Quotes about Effort

All the so-called "secrets of success" will not work unless you do. ~Author Unknown


You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind. ~Author Unknown


Much good work is lost for the lack of a little more. ~Edward H. Harriman


God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest. ~J.G. Holland


The one thing that matters is the effort. It continues, whereas the end to be attained is but an illusion of the climber, as he fares on and on from crest to crest; and once the goal is reached it has no meaning. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Wisdom of the Sands, translated from French by Stuart Gilbert


I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. ~Thomas Jefferson


Character is what emerges from all the little things you were too busy to do yesterday, but did anyway. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966


I've got a theory that if you give 100 percent all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end. ~Larry Bird


The difference between try and triumph is a little umph. ~Author Unknown


Many an opportunity is lost because a man is out looking for four-leaf clovers. ~Author Unknown


No one understands that you have given everything. You must give more. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin


Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. ~Thomas Edison


Men are made stronger on realization that the helping hand they need is at the end of their own arm. ~Sidney J. Phillips


The person who is waiting for something to turn up might start with their shirt sleeves. ~Garth Henrichs


He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying. ~Friedrich Nietzsche


The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary. ~Attributed to both Vidal Sassoon and Donald Kendall


Nobody ever drowned in his own sweat. ~Ann Landers


When I was young, I observed that nine out of ten things I did were failures. So I did ten times more work. ~George Bernard Shaw


Put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success. ~Swami Sivananda


Now I know, a refuge never grows
from a chin in the hand and a thoughtful pose
Gotta tend the earth if you want a rose.
~Indigo Girls


There's nothing like biting off more than you can chew, and then chewing anyway. ~Mark Burnett


Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all. ~Sam Ewing


Though the barriers of life seem formidable, we find when we challenge them that they have no will. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com


One saves oneself much pain, by taking pains; much trouble, by taking trouble. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827


Some people dream of success... while others wake up and work hard at it. ~Author Unknown


The winds and waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators. ~Edward Gibbon, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire


Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle. ~Abraham Lincoln


The footprint of the owner is the best manure. ~English Proverb


Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. ~Will Rogers


Most of us can easily do two things at once; what's all but impossible is to do one thing at once. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966


The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen. ~Sarah Brown


Sweat is the cologne of accomplishment. ~Heywood Hale Broun


If a man is called a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and Earth will pause to say, Here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.


Gift, like genius, I often think only means an infinite capacity for taking pains. ~Jane Ellice Hopkins


If you feel you are down on your luck, check the level of your effort. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com


The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work. ~Emile Zola


We work for praise, and dawdle once we have it. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960


Effort is only effort when it begins to hurt. ~José Ortega y Gassett


People know you for what you've done, not for what you plan to do. ~Author Unknown


Plough deep while sluggards sleep. ~Benjamin Franklin


Man stands for long time with mouth open before roast duck flies in. ~Chinese Saying


For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business. ~T.S. Eliot


There are no easy methods of learning difficult things; the method is to close your door, give out that you are not at home, and work. ~Joseph de Maistre


Yes, to be a good parent, you have to sacrifice, but this is not a requirement of parenting, it is a requirement of being good at something. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com


Labor disgraces no man; unfortunately, you occasionally find men who disgrace labor. ~Ulysses S. Grant


He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody. ~Joseph Heller, Catch-22, 1961


Success is a ladder you cannot climb with your hands in your pockets. ~American Proverb


God gave us two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Success depends on which one you use. Head you win, tail you lose. ~Author Unknown


Doors don't slam open. ~John M. Shanahan, The Most Brilliant Thoughts of All Time (In Two Lines or Less)


About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age. ~Gloria Pitzer


Many people think they want things, but they don't really have the strength, the discipline. They are weak. I believe that you get what you want if you want it badly enough. ~Sophia Loren


Be not afraid of going slowly; be afraid only of standing still. ~Chinese Proverb


If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind. ~Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.


No man ever wetted clay and then left it, as if there would be bricks by chance and fortune. ~Plutarch


He who is outside his door has the hardest part of his journey behind him. ~Dutch Proverb


To go beyond is as wrong as to fall short. ~Confucius, Analects

7 top homebuying myths debunked

7 top homebuying myths debunked

Think that you get more for your money in the suburbs, that homeownership is the path to wealth and that a big down payment is always better? Think again.

By Marilyn Lewis of MSN Real Estate

Myth No. 1: Buying beats renting
Yes, that's what you've been hearing all your life. But then, the chances are that housing values have been climbing for much of your life.

Now, the mortgage meltdown is changing attitudes about buying and renting. In a recent survey, government finance agency Fannie Mae found that 23% of renters are postponing their plans to buy a home.

One big reason to think twice about buying is that home-maintenance chores are endless. Caulk the windows. Regrout the bathroom tiles. Change the furnace filter. Will it ever end? No. Sure, you can hire someone to do all this for you — if you have the money. Otherwise, there goes your weekend: mowing, weeding and checking off items on the honey-do list. That list of stuff hangs over your head like homework.

The only thing worse? Repairs. The roof springs a leak; there goes $20,000. You wanted a new car? Too bad. See that carefree gal at the Saturday matinee? When her toilet broke, she called the landlord — and then she headed out the door.

These days, when people do buy, it's to make a home, not a fortune. People gave the Fannie Mae pollsters mostly nonfinancial reasons such as safety (43%) and school quality (33%) for buying.

Myth No. 2: A home is a great investment
"Real estate is the path to wealth." This belief is so ingrained in our thinking that it's nearly a religion. And maybe once it was so. But today, the return on real-estate investments – and that includes your home – is abysmal. The hard truth: Your money is better off in stocks.

Blogger J.D. Roth did the math. His calculations show that money invested since 1926 in owning a home earned roughly 1% above inflation. Stocks, on the other hand, averaged about 7% over inflation. Not the 15% returns that many investors had been hoping for, but a whole lot better than your average real-estate investment. Nationally, home prices have fallen about 33% since mid-2006, according to the S&P Case-Shiller Home Price Index (.PDF file).

Jack Hough, a financial writer, reached the same conclusion. Stocks have rewarded investors with 7% inflation-adjusted return over long periods, while homes netted their owners about 0%, he says.

"If you have $300,000 and a choice between spending it on a house or shares, you'll pay $6,000 a year in incidentals if you buy the house or about $15,000 a year ($1,250 a month) in rent if you buy the shares. But the shares will return $21,000 a year after inflation, while the house will return zero. My numbers work out even better than these. I pay a smidgen less than $1,250 a month for rent," Hough writes, in "Why rent? To get richer."

But New York Times writer David Leonhardt, a proponent of renting, is rethinking: He now finds buying may be better — in some places. The economics on housing costs vary by market, Leonhardt says in this recent article.

To decide, he calculates a "rent ratio." Divide a home's purchase price by the cost of renting a similar home for a year. At a ratio of around 20 or above, renting looks better. Below 20, buying gets more cost-effective. (Comparing a $300,000 home with a $1,500-a-month rental — $18,000 annually — yields a ratio of 16.6; a strong case for buying.) Many big metros now are down to 16 or lower, but markets with ratios of 25 could be in a bubble. The ratio is only one part of the decision. Other factors matter, too, such as homeowners association fees and commute times and costs.

* Video: The hidden costs of homeownership

The new caution on homebuying does seem to be sinking in: 70% of people surveyed recently by Fannie Mae believed that buying a home was "one of the safest investments available." Seven years ago, the same survey found 83% believing that a home purchase was safe. (Just 17% thought stocks were safe.)

* MSN Money: 40 ways to save money on almost anything

Myth No. 3: My home is my piggy bank
When homes were gold mines, borrowing against the equity was common. Prices were rising, interest rates were low and lenders were pushing refinancing; you could imagine that you were borrowing against selling your house in the future for a huge pile to pay it all back.

People used equity lines of credit or mortgage refinances to buy cars and vacations and to put the kids through college. It wasn't unheard of to finance your ongoing monthly expenses with home equity.

In retrospect, it was an awful idea. Today, banks are more conservative about lending, even to those with equity.

* On our blog, 'Listed': Sen. Al Franken proposes Homeowner Advocate office

But cash-out refis will be back. When home prices rise again and lenders rediscover their courage, remembering the $2,000 and $3,000 fees they earned from each new loan, you could find yourself thinking, "We need a new roof and, look, there's all that equity just sitting there."

When you do, remember that home values can fall, leaving you stuck with a debt bigger than the home is worth. Leaving a cushion of equity gives you protection; you can sell if you need to and still make a little money or at least break even. (Read personal-finance guru Liz Pulliam Weston's "4 reasons not to refinance.")

* What’s your home worth? Find out

Myth No. 4: A bigger down payment is always better
Buyers usually are urged to put lots of cash into a home purchase. The reasoning: You'll borrow less, saving tens of thousands of dollars in interest on the loan and lowering your monthly mortgage payments. You won't need to buy mortgage insurance, which is required if you put less than 20% down. Also, if your home value falls and you want to sell, you have a cushion of equity and less chance you'll have to contribute extra cash to pay off your mortgage.

But you don't have to put 20% down. Federal Housing Administration loans, with down payments as low as 3.5%, have grown in popularity.

There are a couple of powerful reasons why a small down payment, coupled with the required mortgage insurance, might be a good idea:

* Borrowers with mortgage insurance may be able to get a lower interest rate than those who put down 20% or even 25%, according to this New York Times article. Lenders apparently feel safer when loans are insured; the insurance covers the lender if you default.
* A low down payment may help you buy now, while prices are at record lows, if you haven't yet saved 20%. If you wait to save a bigger chunk, prices could rise beyond your reach.

There are some other benefits to a smaller down payment:

* Flexibility. Your money is not all tied up in your house, leaving you with little or no cash for home repairs and improvements, an emergency or job loss.
* Diversification. You can diversify your investments, distributing your money more safely among a variety of investment types — stocks, bonds or mutual funds, for example. That way, a real-estate downturn won't wipe you out.
* Choice. You can always make additional payments, adding to your equity and paying off the loan sooner; you can stop paying mortgage insurance once you have 20% equity in the home.

Myth No. 5: You get more for your money in the suburbs
Builders of newer, lower-cost homes like to concentrate on the suburbs, where land is cheaper. First-time buyers can be forgiven if they think these homes look like bargains. You do get more home for the money, it's true. And they're often brand new, to boot.

But the hidden costs of suburban life can break you. The farther you move from jobs, stores, schools, friends, family and entertainment, the more you'll spend on transportation. Savings from lower-cost housing often are wiped out by unexpectedly high transportation costs.

Depending on the region, it costs $1,500 to $3,800 more a year to live where homes are built far from services, says a study by The Center for Neighborhood Technology, a nonprofit think tank that promotes "sustainable urban communities." The center created a housing and transportation index showing the true cost of sprawl on a family's life.

Here are average monthly commuting costs from Arlington County, Va., Real Cost of Commuting, (.PDF file):

* $110 for 10 miles.
* $229 for 30 miles.
* $349 for 50 miles.
* $648 for 100 miles.

And those numbers don't include parking.

They also don't consider the toll on your sanity. The Census Bureau finds that Americans spend an average of 100 hours a year commuting to work. What would your life be like if you got back just half of those hours — more than an entire workweek each year?

Myth No. 6: Remodeling is a great investment
Go ahead and remodel if you want to. Just don't tell yourself it's an investment. You'll be lucky to recoup your costs, much less make money. "The home-improvement-as-investment myth, combined with easy credit, fueled an awful lot of irresponsible spending in the past few years," Weston writes in "Remodeling? It's a waste of money."

That's not to say that you can't get back some of the money you spend on remodeling when you sell your home — if you choose your projects wisely. The return on your investment dollar will depend a lot on what you remodel, how much you spend on the job and where you live.

These days, with money tight and homes cheap, homeowners are getting a smaller return on their money, according to Remodeling Magazine's 2010 Cost vs. Value report, which is based on surveys of real-estate agents.

Many maintenance projects must be done to keep up the value of a home, but a great return on your money is not guaranteed. Some projects recoup only about two-thirds of their cost when you sell the house, while others pay a better return:

* a roof (pays back roughly 67% of the cost at resale).
* vinyl siding (80%).
* an entry door (steel 129%, fiberglass 65%).
* windows (vinyl or wood 77%).

Remodeling projects with the best payback include:

* adding living space by converting an attic (83%).
* converting a basement (75%).
* midrange deck additions (80%).
* minor kitchen remodel (79%).

Less lucrative:

* major kitchen remodel (72%).
* master-suite addition (61%).
* sunroom addition (57%).

Of course these are averages of agents' estimates. Costs and resale values vary by city and region. An office addition that pays back big in one city may recoup little value in another.

Also, taste is such an individual matter. "While working in real estate, I watched sellers gut their kitchens to update them and get more money for their house and at the same time the buyers would walk into those just remade new kitchens and talk about gutting them because the fridge should be over there instead of over here – 'over there' being where the fridge was prior to the sellers doing the renovation," writes reader DodgyHingst, in comments on "Remodeling in 2010? Additions are out, replacements are in" on MSN Real Estate.

Bottom line: The payback you can count on is the pleasure of living in your remodeled home. Remodeling is not really an investment; it’s consumption.

Myth No. 7: Homeownership brings security and peace of mind.
Younger people are urged — by parents, real-estate agents and even government (remember President George W. Bush's "ownership society"?) to buy homes. Homeownership is touted as the path to personal security.

Some benefits are compelling:

* Your life and stability aren't hostage to the whims of landlords who may raise your rent, sell the house or kick you out to give the house to their children.
* You won't have to jerk your kids out of a school — or school district — because you have to move again.
* You're spared the upheaval (and big expense) of packing up and moving yet again.
* There's a feeling of confidence in knowing that you — not the landlord – can choose what color to paint the walls and whether to tear out the kitchen light fixture. If the roof leaks or the oven dies, there's no need to pray the landlord will spring for repairs.

And yet, there's no feeling of security right now for the 10.7 million households — about one in four — whose mortgages are underwater.

Many Americans' dreams of moving on or moving up are on hold because they can't afford to sell their homes for enough money to pay off the loan, let alone make a profit. Unhappy couples wanting to divorce can't split up their assets and start over because they can't get their money out of the family home.

Peace of mind? Not at the moment.

Oprah 101 on Men

*lanun dekat VF*

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what
makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle.If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better."

You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not
better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any
differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you,speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he
has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you
are.

Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two way street. You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage...

Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.

Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others. "

What is New Politics?

New Politics: Nick Clegg's 19th May 2010 speech on constitutional reform
On 19th May 2010, Nick Clegg, Leader of the Liberal Democrats, gave his first official speech as Deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

“I have spent my whole political life fighting to open up politics. So let me make one thing very clear: this government is going to be unlike any other.

This government is going to transform our politics so the state has far less control over you, and you have far more control over the state.

This government is going to break up concentrations of power and hand power back to people, because that is how we build a society that is fair.

This government is going to persuade you to put your faith in politics once again.

I’m not talking about a few new rules for MPs; not the odd gesture or gimmick to make you feel a bit more involved.

I’m talking about the most significant programme of empowerment by a British government since the great enfranchisement of the 19th Century.

The biggest shake up of our democracy since 1832, when the Great Reform Act redrew the boundaries of British democracy, for the first time extending the franchise beyond the landed classes.

Landmark legislation, from politicians who refused to sit back and do nothing while huge swathes of the population remained helpless against vested interests.

Who stood up for the freedom of the many, not the privilege of the few.

A spirit this government will draw on as we deliver our programme for political reform: a power revolution.

A fundamental resettlement of the relationship between state and citizen that puts you in charge.

So, no, incremental change will not do.

It is time for a wholesale, big bang approach to political reform.

That’s what this government will deliver.

It is outrageous that decent, law-abiding people are regularly treated as if they have something to hide.

It has to stop.

So there will be no ID card scheme.

No national identity register, no second-generation biometric passports.

We won’t hold your Internet and e-mail records when there is just no reason to do so.

CCTV will be properly regulated, as will the DNA database, with restrictions on the storage of innocent people’s DNA.

And we will end practices that risk making Britain a place where our children grow up so used to their liberty being infringed that they accept it without question.

There will be no ContactPoint children’s database.

Schools will not take children’s fingerprints without even asking their parent’s consent.

This will be a government that is proud when British citizens stand up against illegitimate advances of the state.

That values debate, that is unafraid of dissent.

That’s why we’ll remove limits on the rights to peaceful protest.

It’s why we’ll review libel laws so that we can better protect freedom of speech.

And as we tear through the statute book, we’ll do something no government ever has:

We will ask you which laws you think should go.

Because thousands of criminal offenses were created under the previous government...

Taking people’s freedom away didn’t make our streets safe.

Obsessive lawmaking simply makes criminals out of ordinary people.

So, we’ll get rid of the unnecessary laws, and once they’re gone, they won’t come back.

We will introduce a mechanism to block pointless new criminal offenses.”

Why We Cheat: The 80/20 Rule

More than 50 per cent of marriages end in divorce these days. That’s outlandish and just sad. A main element of the divorce rate is cheating. Here’s a pragmatic reason why. And why most of the time it’s sexual.

Relationships are tricky buggers. It is easy at first with all the excitement of the chase, the mystery surrounding your love interest and the escalating sexual tensions. But after a couple of weeks, months or years you might find that your relationship has stage dived and you begin to question if the end-all cliché applies: Are they the one? But before your eyes wander too much, think about the 80/20 Rule and see if your relationship is measuring up.

The 80/20 Rule is simple. In a healthy relationship, you get about 80 per cent of what you need/want from your partner. They are caring, respectful and share a lot of the same interests as you, but then you meet someone who catches your attention for an unknown reason. It may well be because they fulfill the missing 20 per cent in your relationship – namely the sexual component. Because that 20 per cent has been missing for so long, you quickly conclude, “Hey, this person has everything I am looking for in a partner.” This can be a relationship killer. Since you jump genitals-first for this new interest, you may have given up your 80 per cent loving partner for a 20 per cent fling. The regret automatically sets in.

During the good times in a loving relationship, the other 20 per cent doesn’t really matter because you don’t notice it missing. You are content and fulfilled with your partner. Your 80 per cent feels like 100 per cent. When you are in an argument, however, because your partner is too messy or something petty, then the 20 per cent is tossed into the limelight.

This isn’t to say that you should stick with the current, thankless partner. You might only be getting the 20 per cent in the relationship, anyway. In this case, if you are truly miserable, maybe you should shop around. The point is to look at your relationship and really question if something substantial is missing. If this is the case and you feel unsatisfied, then move on and find someone who can offer you more. Remember, a key element to any relationship is honesty – not just to your partner, but yourself.

The 80/20 Rule explains some of the mysteries of relationships. It makes sense why cheaters go after the 20 per cent while trying to hold on to the other 80 per cent. The relationship crush (when you are in a loving relationship but have a crush on the local barista) often manifests because you see the other 20 per cent in the crush. And even the “players,” who jump from one 20 per cent adventure to another in a vain attempt to eventually equal 100.

If your relationship is going through a rough patch, think about the 80/20 Rule. Before switching partners, be careful since you might be giving up more than you think. First look at what you have instead of focusing on what is missing. Just remember, don’t throw away a good thing for a piece of new ass. We don’t need the divorce rate to inflate anymore.

source : travismagazine.wordpress.com

Secrets of An Everlasting Marriage ( Enhancing The Passion with Great Communicaton )

The Primary Love Needs of Women and Men.

Women need to receive :
1. Caring
2. Understanding
3. Respect
4. Devotion
5. Validation.
6. Reassurance

Men need to receive :
1. Trust
2. Acceptance
3. Appreciation
4. Admiration
5. Approval
6. Encouragement


1. She Needs CARING and He Needs TRUST

When a man shows interest in a woman's feelings and heartfelt concern for her well-being, she feels loved and cared for. When he makes her feel special in this caring way, he succeeds in fulfilling her first primary need. Naturally, she begins to trust him more.When she trusts, she becomes more open and receptive.

When a woman's attitude is open and receptive toward a man, he feels trusted. To trust a man is to believe that he is doing his best and that he wants the best for his partner. When a woman's reactions reveal a positive belief in her man's abilities and intentions, his first primary love need is fulfilled. Automatically he is more caring and attentive to her feelings and needs.

2. She Needs UNDERSTANDING and He Needs ACCEPTANCE

When a man listens without judgement but with empathy and relatedness to a woman express her feelings, she feels heard and understood. An understanding attitude doesn't presume to already know a person's thoughts or feelings; instead, it gathers meaning from what is heard, and moves toward validating what is being communicated. The more a woman's need to be heard and understood is fulfilled, the easier it is for her to give her man the acceptance he needs.

When a woman lovingly receives a man without trying to change him, he feels accepted. An accepting attitude does not reject but affirms that he is being favorable received. It does not mean the woman believes he is perfect but indicates that she is not trying to improve him, that she trusts him to make his own improvements. When a man feels accepted, it is much easier for him to listen and give her the understanding she needs and deserves.

3. She Needs RESPECT and He Needs APPRECIATION

When a man responds to a woman in a way that acknowledges and prioritizes her rights, wishes, and needs, she feels respected. When his behavior takes into consideration her thoughts and feelings, she is sure to feel respected. Concrete and physical expression of respect, like flowers and remembering anniversaries, are essential to fulfill a woman's third primary love need. When she feels respected it is much easier for her to give her man the appreciation than he deserves.

When a woman acknowledges having received personal benefit and value from a man's efforts and behavior, he feels appreciated. Appreciation is the natural reaction to being supported. When a man is appreciated he knows his effort is not wasted and is thus encouraged to give more. When a man is appreciated he is automatically empowered and motivated to respect his partner more.

4. She Needs DEVOTION and He Needs ADMIRATION

When a man gives priority to a woman's needs and proudly commits himself to supporting and fulfilling her, her fourth primary love need is fulfilled. A woman thrives when she feels adored and special. A man fulfills her need to be loved in this way when he makes her feelings and needs more important than his other interests -- like work, study, and recreation. When a woman feels that she is number one in his life then, quite easily, she admires him.

Just as a woman needs to feel a man's devotion, a man has a primary need to feel a woman's admiration. To admire a man is to regard him with wonder, delight, and pleased approval. A man feels admired when she is happily amazed by his unique characteristics or talents, which may include humor, strength, persistence, integrity, honesty, romance, kindness, love, understanding, and other so-called old-fashioned virtues. When a man feels admired, he feels secure enough to devote himself to his woman and adore her.

5. She Needs VALIDATION and He Needs APPROVAL

When a man does not object to or argue with a woman's feelings and wants but instead accepts and confirms their validity, a woman truly feels loved because her fifth primary needs is fulfilled. A man's validating attitude confirms a woman's right to feel the way she does. ( It is important to remember one can validate her point of view while having a different point of view.) When a man learns how to let a woman know that he has this validating attitude, he is assured of getting the approval that he primarily needs.

Deep inside, every man wants to be his woman's hero or knight in shining armor. The signal that he has passed her tests is her approval. A woman's approving attitude acknowledges the goodness in a man and expresses overall satisfaction with him. ( Remember, giving approval to a man doesn't always mean agreeing with him.) An approving attitude recognizes or looks for the good reasons behind what he does. When he receives the approval he needs, it becomes easier for him to validate her feelings.

6. She Needs REASSURANCE and He Needs ENCOURAGEMENT

When a man repeatedly shows that he cares, understands, respects, validates, and is devoted to his partner, her primary need to be reassured is fulfilled. A reassuring attitude tells a woman that she is continually loved.

A man commonly makes the mistake of thinking that once he has met all of a woman's primary love needs, and she feels happy and secure, that she should know from then on that she is loved. This is not the case. To fulfill her sixth primary love need he must remember to reassure her again and again.

Similarly, a man primarily needs to be encouraged by a woman. A woman's encouraging attitude gives hope and courage to a man by expressing confidence in his abilities and character. When a woman's attitude expresses trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration and approval , it encourages a man to be that he can be. Feeling encouraged motivates him to give her the loving reassurance that she needs.

The best comes out in a man when his six primary love needs are fulfilled. But when a woman doesn't know what he primarily needs and gives a caring love rather than a trusting love, she may unknowingly sabotage their relationship.

Source : Mars And Venus IN TOUCH - John Gray -

The Worst Words to Say at Work

The Worst Words to Say at Work
9 common words and phrases that will make you sound noncommittal, undependable, and untrustworthy

by Linnda Durre, Forbes.com

Some words and phrases are often used to buy time, avoid giving answers, and escape commitment. If you use these words and phrases yourself, take a scalpel and cut them out of your thinking, speaking, and writing.

"Try"
"Try" is a weasel word. "Well, I'll try," some people say. It's a cop-out. They're just giving you lip service, when they probably have no real intention of doing what you ask. Remember what Yoda says to Luke Skywalker in "Star Wars": "Do or do not--there is no try." Take Yoda's advice. Give it your all when you do something. And if it doesn't work, start over.

Put passion into your work, and give it your best effort, so you can know that you did all you could to make it happen. So if the outcome you were expecting didn't come to fruition, it's not because you didn't do everything you could to make it happen. It just wasn't the right time for it or it wasn't meant to be.

"Whatever"
This word is a trusted favorite of people who want to dismiss you, diminish what you say, or get rid of you quickly. "Whatever," they will say as an all-purpose response to your earnest request. It's an insult and a verbal slap in the face. It's a way to respond to a person without actually responding. When you say "whatever" after another person has said his or her piece, you have essentially put up a wall between the two of you and halted any progress in communicating. It's a word to avoid.

"Maybe" and "I don't know"
People will sometimes avoid making a decision--and hide behind words and phrases like "maybe" and "I don't know." There's a difference between legitimately not knowing something and using words like these as excuses. Sometimes during a confrontation, people will claim not to know something or offer the noncommittal response "maybe," just to avoid being put on the spot. If that seems to be the case, ask, "When do you think you will know?" or "How can you find out?" Don't let the person off the hook so easily.

"I'll get back to you"
When people need to buy time or avoid revealing a project's status, they will say, "I'll get back to you," and they usually never do. If people say they will get back to you, always clarify. Ask them when they will get back to you, and make sure they specify the day and time. If they don't, then pin them down to a day and time and hold them to it. If they won't give you a day or time, tell them you'll call in a day or week and follow up. Make sure you call and get the information you need.

"If"
Projects depend on everyone doing his or her part. People who use "if" are usually playing the blame game and betting against themselves. They like to set conditions, rather than assuming a successful outcome. People who rely on conditional responses are fortifying themselves against potential failure. They will say, "If Bob finishes his part, then I can do my part." They're laying the groundwork for a "no fault" excuse and for not finishing their work.

There are always alternatives, other routes, and ways to get the job done. Excuse makers usually have the energy of a slug and the spine of a jellyfish. You don't want them on your team when you're trying to climb Mt. Everest.

"Yes, but . . ."
This is another excuse. You might give your team members suggestions or solutions, and they come back to you with "Yes, but . . ." as a response. They don't really want answers, help, or solutions. You need to call the "Yes, but . . ." people out on their avoidance tactic by saying something like "You know, Jackie, every time I offer you a suggestion you say, 'Yes, but . . . ,' which makes me think you don't really want to solve this problem. That's not going to work. If you want to play the victim, go right ahead, but I'm not going to allow you to keep this up." After a response like that, you can be assured that the next words you hear will not be "Yes, but . . ."!

"I guess . . ."
This is usually said in a weak, soft-spoken, shoulder-shrugging manner. It's another attempt to shirk responsibility--a phrase that is muttered only when people half agree with you but want to leave enough leeway to say, "Well, I didn't really know. . . . I was only guessing." If you use this phrase, cut it out of your vocabulary.

"We'll see . . ."
How many times did we hear our parents say this? We knew they were buying time, avoiding a fight or confrontation, or really saying no. It's better to be decisive and honest by saying, "I need more information. Please present your case or send me the data--both pro and con--so I can make an informed decision." That way, the interested parties will contribute to an in-depth, well-researched "verdict."

This column is an excerpt of "Surviving the Toxic Workplace" (McGraw-Hill, 2010), by Linnda Durre, a psychotherapist, business consultant, and columnist. You can follow her on Twitter: @LinndaDurreShow

Traitor! Blasphmey!

LOL, just kidding.

actually I got a news from my old komrade Mr Konggo / Mokhz*** or his character Konggor.
He said he still playing WoW, together with other hordy Mr Bergay / A**** K**** Y***** bin L** ( his char name Bergay ).

They are playing on Wodnet server, and the thing is...

THE ROLLED ALLIANCES!!!

as you can see, this site name is ForTheGhorde, derived from the Horde.
in WoW, everything is Horde vs Alliance.
and we have been, I mean, 'I' have been HORDE from the start (not really, I started with Alliance actually, a human warlock LOLZ). BUT I have been HORDE for YEARS! My life for Aiur!! errk masuk SC pulak.

and Mr Konggo is the one who helped me set up this blog.

so what does it all mean?

not much really. I just want to write something about it. that's all.

The Post of Four Questions

page 336, AtGW by Tony Robbins. based on The Books of Questions.

1. What is your most treasured memory?

2. If you could end world hunger today by killing one innocent person, would you? Why and why not?

3. If you bumped a red Porsche and scratched it, and no one was around, would you leave a note? Why and why not?

4. If you could earn $10,000 for eating a bowlful of live cockroaches, would you? Why and why not?

** personally, I think this is kinda tough questions, and it really need proper evaluation **

" A man's character is his guardian divinity " - Heraclitus

page 342.

If we want the deepest level of life fulfillment, we can achieve it in only one way : By Deciding Upon What We Value Most in Our Life, what our highest value are, and then Committing to Live by Them every single day. Unfortunately, this action is far too rare in today's society.

Too often, people have no clear idea of what's important to them. The waffle on any issue; the world is a mass of gray to them; They Never Take a Stand for Anything or Anyone.

Fuck the Karate Kid

http://www.johndiesattheend.com/updates/?p=1071
****
**** a little note from Dray ****
**** 1. check the link for full article with links
**** 2. skip the parts you don't like
**** 3. I will try to highlight my fav points
**** 4. reynn can you put this in proper category?

Fuck the Karate Kid
February 16th, 2010
by David Wong

I think The Karate Kid ruined the modern world.

Not just that movie, but all of the movies like it (you certainly can’t let the Rocky sequels escape blame). Basically any movie with a training montage.

You know what I’m talking about; the main character is very bad at something, then there is a sequence in the middle of the film set to upbeat music that shows him practicing. When it’s done, he’s an expert.

When I run out of ideas for horror novels (which will happen about, oh, two horror novels from now) I want to write this up as a self-help book, probably titled Fuck the Karate Kid: Why Life is So Much Harder Than We Think, by Dr. David Wong. I also have to become a doctor at some point.

(NOTE: If you’re new here, hi, my name is David Wong and I wrote John Dies at the End, available everywhere in hardcover etc).

It seems so obvious that it actually feels insulting to point it out. But it’s not obvious; every adult I know–or at least the ones who are depressed–continually suffers from something like sticker shock (that is, when you go shopping for something for the first time and are shocked to find it costs way, way more than you thought). Only it’s with effort. It’s Effort Shock.

We have a vague idea in our head of the “price” of certain accomplishments, how difficult it should be to get a degree, or succeed at their job, or stay in shape, or raise a kid, or build a house. And that vague idea is almost always catastrophically wrong.

Accomplishing worthwhile things isn’t just a little harder than people think; it’s ten or twenty times harder. Like losing weight. You make yourself miserable for six months and find yourself down a whopping four pounds. Let yourself go at a single all-you-can-eat buffet and you’ve gained it all back.

So, people bail on diets. Not just because they’re harder than they expected, but because they’re so much harder it seems unfair, almost criminally unjust. You can’t shake the bitter thought that, “This amount of effort should result in me looking like a panty model.”

And it applies to everything. America is full of frustrated, broken, baffled people because so many of us think, “If I work this hard, this many hours a week, I should have (a great job, a nice house, a nice car, etc). I don’t have that thing, therefore something has corrupted the system and kept me from getting what I deserve, and that something must be (my wife, my boss, the government, illegal immigrants etc).”

Or, think about the whole economic collapse and the bad credit bubble. You can imagine millions of working types saying, “All right, I have NO free time. I work every day, all day. I come home and take care of the kids. We live in a tiny house, with two shitty cars. And we are still deeper in debt every single month.” So they borrow and buy on credit because they have this unspoken assumption that, damn it, the universe will surely right itself at some point and the amount of money we should have been making all along (according to our level of effort) will come raining down.

All of it comes back to having those massively skewed expectations of the world. Even the people you think of as pessimists, they got their pessimism by continually seeing the world fail to live up to their expectations, which only happened because their expectations were grossly inaccurate in the first place.

You know that TV show where Gordon Ramsay tours various failing restaurants and swears at the owners until everything is fine again? Every episode is a great example. They all involve some haggard restaurant owner, a half a million dollars in debt, looking exhausted into the camera and saying, “How can we be losing money? I work ninety hours a week!”

The world demands more. So, so much more. How have we gotten to adulthood and failed to realize this? Why would our expectations of the world be so off? I blame the montages. Five breezy minutes, from sucking at karate to being great at karate, from morbid obesity to trim, from geeky girl to prom queen, from terrible garage band to awesome rock band.

In the real world, the winners of that Karate tournament in Karate Kid would be the kids who had been at it since they were in elementary school. Skipping video games and days out with their friends and birthday parties so they can practice, practice, practice. And that’s just what it takes to get “pretty good” at it. Want to know how long it takes to become an expert at something? About 10,000 hours, according to research.

That’s practicing two hours a day, every day, for almost 14 years.

As a lot of you know, I’m the Editor over at Cracked.com and what many of you don’t know is that we run the site on a unique, open submission system where anybody can submit an article idea, and everybody’s idea–whether submitted by a 15 year-old anime fan or a Nobel Prize-winning journalist–comes in through the same system, on equal footing. Then we have a way of filtering out the horrible ones and getting it down to just the ones we want to publish.

So I deal with literally thousands of aspiring writers and I never get tired of watching people experience Effort Shock, and seeing how they deal with it. It’s great to work with the special few who can fight through it. And it is a fight; people fucking freak out when they get into the writing process and realize how many hours a good article is going to suck from their free time.

Yeah, Cracked is just doing short little comedy articles, not building skyscrapers. But that makes it worse; because everything is written in a conversational style and is full of boner jokes, it seems to the casual observer like you should be able to sit down and just pound out an article in an hour or so (where this one took me about 30 hours).

I bring all of this up now because I’m giving a talk at JordanCon, a fantasy book convention in a couple of months about my ridiculous, roundabout path to getting my book published (if you’ll be in the South this spring, JordanCon will be held at the Crowne Plaza Ravinia at Perimeter April 23-25th in Atlanta, GA). And I hope I can convey this without turning everybody off.

John Dies at the End took eight years to get where it is now, in fancy hardcover on real book store shelves. But I wasn’t drinking and sleeping in my car that whole time, waiting to get discovered. I was working two jobs and updating a website three times a week and getting those ten thousand hours in.

Oh, I sure as fuck didn’t realize it at the time. Don’t let me come off as a guru here; I’m three years removed from looking at the Classifieds and seriously considering making ends meet with night jobs that would have had me cleaning toilets.

I walked out of college at 22 thinking I was going to be king of the world within a few years. Ten years later I had failed at one career, then failed at another, tried to go back to school twice, accumulated $15,000 in credit card debt, and was working at a job where I was one promotion above high school kids.

I felt like I was working myself to death. Year after year. And even then, so many things had to break my way to get what I have now. I lost hope and lowered my expectations over and over and over. Nothing that had happened in my life up to that point prepared me for it. Nobody told me.

Fucking Karate Kid.

Anyway. I know what will make us feel better: