan. Kekurangan daya emosi itu juga mungkin menjadi punca lelaki sukar melakukan perkara rutin dalam sebuah rumahtangga. Tanya sahaja seorang perempuan, berapa kali dalam hidupnya dia menyapu sampah, membasuh tahi di punggung anak, mengemas rumah dan memasak. Perempuan boleh melakukannya dengan rasa sejuk dan biasa, manakala lelaki terpaksa bermujahadah untuk membiasakan diri dengannya.
Perempuan yang dikurniakan Allah dengan kekuatan emosi berbanding logik dengan nisbah 9:1, menjadikan mereka guru terbaik pada membentuk anak-anak, khususnya di peringkat pra sekolah.
HUBUNGAN SUAMI - ISTERI
Akan tetapi, nasihat dan pandangan John Gray lebih saya aplikasikan kepada hubungan di antara suami dan isteri. Iaitu dua insan yang sangat perlu untuk saling memahami. Faham secara empathy dan cuba meletakkan diri di pihak pasangan.
Apabila isteri meluahkan pandangan, mengadu atau berleter tentang sesuatu perkara, amat perlu untuk seorang suami faham, bahawa tindakan itu selalunya bukanlah bertujuan untuk meminta pandangan dan idea kita ke arah penyelesaian. Sesekali ya, tetapi lazimnya tidak. Isteri-isteri sering begitu kerana mahukan perhatian. Mahukan layanan emosi dan bukti keprihatinan kita.
Maka janganlah pula suami terlalu cepat atau asyik mahu mencadangkan penyelesaian. Masalah-masalah itu sering boleh selesai hanya dengan kesediaan suami untuk menyayangi, atau dalam bahasa mudah... memujuk!
Namun ketahuilah wahai sang isteri, bahawa ia bukanlah suatu yang mudah bagi seorang lelaki. Makhluk yang gersang emosi dan kaya logik itu.
"Maafkan abang, andai diri ini tidak bijak menjadi pemujuk", itulah suara hati saya semasa muhasabah diri tentang sikap saya terhadap isteri.
Saya tahu yang saya kurang pandai memujuk. Kekadang kaku dalam menunjukkan keprihatian. Malah sering juga tanpa disengajakan, memperkecilkan keluhan isteri... lantaran menilai keluhan itu dengan logik dan rasional diri sebagai lelaki.
"Masalah macam itu pun nak besar-besarkan", itulah agaknya kesimpulan hati saya dan kebanyakan suami semasa mendengar pengaduan isteri.
Walhal isu itu besar... jika kita melihatnya dari sudut emosi, sebagaimana sudut isteri melihat dan menyuarakan isi hati. Maka nilaikanlah permintaan isteri dengan pertimbangan emosi, biar pun ia hanya secebis dari kemahiranmu sebagai lelaki.
"Maafkan abang!", sekali lagi saya rasa bersalah. Salah bagi seorang suami, menilai isteri dengan penilaian lelaki yang gersang emosi.
BAGI SI ISTERI
Manakala bagi sang isteri, fahamilah jua bahawa suamimu berfikir dengan cara yang berbeza. Keputusannya banyak oleh pertimbangan akal, sesuai dengan bahu dan tangannya yang berat memikul tanggungjawab. Apabila suami bertanya, dia mahukan pandangan. Dia mudah rimas jika ruang berbincang diisi dengan esakan, tangisan, dan bukannya buah fikiran. Suami mencari penyelesaian, bukan sekadar perhatian dan perasaan.
Sama ada isteri itu seorang suri rumah, atau kerani, cikgu mahu pun doktor dan jurutera, nalurinya adalah naluri wanita. Kaya emosi dan mungkin kurang berminat dengan rasional dan justifikasi.
BELAJARLAH UNTUK SALING MEMAHAMI
Di sinilah perhargaan saya kepada buku Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus oleh John Gray kerana ia mengajar saya dan isteri untuk saling faham memahami. Pelajaran dari dua planet ini juga mendidik kami untuk memberi ruang kepada rasional dan emosi masing-masing berfungsi dengan baik, sesuai dengan peranan dan tanggungjawab yang diberi Ilahi.
Hal ini jugalah yang dibahas dengan panjang lebar oleh Stephen Covey dalam Habit #5 beliau iaitu Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.
Peraturan-peraturan ini bukanlah rekaan penulis seperti Covey dan Gray, namun ia adalah hasil kajian mereka terhadap tingkah laku manusia. Iaitu sebahagian daripada Sunnatullah... peraturan Allah dalam hubungan sesama manusia.
SUAMI, ISTERI DAN KAWAN
Kerana soal emosi dan logik tadi, saya cuba untuk memahami sesuatu.
Sering saya ketemu, isteri-isteri tidak begitu berminat atau komited lagi dengan persahabatan mereka. Biar pun mereka ada ramai best friends semasa anak dara, hingga tidur berkongsi bantal dan mimpi, namun selepas berkahwin dan beranak pinak, mereka tidak lagi serapat dulu. Tumpuan dan attachment mereka sangat tertumpu pada suami dan anak-anak.
"Kalau Yang nak gi kedai dengan kawan-kawan, do some shopping, Abi tak kisah pun. Take your time. I'll mind the kids", saya membuka tawaran kepada isteri.
Bukan apa, saya sering rasa bersalah kerana selalu terpaksa meninggalkan isteri. Mesyuarat, bekerja out station, ceramah, program dan macam-macam aktiviti luar, menyebabkan saya sering meninggalkan isteri dan anak-anak di rumah. Bukan bersuka-suka bercuti dan bercanda, tetapi tugas dan tanggungjawab yang menjadi punca.
Lantas, saya tidak keberatan jika isteri saya mahu mengambil sedikit ruang untuk beliau pergi menziarahi sahabat atau menghadiri kursus-kursus rasmi dan tidak rasmi. Waktu untuknya tanpa saya. Tetapi lazimnya isteri saya lebih prefer untuk berada di rumah. Dan sebahagian besar sahabat yang saya temui, mengakui hal ini.
Mengapa hal ini berlaku?
Oleh kerana perempuan kuat pada emosi, maka emosinya terpilih untuk hanya disuburkan oleh suami tercinta dan anak-anak. Kepuasan pada mengisi keperluan emosi hanya boleh diperolehi dari insan yang diberikan emosi itu iaitu suami dan anak-anak. Tidak ada apa sangat yang hendak dicari di luar sana.
Namun bagi si suami, kehidupannya banyak dipengaruhi oleh rasional kerana itulah alat utama beliau berperanan sebagai pemimpin keluarga. Mungkin kerana itu, saya merasakan bahawa, si suami perlu kepada rakan berbincang. Sesekali suami perlu mendapatkan pandangan ketiga. Dan kerana ini, seorang lelaki yang telah berkahwin, tetap menjaga hubungannya dengan rakan karib, kerana beliau perlu kepada input-input yang membantu beliau membuat keputusan... terutamanya ketika berkonflik dengan isteri dan keluarga.
Janganlah si isteri salah faham, dengan menyangkakan suami yang pergi kepada sahabat karib itu, telah membelakangkan dirinya. Lebih mengutamakan sahabat dari isteri sendiri. Lebih percaya kepada orang luar dari teman hidup yang dinikahinya.
Jangan begitu.
Suami pergi berjumpa dengan rakan karibnya dengan motif rasional. Mencari panduan dan penyelesaian. Sedangkan emosi, perasaan dan kasih sayangnya tetap teguh pada isteri dan anak-anak. Suami memerlukan rakan bukan untuk urusan emosi sebagaimana yang sering difikirkan oleh si isteri.
Emosi dan perasaan itu eksklusif dan hanya ada antara suami, isteri dan anak-anak. Namun keperluan mendapatkan input rasional, izinkan suami mencarinya dari seorang rakan, kerana hasil perbualan mereka, akan memulangkan kebaikannnya kepada kasih sayang antara suami, isteri dan anak-anak.
MERAIKAN PERBEZAAN
Saya yakin, jika setiap insan menghargai keunikan diri masing-masing, mengiktiraf kelebihan dan mengakui kelemahan, hidup kita akan seimbang. Bacalah buku Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus itu agar kita dapat belajar untuk saling memahami. Dengan bekalan Syariat Allah dan Sunnatullah... sempurnalah perjalanan sebuah rumahtangga.
"Apabila seorang hamba itu berkahwin, maka sesungguhnya dia telah menyempurnakan separuh dari agamanya. Maka bertaqwalah kepada Allah untuk menyempurnakan separuh yang berbaki" (Al-Hadith)
"You complete me", itulah realiti hubungan antara suami dan isteri.
www.saifulislam.com
"Sempena saya nak berumahtangga ni, apa kitab yang ustaz nasihatkan saya baca?", tanya seorang anak muda kepada saya.
"Kalau ustaz cadangkan buku, boleh? Bukan kitab", saya mengusik.
"Sama sahaja tu ustaz. Satu Bahasa Arab, satu Bahasa Malaysia", beliau membalas.
"Bukan apa, susah orang nak terima kalau Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus oleh John Gray tu sebagai 'kitab'!", saya menyambung.
"Ustaz suruh saya baca buku tu? Kenapa?", tanyanya seperti terkejut.
"Itulah, ustaz dah cakap, mesti anta terkejut punya", saya tersenyum.
"Kenapa ustaz tak cadangkan saya baca buku Adab Perkahwinan oleh al-Albani ke, atau buku Tarbiyyah al-Aulaad fi al-Islaam oleh Abdullah Nasih Ulwan?", beliau menyambung pertanyaan.
"See, kalau ustaz sebut kitab-kitab tu, anta pun dah tahu dan faham kenapa buku tu perlu dibaca. Tapi buku John Gray ni, kalau ustaz tak sebut, rasa-rasanya anta terfikir tak untuk membacanya?", saya menguji.
"Hmm, entahlah. Mungkin tak kot", jawabnya perlahan.
Apabila adik-adik meminta nasihat tentang perkahwinan, saya tidaklah begitu bimbang dengan soal hukum. Terutamanya bagi mereka yang sudah biasa dengan usrah, program-program agama dan bahan-bahan bacaan berkaitan yang pelbagai. Soal hukum-hakam, kita tahu di mana hendak bertanya, dan bagaimana hendak menyelesaikannya.
Tetapi rumahtangga bukan terbina hanya atas kejelasan soal hukum fiqh. Malah jarang benar saya berbual dan berkongsi kisah tentang rumahtangga, membabitkan soal hukum. Hukum yang Syariatullah itu jelas dan cerah.
Namun ketetapan Allah bukan hanya sekadar pada apa yang halal dan apa yang haram. Hidup ini bukan hanya pada Syariatullah. Manusia saling berhubung dengan Sunnatullah. Psikologi manusia dan peraturan komunikasi.
Inilah yang menjadikan saya senang mencadangkan buku Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus oleh John Gray itu. Buku itu adalah hasil kaji selidik (survey) yang membabitkan jumlah manusia yang ribuan. Ia adalah kajian tentang tabiat manusia.
Kali pertama saya mengenal buku ini ialah pada tahun 2000 iaitu pada ulangtahun pertunangan saya yang pertama. Tunang saya ketika itu mengepos buku ini jauh dari Ireland ke London, dengan meletakkan harapan agar saya membaca dan menghayatinya. Semasa buku itu saya terima, senget juga wajah saya membaca tajuknya.
"Buang tebiat ke ni? Buku apa ni?", saya mengomel sendirian semasa membuka bungkusan pos.
"Ustaz kena baca buku tu. Besar harapan Kak Muna tu", kata Nasreel, housemate saya ketika itu.
Selembar demi selembar saya belek. Ternyata buku itu sungguh mengenyangkan. Mengenyangkan emosi dan fikiran saya, tentang betapa perlunya saya belajar tentang manusia. Khususnya insan yang bakal berkongsi kehidupan dengan saya hingga ke hujung usia.
APA YANG SAYA BELAJAR?
Lelaki dan perempuan nyata berbeza. Ungkapan klasik al-Ghazzali dalam isu yang sama menyebut, "lelaki itu 9 akal dan 1 nafsu manakala perempuan pula 9 nafsu dan 1 akal". Terjemahan itu telah mengelirukan saya walhal soal hawa nafsu, lelaki tidak mudah dibezakan dengan perempuan.
Selepas membaca tulisan John Gray, saya mengubah kefahaman saya terhadap kata-kata al-Ghazzali itu. Ungkapan beliau sepatutnya diterjemahkan kepada "LELAKI ITU 9 LOGIK DAN 1 EMOSI, PEREMPUAN PULA 9 EMOSI DAN 1 LOGIK ".
Fikiran, keputusan dan tindakan seorang lelaki banyak dipengaruhi oleh logik dan rasional akal. Lelaki lebih selamat untuk dipertanggungjawabkan pada urusan-urusan yang perlu diputuskan dengan rasional dan bukan emosi. Maka saya akur pada ketetapan Allah yang menyerahkan persoalan Talaq di tangan lelaki. Maka lelaki yang lemah rasional dan sering emosional dalam kehidupan, adalah lelaki yang kurang kelelakiannya.
Namun, lelaki lemah emosi. Kelemahan itu menjadikan lelaki kurang sensitif dalam membaca bahasa emosi perempuan. Kekurangan daya emosi itu juga mungkin menjadi punca lelaki sukar melakukan perkara rutin dalam sebuah rumahtangga. Tanya sahaja seorang perempuan, berapa kali dalam hidupnya dia menyapu sampah, membasuh tahi di punggung anak, mengemas rumah dan memasak. Perempuan boleh melakukannya dengan rasa sejuk dan biasa, manakala lelaki terpaksa bermujahadah untuk membiasakan diri dengannya.
Perempuan yang dikurniakan Allah dengan kekuatan emosi berbanding logik dengan nisbah 9:1, menjadikan mereka guru terbaik pada membentuk anak-anak, khususnya di peringkat pra sekolah.
HUBUNGAN SUAMI - ISTERI
Akan tetapi, nasihat dan pandangan John Gray lebih saya aplikasikan kepada hubungan di antara suami dan isteri. Iaitu dua insan yang sangat perlu untuk saling memahami. Faham secara empathy dan cuba meletakkan diri di pihak pasangan.
Apabila isteri meluahkan pandangan, mengadu atau berleter tentang sesuatu perkara, amat perlu untuk seorang suami faham, bahawa tindakan itu selalunya bukanlah bertujuan untuk meminta pandangan dan idea kita ke arah penyelesaian. Sesekali ya, tetapi lazimnya tidak. Isteri-isteri sering begitu kerana mahukan perhatian. Mahukan layanan emosi dan bukti keprihatinan kita.
Maka janganlah pula suami terlalu cepat atau asyik mahu mencadangkan penyelesaian. Masalah-masalah itu sering boleh selesai hanya dengan kesediaan suami untuk menyayangi, atau dalam bahasa mudah... memujuk!
Namun ketahuilah wahai sang isteri, bahawa ia bukanlah suatu yang mudah bagi seorang lelaki. Makhluk yang gersang emosi dan kaya logik itu.
"Maafkan abang, andai diri ini tidak bijak menjadi pemujuk", itulah suara hati saya semasa muhasabah diri tentang sikap saya terhadap isteri.
Saya tahu yang saya kurang pandai memujuk. Kekadang kaku dalam menunjukkan keprihatian. Malah sering juga tanpa disengajakan, memperkecilkan keluhan isteri... lantaran menilai keluhan itu dengan logik dan rasional diri sebagai lelaki.
"Masalah macam itu pun nak besar-besarkan", itulah agaknya kesimpulan hati saya dan kebanyakan suami semasa mendengar pengaduan isteri.
Walhal isu itu besar... jika kita melihatnya dari sudut emosi, sebagaimana sudut isteri melihat dan menyuarakan isi hati. Maka nilaikanlah permintaan isteri dengan pertimbangan emosi, biar pun ia hanya secebis dari kemahiranmu sebagai lelaki.
"Maafkan abang!", sekali lagi saya rasa bersalah. Salah bagi seorang suami, menilai isteri dengan penilaian lelaki yang gersang emosi.
BAGI SI ISTERI
Manakala bagi sang isteri, fahamilah jua bahawa suamimu berfikir dengan cara yang berbeza. Keputusannya banyak oleh pertimbangan akal, sesuai dengan bahu dan tangannya yang berat memikul tanggungjawab. Apabila suami bertanya, dia mahukan pandangan. Dia mudah rimas jika ruang berbincang diisi dengan esakan, tangisan, dan bukannya buah fikiran. Suami mencari penyelesaian, bukan sekadar perhatian dan perasaan.
Sama ada isteri itu seorang suri rumah, atau kerani, cikgu mahu pun doktor dan jurutera, nalurinya adalah naluri wanita. Kaya emosi dan mungkin kurang berminat dengan rasional dan justifikasi.
BELAJARLAH UNTUK SALING MEMAHAMI
Di sinilah perhargaan saya kepada buku Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus oleh John Gray kerana ia mengajar saya dan isteri untuk saling faham memahami. Pelajaran dari dua planet ini juga mendidik kami untuk memberi ruang kepada rasional dan emosi masing-masing berfungsi dengan baik, sesuai dengan peranan dan tanggungjawab yang diberi Ilahi.
Hal ini jugalah yang dibahas dengan panjang lebar oleh Stephen Covey dalam Habit #5 beliau iaitu Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.
Peraturan-peraturan ini bukanlah rekaan penulis seperti Covey dan Gray, namun ia adalah hasil kajian mereka terhadap tingkah laku manusia. Iaitu sebahagian daripada Sunnatullah... peraturan Allah dalam hubungan sesama manusia.
SUAMI, ISTERI DAN KAWAN
Kerana soal emosi dan logik tadi, saya cuba untuk memahami sesuatu.
Sering saya ketemu, isteri-isteri tidak begitu berminat atau komited lagi dengan persahabatan mereka. Biar pun mereka ada ramai best friends semasa anak dara, hingga tidur berkongsi bantal dan mimpi, namun selepas berkahwin dan beranak pinak, mereka tidak lagi serapat dulu. Tumpuan dan attachment mereka sangat tertumpu pada suami dan anak-anak.
"Kalau Yang nak gi kedai dengan kawan-kawan, do some shopping, Abi tak kisah pun. Take your time. I'll mind the kids", saya membuka tawaran kepada isteri.
Bukan apa, saya sering rasa bersalah kerana selalu terpaksa meninggalkan isteri. Mesyuarat, bekerja out station, ceramah, program dan macam-macam aktiviti luar, menyebabkan saya sering meninggalkan isteri dan anak-anak di rumah. Bukan bersuka-suka bercuti dan bercanda, tetapi tugas dan tanggungjawab yang menjadi punca.
Lantas, saya tidak keberatan jika isteri saya mahu mengambil sedikit ruang untuk beliau pergi menziarahi sahabat atau menghadiri kursus-kursus rasmi dan tidak rasmi. Waktu untuknya tanpa saya. Tetapi lazimnya isteri saya lebih prefer untuk berada di rumah. Dan sebahagian besar sahabat yang saya temui, mengakui hal ini.
Mengapa hal ini berlaku?
Oleh kerana perempuan kuat pada emosi, maka emosinya terpilih untuk hanya disuburkan oleh suami tercinta dan anak-anak. Kepuasan pada mengisi keperluan emosi hanya boleh diperolehi dari insan yang diberikan emosi itu iaitu suami dan anak-anak. Tidak ada apa sangat yang hendak dicari di luar sana.
Namun bagi si suami, kehidupannya banyak dipengaruhi oleh rasional kerana itulah alat utama beliau berperanan sebagai pemimpin keluarga. Mungkin kerana itu, saya merasakan bahawa, si suami perlu kepada rakan berbincang. Sesekali suami perlu mendapatkan pandangan ketiga. Dan kerana ini, seorang lelaki yang telah berkahwin, tetap menjaga hubungannya dengan rakan karib, kerana beliau perlu kepada input-input yang membantu beliau membuat keputusan... terutamanya ketika berkonflik dengan isteri dan keluarga.
Janganlah si isteri salah faham, dengan menyangkakan suami yang pergi kepada sahabat karib itu, telah membelakangkan dirinya. Lebih mengutamakan sahabat dari isteri sendiri. Lebih percaya kepada orang luar dari teman hidup yang dinikahinya.
Jangan begitu.
Suami pergi berjumpa dengan rakan karibnya dengan motif rasional. Mencari panduan dan penyelesaian. Sedangkan emosi, perasaan dan kasih sayangnya tetap teguh pada isteri dan anak-anak. Suami memerlukan rakan bukan untuk urusan emosi sebagaimana yang sering difikirkan oleh si isteri.
Emosi dan perasaan itu eksklusif dan hanya ada antara suami, isteri dan anak-anak. Namun keperluan mendapatkan input rasional, izinkan suami mencarinya dari seorang rakan, kerana hasil perbualan mereka, akan memulangkan kebaikannnya kepada kasih sayang antara suami, isteri dan anak-anak.
MERAIKAN PERBEZAAN
Saya yakin, jika setiap insan menghargai keunikan diri masing-masing, mengiktiraf kelebihan dan mengakui kelemahan, hidup kita akan seimbang. Bacalah buku Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus itu agar kita dapat belajar untuk saling memahami. Dengan bekalan Syariat Allah dan Sunnatullah... sempurnalah perjalanan sebuah rumahtangga.
"Apabila seorang hamba itu berkahwin, maka sesungguhnya dia telah menyempurnakan separuh dari agamanya. Maka bertaqwalah kepada Allah untuk menyempurnakan separuh yang berbaki" (Al-Hadith)
"You complete me", itulah realiti hubungan antara suami dan isteri.
Monday, October 26, 2009
13 Cara Hilangkan Serabut
13 Cara Mudah Utk Kosongkan Fikiran Yg Berserabut
Kehidupan seharian yang sibuk dan permintaan demi permintaan yang menyesakkan dari tempat kerja dan rumah sudah pasti membuatkan kita hilang arah. Fikiran yang berserabut boleh mengurangkan fokus kepada perkara-perkara utama yang perlu diselesaikan. Akhirnya, kerja tak selesai dan fikiran makin berserabut.Untuk menjadi seorang yang produktif, kita perlu mempunyai pandangan yang jelas dalam membezakan perkara yang penting dengan perkara yang kurang penting. Kita harus mempunyai fikiran yang tenang untuk tujuan ini. Ambillah langkah-langkah dibawah ini untuk menenangkan fikiran anda.
1. Tarik Nafas
Ingat lagi bagaimana anda bersenam di waktu pagi semasa bersekolah dulu? Ingat lagi bagaimana kita memulakan senaman dengan menarik nafas dengan kaedah yang betul? Gunakan teknik ini untuk mula mengosongkan fikiran anda.
2. Ambil Wudhuk
Jika anda seorang yang beragama Islam, mengambil wudhuk boleh menenangkan fikiran. Kembali kepada fitrah manusia dapat memantapkan lagi rohani kita dan air yang bersih boleh mengembalikan kita kepada fitrah kejadian. Air yang segar dapat memberi tenaga dan fokus yang diperlukan dan wajah akan pasti kembali ceria.
3. Tulis
Ada banyak perkara yang bermain di dalam fikiran anda. Anda perlu mengenalpasti apa sebenarnya yang anda fikirkan untuk membolehkan minda mengurus perkara-perkara ini. Cara yang paling mudah adalah dengan menulis satu-persatu apa yang anda sedang fikirkan. Jangan cuba untuk mengenalpasti kategori perkara-perkara ini dahulu, teruskan sahaja menulis.
4. Kenalpasti Yang Utama
Setelah anda rasa puas dengan apa yang anda tulis, anda kini perlu kenalpasti yang mana yang paling utama. Tandakan dengan nombor atau gunakan “rating system” yang baik untuk membantu anda dalam proses ini. Lebih baik lagi jika anda klasifikasikan perkara-perkara ini berpandukan matlamat hidup anda dan apa yang paling penting dalam hidup anda; keluarga? kerjaya? cinta?
5. Buang Yang Tidak Penting
Pangkah atau padamkan perkara-perkara yang remeh dan tidak relevan. Perkara-perkara remeh yang anda fikirkan boleh jadi perkara seperti “Apa yang kekasih lama aku sedang lakukan?” atau “Osama hidup lagi kah?”. Anda akan dapat lihat yang kebanyakan perkara yang bermain di fikiran anda sebelum ini adalah perkara-perkara yang tidak relevan dan hanya membuatkan anda kurang produktif dalam menyelesaikan urusan harian dan masalah-masalah lain yang lebih penting. Perkara-perkara inilah sebenarnya yang menghalang anda untuk berfikir secara bijak.
6. Cukup Rehat & Tidur
Dengan memejamkan mata, atau memandang jauh ke arah kehijauan alam akan dapat memberi anda perasaan yang tenang. Tidur yang tidak cukup bermakna minda anda tidak mendapat rehat yang secukupnya. Sebab itu minda anda liar berfikir. Pejamkan mata untuk seketika di waktu rehat anda, atau keluar ambil angin dalam keadaan yang selesa dan positif.
7. Kurangkan menonton TV atau membaca akhbar di waktu pagi
Akhbar harian kita saban hari penuh dengan berita-berita yang menyanyat hati. Jenayah, kemalangan, bencana dan lain-lain boleh memberi tenaga yang negatif kepada kita. Jika anda mengamalkan tabiat membaca berita-berita ini di waktu anda bersarapan, anda akan bermula hari anda dengan pandangan yang negatif. Bangun pagi sahaja fikiran anda sudah berserabut. Elakkan atau tukar masa anda untuk membaca akhbar.
Menonton TV dengan berlebihan akan membuatkan fikiran anda menerawang jauh tentang perkara-perkara yang cuba disampaikan dalam rancangan yang anda tonton. Fokus anda kepada perkara yang lebih penting akan terjejas kerana anda mengizinkan info-info dan idea-idea baru ini masuk ke dalam minda anda. Kurangkan menonton TV.
8. Kembali Kepada Alam
Dalam kehidupan kota yang sibuk dan sesak, kita semua bergerak dengan pantas. Teknologi masa kini menjadikan kehidupan harian semakin laju. Mengembalikan diri kepada alam semulajadi akan dapat melambatkan waktu dan membolehkan anda hidup dalam waktu kini; Bukan hidup dalam waktu dahulu atau waktu hadapan, di mana anda terkejar-kejar dengan impian demi impian dan dilambatkan pula dengan kisah-kisah sedih dan sesalan demi sesalan tentang apa yang sudah pun berlaku. Bawa keluarga anda mandi air terjun atau pergi memancing dengan rakan, dan waktu akan menjadi perlahan bagi anda. Bila waktu bergerak perlahan, anda akan dapat memberi fokus.
9. Lepaskan
Anda risau tentang sesuatu? Anda rasa tidak puas tentang apa yang telah anda lakukan? Rasa marah? Berdendam? Tertekan? Cara yang paling mudah untuk mengosongkan fikiran yang berserabut adalah dengan mengalah dan melepaskan. Kita perlu menjadi seorang yang berjiwa mantap dan tegas dalam mengawal perasaan untuk membolehkan diri maju ke hadapan. Walaupun perasaan-perasaan ini adalah semulajadi, tetapi kebanyakannya adalah tidak menguntungkan. Fikirkanlah.
10. Kemas Ruang Anda
Tempat kerja atau kediaman anda perlu sentiasa berada dalam keadaan yang kemas. Mata kita sentiasa melihat, dan melihat keadaan yang tidak kemas sedikit-sebanyak akan mempengaruhi minda anda. Kita cuma tidak sedar akan hakikat ini. Ambillah tindakan dan inisiatif untuk mengemas dan anda pasti akan mendapat tenaga yang baru.
11. Berkongsi Masalah
Jangan simpan permasalahan anda. Jika anda mempunyai kekasih atau seseorang yang penting dalam hidup anda, berkongsilah masalah anda dengan mereka. Mendengar masalah orang lain juga dapat membantu anda dalam menyelesaikan masalah anda sendiri. Kadang-kadang kita tidak sedar tentang sesuatu yang lebih baik sebagai jalan penyelesaian. Dengarlah dan berbicaralah dengan hati dan minda yang terbuka.
12. Sedikit Lagi
Ingat lagi perkara-perkara yang anda tuliskan dalam langkah ketiga hingga langkah kelima? Buang separuh dari perkara-perkara ini.
13. Buat
Fikir dan buat. Jangan fikir dan terus berfikir. Buat perkara yang paling penting dan tidak mengambil masa yang lama terlebih dahulu. Jangan bertangguh!
Kehidupan seharian yang sibuk dan permintaan demi permintaan yang menyesakkan dari tempat kerja dan rumah sudah pasti membuatkan kita hilang arah. Fikiran yang berserabut boleh mengurangkan fokus kepada perkara-perkara utama yang perlu diselesaikan. Akhirnya, kerja tak selesai dan fikiran makin berserabut.Untuk menjadi seorang yang produktif, kita perlu mempunyai pandangan yang jelas dalam membezakan perkara yang penting dengan perkara yang kurang penting. Kita harus mempunyai fikiran yang tenang untuk tujuan ini. Ambillah langkah-langkah dibawah ini untuk menenangkan fikiran anda.
1. Tarik Nafas
Ingat lagi bagaimana anda bersenam di waktu pagi semasa bersekolah dulu? Ingat lagi bagaimana kita memulakan senaman dengan menarik nafas dengan kaedah yang betul? Gunakan teknik ini untuk mula mengosongkan fikiran anda.
2. Ambil Wudhuk
Jika anda seorang yang beragama Islam, mengambil wudhuk boleh menenangkan fikiran. Kembali kepada fitrah manusia dapat memantapkan lagi rohani kita dan air yang bersih boleh mengembalikan kita kepada fitrah kejadian. Air yang segar dapat memberi tenaga dan fokus yang diperlukan dan wajah akan pasti kembali ceria.
3. Tulis
Ada banyak perkara yang bermain di dalam fikiran anda. Anda perlu mengenalpasti apa sebenarnya yang anda fikirkan untuk membolehkan minda mengurus perkara-perkara ini. Cara yang paling mudah adalah dengan menulis satu-persatu apa yang anda sedang fikirkan. Jangan cuba untuk mengenalpasti kategori perkara-perkara ini dahulu, teruskan sahaja menulis.
4. Kenalpasti Yang Utama
Setelah anda rasa puas dengan apa yang anda tulis, anda kini perlu kenalpasti yang mana yang paling utama. Tandakan dengan nombor atau gunakan “rating system” yang baik untuk membantu anda dalam proses ini. Lebih baik lagi jika anda klasifikasikan perkara-perkara ini berpandukan matlamat hidup anda dan apa yang paling penting dalam hidup anda; keluarga? kerjaya? cinta?
5. Buang Yang Tidak Penting
Pangkah atau padamkan perkara-perkara yang remeh dan tidak relevan. Perkara-perkara remeh yang anda fikirkan boleh jadi perkara seperti “Apa yang kekasih lama aku sedang lakukan?” atau “Osama hidup lagi kah?”. Anda akan dapat lihat yang kebanyakan perkara yang bermain di fikiran anda sebelum ini adalah perkara-perkara yang tidak relevan dan hanya membuatkan anda kurang produktif dalam menyelesaikan urusan harian dan masalah-masalah lain yang lebih penting. Perkara-perkara inilah sebenarnya yang menghalang anda untuk berfikir secara bijak.
6. Cukup Rehat & Tidur
Dengan memejamkan mata, atau memandang jauh ke arah kehijauan alam akan dapat memberi anda perasaan yang tenang. Tidur yang tidak cukup bermakna minda anda tidak mendapat rehat yang secukupnya. Sebab itu minda anda liar berfikir. Pejamkan mata untuk seketika di waktu rehat anda, atau keluar ambil angin dalam keadaan yang selesa dan positif.
7. Kurangkan menonton TV atau membaca akhbar di waktu pagi
Akhbar harian kita saban hari penuh dengan berita-berita yang menyanyat hati. Jenayah, kemalangan, bencana dan lain-lain boleh memberi tenaga yang negatif kepada kita. Jika anda mengamalkan tabiat membaca berita-berita ini di waktu anda bersarapan, anda akan bermula hari anda dengan pandangan yang negatif. Bangun pagi sahaja fikiran anda sudah berserabut. Elakkan atau tukar masa anda untuk membaca akhbar.
Menonton TV dengan berlebihan akan membuatkan fikiran anda menerawang jauh tentang perkara-perkara yang cuba disampaikan dalam rancangan yang anda tonton. Fokus anda kepada perkara yang lebih penting akan terjejas kerana anda mengizinkan info-info dan idea-idea baru ini masuk ke dalam minda anda. Kurangkan menonton TV.
8. Kembali Kepada Alam
Dalam kehidupan kota yang sibuk dan sesak, kita semua bergerak dengan pantas. Teknologi masa kini menjadikan kehidupan harian semakin laju. Mengembalikan diri kepada alam semulajadi akan dapat melambatkan waktu dan membolehkan anda hidup dalam waktu kini; Bukan hidup dalam waktu dahulu atau waktu hadapan, di mana anda terkejar-kejar dengan impian demi impian dan dilambatkan pula dengan kisah-kisah sedih dan sesalan demi sesalan tentang apa yang sudah pun berlaku. Bawa keluarga anda mandi air terjun atau pergi memancing dengan rakan, dan waktu akan menjadi perlahan bagi anda. Bila waktu bergerak perlahan, anda akan dapat memberi fokus.
9. Lepaskan
Anda risau tentang sesuatu? Anda rasa tidak puas tentang apa yang telah anda lakukan? Rasa marah? Berdendam? Tertekan? Cara yang paling mudah untuk mengosongkan fikiran yang berserabut adalah dengan mengalah dan melepaskan. Kita perlu menjadi seorang yang berjiwa mantap dan tegas dalam mengawal perasaan untuk membolehkan diri maju ke hadapan. Walaupun perasaan-perasaan ini adalah semulajadi, tetapi kebanyakannya adalah tidak menguntungkan. Fikirkanlah.
10. Kemas Ruang Anda
Tempat kerja atau kediaman anda perlu sentiasa berada dalam keadaan yang kemas. Mata kita sentiasa melihat, dan melihat keadaan yang tidak kemas sedikit-sebanyak akan mempengaruhi minda anda. Kita cuma tidak sedar akan hakikat ini. Ambillah tindakan dan inisiatif untuk mengemas dan anda pasti akan mendapat tenaga yang baru.
11. Berkongsi Masalah
Jangan simpan permasalahan anda. Jika anda mempunyai kekasih atau seseorang yang penting dalam hidup anda, berkongsilah masalah anda dengan mereka. Mendengar masalah orang lain juga dapat membantu anda dalam menyelesaikan masalah anda sendiri. Kadang-kadang kita tidak sedar tentang sesuatu yang lebih baik sebagai jalan penyelesaian. Dengarlah dan berbicaralah dengan hati dan minda yang terbuka.
12. Sedikit Lagi
Ingat lagi perkara-perkara yang anda tuliskan dalam langkah ketiga hingga langkah kelima? Buang separuh dari perkara-perkara ini.
13. Buat
Fikir dan buat. Jangan fikir dan terus berfikir. Buat perkara yang paling penting dan tidak mengambil masa yang lama terlebih dahulu. Jangan bertangguh!
10 Secret Powers
10 Secrets For Good Loving Relationship
The first secret - the power of thoughts.
Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about others and ourselves. If we want to love someone, we need to consider his or her needs and desires.
The second secret - the power of respect.
You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect, ask yourself, "What do I respect about myself?" To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself, "What do I respect about them?"
The third secret - the power of giving.
If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Before committing to a relationship ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what you will be able to give them.
The fourth secret - the power of friendship.
To find a true love, you must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into each other's eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love him or her for who they are and now what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love's seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationhip, you must first bring friendship.
The fifth secret - the power of touch.
Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.
The sixth secret - the power of letting go.
If you love something, let it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances.
The seventh secret - the power of communication.
When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic words: "I love you."
The eighth secret - the power of commitment.
If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships.
The ninth secret - the power of passion.
Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone; it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. Passion can be recreated by recreating past experiences.
The tenth secret - the power of trust.
Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feels trapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you trust him or her completely.
The first secret - the power of thoughts.
Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about others and ourselves. If we want to love someone, we need to consider his or her needs and desires.
The second secret - the power of respect.
You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect, ask yourself, "What do I respect about myself?" To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself, "What do I respect about them?"
The third secret - the power of giving.
If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Before committing to a relationship ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what you will be able to give them.
The fourth secret - the power of friendship.
To find a true love, you must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into each other's eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love him or her for who they are and now what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love's seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationhip, you must first bring friendship.
The fifth secret - the power of touch.
Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.
The sixth secret - the power of letting go.
If you love something, let it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances.
The seventh secret - the power of communication.
When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic words: "I love you."
The eighth secret - the power of commitment.
If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships.
The ninth secret - the power of passion.
Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone; it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. Passion can be recreated by recreating past experiences.
The tenth secret - the power of trust.
Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feels trapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you trust him or her completely.
When The Way U Love Matters..
Honey, When The Way U Love Matters..
1. TRUST
TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.
A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."
Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".
2. NO POINTING FINGERS
A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?"
The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."
We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.
If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.
3. CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?
A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one."
The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please."
"Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing, willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if I don't go out, tTelling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."
The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."
There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.
4. NO OVERPOWERING
Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."
It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.
It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.
5. RIGHT SPEECH
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.
A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school."
On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker."
She answered ,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.
6. PERSONAL PERCEPTION
Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison.
A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?"
Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?"
Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.
Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman."
The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey.
Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.
It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river.
You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future. Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..
7. BE PATIENT
This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.
Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, "Daddy,I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?"
The father went home & committed suicide.
Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.
People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.
1. TRUST
TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.
A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."
Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".
2. NO POINTING FINGERS
A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?"
The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."
We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.
If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.
3. CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?
A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one."
The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please."
"Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing, willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if I don't go out, tTelling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."
The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."
There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.
4. NO OVERPOWERING
Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."
It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.
It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.
5. RIGHT SPEECH
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.
A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school."
On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker."
She answered ,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.
6. PERSONAL PERCEPTION
Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison.
A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?"
Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?"
Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.
Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman."
The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey.
Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.
It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river.
You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future. Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..
7. BE PATIENT
This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.
Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, "Daddy,I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?"
The father went home & committed suicide.
Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.
People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
21 Ways to Meet and Marry TWOYD
21 Ways to Meet and Marry TWOYD
by Brian Tracy.
1. Decide EXACTLY What You Want
- What you want more, less, not at all
- Describe everything!
- Set your standard High!!
2. Develop a Positive Mental Attitude
- Yourself, your life
- Be a complete optimist
- Good sense of humor
- Think only about things you want
- Think about the future
- The best is yet to come
- Think about the solution rather than the problem itself
- Proactive rather than reactive
- Do not wait things to happen, make things happen!
- Have unrealistic expectation of success
- Dare to try and endure longer
- Look for good in every situation, and how to benefit from every situation/problem
3. Look Like a Winner In Every Aspect
- Women are very visual, and impression lasts long
- Dress properly, dress for success!
- Buy clothes that look good on you, and can boost your confident
- Maintain good physical condition, look your very best you can!
4. Cast a Wide Net
- Expose yourself to more women
- Where mostly TWOYD hang out?
- Fish where the fishes are!
- Join any activity, seminar, course etc
- Increase the likelihood you will meet TWOYD
5. Become Actively Involve In Your Business and Community
~ Cast a Wide Net, Fish Where the Fishes Are ~
- Accept any invitation to social function
- Volunteer etc
6. Talk the Talk, Walk the Walk
- Be fairly knowledgeable about matter that women like
- Read women magazine, ask their opinion about article etc (most men don’t do this, so you will stand out among the rest)
7. Be Smart About Money
- The ability to provide
- Given a choice, intelligent women will choose money-prepared guy
- Pay yourself first, save! 10% of your income. And more
- If you have money in your pocket (or bank), you are different man!
- - women can actually feel your presence! your aura! your strength!
8. Look For a Winning Attitude
- Positive and cheerful most of the time
- Future oriented, situation oriented (like yourself)
- Talk about where she is going, and how to get there
- Optimistic, confident about the future
- Inner strength that comes from positive mental attitude
People Don’t Change!
In fact, under pressure, they become even more so
And success didn’t change people either, they become more of what they already are ( if they even have success at all )
People Don’t Change
What You See Is What You Get
Look for quality that you are happy with
Don’t Compromise!
9. Increase Your Self-Confidence
- your level of self-confidence
- more confident = more sex appeal
- self-confidence is based on your self-esteem ( how much you like yourself )
- Self-Esteem = Core of your personality
- The more you like yourself, the better you Feel, the better you Do
- How much you like yourself = how much you like other people = how much people like you
- I Like Myself! I Like Myself! I Like Myself!
10. Develop a Clear Sense of Direction
Set Goal for Every Area of Your Life:
Financial Goals,
Career Goals,
Health Goals,
Personal Development Goals,
Relationship Goals,
DECIDE EXACTLY What You Want TO BE, TO HAVE, TO DO!!!
Set a Clear, Written Goals:
7 simple steps of Goal setting and Achieving
1- Decide exactly what you want
2-Write it down in clear, specific details
3-Set a deadline, and sub-deadline
4-Make a list of Things To Do
5-Organize a list into a plan, by sequence and priority
6-Take ACTION Immediately. GET BUSY!!
7-Do something EVERYDAY that moves you towards your most important goals. Do Something Every Single Day.
Exercise:
1- List 10 goals you want to achieve in 12 months
2- Pick 1 goal that will have Greatest Impact on your life
3- Set a deadline, Make a plan, take action, Do something everyday.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Test Of Three By Socrates
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test.
It's called the Test of Three." "Test of Three?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say.
The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about It." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.
Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness.Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary... ""So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness.
Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all? "The man was defeated and ashamed.
This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
It's called the Test of Three." "Test of Three?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say.
The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about It." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.
Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness.Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary... ""So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness.
Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all? "The man was defeated and ashamed.
This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
