For The Ghorde!

Adolf Hitler : Sudut Kisah

2011-07-02T13:57:00.000+09:00

Adolf Hitler : Sudut Kisah Yang Jarang Kita Dengar
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Sunday at 7:25pm
Apa yang bakal anda baca ini ialah sebuah email yang saya terima dari seorang kawan dari Arab Saudi...saya terjemahkan ke dalam Bahasa Melayu dan saya kongsi bersama anda semua...
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Penghormatanku kepada lelaki agung, Adolf Hitler, semoga ada sepertinya di zaman ini...

Aku berbual dengan seorang ahli keluarga yang sedang menamatkan tesis PhD beliau dan aku amat terperanjat apabila beliau nyatakan tesis beliau berkaitan Adolf Hitler, pemimpin Nazi. Maka aku katakan "Takkan dah habis semua tokoh Islam di dunia ini sampai kamu memilih si bodoh ini dijadikan tajuk?"

Beliau ketawa lalu bertanya apa yang aku ketahui tentang Hitler.

Aku lalu menjawab bahawa Hitler seorang pembunuh yang membunuh secara berleluasa dan meletakkan German mengatasi segala-galanya...lalu dia bertanya dari mana sumber aku. Aku menjawab sumberku dari TV pastinya.

Lalu dia berkata : " Baiklah, pihak British telah melakukan lebih dahsyat dari itu...pihak Jepun semasa zaman Emperor mereka juga sama...tapi kenapa dunia hanya menghukum Hitler dan meletakkan kesalahan malahan memburukkan nama Nazi seolah-olah Nazi masih wujud hari ini sedangkan mereka melupakan kesalahan pihak British kepada Scotland, pihak Jepun kepada dunia dan pihak Afrika Selatan kepada kaum kulit hitam mereka?"

Aku lantas meminta jawapan dari beliau. Beliau menyambung : "Ada dua sebab -

1. Prinsip Hitler berkaitan Yahudi, Zionisme dan penubuhan negara Israel. Hitler telah melancarkan Holocaust untuk menghapuskan Yahudi kerana beranggapan Yahudi akan menjahanamkan dunia pada suatu hari nanti.

2. Prinsip Hitler berkaitan Islam. Hitler telah belajar sejarah kerajaan terdahulu dan umat yang lampau, dan beliau telah menyatakan bahawa ada tiga tamadun yang terkuat, iaitu Parsi, Rome dan Arab. Ketiga-tiga tamadun ini telah menguasai dunia satu ketika dulu dan Parsi serta Rome telah mengembangkan tamadun mereka hingga hari ini, manakala Arab pula lebih kepada persengketaan sesama mereka sahaja. Beliau melihat ini sebagai satu masalah kerana Arab akan merosakkan Tamadun Islam yang beliau telah lihat begitu hebat satu ketika dulu.

Atas rasa kagum beliau pada Tamadun Islam, beliau telah mencetak risalah berkaitan Islam dan diedarkan kepada tentera Nazi semasa perang, walaupun kepada tentera yang bukan Islam.

Beliau juga telah meberi peluang kepada tentera German yang beragama Islam untuk menunaikan solat ketika masuk waktu di mana jua...bahkan tentera German pernah bersolat di dataran Berlin dan Hitler ketika itu mennggu sehingga mereka tamat solat jemaah untuk menyampaikan ucapan beliau...

Hitler juga sering bertemu dengan para Ulamak dan meminta pendapat mereka serta belajar dari mereka tentang agama dan kisah para sahabat dalam mentadbir...

Hitler bersama Syeikh Amin Al-Husainiy

Beliau juga meminta para Sheikh untuk mendampingi tentera beliau bagi mendoakan mereka yang bukan Islam dan memberi semangat kepada yang beragama Islam untuk membunuh Yahudi...

Seorang tentera Nazi melekatkan gambar Mufti Al-Quds

Semua maklumat ini ialah hasil kajian sejarah yang dilakukan oleh saudara aku untuk tesis PhD beliau dan beliau meminta aku tidak menokok tambah apa-apa supaya tidak menyusahkan beliau untuk membentangkannya nanti. Beliau tidak mahu aku campurkan bahan dari internet kerana aku bukan pakar bidang sejarah. Tetapi gambar-gambar yang ada di sini sudah lama tersebar dan semua orang boleh melihatnya di internet.

Aku juga sedaya upaya mencari maklumat tambahan di internet dan berjumpa beberapa perkara :

1: Pengaruh Al-Quran di dalam ucapan Hitler.
Ketika tentera Nazi tiba di Moscow, Hitler berhajat menyampaikan ucapan. Dia memerintahkan penasihat-penasihatnya untuk mencari kata-kata pembukaan yang hebat tak kira dari kitab agama, kata-kata ahli falsafah ataupun dari bait syair. Seorang sasterawan Iraq yang bermastautin di German mencadangkan ayat Al-Quran :

(اقتربت الساعة وانشق القمر) bermaksud : Telah hampir Hari Kiamat dan bulan akan terbelah...

Hitler berasa kagum dengan ayat ini dan menggunakannya sebagai kalam pembukaan dan isi kandungan ucapan beliau. Memang para ahli tafsir menghuraikan bahawa ayat tersebut bermaksud kehebatan, kekuatan dan memberi maksud yang mendalam.

Perkara ini dinyatakan oleh Hitler di dalam buku beliau Mein Kampf yang ditulis di dalam penjara bahawa banyak aspek tindakan beliau berdasarkan ayat Al-Quran, khususnya yang berkaitan tindakan beliau ke atas Yahudi...

2. Hitler bersumpah dengan nama Allah yang Maha Besar

Hitler telah memasukkan sumpah dengan nama Allah yang Maha Besar di dalam ikrar ketua tenteranya yang akan tamat belajar di akademi tentera German.

" Aku bersumpah dengan nama Allah (Tuhan) yang Maha Besar dan ini ialah sumpah suci ku,bahawa aku akan mentaati semua perintah ketua tentera German dan pemimpinnya Adolf Hitler, pemimpin bersenjata tertinggi, bahawa aku akan sentiasa bersedia untuk berkorban dengan nyawaku pada bila-bila waktu demi pemimpin ku"

3. Hitler telah enggan meminum beer (arak) pada ketika beliau gementar semasa keadaan German yang agak goyah dan bermasalah. Ketika itu para doktor mencadangkan beliau minum beer sebagai ubat dan beliau enggan, sambil mangatakan " Bagaimana anda ingin suruh seseorang itu minum arak untuk tujuan perubatan sedangkan beliau tidak pernah seumur hidupnya menyentuh arak?"

Ya, Hitler tidak pernah menjamah arak sepanjang hayat beliau...minuman kebiasaan beliau ialah teh menggunakan uncang khas...

Bukanlah tujuan penulisan ini untuk membela apa yang dilakukan oleh Hitler, tetapi ianya bertujuan untuk menyingkap apa yang disembunyikan oleh pihak Barat. Semoga kita semua beroleh manfaat.

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** in the world cup, even I didn't watch any match, I rooted for German and Spain :D **

Attracting the Best To Teaching

2011-07-02T13:36:00.000+09:00

Having been brought up under the current system it would be unrealistic to expect these teachers to be agents or advocates for change. Their position is essentially that the system was good enough for them; it should be good enough for the present and future generations. Stated differently, current teachers are part of the problem, not of the solution.

M. Bakri Musa
www.bakrimusa.com

Early this year the US Department of Education, together with OECD and the Asia Society, convened a summit of education ministers, master teachers, and union leaders from 15 countries. The theme was on attracting, training and retaining the best teachers. Those were no ordinary countries participating; their students had consistently excelled in the Program for International Student Assessment (PISA).

America has some of the finest private and public schools, while its colleges and universities regularly dominate anybody’s list of the best. Yet there was US Education Secretary Duncan sponsoring this symposium and its opening speaker. That reflects the seriousness with which American leaders and policymakers consider education. It also shows their humility and commitment to learn from the best. I long for such traits in our leaders and educators.

The core assumption of the summit is that you cannot have excellent schools without excellent teachers. “Great teachers are not just born that way,” Secretary Duncan noted in his opening remarks. “It takes a high-quality system for recruiting, training, retaining, and supporting teachers over the course of their careers to develop an effective teaching force,” he continued.

This emphasis on schools and education is well placed. As OECD Secretary-General Angel Gurria put it, “The prosperity of our nations depends on whether we succeed to attract the brightest minds into the teaching profession, and the most talented teachers into the most challenging classrooms.”

Pivotal Role of Teachers

You cannot have good schools without good teachers. Good teachers in turn come from good students, and good students need good schools in order to shine. This is not an extended version of the old chicken-and-egg riddle. Rather what these countries with exemplary schools and outstanding teachers have demonstrated is the pivotal position of the teacher. Finland and Singapore in particular have shown that you can indeed intervene to make teaching an attractive profession, the first-choice career of the talented.

In Finland teaching is a much-sought occupation, with ten applicants for every position! The teaching profession there attracts the best applicants in part because teachers get competitive pay. Singapore aggressively recruits from among the top third of its students, and those interested in and committed to teaching are paid while still in school.

Keen competition in itself is no indicator of quality. In Malaysia, there is a glut of applicants for religious teachers but no one dares claim that the applicant pool is made up of top-tier students. There is similar stiff competition to be teachers in Egypt, but its schools and students rank at the bottom in international comparisons. The reason is that the Egyptian economy is in such a rut that teaching is the only job available. The same dynamics apply to our religious teachers.

Recruiting top talent is only the beginning. Rookies’ enthusiasm will get you only so far. Teachers must also be given superior initial training; then there must be a mechanism for continuing professional education and training.

Finland has an exceptionally superior system; hence it is attracting the best talents. Teachers there get training to the level of a master’s degree, even for primary school teachers. They are rightly treated as professionals because they are rigorously trained and more importantly, behave as such. They are also trained to be diagnosticians to recognize not only the different learning styles but also learning problems.

A unique feature of the Finnish system is that each teacher is also a researcher, participating in research in collaboration with the local university. The best way to keep abreast in your field is to be involved in research even if only tangentially.

Being true professionals, Finnish teachers have considerable autonomy, as are their schools. The Finnish Ministry of Education is more a resource center than a command-and-control one. Its bureaucrats are not control freaks.

Those countries are also actively widening the pool talent for recruitment to include those from underrepresented minorities and those seeking mid-career change. This has particular relevance for Malaysia; it too must aggressively recruit from among Orang Asli and other minority groups especially of East Malaysia. It is important for minority students to have role models from among the teachers.

No professional would be satisfied unless he or she is assured of career advancement as well as appropriate reward and recognition for a job well done. In Singapore teachers are career tacked to be master teachers, school leaders, or specialist in curriculum or research. The government regularly tracks what competing sectors are paying their workers in order that teachers remain competitively paid.

Reforming Schools

The other significant lesson from the summit is that school reforms when effectively executed can bear positive results quickly. Poland is an example. It initiated reform only in the late 1990s but within a decade it has dramatically reduced the number of its poorly performing students and cut in half the variations in performance among its schools. Previously Polish students regularly perform at below average level of OECD countries; after reform they were on par with Americans.

Reforming school is the rage everywhere, Malaysia included. The consensus at this conference is that teachers must both be the active agents for and effective implementers of reform.

This creates a dilemma for Malaysia. Where teachers are well trained, thoroughly professional and highly effective as they are in the Scandinavian countries, they should be actively involved with the reform process. In Malaysia however, our teaching profession is far from that. It has been significantly degraded with respect to standards and professionalism, as reflected in the quality of their products – the students.

Having been brought up under the current system it would be unrealistic to expect these teachers to be agents or advocates for change. Their position is essentially that the system was good enough for them; it should be good enough for the present and future generations. Stated differently, current teachers are part of the problem, not of the solution. This does not mean that they cannot be trained or persuaded to be part of the solution, but we should not underestimate the difficulties and challenges.

The reform in Poland was, as expected of a former communist country, a top-down affair. Yet it was highly successful. Likewise in Singapore; no surprise there either, but it was also effective. A generation ago Singapore faced problems similar to what Malaysia faces today where teaching was not the first choice career for its top students.

Thailand too has its “Malaysian problem;” the Thais solved it in their own unique patient way. Recognizing the futility of persuading these teachers to agree for reform, the government simply bypassed them by liberalizing the school sector to foreign players. Consequently, international schools blossomed in Thailand. Yes, they are an option only for the elite and rich. These schools are educating the children of the influential. These students are destined to hold key positions in their country, their superior education and social standing assured them of that. They would be the ones to lead successful reforms in the future.

In reforming Malaysian schools, we could pursue either the top-down approach of Poland and Singapore, or use the slower and surer Thai way. However, I do not see the necessary enlightened and intelligent leadership to effect meaningful top-down reform, nor do I see a farsighted leadership to initiate the slow Thai way.

Quality of Schools and Fertility Rates

On perusing the list of countries whose students excelled in PISA, one fact stands out: Those countries also have low fertility rates. The latest addition to the list of top performers is China, specifically Shanghai. China’s almost inhuman “one-child” policy has many critics but there is no questioning its benefits. For the past few decades China was spared the burden of feeding and housing over 300 million potential Chinese. Imagine the savings in not having another Bangladesh within your borders! Spared of those huge expenses, the Chinese could now divert resources to improving their schools.

The reverse however is not true; low fertility rates alone do not guarantee good schools. Sri Lanka is proof of that.

In Malaysia, the fertility rate for Malays, while declining, is still nearly doubled that of non-Malays. The wide discrepancy in academic achievement and other social indices between Malays and non-Malays is ultimately attributed in part to this difference in fertility rates.

If today the authorities were to implement an effective and acceptable family planning program that is enthusiastically endorsed by the religious authorities, the positive impact would be felt almost immediately. First, there will be the drop in the number of pregnancies, and nine months later the decline in the number of births. With that the savings in expenses related to medical care. That would only be the beginning. Six years later when those potential babies would be ready for school, the savings would be even greater as there would be no need for new schools and teachers.

Even more remarkable, those savings would be cumulative; they would continue to add up. With those savings we could then expend resources towards improving the quality of life of our people, and that would include providing them with good schools and superior teachers.

Those OECD and other advanced countries can focus on making their schools superior because they have the resources to do so; they have been spared the expenses that would have been incurred had they had high fertility rates. This basic link was not discussed at the summit as it was taken for granted. For Malaysia however, it is a reality that is not yet even acknowledged, much less addressed.

The wisdom of those eminent educators from OECD displayed at the summit is still valid, and Malaysia could usefully adopt them provided our leaders and policymakers bear in mind that we have a more basic problem outside the realm of education but related to it. We have to tame our fertility rates first; then with the savings we would have the resources to address the challenges of education.

Quotes about Effort

2010-06-10T16:02:00.001+09:00

All the so-called "secrets of success" will not work unless you do. ~Author Unknown

You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind. ~Author Unknown

Much good work is lost for the lack of a little more. ~Edward H. Harriman

God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest. ~J.G. Holland

The one thing that matters is the effort. It continues, whereas the end to be attained is but an illusion of the climber, as he fares on and on from crest to crest; and once the goal is reached it has no meaning. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Wisdom of the Sands, translated from French by Stuart Gilbert

I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. ~Thomas Jefferson

Character is what emerges from all the little things you were too busy to do yesterday, but did anyway. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

I've got a theory that if you give 100 percent all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end. ~Larry Bird

The difference between try and triumph is a little umph. ~Author Unknown

Many an opportunity is lost because a man is out looking for four-leaf clovers. ~Author Unknown

No one understands that you have given everything. You must give more. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. ~Thomas Edison

Men are made stronger on realization that the helping hand they need is at the end of their own arm. ~Sidney J. Phillips

The person who is waiting for something to turn up might start with their shirt sleeves. ~Garth Henrichs

He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary. ~Attributed to both Vidal Sassoon and Donald Kendall

Nobody ever drowned in his own sweat. ~Ann Landers

When I was young, I observed that nine out of ten things I did were failures. So I did ten times more work. ~George Bernard Shaw

Put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success. ~Swami Sivananda

Now I know, a refuge never grows
from a chin in the hand and a thoughtful pose
Gotta tend the earth if you want a rose.
~Indigo Girls

There's nothing like biting off more than you can chew, and then chewing anyway. ~Mark Burnett

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all. ~Sam Ewing

Though the barriers of life seem formidable, we find when we challenge them that they have no will. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

One saves oneself much pain, by taking pains; much trouble, by taking trouble. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827

Some people dream of success... while others wake up and work hard at it. ~Author Unknown

The winds and waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators. ~Edward Gibbon, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire

Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle. ~Abraham Lincoln

The footprint of the owner is the best manure. ~English Proverb

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. ~Will Rogers

Most of us can easily do two things at once; what's all but impossible is to do one thing at once. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen. ~Sarah Brown

Sweat is the cologne of accomplishment. ~Heywood Hale Broun

If a man is called a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and Earth will pause to say, Here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Gift, like genius, I often think only means an infinite capacity for taking pains. ~Jane Ellice Hopkins

If you feel you are down on your luck, check the level of your effort. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work. ~Emile Zola

We work for praise, and dawdle once we have it. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Effort is only effort when it begins to hurt. ~José Ortega y Gassett

People know you for what you've done, not for what you plan to do. ~Author Unknown

Plough deep while sluggards sleep. ~Benjamin Franklin

Man stands for long time with mouth open before roast duck flies in. ~Chinese Saying

For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business. ~T.S. Eliot

There are no easy methods of learning difficult things; the method is to close your door, give out that you are not at home, and work. ~Joseph de Maistre

Yes, to be a good parent, you have to sacrifice, but this is not a requirement of parenting, it is a requirement of being good at something. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

Labor disgraces no man; unfortunately, you occasionally find men who disgrace labor. ~Ulysses S. Grant

He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody. ~Joseph Heller, Catch-22, 1961

Success is a ladder you cannot climb with your hands in your pockets. ~American Proverb

God gave us two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Success depends on which one you use. Head you win, tail you lose. ~Author Unknown

Doors don't slam open. ~John M. Shanahan, The Most Brilliant Thoughts of All Time (In Two Lines or Less)

About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age. ~Gloria Pitzer

Many people think they want things, but they don't really have the strength, the discipline. They are weak. I believe that you get what you want if you want it badly enough. ~Sophia Loren

Be not afraid of going slowly; be afraid only of standing still. ~Chinese Proverb

If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind. ~Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

No man ever wetted clay and then left it, as if there would be bricks by chance and fortune. ~Plutarch

He who is outside his door has the hardest part of his journey behind him. ~Dutch Proverb

To go beyond is as wrong as to fall short. ~Confucius, Analects

7 top homebuying myths debunked

2010-06-03T15:27:00.000+09:00

7 top homebuying myths debunked

Think that you get more for your money in the suburbs, that homeownership is the path to wealth and that a big down payment is always better? Think again.

By Marilyn Lewis of MSN Real Estate

Myth No. 1: Buying beats renting
Yes, that's what you've been hearing all your life. But then, the chances are that housing values have been climbing for much of your life.

Now, the mortgage meltdown is changing attitudes about buying and renting. In a recent survey, government finance agency Fannie Mae found that 23% of renters are postponing their plans to buy a home.

One big reason to think twice about buying is that home-maintenance chores are endless. Caulk the windows. Regrout the bathroom tiles. Change the furnace filter. Will it ever end? No. Sure, you can hire someone to do all this for you — if you have the money. Otherwise, there goes your weekend: mowing, weeding and checking off items on the honey-do list. That list of stuff hangs over your head like homework.

The only thing worse? Repairs. The roof springs a leak; there goes $20,000. You wanted a new car? Too bad. See that carefree gal at the Saturday matinee? When her toilet broke, she called the landlord — and then she headed out the door.

These days, when people do buy, it's to make a home, not a fortune. People gave the Fannie Mae pollsters mostly nonfinancial reasons such as safety (43%) and school quality (33%) for buying.

Myth No. 2: A home is a great investment
"Real estate is the path to wealth." This belief is so ingrained in our thinking that it's nearly a religion. And maybe once it was so. But today, the return on real-estate investments – and that includes your home – is abysmal. The hard truth: Your money is better off in stocks.

Blogger J.D. Roth did the math. His calculations show that money invested since 1926 in owning a home earned roughly 1% above inflation. Stocks, on the other hand, averaged about 7% over inflation. Not the 15% returns that many investors had been hoping for, but a whole lot better than your average real-estate investment. Nationally, home prices have fallen about 33% since mid-2006, according to the S&P Case-Shiller Home Price Index (.PDF file).

Jack Hough, a financial writer, reached the same conclusion. Stocks have rewarded investors with 7% inflation-adjusted return over long periods, while homes netted their owners about 0%, he says.

"If you have $300,000 and a choice between spending it on a house or shares, you'll pay $6,000 a year in incidentals if you buy the house or about $15,000 a year ($1,250 a month) in rent if you buy the shares. But the shares will return $21,000 a year after inflation, while the house will return zero. My numbers work out even better than these. I pay a smidgen less than $1,250 a month for rent," Hough writes, in "Why rent? To get richer."

But New York Times writer David Leonhardt, a proponent of renting, is rethinking: He now finds buying may be better — in some places. The economics on housing costs vary by market, Leonhardt says in this recent article.

To decide, he calculates a "rent ratio." Divide a home's purchase price by the cost of renting a similar home for a year. At a ratio of around 20 or above, renting looks better. Below 20, buying gets more cost-effective. (Comparing a $300,000 home with a $1,500-a-month rental — $18,000 annually — yields a ratio of 16.6; a strong case for buying.) Many big metros now are down to 16 or lower, but markets with ratios of 25 could be in a bubble. The ratio is only one part of the decision. Other factors matter, too, such as homeowners association fees and commute times and costs.

* Video: The hidden costs of homeownership

The new caution on homebuying does seem to be sinking in: 70% of people surveyed recently by Fannie Mae believed that buying a home was "one of the safest investments available." Seven years ago, the same survey found 83% believing that a home purchase was safe. (Just 17% thought stocks were safe.)

* MSN Money: 40 ways to save money on almost anything

Myth No. 3: My home is my piggy bank
When homes were gold mines, borrowing against the equity was common. Prices were rising, interest rates were low and lenders were pushing refinancing; you could imagine that you were borrowing against selling your house in the future for a huge pile to pay it all back.

People used equity lines of credit or mortgage refinances to buy cars and vacations and to put the kids through college. It wasn't unheard of to finance your ongoing monthly expenses with home equity.

In retrospect, it was an awful idea. Today, banks are more conservative about lending, even to those with equity.

* On our blog, 'Listed': Sen. Al Franken proposes Homeowner Advocate office

But cash-out refis will be back. When home prices rise again and lenders rediscover their courage, remembering the $2,000 and $3,000 fees they earned from each new loan, you could find yourself thinking, "We need a new roof and, look, there's all that equity just sitting there."

When you do, remember that home values can fall, leaving you stuck with a debt bigger than the home is worth. Leaving a cushion of equity gives you protection; you can sell if you need to and still make a little money or at least break even. (Read personal-finance guru Liz Pulliam Weston's "4 reasons not to refinance.")

* What’s your home worth? Find out

Myth No. 4: A bigger down payment is always better
Buyers usually are urged to put lots of cash into a home purchase. The reasoning: You'll borrow less, saving tens of thousands of dollars in interest on the loan and lowering your monthly mortgage payments. You won't need to buy mortgage insurance, which is required if you put less than 20% down. Also, if your home value falls and you want to sell, you have a cushion of equity and less chance you'll have to contribute extra cash to pay off your mortgage.

But you don't have to put 20% down. Federal Housing Administration loans, with down payments as low as 3.5%, have grown in popularity.

There are a couple of powerful reasons why a small down payment, coupled with the required mortgage insurance, might be a good idea:

* Borrowers with mortgage insurance may be able to get a lower interest rate than those who put down 20% or even 25%, according to this New York Times article. Lenders apparently feel safer when loans are insured; the insurance covers the lender if you default.
* A low down payment may help you buy now, while prices are at record lows, if you haven't yet saved 20%. If you wait to save a bigger chunk, prices could rise beyond your reach.

There are some other benefits to a smaller down payment:

* Flexibility. Your money is not all tied up in your house, leaving you with little or no cash for home repairs and improvements, an emergency or job loss.
* Diversification. You can diversify your investments, distributing your money more safely among a variety of investment types — stocks, bonds or mutual funds, for example. That way, a real-estate downturn won't wipe you out.
* Choice. You can always make additional payments, adding to your equity and paying off the loan sooner; you can stop paying mortgage insurance once you have 20% equity in the home.

Myth No. 5: You get more for your money in the suburbs
Builders of newer, lower-cost homes like to concentrate on the suburbs, where land is cheaper. First-time buyers can be forgiven if they think these homes look like bargains. You do get more home for the money, it's true. And they're often brand new, to boot.

But the hidden costs of suburban life can break you. The farther you move from jobs, stores, schools, friends, family and entertainment, the more you'll spend on transportation. Savings from lower-cost housing often are wiped out by unexpectedly high transportation costs.

Depending on the region, it costs $1,500 to $3,800 more a year to live where homes are built far from services, says a study by The Center for Neighborhood Technology, a nonprofit think tank that promotes "sustainable urban communities." The center created a housing and transportation index showing the true cost of sprawl on a family's life.

Here are average monthly commuting costs from Arlington County, Va., Real Cost of Commuting, (.PDF file):

* $110 for 10 miles.
* $229 for 30 miles.
* $349 for 50 miles.
* $648 for 100 miles.

And those numbers don't include parking.

They also don't consider the toll on your sanity. The Census Bureau finds that Americans spend an average of 100 hours a year commuting to work. What would your life be like if you got back just half of those hours — more than an entire workweek each year?

Myth No. 6: Remodeling is a great investment
Go ahead and remodel if you want to. Just don't tell yourself it's an investment. You'll be lucky to recoup your costs, much less make money. "The home-improvement-as-investment myth, combined with easy credit, fueled an awful lot of irresponsible spending in the past few years," Weston writes in "Remodeling? It's a waste of money."

That's not to say that you can't get back some of the money you spend on remodeling when you sell your home — if you choose your projects wisely. The return on your investment dollar will depend a lot on what you remodel, how much you spend on the job and where you live.

These days, with money tight and homes cheap, homeowners are getting a smaller return on their money, according to Remodeling Magazine's 2010 Cost vs. Value report, which is based on surveys of real-estate agents.

Many maintenance projects must be done to keep up the value of a home, but a great return on your money is not guaranteed. Some projects recoup only about two-thirds of their cost when you sell the house, while others pay a better return:

* a roof (pays back roughly 67% of the cost at resale).
* vinyl siding (80%).
* an entry door (steel 129%, fiberglass 65%).
* windows (vinyl or wood 77%).

Remodeling projects with the best payback include:

* adding living space by converting an attic (83%).
* converting a basement (75%).
* midrange deck additions (80%).
* minor kitchen remodel (79%).

Less lucrative:

* major kitchen remodel (72%).
* master-suite addition (61%).
* sunroom addition (57%).

Of course these are averages of agents' estimates. Costs and resale values vary by city and region. An office addition that pays back big in one city may recoup little value in another.

Also, taste is such an individual matter. "While working in real estate, I watched sellers gut their kitchens to update them and get more money for their house and at the same time the buyers would walk into those just remade new kitchens and talk about gutting them because the fridge should be over there instead of over here – 'over there' being where the fridge was prior to the sellers doing the renovation," writes reader DodgyHingst, in comments on "Remodeling in 2010? Additions are out, replacements are in" on MSN Real Estate.

Bottom line: The payback you can count on is the pleasure of living in your remodeled home. Remodeling is not really an investment; it’s consumption.

Myth No. 7: Homeownership brings security and peace of mind.
Younger people are urged — by parents, real-estate agents and even government (remember President George W. Bush's "ownership society"?) to buy homes. Homeownership is touted as the path to personal security.

Some benefits are compelling:

* Your life and stability aren't hostage to the whims of landlords who may raise your rent, sell the house or kick you out to give the house to their children.
* You won't have to jerk your kids out of a school — or school district — because you have to move again.
* You're spared the upheaval (and big expense) of packing up and moving yet again.
* There's a feeling of confidence in knowing that you — not the landlord – can choose what color to paint the walls and whether to tear out the kitchen light fixture. If the roof leaks or the oven dies, there's no need to pray the landlord will spring for repairs.

And yet, there's no feeling of security right now for the 10.7 million households — about one in four — whose mortgages are underwater.

Many Americans' dreams of moving on or moving up are on hold because they can't afford to sell their homes for enough money to pay off the loan, let alone make a profit. Unhappy couples wanting to divorce can't split up their assets and start over because they can't get their money out of the family home.

Peace of mind? Not at the moment.

Oprah 101 on Men

2010-05-26T12:44:00.002+09:00

*lanun dekat VF*

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what
makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle.If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better."

You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not
better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any
differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you,speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he
has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you
are.

Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two way street. You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage...

Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.

Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others. "

What is New Politics?

2010-05-21T10:37:00.000+09:00

New Politics: Nick Clegg's 19th May 2010 speech on constitutional reform
On 19th May 2010, Nick Clegg, Leader of the Liberal Democrats, gave his first official speech as Deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

“I have spent my whole political life fighting to open up politics. So let me make one thing very clear: this government is going to be unlike any other.

This government is going to transform our politics so the state has far less control over you, and you have far more control over the state.

This government is going to break up concentrations of power and hand power back to people, because that is how we build a society that is fair.

This government is going to persuade you to put your faith in politics once again.

I’m not talking about a few new rules for MPs; not the odd gesture or gimmick to make you feel a bit more involved.

I’m talking about the most significant programme of empowerment by a British government since the great enfranchisement of the 19th Century.

The biggest shake up of our democracy since 1832, when the Great Reform Act redrew the boundaries of British democracy, for the first time extending the franchise beyond the landed classes.

Landmark legislation, from politicians who refused to sit back and do nothing while huge swathes of the population remained helpless against vested interests.

Who stood up for the freedom of the many, not the privilege of the few.

A spirit this government will draw on as we deliver our programme for political reform: a power revolution.

A fundamental resettlement of the relationship between state and citizen that puts you in charge.

So, no, incremental change will not do.

It is time for a wholesale, big bang approach to political reform.

That’s what this government will deliver.

It is outrageous that decent, law-abiding people are regularly treated as if they have something to hide.

It has to stop.

So there will be no ID card scheme.

No national identity register, no second-generation biometric passports.

We won’t hold your Internet and e-mail records when there is just no reason to do so.

CCTV will be properly regulated, as will the DNA database, with restrictions on the storage of innocent people’s DNA.

And we will end practices that risk making Britain a place where our children grow up so used to their liberty being infringed that they accept it without question.

There will be no ContactPoint children’s database.

Schools will not take children’s fingerprints without even asking their parent’s consent.

This will be a government that is proud when British citizens stand up against illegitimate advances of the state.

That values debate, that is unafraid of dissent.

That’s why we’ll remove limits on the rights to peaceful protest.

It’s why we’ll review libel laws so that we can better protect freedom of speech.

And as we tear through the statute book, we’ll do something no government ever has:

We will ask you which laws you think should go.

Because thousands of criminal offenses were created under the previous government...

Taking people’s freedom away didn’t make our streets safe.

Obsessive lawmaking simply makes criminals out of ordinary people.

So, we’ll get rid of the unnecessary laws, and once they’re gone, they won’t come back.

We will introduce a mechanism to block pointless new criminal offenses.”

Why We Cheat: The 80/20 Rule

2010-05-20T05:09:00.002+09:00

More than 50 per cent of marriages end in divorce these days. That’s outlandish and just sad. A main element of the divorce rate is cheating. Here’s a pragmatic reason why. And why most of the time it’s sexual.

Relationships are tricky buggers. It is easy at first with all the excitement of the chase, the mystery surrounding your love interest and the escalating sexual tensions. But after a couple of weeks, months or years you might find that your relationship has stage dived and you begin to question if the end-all cliché applies: Are they the one? But before your eyes wander too much, think about the 80/20 Rule and see if your relationship is measuring up.

The 80/20 Rule is simple. In a healthy relationship, you get about 80 per cent of what you need/want from your partner. They are caring, respectful and share a lot of the same interests as you, but then you meet someone who catches your attention for an unknown reason. It may well be because they fulfill the missing 20 per cent in your relationship – namely the sexual component. Because that 20 per cent has been missing for so long, you quickly conclude, “Hey, this person has everything I am looking for in a partner.” This can be a relationship killer. Since you jump genitals-first for this new interest, you may have given up your 80 per cent loving partner for a 20 per cent fling. The regret automatically sets in.

During the good times in a loving relationship, the other 20 per cent doesn’t really matter because you don’t notice it missing. You are content and fulfilled with your partner. Your 80 per cent feels like 100 per cent. When you are in an argument, however, because your partner is too messy or something petty, then the 20 per cent is tossed into the limelight.

This isn’t to say that you should stick with the current, thankless partner. You might only be getting the 20 per cent in the relationship, anyway. In this case, if you are truly miserable, maybe you should shop around. The point is to look at your relationship and really question if something substantial is missing. If this is the case and you feel unsatisfied, then move on and find someone who can offer you more. Remember, a key element to any relationship is honesty – not just to your partner, but yourself.

The 80/20 Rule explains some of the mysteries of relationships. It makes sense why cheaters go after the 20 per cent while trying to hold on to the other 80 per cent. The relationship crush (when you are in a loving relationship but have a crush on the local barista) often manifests because you see the other 20 per cent in the crush. And even the “players,” who jump from one 20 per cent adventure to another in a vain attempt to eventually equal 100.

If your relationship is going through a rough patch, think about the 80/20 Rule. Before switching partners, be careful since you might be giving up more than you think. First look at what you have instead of focusing on what is missing. Just remember, don’t throw away a good thing for a piece of new ass. We don’t need the divorce rate to inflate anymore.

source : travismagazine.wordpress.com

Secrets of An Everlasting Marriage ( Enhancing The Passion with Great Communicaton )

2010-05-11T20:13:00.005+09:00

The Primary Love Needs of Women and Men.

Women need to receive :
1. Caring
2. Understanding
3. Respect
4. Devotion
5. Validation.
6. Reassurance

Men need to receive :
1. Trust
2. Acceptance
3. Appreciation
4. Admiration
5. Approval
6. Encouragement

1. She Needs CARING and He Needs TRUST

When a man shows interest in a woman's feelings and heartfelt concern for her well-being, she feels loved and cared for. When he makes her feel special in this caring way, he succeeds in fulfilling her first primary need. Naturally, she begins to trust him more.When she trusts, she becomes more open and receptive.

When a woman's attitude is open and receptive toward a man, he feels trusted. To trust a man is to believe that he is doing his best and that he wants the best for his partner. When a woman's reactions reveal a positive belief in her man's abilities and intentions, his first primary love need is fulfilled. Automatically he is more caring and attentive to her feelings and needs.

2. She Needs UNDERSTANDING and He Needs ACCEPTANCE

When a man listens without judgement but with empathy and relatedness to a woman express her feelings, she feels heard and understood. An understanding attitude doesn't presume to already know a person's thoughts or feelings; instead, it gathers meaning from what is heard, and moves toward validating what is being communicated. The more a woman's need to be heard and understood is fulfilled, the easier it is for her to give her man the acceptance he needs.

When a woman lovingly receives a man without trying to change him, he feels accepted. An accepting attitude does not reject but affirms that he is being favorable received. It does not mean the woman believes he is perfect but indicates that she is not trying to improve him, that she trusts him to make his own improvements. When a man feels accepted, it is much easier for him to listen and give her the understanding she needs and deserves.

3. She Needs RESPECT and He Needs APPRECIATION

When a man responds to a woman in a way that acknowledges and prioritizes her rights, wishes, and needs, she feels respected. When his behavior takes into consideration her thoughts and feelings, she is sure to feel respected. Concrete and physical expression of respect, like flowers and remembering anniversaries, are essential to fulfill a woman's third primary love need. When she feels respected it is much easier for her to give her man the appreciation than he deserves.

When a woman acknowledges having received personal benefit and value from a man's efforts and behavior, he feels appreciated. Appreciation is the natural reaction to being supported. When a man is appreciated he knows his effort is not wasted and is thus encouraged to give more. When a man is appreciated he is automatically empowered and motivated to respect his partner more.

4. She Needs DEVOTION and He Needs ADMIRATION

When a man gives priority to a woman's needs and proudly commits himself to supporting and fulfilling her, her fourth primary love need is fulfilled. A woman thrives when she feels adored and special. A man fulfills her need to be loved in this way when he makes her feelings and needs more important than his other interests -- like work, study, and recreation. When a woman feels that she is number one in his life then, quite easily, she admires him.

Just as a woman needs to feel a man's devotion, a man has a primary need to feel a woman's admiration. To admire a man is to regard him with wonder, delight, and pleased approval. A man feels admired when she is happily amazed by his unique characteristics or talents, which may include humor, strength, persistence, integrity, honesty, romance, kindness, love, understanding, and other so-called old-fashioned virtues. When a man feels admired, he feels secure enough to devote himself to his woman and adore her.

5. She Needs VALIDATION and He Needs APPROVAL

When a man does not object to or argue with a woman's feelings and wants but instead accepts and confirms their validity, a woman truly feels loved because her fifth primary needs is fulfilled. A man's validating attitude confirms a woman's right to feel the way she does. ( It is important to remember one can validate her point of view while having a different point of view.) When a man learns how to let a woman know that he has this validating attitude, he is assured of getting the approval that he primarily needs.

Deep inside, every man wants to be his woman's hero or knight in shining armor. The signal that he has passed her tests is her approval. A woman's approving attitude acknowledges the goodness in a man and expresses overall satisfaction with him. ( Remember, giving approval to a man doesn't always mean agreeing with him.) An approving attitude recognizes or looks for the good reasons behind what he does. When he receives the approval he needs, it becomes easier for him to validate her feelings.

6. She Needs REASSURANCE and He Needs ENCOURAGEMENT

When a man repeatedly shows that he cares, understands, respects, validates, and is devoted to his partner, her primary need to be reassured is fulfilled. A reassuring attitude tells a woman that she is continually loved.

A man commonly makes the mistake of thinking that once he has met all of a woman's primary love needs, and she feels happy and secure, that she should know from then on that she is loved. This is not the case. To fulfill her sixth primary love need he must remember to reassure her again and again.

Similarly, a man primarily needs to be encouraged by a woman. A woman's encouraging attitude gives hope and courage to a man by expressing confidence in his abilities and character. When a woman's attitude expresses trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration and approval , it encourages a man to be that he can be. Feeling encouraged motivates him to give her the loving reassurance that she needs.

The best comes out in a man when his six primary love needs are fulfilled. But when a woman doesn't know what he primarily needs and gives a caring love rather than a trusting love, she may unknowingly sabotage their relationship.

Source : Mars And Venus IN TOUCH - John Gray -

The Worst Words to Say at Work

2010-05-06T11:31:00.001+09:00

The Worst Words to Say at Work
9 common words and phrases that will make you sound noncommittal, undependable, and untrustworthy

by Linnda Durre, Forbes.com

Some words and phrases are often used to buy time, avoid giving answers, and escape commitment. If you use these words and phrases yourself, take a scalpel and cut them out of your thinking, speaking, and writing.

"Try"
"Try" is a weasel word. "Well, I'll try," some people say. It's a cop-out. They're just giving you lip service, when they probably have no real intention of doing what you ask. Remember what Yoda says to Luke Skywalker in "Star Wars": "Do or do not--there is no try." Take Yoda's advice. Give it your all when you do something. And if it doesn't work, start over.

Put passion into your work, and give it your best effort, so you can know that you did all you could to make it happen. So if the outcome you were expecting didn't come to fruition, it's not because you didn't do everything you could to make it happen. It just wasn't the right time for it or it wasn't meant to be.

"Whatever"
This word is a trusted favorite of people who want to dismiss you, diminish what you say, or get rid of you quickly. "Whatever," they will say as an all-purpose response to your earnest request. It's an insult and a verbal slap in the face. It's a way to respond to a person without actually responding. When you say "whatever" after another person has said his or her piece, you have essentially put up a wall between the two of you and halted any progress in communicating. It's a word to avoid.

"Maybe" and "I don't know"
People will sometimes avoid making a decision--and hide behind words and phrases like "maybe" and "I don't know." There's a difference between legitimately not knowing something and using words like these as excuses. Sometimes during a confrontation, people will claim not to know something or offer the noncommittal response "maybe," just to avoid being put on the spot. If that seems to be the case, ask, "When do you think you will know?" or "How can you find out?" Don't let the person off the hook so easily.

"I'll get back to you"
When people need to buy time or avoid revealing a project's status, they will say, "I'll get back to you," and they usually never do. If people say they will get back to you, always clarify. Ask them when they will get back to you, and make sure they specify the day and time. If they don't, then pin them down to a day and time and hold them to it. If they won't give you a day or time, tell them you'll call in a day or week and follow up. Make sure you call and get the information you need.

"If"
Projects depend on everyone doing his or her part. People who use "if" are usually playing the blame game and betting against themselves. They like to set conditions, rather than assuming a successful outcome. People who rely on conditional responses are fortifying themselves against potential failure. They will say, "If Bob finishes his part, then I can do my part." They're laying the groundwork for a "no fault" excuse and for not finishing their work.

There are always alternatives, other routes, and ways to get the job done. Excuse makers usually have the energy of a slug and the spine of a jellyfish. You don't want them on your team when you're trying to climb Mt. Everest.

"Yes, but . . ."
This is another excuse. You might give your team members suggestions or solutions, and they come back to you with "Yes, but . . ." as a response. They don't really want answers, help, or solutions. You need to call the "Yes, but . . ." people out on their avoidance tactic by saying something like "You know, Jackie, every time I offer you a suggestion you say, 'Yes, but . . . ,' which makes me think you don't really want to solve this problem. That's not going to work. If you want to play the victim, go right ahead, but I'm not going to allow you to keep this up." After a response like that, you can be assured that the next words you hear will not be "Yes, but . . ."!

"I guess . . ."
This is usually said in a weak, soft-spoken, shoulder-shrugging manner. It's another attempt to shirk responsibility--a phrase that is muttered only when people half agree with you but want to leave enough leeway to say, "Well, I didn't really know. . . . I was only guessing." If you use this phrase, cut it out of your vocabulary.

"We'll see . . ."
How many times did we hear our parents say this? We knew they were buying time, avoiding a fight or confrontation, or really saying no. It's better to be decisive and honest by saying, "I need more information. Please present your case or send me the data--both pro and con--so I can make an informed decision." That way, the interested parties will contribute to an in-depth, well-researched "verdict."

This column is an excerpt of "Surviving the Toxic Workplace" (McGraw-Hill, 2010), by Linnda Durre, a psychotherapist, business consultant, and columnist. You can follow her on Twitter: @LinndaDurreShow

Traitor! Blasphmey!

2010-04-29T23:44:00.001+09:00

LOL, just kidding.

actually I got a news from my old komrade Mr Konggo / Mokhz*** or his character Konggor.
He said he still playing WoW, together with other hordy Mr Bergay / A**** K**** Y***** bin L** ( his char name Bergay ).

They are playing on Wodnet server, and the thing is...

THE ROLLED ALLIANCES!!!

as you can see, this site name is ForTheGhorde, derived from the Horde.
in WoW, everything is Horde vs Alliance.
and we have been, I mean, 'I' have been HORDE from the start (not really, I started with Alliance actually, a human warlock LOLZ). BUT I have been HORDE for YEARS! My life for Aiur!! errk masuk SC pulak.

and Mr Konggo is the one who helped me set up this blog.

so what does it all mean?

not much really. I just want to write something about it. that's all.

The Post of Four Questions

2010-04-29T23:32:00.000+09:00

page 336, AtGW by Tony Robbins. based on The Books of Questions.

1. What is your most treasured memory?

2. If you could end world hunger today by killing one innocent person, would you? Why and why not?

3. If you bumped a red Porsche and scratched it, and no one was around, would you leave a note? Why and why not?

4. If you could earn $10,000 for eating a bowlful of live cockroaches, would you? Why and why not?

** personally, I think this is kinda tough questions, and it really need proper evaluation **

" A man's character is his guardian divinity " - Heraclitus

page 342.

If we want the deepest level of life fulfillment, we can achieve it in only one way : By Deciding Upon What We Value Most in Our Life, what our highest value are, and then Committing to Live by Them every single day. Unfortunately, this action is far too rare in today's society.

Too often, people have no clear idea of what's important to them. The waffle on any issue; the world is a mass of gray to them; They Never Take a Stand for Anything or Anyone.

Fuck the Karate Kid

2010-04-26T13:03:00.002+09:00

http://www.johndiesattheend.com/updates/?p=1071
****
**** a little note from Dray ****
**** 1. check the link for full article with links
**** 2. skip the parts you don't like
**** 3. I will try to highlight my fav points
**** 4. reynn can you put this in proper category?

Fuck the Karate Kid
February 16th, 2010
by David Wong

I think The Karate Kid ruined the modern world.

Not just that movie, but all of the movies like it (you certainly can’t let the Rocky sequels escape blame). Basically any movie with a training montage.

You know what I’m talking about; the main character is very bad at something, then there is a sequence in the middle of the film set to upbeat music that shows him practicing. When it’s done, he’s an expert.

When I run out of ideas for horror novels (which will happen about, oh, two horror novels from now) I want to write this up as a self-help book, probably titled Fuck the Karate Kid: Why Life is So Much Harder Than We Think, by Dr. David Wong. I also have to become a doctor at some point.

(NOTE: If you’re new here, hi, my name is David Wong and I wrote John Dies at the End, available everywhere in hardcover etc).

It seems so obvious that it actually feels insulting to point it out. But it’s not obvious; every adult I know–or at least the ones who are depressed–continually suffers from something like sticker shock (that is, when you go shopping for something for the first time and are shocked to find it costs way, way more than you thought). Only it’s with effort. It’s Effort Shock.

We have a vague idea in our head of the “price” of certain accomplishments, how difficult it should be to get a degree, or succeed at their job, or stay in shape, or raise a kid, or build a house. And that vague idea is almost always catastrophically wrong.

Accomplishing worthwhile things isn’t just a little harder than people think; it’s ten or twenty times harder. Like losing weight. You make yourself miserable for six months and find yourself down a whopping four pounds. Let yourself go at a single all-you-can-eat buffet and you’ve gained it all back.

So, people bail on diets. Not just because they’re harder than they expected, but because they’re so much harder it seems unfair, almost criminally unjust. You can’t shake the bitter thought that, “This amount of effort should result in me looking like a panty model.”

And it applies to everything. America is full of frustrated, broken, baffled people because so many of us think, “If I work this hard, this many hours a week, I should have (a great job, a nice house, a nice car, etc). I don’t have that thing, therefore something has corrupted the system and kept me from getting what I deserve, and that something must be (my wife, my boss, the government, illegal immigrants etc).”

Or, think about the whole economic collapse and the bad credit bubble. You can imagine millions of working types saying, “All right, I have NO free time. I work every day, all day. I come home and take care of the kids. We live in a tiny house, with two shitty cars. And we are still deeper in debt every single month.” So they borrow and buy on credit because they have this unspoken assumption that, damn it, the universe will surely right itself at some point and the amount of money we should have been making all along (according to our level of effort) will come raining down.

All of it comes back to having those massively skewed expectations of the world. Even the people you think of as pessimists, they got their pessimism by continually seeing the world fail to live up to their expectations, which only happened because their expectations were grossly inaccurate in the first place.

You know that TV show where Gordon Ramsay tours various failing restaurants and swears at the owners until everything is fine again? Every episode is a great example. They all involve some haggard restaurant owner, a half a million dollars in debt, looking exhausted into the camera and saying, “How can we be losing money? I work ninety hours a week!”

The world demands more. So, so much more. How have we gotten to adulthood and failed to realize this? Why would our expectations of the world be so off? I blame the montages. Five breezy minutes, from sucking at karate to being great at karate, from morbid obesity to trim, from geeky girl to prom queen, from terrible garage band to awesome rock band.

In the real world, the winners of that Karate tournament in Karate Kid would be the kids who had been at it since they were in elementary school. Skipping video games and days out with their friends and birthday parties so they can practice, practice, practice. And that’s just what it takes to get “pretty good” at it. Want to know how long it takes to become an expert at something? About 10,000 hours, according to research.

That’s practicing two hours a day, every day, for almost 14 years.

As a lot of you know, I’m the Editor over at Cracked.com and what many of you don’t know is that we run the site on a unique, open submission system where anybody can submit an article idea, and everybody’s idea–whether submitted by a 15 year-old anime fan or a Nobel Prize-winning journalist–comes in through the same system, on equal footing. Then we have a way of filtering out the horrible ones and getting it down to just the ones we want to publish.

So I deal with literally thousands of aspiring writers and I never get tired of watching people experience Effort Shock, and seeing how they deal with it. It’s great to work with the special few who can fight through it. And it is a fight; people fucking freak out when they get into the writing process and realize how many hours a good article is going to suck from their free time.

Yeah, Cracked is just doing short little comedy articles, not building skyscrapers. But that makes it worse; because everything is written in a conversational style and is full of boner jokes, it seems to the casual observer like you should be able to sit down and just pound out an article in an hour or so (where this one took me about 30 hours).

I bring all of this up now because I’m giving a talk at JordanCon, a fantasy book convention in a couple of months about my ridiculous, roundabout path to getting my book published (if you’ll be in the South this spring, JordanCon will be held at the Crowne Plaza Ravinia at Perimeter April 23-25th in Atlanta, GA). And I hope I can convey this without turning everybody off.

John Dies at the End took eight years to get where it is now, in fancy hardcover on real book store shelves. But I wasn’t drinking and sleeping in my car that whole time, waiting to get discovered. I was working two jobs and updating a website three times a week and getting those ten thousand hours in.

Oh, I sure as fuck didn’t realize it at the time. Don’t let me come off as a guru here; I’m three years removed from looking at the Classifieds and seriously considering making ends meet with night jobs that would have had me cleaning toilets.

I walked out of college at 22 thinking I was going to be king of the world within a few years. Ten years later I had failed at one career, then failed at another, tried to go back to school twice, accumulated $15,000 in credit card debt, and was working at a job where I was one promotion above high school kids.

I felt like I was working myself to death. Year after year. And even then, so many things had to break my way to get what I have now. I lost hope and lowered my expectations over and over and over. Nothing that had happened in my life up to that point prepared me for it. Nobody told me.

Fucking Karate Kid.

Anyway. I know what will make us feel better:

General Motors: Weight Loss Diet Program

2010-04-25T15:00:00.000+09:00

The following diet and health program was developed for employees and dependents of General Motors, Inc. and is intended for their exclusive use. This program was developed in conjunction with a grant from U.S. Department of Agriculture and the Food and Drug Administration. It was field tested at the Johns Hopkins Research Centre and was approved for distribution by the Board of Directors, General Motors Corp. at a general meeting on August 15, 1985. General Motors Corp. wholly endorses this program and is making it available to all employees and families. This program will be available at all General Motors Food Service Facilities. It is management's intention to facilitate a wellness and fitness program for everyone.

This program is designed for a target weight loss of 10-17 lbs per week. It will also improve your attitudes and emotions because of its cleansing systematic effects.

The effectiveness of this seven day plan is that the food eaten burn more calories than they give to the body in caloric value.

This plan can be used as often as you like without any fear of complications. It is designed to flush your system of impurities and give you a feeling of well being. After seven days you will begin to feel lighter because you will be lighter by at least 10 lbs. You will have an abundance of energy and an improved disposition.

During the first seven days you must abstain from all alcohol
You must drink 10 glasses of water each day

Day One All fruits except bananas. Your first day will consist of all the fruits you want. It is strongly suggested that you consume lots of melons the first day. Especially watermelon and a loupe. If you limit your fruit consumption to melons, your chances of losing three lbs. on first day are very good.

Day Two All vegetables. You are encouraged to eat until you are stuffed with all the raw or cooked vegetables of your choice. There is no limit on the amount or type. For your complex carbohydrate, you will start day two with a large baked potato for breakfast. You may top the potato with one pat of butter.

Day Three A mixture of fruits and vegetables of your choice. Any amount, any quantity. No bananas yet. No potatoes today.

Day Four Bananas and milk. Today you will eat as many as eight bananas and drink three glasses of milk. This will be combined with the special soup which may be eaten in limited quantities.

Day Five Today is feast day. You will eat beef and tomatoes. Eat two 10 oz. portions of lean beef. Hamburger is OK. Combine this with six whole tomatoes. On day five you must increase your water intake by one quart. This is to cleanse your system of the uric acid you will be producing.

Day Six Beef and vegetables. Today you may eat an unlimited amount of beef and vegetables. Eat to your hearts content.

Day Seven Today your food intake will consist of brown rice, fruit juices and all the vegetables you care to consume.

Tomorrow morning you will be 10-17 lbs. lighter than one week ago. If you desire further weight loss, repeat the program again. You may repeat this program as often as you like, however, it is suggested that you are allowed two glasses of white wine in addition to the instructions on the program. You may substitute champagne for white wine. Under no circumstances are you to drink any other alcoholic beverages with the exception of beer which is allowed. Any liquor (bourbon, vodka, rum) is forbidden. Cream drinks are especially forbidden. You may have an occasional cordial such as creme de menthe or schnapps, but you must always limit yourself to two drinks. If you wine, drink only wine that day. If you have beer, drink only beer that day, etc. Alcohol adds empty calories to your diet. However, after the first week it will help your digestion and settle your stomach.

G.M.'S Wonder Soup

The following soup is intended as a supplement to your diet. It can be eaten any time of the day in virtually unlimited quantities. You are encouraged to consume large quantities of this soup.

28 oz, Water, 6 Large Onions, 2 Green Peppers, Whole Tomatoes (fresh or canned), 1 Head Cabbage, 1 Bunch Celery, 4 Envelopes Lipton Onion Soup Mix, Herbs and Flavouring as desired.

Additional Comments

Vegetables as may be taken in the form of a salad if desired. No dressing except malt, white or wine vinegar, squeezed lemon, garlic, herbs. No more than one tea spoon of oil.

You have been given a recipe for the WONDER SOUP which can be eaten in unlimited quantities. This soup is a supplement while you are on the program and it should be a pleasure to eat. Not everyone likes cabbage, green peppers, calory etc. This recipe is not inflexible. You may substitute vegetables according to your taste. You may add any vegetables you like: asparagus, peas, corn, turnips, green beans, cauliflower, etc. Try to stay away from beans (lima, pinto, kidney, etc.), however, because they tend to be high in calories even though they are very good for you.

Beverages you may consume while on the program :

1. Water (flavoured with lemon/lime if desired).
2. Club Soda is OK.
3. Black Coffee. No cream or cream substitute. No sugar or sweetness.
4. Black Tea = Herb or Leaf.
5. Absolutely nothing else except the fruit juices which are part of day seven. No fruit juices before day seven.

How and Why It Works

Day One you are preparing your system for the upcoming programme. Your only source of nutrition is fresh or canned fruits. Fruits are nature's perfect food. They provide everything you could possibly want to sustain life except total balance and variety.

Day Two starts with a fix of complex carbo-hydrates coupled with an oil dose. This is taken in the morning for energy and balance. The rest of day two consists of vegetables which are virtually calorie free and provide essential nutrients and fiber.

Day Three eliminates the potato because you get your carbohydrates from the fruits. You system is now prepared to start burning excess pounds. You will still have cravings which should start to diminish by day four.

Day Four, bananas, milk and soup sound the strangest and least desirable. You're in for a surprise. You probably will not eat all the bananas allowed. But they are there for the potassium you have lost and the sodium you may have missed the past three days. You will notice a definite loss of desire for sweets. You will be surprised how easy this day will go.

Day Five, Beef and tomatoes. The beef is for iron and proteins, the tomatoes are for digestion and fiber. Lots and lots of water purifies your system. You should notice colorless urine today. Your allowance calls for the equivalent of five "quarter ponders". Do not feel you have to eat all this beef. You must eat the six tomatoes.

Day Six is similar to day five, Iron and proteins from beef, Vitamins and fiber from vegetables. By now your system is in a total weight loss inclination. There should be a noticeable difference in the way you look today, compared to day one.

Day Seven finished off the program like a good cigar used to finish off Victorian meals, except much healthier. You have your system under control and it should thank you for the flushing and cleaning you just gave it.

THE POWER OF MONEY

2010-04-21T20:12:00.001+09:00

By Adam Khoo - Singapore's youngest millionaire at 26 yrs.

I travel around the region pretty frequently, having to visit and conduct seminars at my offices in Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand and Suzhou (China).

I am in the airport almost every other week so I get to bump into many people who have attended my seminars or have read my books.

Recently, someone came up to me on a plane to KL and looked rather shocked. He asked, 'How come a millionaire like you is traveling economy?' My reply was, 'That's why I am a millionaire. ' He still looked pretty confused.

This again confirms that greatest lie ever told about wealth (which I wrote about in my latest book 'Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires' ). Many people have been brainwashed to think that millionaires have to wear Gucci, Hugo Boss, Rolex, and sit on first class in air travel. This is why so many people never become rich because the moment that earn more money, they think that it is only natural that they spend more, putting them back to square one.

The truth is that most self-made millionaires are frugal and only spend on what is necessary and of value. That is why they are able to accumulate and multiply their wealth so much faster.

Over the last 7 years, I have saved about 80% of my income while today I save only about 60% (because I have my wife and 2 kids, mother in law, 2 maids etc. to support). Still, it is way above most people who save 10% of their income (if! they are lucky).

I refuse to buy a first class ticket or to buy a $300 shirt because I think that it is a complete waste of money.
When I joined the YEO (Young Entrepreneur' s Orgn)a few years back (YEO is an exclusive club open to those who are under 40 and make over $1m a year in their own business) I discovered that those who were self-made thought like me. Many of them with net worth well over $5m, travelled economy class and some even drove Toyota's and Nissans,not Audis, Mercs, BMWs.

I noticed that it was only those who never had to work hard to build their own wealth (there were also a few ministers' and tycoons' sons in the club) who spent like there was no tomorrow. Somehow, when you did not have to build everything from scratch, you do not really value money. This is precisely the reason why a family's wealth (no matter how much) rarely lasts past the third generation.

Thank God my rich dad foresaw this terrible possibility and refused to give me a cent to start my business.
Then some people ask me, 'What is the point in making so much money if you don't enjoy it?'
The thing is that I don't really find happiness in buying branded clothes, jewellery or sitting first class. Even if buying something makes me happy it is only for a while, it does not last.

Material happiness never lasts, it just give you a quick fix. After a while you feel lousy again and have to buy the next thing which you think will make you happy. I always think that if you need material things to make you happy, then you live a pretty sad and unfulfilled life..

Instead, what makes me happy is when I see my children laughing and playing and learning ! so fast. What makes me happy is when I see my companies and trainers reaching more and more people every year in so many more countries.

What makes me really happy is when I read all the emails about how my books and seminars have touched and inspired someone's life.

What makes me really happy is reading all your wonderful posts about how this blog is inspiring you. This happiness makes me feel really good for a long time, much much more than what a Rolex would do for me.

I think the point I want to put across is that happiness must come from doing your life's work(be it teaching, building homes, designing, trading, winning tournaments etc.) and the money that comes is only a by-product.

If you hate what you are doing and rely on the money you earn to make you happy by buying stuff, then I think that you are living a life of meaninglessness.

21 Things We're Learning to Live Without

2010-04-19T18:45:00.001+09:00

By Rick Newman
http://www.usnews.com/money/blogs/flowchart/2010/1/21/21-things-were-learning-to-live-without.html
Posted: January 21, 2010

What do you really need?

It's become a national question. With jobs and money scarce, consumers are taking inventory and tossing lots of stuff once deemed important into a humongous discard pile. To safeguard the essentials—a safe home and supportive community, the kids' education, Internet connectivity, sustenance for a pet—Americans are giving up lots of other things. Some sacrifices are painful; others bring surprise benefits.

To gauge America's changing priorities, I synthesized market research, business trends, economic data, and reports from hundreds of consumers into a list of things that many people seem to be significantly cutting back on, or living without completely. Here are 21 of them:

Monthly payments. Old mentality: I don't care about the price, as long as I can borrow to pay for it and I have enough income to cover the monthly payment. New mentality: I've already got too much debt, and the banks won't lend me the money anyway. Result: More cash purchases and a lot less financing of cars, furniture and other costly items. "The era of unbridled, debt-financed consumer spending is over, and the monthly payer is out of action," Eric Janszen, president of iTulip, a finance-advisory firm, wrote in Harvard Business Review last year.

Window shopping. Browsing used to be an acceptable pastime. But consumers have discovered that window shopping encourages them to buy tons of stuff they don't need. So now, they're shopping only when necessary, making a list and sticking to it, or skipping the mall in favor of online sites, where temptations are weaker. "I no longer spend a day at the mall when I'm bored," says Debby Abrams of Rising Sun, Ind. "I don't buy, rebuy, and rebuy again: Buy a lamp, buy one I like better and put the first one in the basement, then buy a third one and put the second one in the basement."

Bells and whistles. The technology arms race is slowing, with consumers gravitating to simpler gizmos like Netbooks, prepaid cellphones, and older, used electronics. Shaving features is obviously a way to save money, but some users also find the simpler devices a relief. "My cellphone is back to being just a phone and not my connection to the rest of the world via texting or the Web," says Dorothy Robson of Durham, N.C. "Simplicity is definitely the new thing. Now if we can get the government to be frugal, that would be great!"

Clutter. As Americans downsize, do more of their own cleaning, and look for stuff they can sell online, they're discovering tons of things around the house they can get rid of. After Russ and Deborah Merchant of Delaware, Ohio, moved into a smaller rental home in 2007, they dug out hundreds of items they had never used and didn't need. For a year, they gave away more stuff than they purchased. "We keep being amazed at how having less stuff, with no deprivation, actually gives us better quality of life," says Deborah Merchant. "We've gained emotional and spiritual maturity."

Cable TV. Many people are cutting back on pay-TV services or canceling them altogether, which saves $50 to $100 a month. As a replacement, some viewers watch free programs on Hulu or YouTube or make do with broadcast TV. Others are giving up television completely. "There's no money for cable TV, so my Internet does me for all my news and other entertainment," says Mariluna Martin of Los Angeles. "That's money saved, plus no TV means no blaring of bad news, fear-mongering, ad pressures, and other unpleasantness." Martin spends more time reading books and sipping tea at a neighborhood café. She finds that rewarding: "The changes I've had to make have made my life better. Things are simpler and healthier now."

A home phone. How many phones do you need, anyway? With cellphones ubiquitous, the home unit is becoming redundant. Internet voice services like Skype and magicJack slash the cost of calls but still provide most of the services that are available through the phone lines. Many people are reducing their cellphone service as well. Kathy Bowman of Joseph, Ore., figures she's saving about $800 per year since she replaced her cellphone with a prepaid Tracfone she mainly reserves for emergencies. Canceling a fax line to her home saves another $120 per year.

Privacy. Got room on the couch? To save on rent or mortgage payments, roommates are doubling up and grown kids are moving back in with their parents. Mark Hamister of Elyria, Ohio, says privacy is one of the many things he's given up as two of his grown daughters have moved back home, bringing boyfriends, pets—and a granddaughter. But he's not complaining. "We have learned to enjoy a simple, cost-effective, and minimalist approach to life by developing an appreciation for nature and family," he says. "Big, expensive toys and trips were fun before, but we really don't need them anymore."

Prepared foods. More people are cooking at home, and they're doing it with fewer premade sauces, marinades, dressings, and other ingredients. "Moms are back to basic cooking," says Chance Parker, a market researcher at J.D. Power & Associates. "They want to use fresh herbs and spices. It saves money, and it's more healthy." Patricia Tremblay of Dayton, Ohio, has given up her microwave as she's cut back over the last two years. She now cooks instead of zapping a premade entrée. "I've traded convenience for choice and done well, with the added bonus of weight loss and a sense of accomplishment," she says. "It's a great beginning that seems likely to stick."

Tupperware parties. Sales of Tupperware and other storage products are up, since people are cooking at home more and husbanding leftovers. But consumers still want the best deal, and they're skeptical of merchants—even if it's a friend or neighbor. "I flatly refuse to go to any 'home parties' where the hostess is selling candles, plastic ware, etc., and she gets free merchandise," says Lois Barber of Sandy Hook, Conn. "The stuff costs about three times what you would pay retail. My blanket excuse is, 'My sister sells it.' "

Packaged cigarettes. The average price of cigarettes is about $5 a pack or $45 a carton, which mounts quickly for regular puffers. Kicking the habit is the most obvious way to save money, but short of that, more smokers are buying small machines that let them roll their own smokes. "We learned to make our own cigs with a machine that cost $40," says one smoker. "We now save around $120 a month."

Lattes. The $5 daily coffee is always one of the first small luxuries to go. But more people are brewing at home. Sales of single-serving home brewing machines have soared.

Guilt. Keeping up with all the latest trends and technology takes an emotional toll. "When I could afford it, I always felt pressured to buy the latest software and gadgets," says Kathryn Husby of Plantation, Fla. When job and health issues curtailed the family income, she and her husband cut back to bare necessities. That meant she didn't have to learn a new set of buttons or menu options every year; she just kept pressing the same familiar buttons on the old model. "I'm happier than I've been for many years," she says. "I feel like I'm in charge of my life instead of multinational corporations telling me what to consume."

Extra calories. Some Americans say they're eating less to save money and drinking more water or doing other things to suppress their appetite. Restaurants are hurting as people eat out less, but some diners are trimming the check instead of scotching the entire outing. Some strategies for lighter eating: Going out for lunch instead of dinner, sharing entrees, skipping appetizers and side dishes, and turning restaurant leftovers into one or two at-home meals. A few restaurant chains, like Panera Bread, the Olive Garden, and Buffalo Wild Wings, have even managed to gain business by offering high-quality food at slender prices.

Newspapers and magazines. It's bad news for the publishing industry, but millions have canceled subscriptions to print periodicals and started getting free news and information online (which is probably where you're reading this article!). The trend may be strongest among tomorrow's consumers, otherwise known as teenagers: A study by the Kaiser Family Foundation found that kids between 8 and 18 spend just 38 minutes a day with some form of print media, down from 43 minutes in 2004. That's out of a total of 7 hours and 38 minutes they spend every day using some form of media.

Healthcare. A forced reduction in healthcare coverage is probably one of the most crushing effects of a weak economy, as the unemployed and others without insurance make drastic trade-offs to cut costs and get by. Millions of Americans are forgoing doctor visits, abandoning medication, ignoring problems, and simply hoping they don't get seriously ill or hurt. "I don't go to the doctor as often," says Debby Abrams. "Aches and pains work themselves out. I have some neurological thing going on in my left thumb right now, but I'm going to ignore it and attribute it to aging rather than go to a neurologist."

New gifts. Regifting is a time-tested practice—but there's always room to refine your strategy. Linda Amicucci of Tenafly, N.J., holds a "treasure party" with a group of friends after Thanksgiving every year to swap recyclable gifts. "We bring all the unwanted, unused items in our house that could be used as gifts or were given to us as gifts throughout the past year," she explains. "We swap items, since a gift received last year during a grab bag cannot be regifted in the same social circle. But in a different social circle, it's a brand new gift!"

New cars. It's no secret that new-car sales plunged to levels 40 percent lower than the peak in 2006. But many buyers who have traded down to a used model are surprised at the quality of the merchandise. "I have found that many people take really good care of their cars," says Jay Bailey of Phoenix, who's currently shopping for a used SUV. "You can find cars that have over 100,000 miles that have been maintained so well that you can easily get another 100,000 miles out of them." Many other car shoppers apparently agree, one reason used-car prices have actually been rising, with some models hard to find.

Comfort. Thermostats all across America are going lower in winter, higher in summer. After losing his job last year, Phil Landry, a Florida software salesman, analyzed his use of utilities, among other things, and decided to shave costs by setting the temp at 86 in the summer. "Every once in awhile I'll lower it to 84," he says. "But as long as you're not running marathons in the house, 86 is OK." Carrie Chiarenza, an Army officer who is based at Fort Hood, Texas, and is currently serving a yearlong tour in Iraq, takes supershort "combat showers" when she's at home, and she applies other tricks learned while living in the field. "Never leave any water running if you don't have to," she says. "So when lathering hair with shampoo, water comes off. Same thing with hand washing. Sometimes the task takes longer, but it helps the environment, and my utility bills."

A daily commute. If you're unemployed, obviously there's no job to drive to, one reason the number of vehicle miles driven has dipped to 2004 levels (and traffic on some of the most congested highways has eased). Telecommuting increased during the recession as well, and more people say they're riding bikes or walking more to save on gas costs—or a gym membership.

Fancy dates. Online dating services like Match.com are growing, but courtship is a bit of a comedown these days. Discount-dating advisers suggest cooking at home instead of eating out, looking for free performances, browsing at bookstores, going hiking, and exploring yard sales (yes, yard sales). And some discouraged singletons are sitting on the sidelines, waiting for better times. "I am not dating," says one woman who recently lost her job at a financial firm in San Diego. "Who will want to date an unemployed female?" Still, she says, "I am determined and motivated to survive this recession." And date again.

Debt. Who needs it? "I have learned that it takes little time to run dangerously high credit card balances," says Tom Poirer of Lowell, Mass., "but an inordinately long time to pay it back. I have learned to deprogram myself from the consumerist mayhem." Many Americans seem to agree. Total credit card debt is about 7 percent lower than it was a year ago, and Americans have paid down more than $100 billion in credit card loans and other types of revolving credit since October 2008. We may ultimately end up with less stuff. But at least we'll be able to afford what we have.

Live Life To The Fullest

2010-04-17T23:05:00.000+09:00

Life is short. So, live it to the fullest! Enjoy all that it has to offer.

Allow Love to be your leader in your life. Love whatever you have to do, thus you will always be able to do what you love and to love what you do.

1.Seize each day. Live each day as if it's your last. Leave the past behind and do not anticipate the future. Be present to enjoy the moment.

2.Be adventurous. Explore, live on the edge a little and embrace new challenges. Visit new places with your loved ones. Take the road less traveled. Think of life as beautiful.

3.Keep a journal. Record your accomplishments as well as your delights. Take time to reflect on what has been previously written. Be an inspiration to yourself and others.

4.Love yourself. Focus on your inner and outer beauty to see the same in others. Acceptance comes from within.

5.Love everyone. Love the ones who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Life is too precious to be wasted on waiting for love.

6.Accept everyone. Be kind and courteous. Enjoy the company of others. Acknowledge their goodness rather than the differences in their beliefs.

7.Find purpose in life. Be selfless in service to others. Begin with your neighbor. Do charitable service outside of your immediate community as well.

8.Be realistic. Set attainable goals according to your abilities and talents. Consider each effort to be an attainment. Achieve one step before the other towards stability and security

9.Seek balance. Understand the night and day, back and forth, good and bad in all things. Focus on good thoughts and good things will happen

10.Maintain control. Be responsible for your actions and inaction. Be true to yourself. Maintain a personal code in the situation at hand. Find common ground

11.Listen to your heart and soul. Listen for advice, but be confident in making your own decision. Use your instinct.

12.Clear your mind. Rituals of yoga, meditation and tai chi will replenish and rejuvenate your soul to focus more clearly on serenity and happiness.

13.Be carefree. Desires, obsessions and possessions possess you. Free yourself of inhibitions. Make an active decision to have simple daily needs.

14.Laugh. Laughter is the best medicine. It releases endorphins and promotes longevity. Inner joy is beautiful!

15.Be flexible. Accept change as a positive thing in life. At times, go with the flow that is before you.

16.List a few daily goals. Meet a new friend, swim at the lake or walk in the park. Enhance your day and initiate fun!

17.Appreciate the little things. Take a walk around your ?community to experience the wonder in a way that you have never experienced it before.

18.Forgive yourself and others. Release your negative energy that holds you back, your past failures, embrace whatever life offers you.

19.Anticipate next day. Everyday is unique, like the blossoming clouds.It's never the same, but always beautiful.

20.Accept death. Pondering death brings appreciation to life. Take time to appreciate the expanse and beauty of your life and our earth. Let go peacefully.

21.Appreciate Environment. Take a break occasionally and go for a walk. Assume that you have come from another planet. Take a fresh look at the clouds, the colors of sky at sunset and sunrise. Look at the plants, trees, leaves, flowers and how they sway when wind blows..! Look at water how it shakes and shape itself in the vessel it's stored.. Look at numerous forms of life - insects, animals, birds and human. This exercise will clear off the dead memories and monotony that kills the joy of living.

22.Take actions towards resolving the root cause any bad thoughts (anger, fear, doubt, hate,... ). Cancel each one out with a good thought called affirmations: "I'm over that." "I am brave!" "I know I can do it!" "I forgive and I do not hate!" You may not be feeling the best at the moment, but you will feel better once you think about good things. Think about all of the things life has to offer, because though things may be horrible at the moment -- the future holds a lot of hope. It should make you smile and not store negative feelings to be relived later.

23.Maintain a strong foundation of beliefs, but be humble and open to others opinions (in truth). If another person has another belief be humble and loving to show them why you believe a certain way. But, do not get caught up on little things, e.g. it's alright to think one colour is the better than another, but it's wrong to think massacre is good.

24.Make a bucket list. Make a list of all the things you want to do before you die like: bungee jumping, sky diving, and ziplining, etc. You'll feel like you've accomplished something

25.Make friends whom you can be yourself around, ie: your true friends. Go more places with them so that you can share your joy with someone else. By being around people you will become a more understanding person.

26.Do all these in love, care and concern for others past, present and future. Do to others as you would want to be treated.Be happy and live life.

Know Your Enemy

2010-03-16T22:07:00.005+09:00

I was just browsing e-books on piratebay, and somehow read this comment in one of the torrents there...
by someone: Quantum12 at 2010-03-04 18:54 CET:

For centuries now, people have been indoctrinated into the notion that competition is BENEFICIAL to the species. It's insane.

People actually believe that working against each other is the best thing for humanity. They are brainwashed into thinking that fighting for the same small portion of resources passed down from the top of the pyramid is the smartest thing to do.

How much longer will people be this stupid? When will they learn that the entire purpose of dividing us is precisely so that we can never rise to facilitate change? There is no trust because everyone wants the same jobs, the same resources and the same small percentage of wealth. Over 95 percent of the world's wealth is owned by less than 1 percent of the population.

The answer to fighting crime isn't to put more police on the streets. Crime can only be defeated by removing the inequality that gives people the incentive to commit it in the first place. Politicians know this but are trapped in the system just like everybody else. Political success requires massive amounts of funding to be pumped into campaigns and advertising. I assure you that the poor don't pay for this.

When will people learn who their enemies are?

Did slavery end, or did it just evolve into something more nefarious and cunning?

I say wake the fuck up. It starts with you, America. Evil happens when good men do nothing. Capitalism must end or the human race will not survive.

P.S. There are three things you can do to help.

1) The system isolates people from one another by giving them conflicting interests from their competition. The way it hides this is by uniting the people in hatred of something else.

Unity is everything provided we face the right enemy. Tell people who the enemy is. They will not believe you, so be patient and persist. Do not let ignorance destroy us.

2) Do not have anything to do with the military.

The military takes orders from the government, but the government takes orders from the banking industry. War is about profit because the system is a business and not a charity. The best way to convince men to fight is to make them want to fight. Think about it.

Don't fall for the jingoism bullshit. There are no great pieces of land, just great people.

3) Know your enemy.

The system that lets most people suffer in poverty and a few to wallow in self-indulgence because of bloodline or blind luck is the enemy. This is the same system the Romans used, and will end in the same way. The greed of a few is holding back evolution for the rest.

The heart of the enemy is the banking industry. The banking industry perpetuates debt and most horrifyingly of all, it keeps people static. It weighs them down with car loans, mortgages, personal finance, stock options, credit cards, overdrafts etc..... The point is to keep you in permanent debt, and therefore an employee of the bank until you die. Everybody works for the banks: the only difference lies between those that know it and those that don't.

Strike the heart.
( is it this one? http://www.wowhead.com/?spell=55262#comments )

**reynn writes: hmm.. i wouldn't be surprised..creating diversion is a universal lame tactic..yup the banking people are the the enemy..like stated in "the new world order"..the illuminati. so could it be the time has come to go against the tide..wow thingy..could be..however..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrCDdm2yjXY&feature=related

Singing Can Change Your Life!

2010-03-15T00:05:00.006+09:00

Singing Can Change Your Life!

by: Beth Lawrence

If you love to sing, then you`re already aware that singing is fun, energizing and a
great stress reducer. But if you`re one of millions who claim ` can`t sing!` then I
suggest that you consider singing as an absolutely free, non-prescription, safe and
effective life-enhancing tool. If you`re facing physical, emotional or mental
challenges, or if you just want more peace and happiness, here are 10 ways singing can change your life!

1. Promotes deep breathing!

As you begin to use `full body breathing` with a relaxed, soft belly, you allow the
diaphragm to drop down, giving the lungs the freedom to expand more fully.
Relaxed abdominals are essential for proper breath support while singing. I like to
think of `filling up like a balloon` when I sing. This gives firm, active breath support
and allows for deep, full breathing. Singing promotes slow, deep, healthy
breathing.

2. Oxygenates the blood!

As you use full body breathing, you are bringing in a greater volume of air. Oxygen
floods the blood system, bathing the cells in life-giving oxygen. You will feel more
alive as you breath deeply and fill yourself with energizing, oxygenated air! Singing oxygenates the blood!

3. Stimulates brain activity!

Singing requires thought. You are memorizing lyrics, melodies and rhythms, as well as connecting words with emotion. Your `singer`s breathing` technique is bringing more oxygen to the brain. Your brain`s neurons are firing furiously as you are integrating the physical, emotional and psychological functions necessary to joyful singing! Singing stimulates brain activity!

4. Releases `feel good` endorphins!

All this physical, neurological and emotional activity serves to release those `feel-
good` hormones called endorphins. So not only is your audience benefiting from
your lovely voice, but you are being flooded with happy hormones that give you a
sense of peace and well-being. Singing feels fantastic because it releases `feel
good` endorphins!

5. Reduces stress!

When you feel good, your stress level goes down. Endorphins help diminish stress
and agitation. By using deep, full body breathing you slow the heart rate and take
your mind off of unwanted anxiety. The next time you feel stressed or overwhelmed,
take a full body breath, and break out singing! Your stress will fly away as you reap
the benefit of joyful singing!

6. Builds self-confidence!

Speaking in public is still the #1 fear for Americans. Singing ranks right up there for
most of us. Singing is a risk-taking behavior because you`re putting yourself out
there in a very exposed way. It dredges up all our insecurities and self-imposed
limitations. When you dare to share your voice and music, a fantastic thing
happens. It`s like walking through fire. You overcome your fear, and emerge with
an incredible sense of accomplishment. You did it! Your self-esteem soars and you feel that you can do anything! Singing builds self-confidence in a BIG way!

7. Enhances memory!

Singing involves memorization as you learn new melodies, lyrics and complex
musical forms. It`s a great way to stimulate the areas of the brain involved with
memory, learning and concentration. Use it, or lose it! Singing is a great way to
enhance your memory!

8. Boosts creativity!

As you build your self-esteem and stimulate your artistic soul, you`ll find that all
areas of your life are positively affected by the act of singing. Suddenly you`ve
opened the floodgates of your creative soul, and you begin thinking outside the
box! Your productivity soars! By tapping into your creative reservoir you become
more alive and innovative! Singing boosts creativity!

9. Creates a powerful speaking voice!

If you`re a speaker, presenter, teacher, clergy or in any sales related business (aren`t we all??), you will benefit from learning to sing. Your voice is your instrument, no matter what you do in life, and singing gives you the skills to speak in a natural, powerful, confident voice. Everyone benefits from proper singing technique. You`ll discover your `true` voice that will reveal your confident, authentic self. Finding your voice is a joy. Singing creates a powerful speaking voice!

10. Makes you feel fantastic!

Singing makes you feel self-assured, in control, physically alive and fantastically
creative. It feeds your soul as it creates physical well-being. With increased self-
confidence you can do anything! Physical, mental and emotional health is a great
side effect of singing. There`s no doubt about it, singing makes you feel fantastic!

About the Author

Beth Lawrence is the only expert in the country teaching The Integrated Voice method, a holistic approach to voice coaching and therapy honoring the connection of body, mind and spirit. Beth is the CEO of Viva La Voice!, a company offering private coaching, workshops in the performing arts, and music camps for women.

**reynn writes: makes executing and presenting your homework worthwhile and beneficial kan.. ;)

The Language of Men: Understanding Your Husband’s Needs

2010-03-04T12:04:00.000+09:00

Question

As salamu ‘alaykum

What do you think should be as a wife if a husband always criticize the wife from the way she eat, dress, talk, most of the time putting her down and the husband feels superior though she already did what he wants, but it is still not enough for him and still got criticize.

Answer by Dr Karima K Burns(Naturopathic Doctor, Herbalist – Waldorf School of Thought )

This situation can happen with husbands and with wives and can sometimes indicate an abusive relationship, however, usually it indicates a mutually dissatisfying situation for both spouses. You have not indicated you are being abused in this enquiry, provided details about yourself or examples of specific situations so I will approach the situation using the second scenario. Additionally, since you have written to me (and not your husband) I am going to approach the question with a solution that you can try yourself.

If you were seeing a counselor together or your husband had asked this question I would have a slightly different answer. However, there is one rule in relationships that has stood true across all time – you can only guarantee change if you work on your own problems. There is never any guarantee with others, as their actions and feelings are beyond your control.

Because of this it would be useless for me to provide you with information about what your husband could do. I am providing information about what you can do, and how you can understand the situation more clearly. Not because you are at fault or the only person at fault, but because, since you have asked for help, I want to give YOU the tools to regain control of your happiness in this marriage.

In the second scenario I mentioned above, the marriage has become unbearable for both spouses and the focus has turned to criticism instead of love and understanding. You may perceive that only your husband is being critical. However, your e-mail indicates that you are also critical of him. In your e-mail you are stating that your husband “puts down his wife” ,that he “feels superior”, that he is “not satisfied with what he has” and that he “criticizes his wife.”

These are four very negative statements about your husband. He most likely can sense that you feel these negative feelings towards him (and perhaps more?). Even if you don’t express these feelings he can feel this in two ways. If you do express negative feelings he will feel this in three ways:

1. If you express sadness, negative feelings, dissatisfaction, anger, etc…he will feel you are not happy with him. He wants to be able to make you happy. Knowing you are unhappy will make him very unhappy.

2. If you feel these feelings about him and do not verbalize them they will come out in non-verbal ways and he will sense them.

3. A man’s sense of worth in a marriage is often tied to his feeling of self-worth as a husband and father. A man, to be happy in a marriage, needs to feel he is a good husband and father and that he is taking good care of his family. If you are not letting him know or feel he is successful then he will be unhappy and be more likely to reflect this back to you.

This is different from what makes a woman happy in a marriage. Women are often happiest when their husband and children show that they love her. Women also want to feel they are able to make their families happy. However, most prominently, they thrive on feelings of love in the relationship. Although men also need love, men thrive more on accomplishment in the relationship.

When your husband feels successful and able to make you happy he will be more and more encouraged to continue this behavior. This may seem impossible. You may be thinking, “How can I let him know he makes me happy when he isn’t making me happy?”

To accomplish this you need to turn your focus from the negative and be able to reflect back to him, for some time, only the positive aspects of what he is doing for you as a husband. Forget, for a time, the things he is doing “wrong” and focus on and communicate to him the things he is doing “right”.

Does he support you financially? Is he handsome? Does he thank you for the meals you cook? Is he kind to his family? What good qualities does he have that you are thankful for? Why did you first love him? Why did you first marry him? Does he still have some of these qualities? Let him know about these things daily.

It may take some time for you to see some change. It depends on how long you have been married, how long this negative situation has been going on, and how dedicated and sincere you are in trying to change it.

If you can give this some effort and be patient, and give him some time to trust you again and really hear you, he will start to feel safe again in the relationship and will feel free to stop criticizing you and start complimenting you and enjoying your company.

Initially he may not trust what you are saying, or he may be so used to hearing critical things he may not understand what you are saying or really hear you at first. So please be patient and continue. Only the most severe of situations can withstand the force of so much positive energy. If you are able to infuse this relationship with as much positive energy as possible – in as many ways as you can think of – he will be unable to resist the “new mood” of the house and will naturally fall into the new patterns you have created. It may take a little time (1-3 months) but it will happen Insha-Allah.

Source: muslimmarriages.wordpress.com

The Number One Thing to Look for in a Partner

2010-02-26T11:36:00.002+09:00

The Love Lesson Learned

What's the love lesson learned? One of the top traits to look for in a partner is an appealingly strong character.

Think about it for a moment. Good character values not only come in handy on a day-to-day basis, but during those eventual, inevitable times of conflict.

If you and your partner do not value putting in the effort of acting with strong character values during times of disagreement, disappointment, stress, crisis, temptation, sadness, monetary-challenges, illness, vulnerability, misunderstandings—then your relationship will always suffer!

Indeed, John Gottman, the famed psychologist and researcher who runs The Love Lab, says he can predict how long a couple will last, not by studying how well a couple gets along, but by studying how well a couple doesn't get along. A relationship is only as strong as its weakest link— how a couple handles their challenges.

The good news: If you're involved in what my favorite philosopher buddy Aristotle called a "Relationship of Shared Virtue"—you will both want to deal with conflict by facing up to it with "strong character values" and viewing it as "a laboratory for growth."

Basically, you must accept right here—right now—if you are going to be in happily ever after love, then your relationship must have a duo function.

2 Keys to a Happily-Ever-After Love Relationship

1. "Den of pleasure"—for fun, companionship, sex, laughter, etc. which you as a human need—so you can keep your soul alive with passion!

2. "Laboratory for growth"—the ultimate place of challenge for your soul to be nurtured to grow—where you inspire one another's "character development"—so you can both grow into your most esteemed selves - which is what Aristotle put forth was what true happiness was all about!

Unfortunately, many people solely view a relationship as a place to experience pleasure—leaving out the soul-ly aspects of love—where you nurture each other to grow!

In fact, when I ask the women I coach to describe what they're looking for in a partner, they always start off listing sexiness, funniness, smartness and wealthiness! But these are all personality traits—and pleasures of the body and ego —not character values which nurture the soul/core self.

If you want to "live happily ever after in love" you must prioritize finding a man who:

1. Values growing as a person

2. Truly understands a relationship serves the double function of "den of pleasure" and "laboratory for growth"

After all, if your partner doesn't value growth, he won't be ready to deal with non-fun, inevitable conflicts in a high integrity way. As a result, when those aforementioned disagreements, disappointments, stresses, crises, temptations, sadnesses, monetary-challenges, illnesses, vulnerabilities and misunderstandings arise, your relationship will suffer. Or worse, your partner will run for the hills—end of story, end of relationship!

Getting to Know a Guy's Character

You know what's funny? How we all know that embracing strong character values really does matter in life and love. Yet, our world mostly offers relationship tips like:

"Buy these sexy clothes!""Be more successful!"

"Tighten your buns!"

Nobody ever comes out and says:

"Yo! Value good strong character values in yourself and others!"

Isn't that weird? I suppose that's because it takes more time, effort and patience to work on strengthening one's character values—and to truly understand another person's inner character—than it does to quickly buy a superficial new sexy outfit, or share a leisurely romantic candlelit dinner. Hence why you must prioritize getting to know a guy's inner character up-front—before you drop your guards—or even your panties. Yes, if you want to live happily ever after with a man, it's essential you prioritize strong character values over strong biceps.

Size Does Matter! Look for a Guy with a Really Big Heart

Remember: It's called "finding a soul mate" not "finding an ego mate"! And if you're going to connect soul to soul, you must take the time to see your partner's soul and feel safe enough to reveal your own soul. For this feeling of safety to occur, you must trust your partner's integrity. Take the time to find out if your partner values embracing empathy, listening, direct communication, honesty, loyalty and growth. After all, a guy's character will always be the determinant behind his choosing to be naughty or nice—thereby making you feel sad or happy.

Think about all those fabulous Prince Charmings in fairy tales. What makes a Prince Charming truly "Princely"? Prince Charmings are made of good strong character fiber! They're noble, kind and generous with good deeds. Plus, they support a Princess in becoming liberated, so she can venture forth to become her fullest royal potential.

Meanwhile, evil Prince Harmings are just as good-looking, rich and charismatic as Prince Charmings. A Prince Harming's huge difference is the one spotted within his spotty character! Prince Harmings suffer from major character defects which create scenarios to torture and imprison a Princess.

Meaning? Although you might feel as if you're experiencing love at first sight with a Prince Harming, what you're really experiencing is infatuation at first sight—because all you're simply crushing on is this man's superficial self, not his superinsidehim self.

Don't Stay on the Surface When It's Time to Dive Deep!

All of this leads me to a very important question: Do you really prefer to place a higher value on a guy's superficial aspects (his sexiness, funniness, smartness, wealthiness) more than you value his superinsidehim self (his character, his soul)?

If so, then there is a big danger you will wind up involved with a guy who's rude, angry, dishonest, disloyal, hurtful, non-communicative, unempathic and selfish! As a result, all of his inner bad qualities will make you feel unhappy, insecure, unsafe, frazzled, neurotic and totally crazy!

All of this reminds me of a funny joke by Woody Allen:

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness."

Okay. I admit it. I find this Woody quote funny as hell. But I am here to remind you: Your love life should not be your suffering life! (Oh…and Woody Allen's also wrong about his cooking methods. Woody instructs: "Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.")

Reminder Time: The number one reason to spend time with a guy is that he makes you feel happier and he is improving your life. Not making you more unhappy, insecure, unsafe, or just plain frazzled!

Another way to explain all this is to make the following confession…

True Love Is a That, Not a Him

Confession Time: I used to look at a cute, funny, charismatic guy and think: "Yum, yum! I want him!" Now I know better. Now I look at loving, happy couples—watch the happy, healthy dynamic between the guy and girl— and think: "Yum, yum! I want that!"

My Lesson/Your Lesson: True love is a that —not a him.

Translation: True love is not a wish list but a "wish feeling." And the number one feeling—even before the feeling of love—is the feeling of safety. Without feeling safe, you will never feel true love. You must have trust in your partner's character and prioritize finding a partner who is honest, communicative, and empathic—someone who values growing—so you can feel safe to vulnerably be your truest core self with him—and then together the two of you can support one another to grow into your best possible selves.

Karen Salmansohn is a best-selling author known for creating self-help for people who wouldn't be caught dead reading self-help. Get more information on finding a loving happier-ever-after relationship in her book Prince Harming Syndrome .

Creating The Human Connection In A Loving Relationship

2010-02-26T01:12:00.012+09:00

Tell me often that you love me through your talk, your actions and your gestures. Don't assume that I know it. I may show signs of embarrassments and even deny that I need it,--but don't believe it, do it anyway.

Compliment me often for jobs well done and don't downgrade but reassure me when I fail. Don't take the many things I do for you for granted. Positive reinforcement and appreciation works toward making sure I repeat them.

Let me know when you feel low or lonely or misunderstood. It will make me stronger to know I have the power to comfort you. Feelings, unverbalized, can be destructive. Remember, though I love you, I still can't always read your mind.

Express joyous thoughts and feelings. They bring vitality to our relationship. It's wonderful to celebrate non birthdays, our own sweetest days. Give gifts without reason and hear you verbalize your happiness.

When you respond to me so I feel special, it will make up for all those who , during the day have passed me up without seeing me.

Validate what I feel by telling me that what I or feel is significant or real. If I see and feel it -- for me -- it's my experience an therefore important and real.

Listen to me without judgment or preconception. Being heard, like being seen is vital. If you truly see me and hear me as I am at the moment, it is a continued affirmation of my being as we help each other to change.

Touch me. Hold me. Hug me. My physical self is revitalized by loving non verbal communication.

Respect my silences. Alternatives for my problems, creativity, and my spirituality needs are most often realized in moments of quiet.

Let others know you value me. Public affirmation of our love makes me feel special and proud. It is good to share the joy of our relationship with others.

- Loving Each Other Through Communication, LOVING EACH OTHER (The Challenge of Human Relationships) -

Your Field Guide to Guys

2010-02-22T14:16:00.000+09:00

Your Field Guide to Guys

For any woman who's ever wished that men came with signs on their backs explaining how to date, mate and relate to them, we present the 17 types you might meet out there in the wild.

By Josh Aiello and Genevieve Roth

1. The Sexy Foreigner
Plumage: He's totally hot, from his great hair to his you-can't-tell-if-they've-ever-been-washed tight jeans. If he smokes (likely), he owns a Zippo.

Mating Habits: Attracts females via his impossibly sexy accent and the ability to transform out-of-date machismo into charming banter.

Field Notes: You could grow tired of the SF's Vespa and chest hair. But he makes you feel like a lady, drives exes mad with jealousy, and delivers capital-R romance. If he's not a cad, just say oui.

2. The Hobbyist
Plumage: More identifiable by his hobby than his physical appearance, this guy inspires your girlfriends to refer to him as the Wine Dude, the Beekeeper, the Racquetballer, etc.

Behavior: He's incredibly loyal, friendly and talkative, though most of his anecdotes will appeal only to fellow hobbyists. To you, it may sound like he's speaking another language.

Field Notes: You have two choices here: Familiarize yourself with his passion and join in the cork-sniffing fun, or give the guy loads of space and time (maybe even a wall on which to display his trophies) and cultivate your own obsessive pastime.

3. The Coffee Shop Intellectual
Plumage: His attire is mostly composed of black, and he has the rare ability to wear tight jeans without looking ridiculous. "I think every guy should own a pair of skinny black jeans and boots," says actor Sebastian Stan, pictured above. "When I showed up for the photo shoot, I had been wearing mine for like two days."

Behavior: He knows how to have fun, but big groups scare him. "Karaoke bars are up on the list of places I like to hang out. I really like going out with just my closest friends."

Mating Habits: He dislikes anyone — man or woman — who is fake. "Pretention is a huge turnoff," says Stan. "There's nothing more amazing than if you're lucky enough to be with someone who can inspire you. It's that, mixed with passion."

Field Notes: The CSI wants a woman who is comfortable (a) with herself — that's sexy — and (b) letting him be who he is, whoever that may be at the moment. "I'm a completely different person than I was four years ago," says Stan. "I try to meld with the times and stay open to new ideas."

4. The Workaholic
Plumage: His wardrobe costs more than yours.

Behavior: He asserts his manhood through a maniacal desire to make money. Works a 90-hour week and probably uses his BlackBerry on the john.

Mating Habits: Courts you by buying you jewelry no sane woman would refuse.

Field Notes: It can be hard to tell whether there's a real guy behind the money clip, so here's a litmus test: If he sleeps on an Aerobed without complaint at your parents' home, he's legit. If, on the other hand, he wakes up cranky and checks into a hotel, he's not The One.

5. The Pickup Artist
Plumage: First you're impressed by his fashion sense and perfect hair. Then you notice the shark tooth necklace and … is that a manicure?! Red flag!

Mating Habits: He's a disciple of pick-up manuals like The Game, and prepares for a date like a general plotting a battle.

Field Notes: Remember that, to him, dating is sport. You're like Mount Everest in heels, a test of his manhood. To win him over for real, you'll have to be his equal. Beat him at his own game and call him out on his tactics. (Unless, of course, all you want is no-strings-attached fun. That's fine too.)

6. The Surfer Boy
Plumage: With a glow like the last day of summer vacation, the Surfer Boy is one of nature's great gifts to women. His sun-bleached hair, perfect body squeezed into a vintage tee, and ability to walk barefoot are, at times, awe-inspiring.

Behavior: He overuses the words rad and gnarly. He shies away from anything resembling an actual job. He spends half the year in Tahiti … or something. But seriously: Have you seen this guy?

Field Notes: The Surfer Boy might not be husband material, but he's super positive and fun. A few flirtatious months together can be a life-affirmingly carefree experience.

7. The Man You Thought Was Gay
Behavior: This thoughtful and caring guy is always there to listen and is game for a quick detour into Bloomingdale's. You assume he's into men — all the good ones are.

Mating Habits: He's the most nonthreatening male you've ever encountered, but just as you're starting to open up to him, something's off. Wait, is his hand on your thigh?

Field Notes: TMYTWG has no idea you think he's gay. So keep an open mind — he could be the greatest boyfriend of all time. Still worried? Here's a tip: Ask about his dating history. Ambiguous, pronoun-free statements like "there once was this person I dated" are not good.

8. The Cowboy
Behavior: The Cowboy builds muscle roping steer, hitting the gym and doing physically intensive weekend projects. He's proud and traditional, and can wear a belt buckle like nobody's business. Note: Do not confuse him with the Suburban Cowboy, who, despite having never actually ridden a horse, dresses the part and enjoys grilling meat and yelling at the TV. Avoid.

Mating Habits: Rest assured, ladies, his rugged individualism extends to the bedroom.

Field Notes: He may not be quick to share his emotions, but the Cowboy is an all-around good dude with a lot of love to give. Giddyup!

9. The Life Coach
Behavior: Like Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady, the Life Coach makes it his personal mission to "improve" the woman he's dating.

Mating Habits: He prefers young and impressionable women, and he takes a mate under his wing using a mixture of hints, tips and passive-aggressive suggestions. Whatever you're doing, this guy knows a much better way to do it.

Field Notes: The Life Coach may seem sophisticated (he might even remind you of that college professor you always had a thing for), but the bottom line is that this dude feeds off controlling you. You're too good for that!

10. The Man-Child
Plumage: Anything comfortable and bright. "I tend to stick to T-shirts and jeans," says rapper and singer Kid Cudi, a child at heart. "Oh, and my Surface To Air leather jacket is the favorite thing I own. I love that jacket, and if anything ever happened to it, I'd be really hurt."

Behavior: He is happy spending the night with his video games. Really. "I've got an Xbox and I've got a Wii and I've got a PlayStation 3."

Mating Habits: The Man-Child is looking for someone who is as confident with who she is as he is with himself. "I love a girl who is true to herself. If you're not a girl that wears heels, then don't wear heels."

Field Notes: To be with this guy, you have to know how to have fun. "The first thing that attracts me is personality," says Cudi. "I'm a silly dude, and I love to crack jokes …. I want somebody who can hang with that. If I spit out a joke, I want somebody who bounces right back and spits out a joke at me."

11. The Undercover Hottie
Plumage: He's like Mr. Invisible: You wouldn't glance twice at him in the supermarket, couldn't pick him out of a police lineup, might not even notice him if he worked in the next cubicle …

Mating Habits: … and yet, despite appearances, the UH routinely attracts women way out of his league, leading to the intriguing conclusion that there must be something great about this guy.

Field Notes: He's a highly prized species, so if you spot him, pounce! (Many women report meeting the UH on a blind date.) He may not be tall, he may not have all of his hair, but this cool, funny guy will check off every other box on your list, in bed and out.

12. The Passionista
Plumage: Whatever he's doing, the Passionista dresses the part. His gear is always first-rate, and he always looks great, whether he's hunting big game or attending the opera.

Behavior: His joie de vivre is enthralling … and exhausting. He's into extreme sports, fine food, great wine, high culture. He's never tired, can hold his liquor, and is up for anything, anytime.

Mating Habits: This type's exploits aren't designed to attract women, but who can resist a guy whose desktop image shows him BASE jumping inside the Grand Canyon?

Field Notes: His zest for life may overwhelm you, but the Passionista is downright magnetic. And the bedroom prowess? Ridiculous.

13. Mr. Right
Plumage: He has no set look, dress, body type or style. Mr. Right can take on the form of any man, so attempt to stay at least a little open-minded.

Behavior: Startling truth: For all of Mr. Right's life, he may have been in one of the previous categories. To everyone else in the world, he may still be.

Mating Habits: He has no act, no game. He calls when he says he will, focuses on your needs in bed and is basically the coolest, nicest person you've ever met.

Field Notes: The most elusive of men, Mr. Right is difficult to locate but well worth the effort. Many women settle before finding him, so go out with your friends, be yourself and he will appear. Mazel tov.

14. Mr. Jealous
Behavior: At first, Mr. Jealous comes off as normal, attractive and well-groomed. You can't believe this guy isn't married! But eventually certain traits that seemed cute at first (he calls you every five minutes) start feeling … weird.

Field Notes: Mr. Jealous dates women like the CIA monitors terrorist activity! He casts a net of surveillance, grows suspicious of any male you encounter and is known to hack into your e-mail. Your relationship will devolve into a constant effort to prove you aren't doing anything wrong, until you finally dump him.

15. The Sensitive Rocker
Plumage: His wardrobe has been culled from the finest Goodwill stores around the country. And yet he wears $300 retro sneakers. Has been spotted wearing a leather jacket in July.

Behavior: Sweet and introspective, this guy can pick up more chicks than a high school quarterback in Texas. (And he sings!)

Field Notes: The very sensitivity you love him for can make him a bit … touchy. Major warning: If he's an actual singer, like one who goes on tour, you heard it here: Groupies are real.

16. Mr. Selective Memory
Behavior: So nice, so charming, so perfect. Oh, but he forgot to mention his girlfriend. Or that, you know, he's about to move to Alaska for work.

Habitat: Mr. Selective Memory can be found anywhere — at the office, at school, sipping green tea at the coffee shop — which is what makes him such a dangerous species of dude.

Field Notes: He might seem OK at first, but dating Mr. Selective Memory will only lead to heartache. At the first sign he's not being totally honest with you, run!

17. The Prepster
Plumage: Even this guy's casual is a bit dressy, and he knows how — and when — to rock a suit." I'm a jeans and T-shirt kind of guy," says Matt Bomer, actor on USA's White Collar. "But for a nice social function, I like to make an effort. It shows people that you give a damn."

Mating Habits: Good manners are a huge turn-on. "Anybody who is rude to anyone in the service industry is automatically out."

Field Notes: The prepster loves high-end hobbies, a full bookshelf and someone who can challenge him intellectually. "I like strong opinions — I'll take that any day over someone who agrees with everything."

8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid

2010-02-12T11:07:00.000+09:00

8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid
April 28, 2009 | by Brett Blumenthal | 70 Comments

Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn’t so. Personally, I’ve had moments where I’ll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I’ll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much.

Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative. Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional. Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood.

Some of these situations, and yes, these people, can have a tremendously negative impact on our lives. And, although we are all human and have our ‘issues,’ some ‘issues’ are quite frankly, toxic. They are toxic to our happiness. They are toxic to our mental outlook. They are toxic to our self-esteem. And they are toxic to our lives. They can suck the life out of us and even shorten our lifespan.

Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them:

1. Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulation tactics. Is a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your ‘buttons’ are, and push them to get what they want.

Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don’t necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.
2. Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them. They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met. You often want to say to them “It isn’t always about you.”

Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust. You are left disappointed and unfulfilled. Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself.
3. Debbie Downers: These people can’t appreciate the positive in life. If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast. If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they’ll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be.

Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything. Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity. Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself.
4. Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive. If you find people’s unique perspectives refreshing, they find them ‘wrong’. If you like someone’s eclectic taste, they find it ‘disturbing’ or ‘bad’.

Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers. In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over. If the world was a homogeneous place, life would be pretty boring. Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well.
5. Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can’t do it. As you achieve, they try to pull you down. As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible.

Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be. Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars.
6. Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere. You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh. You feel depressed and sad and they give you a ‘there, there’ type response. You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response.

Why they are toxic: People who aren’t sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria. This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships. When you are really in need of a friend, they won’t be there. When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are. When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself.
7. Disrespectful Dannys: These people will say or do things at the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate ways. In essence, they are more subtle, grown up bullies. Maybe this person is a friend who you confided in and uses your secret against you. Maybe it is a family member who puts their busy-body nose into your affairs when it is none of their business. Or maybe, it is a colleague who says demeaning things to you.

Why they are toxic: These people have no sense of boundaries and don’t respect your feelings or, for that matter, your privacy. These people will cause you to feel frustrated and disrespected.
8. Never Enough Nellies: You can never give enough to these people to make them happy. They take you for granted and have unrealistic expectations of you. They find ways to continually fault you and never take responsibility for anything themselves.

Why they are toxic: You will spend so much time trying to please them, that you will end up losing yourself in the process. They will require all of your time and energy, leaving you worn out and your own needs sacrificed.
All of these personalities have several things in common. 1) the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue. 2) Unfortunately, most of these people don’t see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one. 3) Most of these people get worse with age, making their impact on you stronger with time.

Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity. If you can, avoid spending mucho time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you’ll feel a lot happier. Have you encountered these personalities? What have you done? Any personalities you would add?

6 Personality traits to admire and acquire

2010-02-12T11:04:00.002+09:00

by Brett Blumenthal - Sheer Balance, on Thu Jan 28, 2010 6:49am PST

I’ve written numerous articles and posts on difficult people, personalities and relationships: Everything from Manipulative Marys to Bullies in the workplace to people who break boundaries to toxic relationships. Let’s face it: In life, we come across all kinds! As humans, we often focus on those who are negative or toxic leaving it difficult to appreciate those who are positive and healthy. Seeking out individuals with healthy, positive traits, however, may do a lot of good. The more we can surround ourselves with those who are positive and healthy, the more we may model those positive behaviors.
If you really think about it, once in awhile you come across a person who knocks you off your socks…legitimately. Maybe they have a fantastic outlook on life, even during difficult times. Maybe they are really humble, although they are extremely gifted. Maybe they make you feel special. All of these are good.

Below, I've listed some of the traits I admire most in people. Although I could probably list a dozen characteristics, I thought I’d list those that seem to be the rarest or most difficult to find.

Selflessness: In a world where many people don’t have the time or the interest in others, selflessness is a quality that seems to be less and less common. People can be selfless in the time they give, the ability to listen, their level of patience and the love that they give. Those who are giving and generous in nature have the power to make others feel loved, appreciated and special. While those who are self-absorbed tend to do the exact opposite.

Tolerance: Those people who are tolerant make us feel comfortable with who we are and special as individuals. All of us are different, and many of us have quirks and idiosyncrasies. After all, these differences make the world go round. Having the ability to accept people for who they are and not expect them to be who we want them to be is important in life, happiness and in the health of our relationships.

Genuineness: Having the ability to be real, authentic and honest is unique in a world where we put so much emphasis on the superficial. Feeling comfortable in one’s skin and being true to one’s self is one of the most beautiful traits one can possess. To have a REAL relationship with someone requires honesty…it requires hearing and giving input or feedback that may not always be popular…it means having the strength to tell it like it is and to not be afraid to face the consequences for doing so…it means loving people for who they really are…deep down…and not for what they appear to be.

Sensitivity: So often we are focused on what is important to ourselves that we can forget about those around us. Those who are sensitive are often thoughtful, appreciative and loving, in a way that makes you feel understood, valued and respected. Often, sensitive people are also self-aware, making them mindful of how they impact others with what they do and say.

Integrity: Call me cynical, but I think this characteristic is especially difficult to find. In a time when people will do things that are underhanded to make an extra buck (Bernie Madoff…can you hear me?), expose their personal lives to the public so they can be famous (balloon boy’s dad and any other reality TV mongers) and do what feels good in the moment without necessarily thinking of the consequences (Tiger Woods), integrity is a characteristic that is especially unique today.

Humility: Whether someone is super-smart, extremely talented or drop-dead gorgeous, there is something extra special about them if they don’t come across as though they know it all the time. Humility in those that possess extraordinary traits make others feel special too.
Oh boy the list could go on! What characteristics do you admire in others? Are there any that you want to cultivate?

7 Traits Of Irresistible Men

2010-01-29T18:40:00.002+09:00

http://www.yourtango.com/fb_cb/.../200929208/7-traits-irresistible-men?page=0%2C0
7 Traits Of Irresistible Men
It takes more than rock-solid abs to reach the top of the sexiness charts.

We're not going to lie. A man boasting abs chiseled to perfection and biceps that pop just enough when flexed (without shredding shirts He-Man style) will no-doubt turn our heads. And even if caught mid check-him-out glance, we're not about to look away. Fit, toned bodies are the result of hard work and dedication to a healthy lifestyle. We certainly pay homage to that. But for a man to achieve a skyrocketing score on the sexiness scale there's got to be more to him than physical assets. Throw in these seven traits and he's guaranteed irresistible.

1. He Has Mastered The Wink. We don't know how they learn the technique but some guys really have the Richard Gere wink down pat. There's an art to this wink and getting it right can be tricky. It's more suave and smoky than cheeky and laughable. He's comfortable giving this signal and has the timing to the tee. Done right, this move is pure sexy. Caveat: The wink can be tricky to pull off. Practice first.

2. He Radiates Calm. It's sending shivers up our spine just thinking about how powerful a man's calm presence can be. Neurotic or hyper or frenzied is stressful, no matter how busy the man or what his excuse. But if he's got cool written all over his face and his gaze is pure steady and peaceful his sex appeal will shoot through the roof (think old-school James Dean). We women can unwillingly fall into the trap of over-worrying about things we can't control. A man who sets us at ease by reminding us how things always manage to work out in the end is absolutely hot.

3. He Takes Care Of Himself. Look, we're not saying it's a certain height or build that matters. If he keeps his body in relatively good shape this shows us he knows how to take care of himself. It also clues us in that he sets health as a priority. What's more, if he's active, working out even a few times a week, the endorphins his body is producing during gym sessions are sure to keep him in good spirits and energized. The bottom line: If he takes good care of himself he's likely to take good care of his partner (or at least help keep her motivated to do so). That's a turn-on.

4. He's Got Style. We don't want to give the wrong idea here. This is not to say he has to be one certain type of style, and that mimicking a prescribed "it" style is a surefire path to sexy (whether that's clean-cut, tattooed-up or punked-out). Not at all. Rather, what's attractive in a guy is that he has a style at all, a way of dressing that reflects in some way who he is and what he's into. A guy who wakes up hum-drum and throws the same dingy shirt and pair of jeans on every day? Not sexy. At all.

5. He Has A Manly Scent. Sounds so animalistic, we know. No man can control his natural scent, and it turns out our DNA compatibility dictates who smells good to us, anyway. But, every guy can augment his essence with a spritz (one will do just fine) of cologne. As long as it's not overdone, a man with a strong scent has the potential to drive women wild.

6. He Is Affectionate. Though we women try not to let on, affection (be it an arm around the shoulder or hand on the leg) lights us up like fireflies. Consider it your secret weapon. By affection, we do mean to include expressing your feelings through words, such as "I love you." It's amazing how many hot men fall short of sexy just for lack of articulating and showing their love. Let's put it this way: There are guys who reach out to their partner while driving, and there are guys who keep both hands on the wheel and eyes straight ahead. The lads of the former group qualify for sexy.

7. He Laughs Loud, Hard, Often. No news flash here. Comedy is highly enticing. It's worth noting though that there are different types of humor. The insecure comedy that's based on putting others down or calling them names doesn't gibe with us. But give us fun-loving, belly-jiggling jokes and laughter and you'll head straight to the top of the sexiness charts.

10 Signs He's Not the One

2010-01-29T18:33:00.000+09:00

Some people say they "just knew" that they were dating their future spouse. But what about the rest of us? What happens when you're not sure if he's The One? If you're considering long-term commitment or marriage, it's time to ask yourself some tough questions. Below, 10 signs that may indicate he's not for you.

1. You have a list of things he needs to stop doing/saying/wearing if he wants your relationship to work. If you're fixating on his flaws, he's either not the one you want or you're not ready for a serious relationship. Cutting him loose allows you time to grow and gives you the opportunity to meet a guy whose flaws you can embrace -- or at least accept.

2. You don't trust him. A small dose of jealousy can be healthy, but if you're hacking into his email account, and going berserk when he goes out without you, something's wrong. If there's something about him that truly warrants your distrust, then perhaps he's not the right one for you.

3. You avoid conflict at any cost. Fighting is healthy. And, when done right (in the non-accusatory, rational sort of way), it can be a great way to air grievances, fix problems in your relationship, and come to a deeper understanding of each other. Ignoring problems is not the same as having no problems at all... even if it looks that way.

4. When you're sad, you don't turn to him for comfort. When you're a giant ball of tears and snot, do you lock yourself into the bathroom so he can't see you at your worst? If you're worried about scaring him away, one of you isn't ready for total commitment. Mr. Right should make you smile through your tears and be a calming, not stressful, presence.

5. One of you is struggling with an addiction. He's sweet. He's exciting. He loves you very much. But he loves his alcohol habit or his weekly gambling fix more. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you can change him or that your relationship will be strong enough to withstand the heartache that addiction will inevitably bring. An addict may be able to change, but he'll do so on his own terms.

6. You can't really imagine him as the father of your children. Ask yourself: Would he make a great parent? Is he financially responsible? Would he be an equal partner in your future together? If you have doubts, he's probably not the one.

7. Your long-term, non-negotiable goals in life are incompatible. You want kids; he doesn't. You go to church every week; he's an atheist. He lives in the country and doesn't want to move; you can't imagine ever leaving the city. Superficial differences can be overcome, but differences in basic values are harder to smooth over. Ask yourself: "Would I be willing to compromise on this?" If the answer is absolutely not, you may not be right for each other.

8. You don't respect each other. He puts you down in front of your friends and complains about you to his parents. You roll your eyes when he talks because there's just something about him that embarrasses you. A relationship without respect can't sustain itself.

9. You're not attracted to him. Physical intimacy is a hugely important component of a romantic relationship. If he doesn't do it for you, he's probably not your best long-term match.

10. On paper he seems great, but you have this strange feeling... Don't ignore your gut. You may get along on a superficial level, but if your instincts are telling you he's not the one for you, listen. That little voice inside your head does not lie.

Why Men Don't Talk

2010-01-22T15:24:00.001+09:00

As the editor of the biggest men's magazine in the world, I am privy to something many women rarely hear - straightforward, uninhibited guy talk.

Don't be so shocked - guys do actually talk, and not just about Tom Brady's quarterback rating. Most women think their man is the strong, silent type (or maybe the oblivious, silent type), and they wonder why he doesn't share his feelings.

But here's the truth: Men do want to open up, about their hopes, their fears, and their passions. Yet put him alone in a room with you, and he often turns into a Sphinx. Why can't he take his eyes off the TV and talk about the state of the relationship, or the finances, or, heck, the backyard landscaping? Why in the world can't he just summarize his day for 10 minutes?

In fact, one in five women say that they typically fight about a man's lack of verbal interaction, and 30 percent of men say their failure to communicate is the source of major conflict in the relationship. Why is it this way?

Here's one answer: Because even men who have feelings to share don't always feel comfortable sharing them with their partner. These are some of the reasons why some men often prefer to zip it, rather than delivering the goods:

Guys Are A Little Intimidated
No question, women are expert communicators. They throw questions like Oprah after her third cup of coffee; they're connecting on all cylinders. And like the divine Ms. W, women bring a lot of skill to their game: A special awareness of the people-scape around them, a keen set of emotions keyed to that awareness, and a rich vocabulary they use to talk about anything at anytime.

And they're always practicing their Q&A skills on their many friends, so they're in top talk mode all the time. Men know this. And they also know that more than one-third of women say that men simply can't relate and don't understand women. The result: Men are afraid of saying too much, because saying the wrong thing may get them into more trouble than Lindsay Lohan as a designated driver.

Guys Need To Decompress
Woman's view: When a man walks in the door, he ought to cough up some of the details about his day. After all, it's been 10 hours since they've communicated, not counting the two IMs, three voice mails, and one actual mid-day conversation.

Man's view: Can I please make a beeline to the bathroom? When men reach home, it's like those ultra-marathoners staggering across the finish line in Death Valley. The last thing they want to do is discuss how bright the sunlight was, and how scarce the water stops were.

Further up on his want-to-do list after arriving home: 14 percent of men want to check email, 12 percent are looking for a little private time in the bathroom, and 10 percent simply want to eat dinner. The common theme here: After they've spent a day serving the needs of others, they want to take care of themselves a little.

So when a man is hit with a demand for conversation so closely after returning from the stressful environment of work, he has only one gear left to shift into, and sometimes it's reverse. He's retreat, retreat, retreat.

Guys Are More Comfortable With Actions Than Feelings
Rather than talking about how he "feels," often a man would rather express his love by changing her oil, or bringing home a flower, or relinquishing control of the remote.

And when men do talk, they'd prefer to talk about actions rather than emotions. For instance, a lot of guys would choose to express their long-range faith in a relationship by talking about next summer's vacation plans, not by launching into a soliloquy about undying love.

Both conversations can mean the same thing (that he plans on sticking around); he just prefers to say it with plane tickets, rather than poetry. It's one of the reasons men are more comfortable talking at work (the practical universe) than they are at home (the castle that emotion built). But you can bring out his great communicator by making him feel more like he's operating in work mode, even when the topic at hand is your love life. Here's an incredible article, "The Home Office," that shows how he can use his best office skills for great success at home.

Guys Don't Want To Be Put On The Spot
When men talk less and women want more, the scenario can escalate. Like when the bad cop is pummeling the reluctant witness, more silence equals more questions. A full 65 percent of men we surveyed recently told us they don't want their partners to ask them more questions about themselves.

It's clear that some men are just plain tired of feeling like they're on the witness stand. They're not necessarily hiding anything; many guys simply prefer not to have to relate confusing feelings that they may not even understand themselves.

An age-old tactic can make things better: Back off a little, give him room to operate in a conversation, and he's more likely to open up. To find out if his lack of communication really does mean that your relationship needs a tune up, take this quick quiz.

What Is A SOULMATE And How To Attract Our SOULMATE

2010-01-19T22:47:00.025+09:00

Every individual has a set of values, a set of priorities that they live their life by. Everybody creates their soul mate according to the hierarchy of their values,they also have a search image based on all the experience they’ve had with a relationship, anything that tend to support their values they tend to put into a composite image they’re searching for..anything that ‘s challenging they tend to avoid, having a built-in kind of filter trying to find this person who will fulfill them. If you’ve had a series of relationships in the past that have been very painful,very challenging, you will accumulate association with that to avoid that in the picture..

As a result of that, even if you say you want this..you want that..in your relationship..if you don’t know what you real values are, you don’t know what you’re really about, you will actually be seeking something that’s not true to you and you keep frustrate yourself because you keep creating what your values dictate, and if you’ve had pain dealing with one on one relationship for periods, you will automatically disburse all the traits you’re looking for into many people..

He then gave a real life example of one girl he met on a plane who's looking for 22 personality traits in a guy only to find out that all of these traits are in many different people in her life all along.She then did some soul-searching with the dr.'s help and 3 weeks later found her soulmate..

Soulmate is always in the form of either one or many,soulmate is always present, it’s never missing, but we don’t honor it

As long as there’s more pain with one person in the past than many, you’ll keep disbursing it.If you are able to see the blessings in all relationship,how they give u guidance,gave u feedback in being who u are and you are not infatuated with freedom and fantasies about relationship, the soulmate’s available to you and will manifest very quickly .

Our soulmate is a person who complements us and helps us grow the most.We don’t grow by getting the things that support, we grow the most we get support and challenge. A soulmate is the one who gives perfect complementation of support and challenge. If we have more similarities than differences, we’ re infatuated.If we see more differences than similarities, we resent them.But if we have a perfect blend of similarities and differences, agreements and disagreements, we get true love which is maximizing our growth process.

Because we get nothing but support if stay juvenile,infatuated and blind. When we get nothing but challenge,we become withdrawn.But if we put the two things together, we get awesome lovemaking, which keeps us enduring a patient relationship.That’s the secret and that’s why a soul mate has the combination things we’re looking for and things that make us grow in challenges.And we attract people who have complementary values many times, so we’re seeking that to support our values and also attract that challenge our values...because the things we need is also things that we have low areas in our values so we can attract some and we can delegate utilitarian purposes to.

It’s not what they do,it’s your perception of your support and challenge.If you get too much support, you get bored, If you get too much challenge, you get burned out.So a maximum relationship occurs in the middle of bored and burned out.When you see thing that’s supporting you, how is it challenging you.When you see things that’s challenging you, how is it supporting you.

The soul is no question.There’s nothing but love and serenity.When you first get with somebody, the way you know you’re infatuated, is you start sacrificing the thing that’s important to you to be with them and start feeling the loss of them...if you start feeling the loss of them, you’re infatuated.and when you’re trying to be somebody you’re not to be with them, to keep them, you’re not being yourself and you will accumulate moments of resentment that you will download on that person and punish them because of the things you thought you sacrificed because you were not able to be yourself during the infatuation periods.

And then you wanna change them and this is undermining the relationship.When you're doing what you love and loving what you do and be true to yourself, you have the highest probability to attract a mate.When you're trying to be somebody you’re not,you’re automatically undermining, because now you got to go back being yourself and hope that they still love you. Be inspired by your own life and empower your own life.

Ask yourself this question when you meet a guy/girl who’s hot. You might ask..”what’s in it for them to be with me” if you’re not empowered in all areas of your own life,you’re not offering something. Any areas in your life that you’re disempowering is the area they’re gonna control.So you wanna make sure you’re empowered in your own life so you have the package to deal.Because they're never committed to you in a relationship, that’s a fantasy most people stuck with. They are for you to offer in fulfilling their values.

Once you realize that, you have to offer your values,in their value system to be able be something that they still wanna be with.If you don’t do that, and take it for granted..you start projecting your values on then and expect them to live according to your life and you guide, you start undermining the relationship and you’re pushing them to the door. You gotta find what their values are,you gotta honor them, you gotta learn to communicate yours in term of theirs to get what you want, and in the process of doing that, you get to experience love, and always keep it balanced,that’s the only way to keep a stable relationship.

Infatuation is what makes us blind,not love. When you love, there is no space and time.When you’re infatuated with them, you’re too humble to admit what u see in them is what's inside you, when you’re resenting them, you’re too proud to admit what you see in them is what’s inside you.but when you love them, you don’t have to pry self righteousness or the humbleness that way,you just see eye to eye in a relationship because you understand and have a respect for their unique values.

If you can't respect them for what they’re dedicated to,you’re not ready for a relationship with them, because if that’s who they are, you gotta love them for who they are and not what you fantasize that you’re gonna make them and punish them till they get there.

IDENTIFYING OUR EMOTIONAL NEEDS

2009-12-23T01:33:00.010+09:00

Ok, as promised, though i volunteered.. it's still a promise to me so here they are..the 1st part of the 115 questions..it's just a method to identify our top 4 emotional needs.I'll post the how -to once we've identified yours heheh..take your time though i really hope you'll include this evaluation as part of your restructuring plan ;)

What to do with these questions?? Just read the scenarios below,if the situation rings true for you,check the corresponding need that most resonates with you.You are looking for the underlying needs that drives the behavior.If the scenario is true for you but none of the needs listed sounds right,then skip it okie dokie :)

1. You need a balance of work and play in your life in order to feel your best. If you work too much, you lose your sense of humor. If you play too much, you tend to get lazy or apathetic.

Need for balance.
Does not apply.

2. You are at a party and two people start to argue. You feel uncomfortable and either try to smooth things over or shy away from the conflict.

Need to be accepted/liked.
Need for peace/harmony.
Does not apply.

3. You are always doing favors for other people, even at your own personal expense.

Need to be accepted/liked.
Need to be appreciated.
Need to be useful/needed.
Does not apply.

4. You keep others at arm’s length. You don’t want to get hurt.

Need to be accepted.
Need for safety/security.
Does not apply.

5. You are the kind of person who goes out of your way to help others, even though you don't really

have the time.

Need for peace/harmony.
Need to useful/needed.
Need to be responsible/do the right thing.
Does not apply.

6. You are constantly sending thoughtful notes, cards or gifts to family, friends and colleagues.

Need to be appreciated.
Need to be accepted/liked/included.
Need to loved/cherished.
Does not apply.

7. You hate being interrupted.

Need to be heard/listened to/communicate.
Need for control/power.
Does not apply.

8. People don’t take what you say seriously.

Need to be heard/listened to/understood.
Does not apply.

9. You feel like you are drowning-there are so many things vying for your attention that you have no time to pursue your true calling.

Need for order.
Need for balance/peace.
Need for clarity.
Does not apply.

10. You get irritable and cranky if your home is messy.

Need for order/tidiness.
Need for clarity.
Does not apply.

11. You can’t think clearly until your desk is cleaned off.

Need for order/tidiness.
Need for clarity.
Does not apply.

12. You find yourself volunteering in the community homeless shelter, the church, or some other charitable organization, but your family doesn't appreciate all you do for them and the work you do in the community.

Need to be needed/useful.
Need to be appreciated/liked/approved of.
Need to be responsible/have a cause or mission.
Does not apply.

13. When your boss micro-manages you, you feel suffocated. You think, ”Why can’t she/he trust me to do the job right?”

Need to be independent/free.
Need to be accepted/respected.
Need for power/control/authority.
Need to be right/deferred to.
Does not apply.

14. It annoys you that your spouse/partner doesn't do things for you, like loading the dishwasher unless you ask him/her.

Need to be cared for/supported/taken care of.
Need to be loved/cherished.
Does not apply.

15. You feel (fill in the blank) when your spouse or partner does small things around the house without your asking.

Cherished/loved.
Supported/taken care of.
Does not apply.

16. You get anxious or restless when you don't have a project to work on. You enjoy pushing the limits to see what can be done.

Need to accomplish/achieve.
Need to be busy/work.
Need to have a cause or mission/responsible.
Does not apply.

17. You get frustrated with bureaucracy that slows you down from getting results.

Need be free/independent.
Need to accomplish/achieve.
Need for power/control/authority.
Does not apply.

18. You find yourself eating out of the fridge or in front of the TV even though you are not really hungry.

Need to be cherished/loved.
Need to be nurtured/supported/taken care of.
Need for security/safety.
Need to be busy/work.
Does not apply.

19. People don't appreciate your point of view. You make a statement and nobody seems to hear you or understand you.

Need to be heard/listened to/understood.
Need to be recognized/get attention.
Need to be appreciated/valued.
Does not apply.

20. You always have to have the remote control.

Need to be in control/power.
Does not apply.

21. You can't stand it when your boss or colleague takes credit for what you've done.

Need to be recognized/get credit/noticed.
Need to be appreciated/acknowledged.
Does not apply.

22. You get very frustrated and/or upset if you don't get the recognition you deserve at work.

Need to be recognized/noticed.
Need to be appreciated/acknowledged/valued.
Does not apply.

23. You feel lonely and removed from people and lose the desire for sex when you are not in a relationship.

Need to be touched/held.
Need to be loved/cherished.
Does not apply.

24. You get furious/hurt/angry or disappointed if you find out your friends make plans without inviting you, even if you know you can't attend. You still want to be invited regardless.

Need to be included/liked.
Does not apply.

25. You get really upset or annoyed if people do things or make plans without your knowledge.

Need for power/control.
Need to know/clarity/be informed.
Does not apply.

26. You have plenty of money in the bank, but you still don’t feel secure. It is never enough somehow.

Need for security/safety.
Need for luxury/comfort.
Does not apply.

27. Nobody loves losing, but you really can't stand it. You have to win, even if it is just Monopoly or a card game for fun

Need to win/be the best.
Does not apply.

28. People say that you are too opinionated or bull-headed because you have to get your point across.

Need to be heard/communicate.

Need to be right/understood.
Need to be responsible/do the right thing/duty.
Need to win.
Does not apply.

29. You have been known to tell your spouse or partner which way to turn out of the driveway.

Need to control.
Does not apply.

30. You like it when your boss, family and friends approve of what you do and find it disturbing if they don't.

Need to be accepted/approved of.
Need to be appreciated/valued.
Does not apply.

31. At parties and social gatherings, you need to be the center of attention and will tell jokes, sing songs, do silly stuff, or wear clothes that are guaranteed to attract attention.

Need to be recognized/get attention/be seen/noticed.
Does not apply.

32. You find it hard to do nothing and prefer, even when on vacation, to work on some project or another.

Need to be useful/needed.
Need to accomplish/achieve.
Need to be busy/work.
Does not apply.

33. If you don't have at least ten minutes of quiet time a day to yourself, the rest of the day is off kilter.

Need for peace/balance/be alone.
Does not apply.

34. It is vital for you to be in a position of power or authority. You need to be the one in charge whether at work or at home.

Need to control/power/authority.
Does not apply.

35. You can't be in a relationship unless your partner/spouse is faithful to you. An open marriage wouldn't work for you.

Need to be in control/power.
Need for responsibility/duty/loyalty.
Need to be loved/cherished.
Does not apply.

36. You are a perfectionist and can't abide it when things go afoul.

Need for perfection/order.
Does not apply.

37. You find yourself shopping several times a week. You get a high from shopping, but then feel guilty afterwards because you are buying on credit and know you can't pay off your credit card balance. Still you continue to shop, knowing you really shouldn't.

Need to be loved/cherished.
Need for luxury/comfort/abundance.
Does not apply.

38. You go into restaurants even when you are not planning to eat there, just to see if there is anyone you know dining there.

Need to be seen/admired/recognized/known.
Does not apply.

39. You can't sleep at night unless you've checked to make sure all the doors are locked.

Need for safety/security.
Does not apply.

40. You have a stockpile of canned goods and household supplies on hand.

Need for luxury/comfort/abundance.
Need for security/safety.
Does not apply.

41. You feel compelled to always do the right thing, no matter what.

Need for honesty/integrity.
Need for duty/responsibility/justice.
Does not apply.

42. Although you hate to admit it, you don't go on a second date with a person if they didn't pick up the tab on the first date. You much prefer being treated and feel that they can't be all that interested in you if they didn't treat.

Need to be supported/cared for.
Need to be loved/cherished.
Does not apply.

3. You love gossip. You can’t resist passing on a juicy tidbit.

Need to be recognized/get attention/known.
Need to be included/accepted/liked.
Need to be heard/communicate/tell stories.
Does not apply.

44. You naturally expect people to bring presents to your birthday party and feel miffed if someone doesn't bring one.

Need to be cared for/supported.
Does not apply.

45. You would never eat at a restaurant where the service was lousy, even though the food was superb.

Need to be cared for/attended to/supported.
Need for luxury/comfort.
Does not apply.

46. You need to know that your lover/partner/spouse desires you. It isn't enough that he/she says so. You want demonstrable evidence before you are satisfied.

Need to be supported/cared for.
Need to be touched/caressed.
Need to be cared for.
Does not apply.

47. You tend to find yourself in messes or problems, but fortunately, someone comes along to rescue you or help you out.

Need to be saved/supported.
Does not apply.

48. You ask leading questions in order to get a compliment, such as, “How do you like my dress/suit/hair?”.

Need to be loved/cherished/desired/adored.
Need to be admired/recognized.
Need to be complimented/appreciated.
Need to be supported/encouraged
Does not apply.

49. You need a commitment before you can do your best work or be your best self-whether that is a job contract or a marriage contract.

Need for security/safety.
Need for clarity/certainty.
Does not apply.

50. After a bad day, nothing makes you feel better than being held tenderly.

Need to be touched/held.
Need to be supported/cared for.
Need to be loved/cherished/desired.
Does not apply.

1. Life feels blah if you don’t have a cause to rally behind.

Need to be responsible/have a cause or mission.
Need to accomplish.
Need to work/be busy.
Does not apply.

52. You frequently write letters to the editor to correct injustices and wrongs.

Need to have a cause or mission/duty/responsible.
Need to be right.
Need for honesty/integrity.
Does not apply.

53. You have to have the last word in an argument.

Need to be right.
Need to win.
Need for power/control.
Does not apply.

54. You can’t stand being wrong.

Need to be right.
Need to win.
Does not apply.

55. You go the extra mile when you have someone to encourage you.

Need to be useful/needed.
Need to be supported/encouraged.
Does not apply.

Life Is a Gift

2009-12-12T13:16:00.001+09:00

Life Is a Gift

Today
before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before
you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before
you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone
who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today
before you complain about life - Think of someone who died too earlyon this earth.

Before
you complain about your children - Think of someone who
desires children but they're barren.

Before
you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or
sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before
whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who
walks the same distance with their feet.

And when
you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the
unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your
job.

But
before you think of pointing the finger or condemning
another -Remember that not one of us is without sin.

And when
depressing thoughts seem to get you down –
Put a smile on
your face and think: you're alive and still around.

Jalan Orang Kuat muka 19

2009-12-11T20:32:00.001+09:00

批判、批評精神をもて
Milikilah Semangat Mengkritik!

Apa saja topik tidak mengapa.
Berita semasa atau apa saja yang berlaku dalam dunia hiburan juga boleh.
Sukan mungkin yang paling sesuai.

Apa saja yang engkau fikirkan tentang apa yang berlaku di hadapan matamu -
harus sentiasa engkau berikan pendapat dan kritikan.
Boleh lakukan dalam hati juga.
Janganlan membiarkan sesuatu yang terjadi berlalu begitu sahaja.

Hanya membaca akhbar, menonton TV. berak dan tidur, tidak akan memberi sebarang perkembangan dalam dirimu.

Sentiasalah mengulang-ulang di fikiran -
'bagiku, ini yang aku fikir, aku rasa, aku percaya, aku ingin kata' -
tentang sesuatu atau apa saja!

Janganlah menjadi seperti orang bodoh yang apabila ditanya, hanya mampu menjawab -
'entahlah', 'biasa saja', 'biasalah tu','tak ada apa-apa','saya tak kisah...'
Orang seperti ini, lambat laun akan hilang jatidiri, tidak akan dipedulikan orang untuk pandangannya.

Sentiasalah menempa pemikiran sendiri, pendirian sendiri.
Kemudian, jadilah seorang yang kritikal sedaya-upayamu.

Habiskan dengan -
'Aku fikir begini, begini, begini...'

****
special nod to mr kritik of VF

Jalan Orang Kuat muka18

2009-12-07T23:25:00.002+09:00

page 18.
Life Is A Serious Business.

Kehidupan - adalah suatu perkara yang besar, bukan main-main.
Kehidupan adalah satu pekerjaan, satu tugasan yang berat.
Pada masa yang sama, kehidupan adalah satu perjalanan yang panjang.

Keberhasilan, kegagalan, ketawa dan air mata - kehidupan mempunyai segala ragam.
Di mana ada cinta, di situ ada benci.
DI mana ada kejayaan, ada juga kekalahan.
Dalam setiap kehidupan, kegembiraan dan kesedihan silih berganti, seperti drama swasta di TV.

Kerana itulah, dalam semua keadaan - rancanglah tindakanmu untuk kehidupan yang akan engkau lalui.

Janganlah hanya menurut arus membawamu hanyut, ke dasar entah di mana. Kehidupanmu - engkaulah yang harus mengurusnya.
Mind Your Own Business! (<--ni tambahan je :D)

Untuk kehidupanmu yang seterusnya, bagaimana kau akan melaluinya?
Pertama, apa perancanganmu?

Jalan Orang Kuat Intro dan Muka 17

2009-12-07T23:00:00.004+09:00

デキルヤツになれ! Be a Man!

上司でも親でもない兄貴からの伝言。
A message, not from your superior or your parents, but from your brother.

ページ１７．Page 17.
だれにでも好かれるようなヤツになんかなるな
Don't try to be a person likable by all.

Marilah berbaik-baik dengan semua orang～
Hentikan! Jangan fikirkan begitu!
Kadang-kadang, jadilah orang yang dibenci!
Kadang-kadang, cari gaduh ataupun bertikam lidah!
Jangan fikirkan siapa lawanmu. Lebih hebat lebih baik.
Kepada ketua atau senior - protes and komplen sebanyak-banyaknya.

Hanya tersenyum dan bermanis muka dengan siapa sahaja lambat laun akan menghilangkan kewujudan dirimu, dan kau akan dipermainkan orang-orang.

Siapa dirimu?
Untuk menjadi dirimu yang sebenar, pasti ada terjadi satu atau dua perbalahan atau pertelingkahan, atau sekurang-kurangnya perselisihan pendapat.
Dan pastinya ada seorang dua yang tidak layak untuk perkataan 'maaf' darimu.
Ini adalah lumrah kehidupan.

Seorang yang tidak mampu bertengkar, tidak akan mampu menanam kepercayaan, memelihara kepentingan atau menarik perhatian.

Apatah lagi menjadi Orang Kuat.

*********************************************

alright, here is my first post about this book, titled DEKIRU YATSU NI NARE!
loosely translated into - Be Someone Who Can, or, Be a Man (some people may think that this will imply that woman does not need to bothered to read this...but again, woman does not need to be told to be someone who can...).

I want to try and see if I can get somewhere with this book.
if anything, my version of this book will be 'Jalan Orang Kuat'

raygour and out.

Dale Carnegie - Don't Argue

2009-12-03T18:07:00.000+09:00

as posted on VF.
Posted On: Thu, 02 Jul 2009 12:07:00 AM

guess we need to learn a little from Dale Carnegie.

sedikit suntingan dari buku terkenal dale carnegie. muka surat 115.

YOU CAN'T WIN AN ARGUMENT.

there is only one way to get the best of an argument - and that is to avoid it.
9/10 dari setiap argument (apa dah dlm BM?), berakhir dengan setiap pihak bertambah yakin bahawa merekalah yang benar-benar benar.

you can't win an argument. you can't because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. KENAPA? well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. then what? you will feel fine. but what about him? you have made him feel inferior. you have hurt his pride. he will resent your triumph. and -

A MAN CONVINCED AGAINST HIS WILL IS OF THE SAME OPINION STILL.
(Orang yang diyakinkan dengan sesuatu yang bertentangan dengan kemahuannya sendiri tetaplah tidak berubah keyakinannya)

it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent's good will.

pantun inggeris:
Here lies the body of William Jay
Who died maintaining his right of way -
He was right, dead right, as he sped along,
But he's just as dead as if he were wrong.

anda mungkin betul, sangat betul, as you speed along in your argument; BUT AS FAR AS CHANGING ANOTHER'S MIND IS CONCERNED, YOU WILL PROBABLY BE JUST AS FUTILE AS IF YOU WERE WRONG.

'better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. even killing the dog would not cure the bite'
__________________

rajinnya saya menulis dari buku ini.

harapnya anda semua jangan berhenti dari berbalas-balas pendapat dalam tajuk-tajuk lain. semuanya sangat membuka fikiran dan menambah pengetahuan.

cuma jangan berlebih-lebihan sehingga 'calling names' dsb, tu dah lari dari argument.

good day to all.

21 Success Secrets of Self-made Millionaire

2009-11-23T21:51:00.003+09:00

21 Jurus : 7 Yang Pertama
source : Brian Tracy
copied directly from my Excel summary

21 SUCCESS SECRET OF SELF-MADE MILLIONAIRE
>VIRTUALLY EVERYONE STARTS WITH NOTHING
>NOBODY IS BETTER THAN YOU
>AND NOBODY IS SMARTER THAN YOU
>IT IS ALL UP TO YOU
>THERE ARE NO LIMITS EXCEPT
THE LIMITS YOU PLACE ON YOURSELF

1 DREAM BIG DREAMS
>IF YOUR LIFE WAS PERFECT IN EVERY ASPECT,
WHAT WOULD IT LOOK LIKE?

2 DEVELOP A CLEAR SENSE OF DIRECTION
>YOU BECOME WHAT YOU THINK AND TALK ABOUT MOST OF THE TIME

3 SEE YOURSELF AS SELF-EMPLOYED
>YOU ARE IN CHARGE. YOU MAKE THINGS HAPPEN.
>YOU ARE THE BOSS OF YOUR OWN LIFE.

4 DO WHAT YOU LOVE TO DO
>IF YOU WON A MILLION DOLLARS TOMORROW, WOULD YOU
CONTINUE TO DO WHAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY DOING?

5 COMMIT TO EXCELLENCE
>BE THE VERY BEST AT WHAT YOU DO
>THROW YOUR WHOLE HEART INTO IT.
>AIM FOR THE HIGHEST

6 DEVELOP A WORKAHOLIC MENTALITY
>START EARLIER, WORK HARDER, STAY LATER
>WORK ALL THE TIME YOU WORK. DON'T WASTE TIME

7 DEDICATE YOURSELF TO LIFELONG LEARNING
>GET UP AND READ IN YOUR FIELD
>LISTEN TO AUDIO PROGRAMS; ATTEND COURSE AND SEMINAR

21 Jurus : 7 Yang Kedua
source : Brian Tracy, 21 Secrets of the Millionaire

8 PAY YOURSELF FIRST
>SAVE AND INVEST 10% OF YOUR INCOME
>PRACTICE FRUGALITY, FRUGALITY, FRUGALITY IN ALL THINGS

9 LEARN EVERY DETAIL OF YOUR BUSINESS
>BE AN EXPERT IN YOUR CHOSEN FIELD
>READ ALL THE MAGAZINES, GET INVOLVED WITH THE TOP PEOPLE

10 DEDICATE YOURSELFE TO SERVING OTHERS
>ALWAYS LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITY TO DO MORE THAN YOU ARE
PAID FOR. ALWAYS GO THE EXTRA MILES.

11 BE IMPECCABLY HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS
>YOUR WORD IS YOUR BOND. YOUR HONOR IS EVERYTHING.
ALWAYS LIVE UP TO THE VERY BEST THAT YOU KNOW
>"WHAT KIND OF WORLD WOULD MY WORLD BE, IF EVERYONE IN IT
WAS JUST LIKE ME?"
>SET HIGH STANDARD FOR YOURSELF.
>WHEN IN DOUBT, ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING.

12 SET YOUR PRIORITIES ON YOUR ACTIVITES AND CONCENTRATE
Q1:WHAT ARE MY HIGHEST VALUE ACTIVITIES?
Q2:WHY AM I ON THE PAYROLL?
Q3:WHAT CAN I AND ONLY I DO THAT,IF DONE WELL,
WILL MAKE A REAL DIFFERENCE?
Q4:WHAT IS THE MOST VALUABLE USE OF MY TIME RIGHT NOW?
>WORK SINGLE MINDEDLY ON ONE TASK. PUSH YOURSELF TO STAY
AT THE JOB UNTIL IT IS DONE.

13 DEVELOP A REPUTATION FOR SPEED AND DEPENDABILITY

14 BE PREPARED TO CLIMB FROM PEAK TO PEAK
IN YOUR LIFE AND IN YOUR CAREER
>TAKE THE LONG VIEW IN EVERYTHING YOU DO

21 Jurus : 7 Yang Ketiga

15 PRACTICE SELF-DISCIPLINE IN ALL THINGS
[[THE MOST IMPORTANT SINGLE QUALITY FOR SUCCESS]]
>DELAY GRATIFICATION
>PLEASING RESULTS, NOT PLEASING METHODS
>GOAL ACHIEVING, NOT TENSION RELIEVING
>HARD AND NECESSARY AND IMPORTANT,
NOT FUN AND EASY AND GIVE IMMEDIATE ENJOYMENT.

16 UNLOCK YOUR INBORN CREATIVITY
>CREATIVITY IS JUST ANOTHER WORD 'IMPROVEMENT'

17 GET AROUND THE RIGHT PEOPLE
>EVERYTHING IS RELATIONSHIPS. NETWORK CONTINUOUSLY.
>BE A GO-GIVER RATHER THAN A GO-GETTER. CONSTANTLY LOOK
FOR WAYS TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE ACHIEVE THEIR GOALS.

18 TAKE EXCELLENT CARE OF YOUR PERSONAL HEALTH
>SET A GOAL TO LIVE TO BE AT LEAST 80 YEARS OLD
>EAT LESS AND EXERCISE MORE

19 BE DESICIVE AND ACTION-ORIENTED
>THINK CAREFULLY AND MAKE DECISION QUICKLY
>THE KEY TO TRIUMPH IS TO TRY
>UNSUCCESSFUL PEOPLE ARE INDECISIVE

20 NEVER CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY OF FAILURE
>SUCCESS LIES ON THE FAR SIDE OF FAILURE
>DARE TO GO FORWARD. TAKE CALCULATE RISKS
>IF YOU DO ONE THING YOU FEAR, THE DEATH OF FEAR
IS CERTAIN.

21 BACK EVERYTHING YOU DO WITH PERSISTANCE AND DETERMINATION
>NEVER GIVE UP, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN
>BE WILLING TO STAY AT IT LONGER THAN ANYONE ELSE
>SHOW WHAT YOU ARE TRULY MADE OF
>SUCCESS, IS PREDICTABLE
>THERE ARE NO LIMITATIONS TO WHAT YOU CAN DO

How to Stop Attracting Negative People to Your Life

2009-11-19T11:28:00.001+09:00

Placing your attention, energy and focus on the negative aspects of some people in your life brings you more of the same. Simply put, that's the Law of Attraction at work.

When you shift your attention to the kinds of people you DO want in your life, that shift, coupled with your clear desire to STOP attracting negative people into your life, will set the energy in motion for new results to show up. When you shift from what you don't want to what you do want, your vibration changes. And know this, you can only hold one vibration at a time! The Law of Attraction is always matching your vibration in any given moment.

The Law of Attraction can be used to ensure that you are always in vibrational harmony with the people you are attracting into your life. If you plot your vibration on a scale that measures from 1-100, with 100 being the highest calibration, you are currently attracting other people into your life that match your score on this scale. In other words, if your vibration measures 75 on this scale and a person in your life measures closely to that, you are a close vibrational match. It is also important to realize that if your vibration measures 30 on this scale, you are a close match to another person whose vibration is at 30.

Your feelings always tell you if you are in vibrational harmony with another person. When you meet someone who is offering a significantly lower vibration than yours, you often feel dragged down by that person, i.e. the experience just doesn't feel good. On the other hand, when you are with someone who vibrates closely to your score, it feels good to be with them. You are in vibrational harmony with that person. Suppose you are the one with the much lower vibration. If you experience a person with a significantly higher vibration, you may feel uplifted and raise your vibe to match theirs, or you may feel uncomfortable being around them. In short, the distance between your score and the score of another person, equals the extent to which it doesn't feel good. We call that resistance. The greater difference in the scores, the greater resistance there is.

Here's a great tool to help you next time you experience a negative person in your life. While you are having a conversation with that person, perhaps listening to them describe (in great detail), what they don't want and how negative their life is, ask them the following question "So, what do you want? How would you like it to be different?" In their response, they will stop talking about what they don't want and start talking about what they do want. In that very moment, their vibration will shift and they'll start raising their vibration to match yours.

Remember too, people treat you the way you allow them to. In Law of Attraction this means that you can set your vibrational boundaries so that you will only participate in and maintain positive conversations. Feeding into somebody's negative conversation will bring your vibration down. Decide today to maintain your high vibration and stop feeding into other people's negative vibes. This will go a long way to maintaining your high, positive vibration, which will in turn, attract other people with high, positive vibrations into your life.

Why Did I Attract That?

2009-11-19T11:22:00.001+09:00

Why Did I Attract That?

Does this sound like something you've caught yourself saying? Are you curious about how YOU, of all people, can attract something negative?

Sometimes it's obvious why you are attracting negative things. In many cases it's because you've been talking about what you don't want. Or you've been listening to someone else as they talk about what they don't want. As you've heard me say over and over again, "Whatever you give your attention, energy and focus to, you'll get more of!"

Yet there are still many of you who put your hands on your hips and say, "I didn't want that! I didn't want it so how could I have possibly give it attention. I didn't talk about it, so how could I possibly attract it?"

Well there's another reason! If you haven't been talking about it, you've been unintentionally observing it. Observing what you DON'T like or DON'T want causes you to attract more of it. That's right! Just observing it.

Observing what you DON'T like or DON'T want causes you to attract more of it.

Remember, as you observe anything, you are giving it attention, energy and focus. What are you paying attention to that you DON'T want to attract?

* The real estate market that everyone is complaining about?
* The negative stock market reports that the media constantly repeats 24/7.
* Health problems your friends share with you.
* All the details about a bad relationship one of your friends is experiencing?

It's time to mind your own vibration and start deliberately giving your attention, energy and focus to what you DO want. In your observation of anything positive or negative, you offer or send out a matching negative or matching positive vibration. And, most of you know, the Law of Attraction does not know whether what you are attracting is something you want or desire. It constantly unfolds and orchestrates whatever needs to happen to bring you more of the same vibration you are sending out.

Start today to become more conscious, cautious and deliberate about what you are observing.

What can you do today to deliberately observe only what you want more of?

Here are my suggestions:

1. Observe couples who are romantic and enjoying each others company.
2. In business, keep the file folders of your ideal clients nearby so you can observe them regularly. Do the same with positive sales reports! Observe them more often!
3. Watch happy TV only!

If He's Distant, Does He Really Love You??

2009-11-18T10:29:00.003+09:00

Dear Women,

Ever feel like you'd have a less real
"connection" or intimacy with a man if you didn't
try so hard to keep your relationship "alive"?

And, that the man you're with might not even
notice, let alone know, how to help you both grow
and change together when something is "off" in
your relationship?

Are men really so different that they don't
think about or notice problems in your
relationship?

Or, is something worse going on here where a
man doesn't want the relationship to go anywhere
and has given up on it, and you?

And...

Have you ever had the sudden realization that
if it wasn't for YOUR patience, caring and the
attention you pay to him and your relationship,
that you'd just be drifting apart from each other?

That you'd never grow closer... never get to
know each other on a deeper level... and never
become MORE COMMITTED if it wasn't for what YOU
insist on and struggle to create?

Do you ever wonder why it can seem like a man
just doesn't care about your relationship and
where it's headed... even though you know that
somewhere deep down he does love and care about
you?

Well, there's a reason why these things are so
common with men in relationships... and why they
can be so frustrating to deal with and get past
as a woman.

The truth is, if you're like most women who
are UNSUCCESSFUL in their long term relationships,
then your "approach" to your relationship often
depends on a man figuring out how to have a great
relationship FOR YOU.

You know, all that knight in shining armor
stuff where a man's love and unrelenting
commitment to you will make it all work out.

Good luck with that.

There's a better way...

If you've had a few relationships in the past,
then you've already learned that putting the fate
of your love life and relationship in the hands
of a man to save is NOT the perfect or ideal
situation.

You've figured out that if you're going to
have a REAL relationship, that a man isn't going
to have all the answers when things get difficult
or uncertain.

Don't wait for a man to figure out how love
and a relationship works.

And sure... a man has to do HIS part and learn
and grow, too.

A man needs to know how to love and be loved
too.

But, wouldn't it be great if you had the
CONFIDENCE that comes from KNOWING that you could
create what YOU WANT in your relationship?

What if you never had to wait for a man to
"figure it out" to have the love and connection
you want in your life?

It's likely that you've already got a head
start growing up as a woman... which is why it's
time to put your knowledge and intuition to good
use.

You're about to learn 3 of the most important
ways that men are different when it comes to
relationships... and what to do about it.

And, by the way, if you've got a man in your
life who knows how to keep you both close and
connected in your relationship at all times and
you KNOW it's going to LAST... then you don't
need to read this email.

Go enjoy your love life with confidence, and
give and share all of yourself freely.

But, if you aren't 100% CERTAIN that you're
going to be able to keep a loving relationship
with a man... and you've had problems with this
in the past... then it's time to recognize and
learn how to get past those UNCERTAIN and
UNCOMMITTED places with men and relationships.

Keep reading and you'll be on your way to
finding the confidence and understanding in your
relationship that only a deep, close, emotional
connection with a man can bring.

"GETTING CLEAR" ON WHAT'S GOING ON WITH MEN WHEN
THEY'RE DISTANT OR UNINVOLVED IN RELATIONSHIPS

Let me tell you a quick story...

A man and a woman meet and they have an
AMAZING connection from the start.

She quickly falls for him, as he does for her,
and they instantly grow close and start spending
almost all of their time together.

When they're apart, most of the time they're
thinking about one another.

A few weeks or months pass, and things are
going great... but as it happens in life, a few
difficult situations come up in each others lives.

Stress and tension starts to build, and as
more issues and situations come up, the closeness,
affection and communication starts to change.

The woman begins to notice how the man has
changed and tries to talk to him to bridge the
gap and stay close.

But, what used to work to bring them together
now only seems to make things worse as he pulls
away when she wants to talk.

And now she's getting worried.

She asks herself...

"Why is he acting this way?"

"What happened to what we had?"

"Did his feelings for me change?"

"Did I do something that pushed him away?"

And... "Why doesn't he seem to notice or care
and do anything about it!?"

The man just seems to want to pretend that
everything is fine and ignore what's happening.

When he does talk, he's short with his words
and unexpressive... not sharing his thoughts or
feelings about much at all.

He seems "detached" somehow.

And now she feels like if she didn't do
anything to keep the relationship going, that
they'd simply drift apart and he wouldn't do
anything about it or even really care.

Ok, end of story.

This story is basically a collection of common
situations and feelings that lots of women
experience.

Let's talk about it.

The things going on in the story bring up an
important idea - the ways in which men are
"naturally" different from women when it comes to
communicating and interacting in relationships.

And sure, men are the same in lots of ways.

They want love.

They want respect.

And they want to be heard.

But, men are also very different...

They're different in how they think.

They're different in how they feel.

They're different in their beliefs about what
makes for a "good relationship".

And, they're different in how they approach
and try to "resolve" relationship issues.
(Sometimes by not trying at all!)

If you want to learn about what's going on in
the UNCERTAIN situations with men... and how to
think and respond in POSITIVE, HEALTHY,
CONSTRUCTIVE ways for the sake of growing and
improving your long term relationship...

Then you need to take a deeper look at what
men are REALLY thinking and feeling.

You probably already know from experience that
men will often tell you one thing about how
they're thinking or feeling... but actually think
and feel another way.

Frustrating, right!?

And, you probably already know from experience
that becoming frustrated or overly "emotional"
with a man doesn't often get you very far in
becoming closer and growing together in your
relationship.

But, isn't it important to share and express
your true feelings in any "real" relationship?

Absolutely.

Which leads us to a frustrating PARADOX.

How do you stay "true" to your own feelings
and emotions... while ALSO communicating in a way
that keeps you close and avoids the common male
withdrawal response?

Part of the secret here is to communicate with
a man in a way that speaks HIS language and helps
him have a better understanding of YOU.

Some women end up analyzing themselves to
death over every little thing that happens...
what it means, what they should say, and how the
guy is going to respond.

The strange truth is that part of the problem
here IS analyzing things too much... so, when
they show up to talk to the man in their life,
she overwhelms him.

Give me a little nod if you've watched your
friends do this... or you can relate in your own
life.

It's time to stop worrying so much and start
doing things that WORK to create the love life
you know you can have.

It's time for it to finally be easy to
communicate and share love with the man in your
life in the long run.

It's time for CLARITY.

Let's talk about what's going on here and turn
what can seem impossible and complex into
something SIMPLE and CLEAR.

THE TRUTHS ABOUT HOW MEN ARE DIFFERENT - THAT ANY
WOMAN WHO WANTS A LASTING, COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP
WITH A MAN NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT...

Before we get to some real in-depth specifics
about men and relationships here, there's
something important I want to share...

I have a good friend who has taught me more in
a few years than I would have learned living 20
years not knowing her.

She's one of the smartest and insightful people
I've ever met when it comes to her unique
understanding of HUMAN BEHAVIOR and PSYCHOLOGY...
and how it relates to building long term
relationships in all areas of life.

Including romantic relationships.

I've learned a lot of what I know, or been led
to, in one way or another, by her.

Anyway... many years back she shared something
with me. Something that has taken me years to
come to know and understand for myself.

(As you know, someone can tell you something
again and again ... but it can take you days,
months or even years to come to understand and
know what THEY mean by it. Or in other words, it
often takes more time that we expect or would
like it to, to raise our own level of
CONSCIOUSNESS.)

Let me share what she said with you...

She said that when it comes to people and
relationships, there's a big secret EVERYONE uses
who are able to build and keep close, fulfilling,
trusting relationships in their lives through
thick and thin.

That secret is -

"First, seek to understand."

"Then, seek to be understood."

When I first heard this, it sounded like a
"new-agey" kind of thing.

I thought I "got" what this meant and what it
was all about.

My mind quickly went to thinking about how
much I already tried to understand others... and
how what came from this wasn't all it was cracked
up to be.

In my experience, I had been a "giver", and I
often felt at the mercy of others because of it.
ESPECIALLY in relationships.

I bet you can relate.

So, the idea of becoming MORE UNDERSTANDING
and listening to others more, made me feel like
things would just be less satisfying and more
difficult in my relationships.

As much as I could see the benefit of
listening and understanding first, it just didn't
seem to work out so well in real life for me.

Actually... the people who were a bit more
"selfish" seemed to be the ones who more often
got what they wanted and had it easy in life.

The reality was that I wasn't able to see that
the world could work any differently from my
perspective at the time.

It was only after years or living, studying,
observing, learning from others and thinking
about my life and the relationships in it that I
started to see things differently.

And one day something "snapped" into place.

I had an AMAZING EXPERIENCE as I was going
back through an old journal of mine and came
across what my friend had said about seeking to
understand first.

I hadn't thought about this idea in a long
time... and it hit me in different way now that I
was in a different place in my life.

To make a long story short, once you start
down your own path of growth in your life and
relationships... you're going to find new meaning
and depth in things that didn't used to be so
significant.

And this means you're becoming more AWARE and
CONSCIOUS of the world around you - which is one
of the first steps to creating amazing and
lasting change.

Of course, I'm talking about life more in
general here... but the exact same principles
apply to men, dating and relationships.

And, by the way, if you're getting that
anxious or frustrated feeling right now where
giving a man more of your understanding is the
last thing you want to do... then I've got some
unfortunate news for you...

YOU are creating your very own RESISTANCE.

That's right.

YOU are adding to the distance and lack of
understanding that's taking place.

As much as a man might be wrong, acting
distant or unfair, or hurting your feelings... if
YOU are putting your energy into the negative
patterns of fear, or doing the all too common
"demand and withdraw" behaviors tons of women
slip into in these situations...

Then you're only adding to the problems and
creating more of the "disconnect" between you two.

Ok, so what can you do instead!?

Good question.

First, seek to understand.

So, let's get right to how this works.

Let's look at the ways men are different when
it comes to relationships, and learn to
understand more and put it to work for you...

I promise everything with a man will instantly
start to become clearer and easier once you do.

Difference #1: With A Man, Improving Your
Relationship Is Often As Easy As Improving "The
Now".

There's a kind of relationship "shortcut" some
women know about and others don't.

And women who know what it is and how it works
often have the men they're with, feeling deeply
connected... and ASKING THEM to become more
committed... and share more love.

But there's a catch to this "trick".

YOU, as a woman, have to be in the right
mental and emotional state to make these kinds of
"breakthroughs" in your relationship and the way
that you interact with a man.

Why?

Because if you're not, you're going to do all
kinds of things to sabotage yourself and get in
the way of your own success here.

You'll start feeling needy or unappreciated
and want the man to take over and make things
happen for you.

Don't make this mistake and miss out on the
love and connection that's possible for you in
your relationship.

So, here's the shortcut you can use with any
man at almost anytime. (I've seen this work with
men who were so distant that I would have never
believed it if I hadn't seen it happen myself.)

When a man is acting distant with a woman in a
relationship, it's often because he's "off in his
head" thinking about something else he needs to
do or has to take care of.

And, in case you didn't know... for most men
it's so extremely important to be a strong
successful "provider" with a woman, that the
closer he is with a woman... the more his mind
will try and turn to the outside world, work,
etc. in order to make sure he can protect and
provide for a woman.

For most men, whether or not they are an
"attractive" person relies heavily on if he's
financially successful and has a high level of
"social status".

Of course, a man isn't often CONSCIOUS that
he's thinking or behaving this way.

These things are part of our "inner biology".

They are "wired" deep in our brains and affect
us on deep SUBCONSCIOUS levels.

So, why am I telling you all of this?

Because you can use it to your advantage and
move straight past the detached, withdrawn, work-
focused man.

You can learn how to "invite" a man into love
and affection with you.

And here is where the shortcut comes in.

See, as much as I hate to admit it, and you
might already know this about men... well, we can
be simple-minded.

If we have a woman that we are close with,
like a girlfriend, the reality is that she has
the power change our mood INSTANTLY.

Especially if she triggers the feeling of
ATTRACTION.

Let me explain how this works...

When a man is detached, unemotional, etc.,
often it's because his mind is focused on
"things", and not on people or relationships.

Things like sports, work, cars, or whatever
hobby a man happens to be into.

And, it's this "Focus" that often makes a man
seem withdrawn, disinterested or inattentive.

But, there IS something a woman can do to
easily get him out of this "Focus" mode to where
a man will be more present, "connected" and
emotionally responsive.

A woman can help a man move his thinking and
attention out of his "mind" and into his body.
(Don't worry, feelings and emotions will
naturally follow... and if this isn't making much
sense right now, it will in a second.)

It can start with a soft touch, a playful tap,
or even just a smile.

It doesn't take much, other than attention and
a little patience.

What's probably the easiest way to do this, is
to do what men naturally do to get out of their
heads and into the present moment.

They become more physical.

Have you ever watched couples play-fight or
wrestle?

For lots of men, this is the easiest way they
know to become close and connected with a woman...
as they aren't even conscious what they're doing.

They just naturally become more affectionate
and in-tune with a woman than they could have
ever figured out how to be trying to talk to a
woman about how this all works.

Of course, if you watch a woman do this with a
man and you don't know what she's up to... it can
look like she's just trying to get his attention
in a physical and sexual way.

And some women do this, too.

But, if you've been reading my newsletters,
picked up my eBook, or seen a few of my CD or DVD
programs, then you've come to recognize that
there is more than one type of ATTRACTION a man
can feel and experience with a woman.

There's a type of attraction that goes BEYOND
PHYSICAL ATTRACTION and gets a man's attention on
an emotional and intellectual level.

This is the kind of attraction I'm talking
about creating with a man... where he will move
"out of his head" and become open and attentive
in the present moment with you.

Lots of women try to TALK with a man in order
to get him to be present, loving, affection, etc.
with them.

But often times, this completely BACKFIRES.

The reason why is because these women don't
know this "other" kind of attraction works for a
man.

Don't make the mistake of thinking that
attraction works the same way for you as it does
for a man...

Or, that you can try and use Physical
Attraction with a man to get an EMOTIONAL
response.

You need to learn how to get the EMOTIONAL
response from a man that you're looking for...
without demanding it of him in a way that will
only encourage him to WITHDRAW.

Inviting a man out of his Focus, or out of his
"head", is a simple first step.

Difference #2: Instead Of Discussing, Exploring
And FEELING The Problems In Your Relationship, A
Man Will Often Want To "Starve" Them... Or Try To
Give You The "Logical Solution" As His Way Of
Making Things Better

I've got to ask you something. Be honest when
you answer -

Do you think men, or more to the point, the
men you've dated in your life, enjoy talking
about their feelings and your relationship as
much as you do?

Or, that they enjoy it much at all really?

I'm guessing the answer is, "No".

If so, then this is a vital piece of
information for you in your relationship.

But, what have you done with this knowledge?

Have you tried to MAKE A MAN better at talking
about his feelings in your relationship, and then
become frustrated and upset when it hasn't gone
the way you had hoped?

And, have you ever wanted to talk about
something important in your relationship with a
man, and brought it up... and then he gave you a
short "detached" answer... or he became angry
with you and started telling you what to do?

Is this really the best approach?

Think about this for a second...

What if, without knowing it, you've been
asking a man for the exact thing you DON'T want?

What if, accidentally, the way you were
communicating with him was telling him, in his
own "language", to STOP SHARING, to CLOSE OFF,
and to be LESS EXPRESSIVE?

Is this possible?

What if there was another way to be with a man
that would get you the result you wanted (him
opening up to you more) AND... it made everything
a whole lot easier for YOU?

Think about it for a minute.

How do men "typically" react when a woman
comes to them with intense emotions and feelings
and wants to talk about them?

One of two things usually happens.

1. He gives you a short answer that often seems
cold and uninterested. Kind of like he isn't
paying attention to you and your FEELINGS.

2. He gets anxious or irritated and instead of
responding with caring and understanding, he
seems angry. In effect, he starts telling you
what to do and to stop bothering him.

Both of these responses have something in
common.

Can you guess what it is?

They both show how men tend to want to remove
themselves from any situations they see or
experience as unnecessarily intense or
"emotional".

I'm not saying that this is a good thing or a
bad thing about men, by the way.

But, it is THE REALITY of how most men think
and behave.

Which leaves YOU with a choice.

You can either learn to work WITH the way
things are...

Or, you can keep fighting AGAINST the way
things are and continue the negative,
self-defeating patterns in your love life.

And here's something else to think about -

Given the two different ways that men often
respond that I mentioned above...

Does a man, reacting in one of these ways,
have to mean that he doesn't care for a woman or
her feelings?

And, does a man reacting this way mean he
doesn't care about his relationship?

In a man's mind, the answer is NO.

But, what do lots of women do when they are
confronted with a man's anxious or irritated
response that comes from not knowing what to do
with a woman's feelings?

Instead of trying a different approach, they
simply take what is NOT working and dial up the
intensity about 20 notches...

Hello!

Duh! (A scientific term that means you're
acting like a jack-ass)

Stop making your life so difficult for
yourself.

Becoming more intense and "emotionally
demanding" with others rarely builds strong
relationships or gets you what you want.

There is a way to communicate and move to a
more committed and "connected" place with a man
that does NOT involve asking him to do so, trying
to convince him to listen, or demanding that your
relationship grow.

If you've tried any of these things with a man,
then you know that they can just turn into an
uphill battle... and trigger the DISTANCE and
RESISTANCE you're trying to avoid.

These two differences I've shared with you
here are just the beginning.

If you've ever wondered why a man says he
wants his "Freedom"...

And, you know that he wants to love you and be
loved...

But, he also wants to do things "on his own"
first, before he settles down...

I go into depth about how these contradictions
are all part of a man's growth process, what they
mean, and exactly what to do as each one of these
comes up in your relationship.

Oh... and what if you had a "map" of how the
COMMITMENT PROCESS works for a man?

What if you knew what it was that would help a
man see and KNOW that your connection and what
you share is special enough to go deeper into and
to commit himself to on an emotional level.

It's not that most men aren't capable of a
deep, lasting, emotional commitment with a woman.

It's that they don't know how to get there on
their own... and most women don't know how to
help them in their relationship.

In fact, most women accidentally push a man
away from the things that will make him want to
discover his emotions, his feelings and the love
he can share with a woman all on his own -
because they try and take over and tell him how
to do it when things aren't working just right.

Now, you can avoid all those mistakes and let
a man find his own way to where he'll be leading
YOU into a more deeply connected and fulfilling
relationship.

Part of the secret here, I explain and walk
you through an exercise to discover what a man's
"Love Preference" is.

Each person, including you, has their favorite
way to be complimented, pleased or appreciated.

And as you know, feeling honored, respected
and appreciated is important for BOTH people in
any long term relationship that is going to LAST.

reynn writes...

2009-11-18T10:08:00.006+09:00

Salam...i would like to express my gratitude to the owner of this blog..DraygourN..for inviting me to be in his team..though i always like to write my mind..i've never had my own blog..mainly because i doubted there would be any followers kot,and partly laziness hehe..and now thanks to him i'd be able to do just that,to share my thoughts n all,especially my reading materials :D don't worry bro..i won't hijack ur precious blog ni, i'm your co-pilot je heheh..will treat it with my most gentle care... :P

shall we launch an IPO?
anyway, thanks a lot, you will be great help.

A New Labeling System

2009-11-15T18:46:00.004+09:00

sup Reynn?
please edit this post as necessary.
__________________________________

I think we can put together all 'Ulasan Buku' atau excerpt from books in one category, what say you?
this alone could reduce the number of category we may need.
I will check some other sites for their 'labeling system'.

a few Labels/category I have in mind (please post yours too):

Draygourn's Category :
- Health, Fitness
- Education, Career
- Family, Parenting
- Man and Woman
- Agama Corner
(keep in mind that some articles may share categories, like, Agama Corner articles also may sometimes fit in 'Guides' category)
-
-
-
-
-

Reynn's Categories :
- Reynn writes...
- whatever you have in mind lah
-

AAHAAA.. last time I tried to rob some articles from VF, and also some of their category.
They have:
- Agama Corner ( I did take it already :D )
- Computing and Technology
- Cooking and Recipes (this blog is not social site so I think we can leave this)
- Health, Beauty, Fitness (looks like a good combo)
- Lifestyle / Lite& easy / Stories / Students / Fun / General

Pain Threshold, or Why People Stay

2009-11-13T00:50:00.001+09:00

Cebisan Kitab – AtGW by AR

Change is usually not a question of capability; it’s almost always a question of motivation.
The problem is, change is often a ‘should’ and not a ‘must’

Page 125.
Pain Threshold.

Have you ever experienced this in a personal relationship, for example? You hung in there, it was painful and you really weren’t happy, but you stayed in anyway. Why? You rationalized that it will get better, without doing anything to make it better.
If you were in so much pain, why didn’t you leave? Even though you were unhappy, your fear of the unknown was a more powerful motivating force. “Yeah, I’m unhappy now,” you may have thought, “but what if I leave this person and then I never find anyone else? At least I know how to deal with the pain I have now.”

This kind of thinking is what keeps people from making changes.

Posting Pics Online? What Your Photos Say About You

2009-11-10T13:10:00.000+09:00

Posting Pics Online? What Your Photos Say About You

Jeanna Bryner
Senior Writer
LiveScience.com jeanna Bryner
senior Writer
livescience.com – Mon Nov 9, 11:23 am ET
Those photos you post on Facebook could paint an accurate picture of your personality, new research on first impressions suggests.

And perhaps as expected, the more candid a shot the more nuances of your personality show through.

"In an age dominated by social media where personal photographs are ubiquitous, it becomes important to understand the ways personality is communicated via our appearance," said study researcher Laura Naumann of Sonoma State University. "The appearance one portrays in his or her photographs has important implications for their professional and social life."

With this information, there's always the option of tweaking your image, and thus your personality to the outside world. "If you want potential employers or romantic suitors to see you as a warm and friendly individual, you should post pictures where you smile or are standing in a relaxed pose," Naumann said.

Scientists have known physical appearance is important for first impressions and that such initial impressions can be hard to undo, particularly negative ones. Studies have shown judgments made at first glance of a CEO can predict his or her success. But until now little was known about how well people judged personality based on appearance and what physical factors are most important.

In the new study, 12 observers looked at full-body photos of 123 undergraduate students who they had never met before. Six observers viewed the students in a neutral pose and six saw the same students in a spontaneous pose.

The participants rated each photo on 10 personality traits: extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, emotional stability, openness (open to experience), likability, self-esteem, loneliness, religiosity and political orientation.

To figure out accuracy of the judgments, the researchers compared the results with the posers' self-ratings and ratings from three close friends.

For the controlled poses, the observers accurately judged extraversion and self-esteem. When participants looked at the naturally expressive shots, which revealed dynamic non-verbal cues, they were nearly spot-on, getting nine out of the 10 traits correct (everything but political orientation).

For instance, both the neutral and expressive photos garnered about a 70 percent success rate.

"Extraversion is one of those things that's probably the easiest trait to judge," Naumann told LiveScience. "Even without seeing whether someone is smiling or not people can pick that up."

But when judging likeability, observers got it right on average for 55 percent of the photos with neutral poses and 64 percent of the expressive photos. Similar results were found for agreeableness, with participants judging correctly 45 percent of the time for neutral poses compared with 60 percent in the expressive images.

Beyond pure science, the researchers say the results, which will be detailed in the December issue of the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, have practical implications.

For example, if you want to come off as an extravert, try to smile more, stand in energetic and less tense ways, and gear your overall appearance to look healthy (as opposed to sickly), neat and stylish, the study found. For those interested in seeming open to new experiences, it'd be best to show off a distinctive style of dressing rather than a healthy, neat appearance.

50 Common Interview Q & A

2009-11-02T09:18:00.000+09:00

Review these typical interview questions and think about how you would answer them. Read the questions listed; you will also find some strategy suggestions with it.

1. Tell me about yourself?

Ans : The most often asked question in interviews. You need to have a short statement prepared in your mind. Be careful that it does not sound rehearsed. Limit it to work-related items unless instructed otherwise. Talk about things you have done and jobs you have held that relate to the position you are interviewing for. Start with the item farthest back and work up to the present.

2. Why did you leave your last job?

Ans: Stay positive regardless of the circumstances. Never refer to a majorproblem with management and never speak ill of supervisors, co-workers or the organization. If you do, you will be the one looking bad. Keep smiling and talk about leaving for a positive reason such as an opportunity, a chance to do something special or other forward-looking reasons.

3. What experience do you have in this field?

Ans: Speak about specifics that relate to the position you are applying for. If you do not have specific experience, get as close as you can.

4. Do you consider yourself successful?

Ans:You should always answer yes and briefly explain why. A good explanation is that you have set goals, and you have met some and are on track to achieve the others.

5. What do co-workers say about you?

Ans: Be prepared with a quote or two from co-workers. Either a specific statement or a paraphrase will work. Jill Clark, a co-worker at Smith Company, always said I was the hardest workers she had ever known. It is as powerful as Jill having said it at the interview herself.

6. What do you know about this organization?

This question is one reason to do some research on the organization before the interview. Find out where they have been and where they are going. What are the current issues and who are the major players?

7. What have you done to improve your knowledge in the last year?

Try to include improvement activities that relate to the job. A wide variety of activities can be mentioned as positive self-improvement. Have some good ones handy to mention.

8. Are you applying for other jobs?

Be honest but do not spend a lot of time in this area. Keep the focuson this job and what you can do for this organization. Anything else is a distraction.

9. Why do you want to work for this organization?

This may take some thought and certainly, should be based on the research you have done on the organization. Sincerity is extremely important here and will easily be sensed... Relate it to your long-term career goals.

10. Do you know anyone who works for us?

Be aware of the policy on relatives working for the organization. This can affect your answer even though they asked about friends not relatives. Be careful to mention a friend only if they are well thought of.

11. What is your Expected Salary?

A loaded question. A nasty little game that you will probably lose if you answer first. So, do not answer it. Instead, say something like, That's a tough question. Can you tell me the range for this position? In most cases, the interviewer, taken off guard, will tell you. If not, say that it can depend on the details of the job. Then give a wide range.

12. Are you a team player?

You are, of course, a team player. Be sure to have examples ready. Specifics that show you often perform for the good of the team rather than for yourself are good evidence of your team attitude. Do not brag, just say it in a matter-of-fact tone. This is a key point..

13. How long would you expect to work for us if hired?

Specifics here are not good. Something like this should work: I'd like it to be a long time. Or As long as we both feel I'm doing a good job.

14. Have you ever had to fire anyone?

How did you feel about that? This is serious. Do not make light of it or in any way seem like you like to fire people. At the same time, you will do it when it is the right thing to do. When it comes to the organization versus the individual who has created a harmful situation, you will protect the organization. Remember firing is not the same as layoff or reduction in force.

15. What is your philosophy towards work?

The interviewer is not looking for a long or flowery dissertation here. Do you have strong feelings that the job gets done? Yes. That's the type of answer that works best here. Short and positive, showing a benefit to the organization.

16. If you had enough money to retire right now, would you?

Answer yes if you would. But since you need to work, this is the type of work you prefer. Do not say yes if you do not mean it.

17. Have you ever been asked to leave a position?

If you have not, say no. If you have, be honest, brief and avoid saying negative things about the people or organization involved.

18. Explain how you would be an asset to this organization ?

You should be anxious for this question. It gives you a chance to highlight your best points as they relate to the position being discussed. Give a little advance thought to this relationship. .

19. Why should we hire you?

Point out how your assets meet what the organization needs. Do not mention any other candidates to make a comparison..

20. Tell me about a suggestion you have made ?

Have a good one ready. Be sure and use a suggestion that was accepted and was then considered successful. One related to the type of work applied for is a real plus.

21. What irritates you about co-workers?

This is a trap question. Think real hard but fail to come up with anything that irritates you. A short statement that you seem to get along with folks is great.

22. What is your greatest strength?

Numerous answers are good, just stay positive. A few good examples: Your ability to prioritize, Your problem-solving skills, Your ability to work under pressure, Your ability to focus on projects, Your professional expertise, Your leadership skills, Your positive attitude

23. Tell me about your dream job ?

Stay away from a specific job. You cannot win. If you say the job you are contending for is it, you strain credibility. If you say another job is it, you plant the suspicion that you will be dissatisfied with this position if hired. The best is to stay genetic and say something like: A job where I love the work, like the people, can contribute andcan't wait to get to work.

24. Why do you think you would do well at this job?

Give several reasons and include skills, experience and interest.

25. What are you looking for in a job?

See answer # 23

26. What kind of person would you refuse to work with?

Do not be trivial. It would take disloyalty to the organization, violence or lawbreaking to get you to object. Minor objections will label you as a whiner.

27. What is more important to you: the money or the work?

Money is always important, but the work is the most important. There is no better answer.

28. What would your previous supervisor say your strongest point is?

There are numerous good possibilities: Loyalty, Energy, Positive attitude, Leadership, Team player, Expertise,Initiativ e, Patience, Hard work, Creativity, Problem solver

29. Tell me about a problem you had with a supervisor?

Biggest trap of all. This is a test to see if you will speak ill of your boss. If you fall for it and tell about a problem with a former boss, you may well below the interview right there. Stay positive and develop a poor memory about any trouble with a supervisor.

30. What has disappointed you about a job?

Don't get trivial or negative. Safe areas are few but can include: Not enough of a challenge. You were laid off in a reduction Company did not win a contract, which would have given you more responsibility.

31. Tell me about your ability to work under pressure.

You may say that you thrive under certain types of pressure. Give an example that relates to the type of position applied for.

32. Do your skills match this job or another job more closely?

Probably this one. Do not give fuel to the suspicion that you may want another job more than this one.

33. What motivates you to do your best on the job?

This is a personal trait that only you can say, but good examples are: Challenge, Achievement, Recognition

34. Are you willing to work overtime? Nights? Weekends?

This is up to you. Be totally honest.

35. How would you know you were successful on this job?

Several ways are good measures: You set high standards for yourself and meet them. Your outcomes are a success. Your boss tell you that you are successful

36. Would you be willing to relocate if required?

You should be clear on this with your family prior to the interview if you think there is a chance it may come up. Do not say yes just to get the job if the real answer is no. This can create a lot of problems later on in your career. Be honest at this point and save yourself future grief.

37. Are you willing to put the interests of the organization ahead of your own?

This is a straight loyalty and dedication question. Do not worry about the deep ethical and philosophical implications. Just say yes.

38. Describe your management style ?

Try to avoid labels. Some of the more common labels, like progressive, salesman or consensus, can have several meanings or descriptions depending on which management expert you listen to. The situational style is safe, because it says you will manage according to the situation, instead of one size fits all.

39. What have you learned from mistakes on the job?

Here you have to come up with something or you strain credibility. Make it small, well intentioned mistake with a positive lesson learned. An example would be working too far ahead of colleagues on a project and thus throwing coordination off.

40. Do you have any blind spots?

Trick question. If you know about blind spots, they are no longer blind spots. Do not reveal any personal areas of concern here. Let them do their own discovery on your bad points. Do not hand it to them.

41. If you were hiring a person for this job, what would you look for?

Be careful to mention traits that are needed and that you have.

42. Do you think you are overqualified for this position?

Regardless of your qualifications, state that you are very well qualified for the position.

43. How do you propose to compensate for your lack of experience?

First, if you have experience that the interviewer does not know about, bring that up: Then, point out (if true) that you are a hard working quick learner.

44. What qualities do you look for in a boss?

Be generic and positive. Safe qualities are knowledgeable, a sense of humor, fair, loyal to subordinates and holder of high standards. All bosses think they have these traits.

45. Tell me about a time when you helped resolve a dispute ?

between others. Pick a specific incident. Concentrate on your problem solving technique and not the dispute you settled.

46. What position do you prefer on a team working on a project?

Be honest. If you are comfortable in different roles, point that out.

47. Describe your work ethic ?

Emphasize benefits to the organization. Things like, determination to get the job done and work hard but enjoy your work are good.

48. What has been your biggest professional disappointment?

Be sure that you refer to something that was beyond your control. Show acceptance and no negative feelings.

49. Tell me about the most fun you have had on the job.

Talk about having fun by accomplishing something for the organization.

50. Do you have any questions for me?

Always have some questions prepared. Questions prepared where you will be an asset to the organization are good. How soon will I be able to be productive? and What type of projects will I be able to assist on? are examples.

And Finally Best of Luck Hope you will be succussful in the interview you are going to face in coming days.

"Never take some one for granted,Hold every person Close to your Heart because you might wake up one day and realise that you have lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones." Remember this always in life.

Men Are From Mars, Women

2009-10-27T12:04:00.002+09:00

Buku Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
www.saifulislam.com

"Sempena saya nak berumahtangga ni, apa kitab yang ustaz nasihatkan saya baca?", tanya seorang anak muda kepada saya.
"Kalau ustaz cadangkan buku, boleh? Bukan kitab", saya mengusik.
"Sama sahaja tu ustaz. Satu Bahasa Arab, satu Bahasa Malaysia", beliau membalas.
"Bukan apa, susah orang nak terima kalau Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus oleh John Gray tu sebagai 'kitab'!", saya menyambung.
"Ustaz suruh saya baca buku tu? Kenapa?", tanyanya seperti terkejut.
"Itulah, ustaz dah cakap, mesti anta terkejut punya", saya tersenyum.
"Kenapa ustaz tak cadangkan saya baca buku Adab Perkahwinan oleh al-Albani ke, atau buku Tarbiyyah al-Aulaad fi al-Islaam oleh Abdullah Nasih Ulwan?", beliau menyambung pertanyaan.
"See, kalau ustaz sebut kitab-kitab tu, anta pun dah tahu dan faham kenapa buku tu perlu dibaca. Tapi buku John Gray ni, kalau ustaz tak sebut, rasa-rasanya anta terfikir tak untuk membacanya?", saya menguji.
"Hmm, entahlah. Mungkin tak kot", jawabnya perlahan.

Apabila adik-adik meminta nasihat tentang perkahwinan, saya tidaklah begitu bimbang dengan soal hukum. Terutamanya bagi mereka yang sudah biasa dengan usrah, program-program agama dan bahan-bahan bacaan berkaitan yang pelbagai. Soal hukum-hakam, kita tahu di mana hendak bertanya, dan bagaimana hendak menyelesaikannya.

Tetapi rumahtangga bukan terbina hanya atas kejelasan soal hukum fiqh. Malah jarang benar saya berbual dan berkongsi kisah tentang rumahtangga, membabitkan soal hukum. Hukum yang Syariatullah itu jelas dan cerah.

Namun ketetapan Allah bukan hanya sekadar pada apa yang halal dan apa yang haram. Hidup ini bukan hanya pada Syariatullah. Manusia saling berhubung dengan Sunnatullah. Psikologi manusia dan peraturan komunikasi.

Inilah yang menjadikan saya senang mencadangkan buku Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus oleh John Gray itu. Buku itu adalah hasil kaji selidik (survey) yang membabitkan jumlah manusia yang ribuan. Ia adalah kajian tentang tabiat manusia.

Kali pertama saya mengenal buku ini ialah pada tahun 2000 iaitu pada ulangtahun pertunangan saya yang pertama. Tunang saya ketika itu mengepos buku ini jauh dari Ireland ke London, dengan meletakkan harapan agar saya membaca dan menghayatinya. Semasa buku itu saya terima, senget juga wajah saya membaca tajuknya.

"Buang tebiat ke ni? Buku apa ni?", saya mengomel sendirian semasa membuka bungkusan pos.
"Ustaz kena baca buku tu. Besar harapan Kak Muna tu", kata Nasreel, housemate saya ketika itu.

Selembar demi selembar saya belek. Ternyata buku itu sungguh mengenyangkan. Mengenyangkan emosi dan fikiran saya, tentang betapa perlunya saya belajar tentang manusia. Khususnya insan yang bakal berkongsi kehidupan dengan saya hingga ke hujung usia.

APA YANG SAYA BELAJAR?

Lelaki dan perempuan nyata berbeza. Ungkapan klasik al-Ghazzali dalam isu yang sama menyebut, "lelaki itu 9 akal dan 1 nafsu manakala perempuan pula 9 nafsu dan 1 akal". Terjemahan itu telah mengelirukan saya walhal soal hawa nafsu, lelaki tidak mudah dibezakan dengan perempuan.

Selepas membaca tulisan John Gray, saya mengubah kefahaman saya terhadap kata-kata al-Ghazzali itu. Ungkapan beliau sepatutnya diterjemahkan kepada "LELAKI ITU 9 LOGIK DAN 1 EMOSI, PEREMPUAN PULA 9 EMOSI DAN 1 LOGIK ".

Fikiran, keputusan dan tindakan seorang lelaki banyak dipengaruhi oleh logik dan rasional akal. Lelaki lebih selamat untuk dipertanggungjawabkan pada urusan-urusan yang perlu diputuskan dengan rasional dan bukan emosi. Maka saya akur pada ketetapan Allah yang menyerahkan persoalan Talaq di tangan lelaki. Maka lelaki yang lemah rasional dan sering emosional dalam kehidupan, adalah lelaki yang kurang kelelakiannya.

Namun, lelaki lemah emosi. Kelemahan itu menjadikan lelaki kurang sensitif dalam membaca bahasa emosi perempuan. Kekurangan daya emosi itu juga mungkin menjadi punca lelaki sukar melakukan perkara rutin dalam sebuah rumahtangga. Tanya sahaja seorang perempuan, berapa kali dalam hidupnya dia menyapu sampah, membasuh tahi di punggung anak, mengemas rumah dan memasak. Perempuan boleh melakukannya dengan rasa sejuk dan biasa, manakala lelaki terpaksa bermujahadah untuk membiasakan diri dengannya.

Perempuan yang dikurniakan Allah dengan kekuatan emosi berbanding logik dengan nisbah 9:1, menjadikan mereka guru terbaik pada membentuk anak-anak, khususnya di peringkat pra sekolah.

HUBUNGAN SUAMI - ISTERI

Akan tetapi, nasihat dan pandangan John Gray lebih saya aplikasikan kepada hubungan di antara suami dan isteri. Iaitu dua insan yang sangat perlu untuk saling memahami. Faham secara empathy dan cuba meletakkan diri di pihak pasangan.

Apabila isteri meluahkan pandangan, mengadu atau berleter tentang sesuatu perkara, amat perlu untuk seorang suami faham, bahawa tindakan itu selalunya bukanlah bertujuan untuk meminta pandangan dan idea kita ke arah penyelesaian. Sesekali ya, tetapi lazimnya tidak. Isteri-isteri sering begitu kerana mahukan perhatian. Mahukan layanan emosi dan bukti keprihatinan kita.

Maka janganlah pula suami terlalu cepat atau asyik mahu mencadangkan penyelesaian. Masalah-masalah itu sering boleh selesai hanya dengan kesediaan suami untuk menyayangi, atau dalam bahasa mudah... memujuk!

Namun ketahuilah wahai sang isteri, bahawa ia bukanlah suatu yang mudah bagi seorang lelaki. Makhluk yang gersang emosi dan kaya logik itu.

"Maafkan abang, andai diri ini tidak bijak menjadi pemujuk", itulah suara hati saya semasa muhasabah diri tentang sikap saya terhadap isteri.

Saya tahu yang saya kurang pandai memujuk. Kekadang kaku dalam menunjukkan keprihatian. Malah sering juga tanpa disengajakan, memperkecilkan keluhan isteri... lantaran menilai keluhan itu dengan logik dan rasional diri sebagai lelaki.

"Masalah macam itu pun nak besar-besarkan", itulah agaknya kesimpulan hati saya dan kebanyakan suami semasa mendengar pengaduan isteri.

Walhal isu itu besar... jika kita melihatnya dari sudut emosi, sebagaimana sudut isteri melihat dan menyuarakan isi hati. Maka nilaikanlah permintaan isteri dengan pertimbangan emosi, biar pun ia hanya secebis dari kemahiranmu sebagai lelaki.

"Maafkan abang!", sekali lagi saya rasa bersalah. Salah bagi seorang suami, menilai isteri dengan penilaian lelaki yang gersang emosi.

BAGI SI ISTERI

Manakala bagi sang isteri, fahamilah jua bahawa suamimu berfikir dengan cara yang berbeza. Keputusannya banyak oleh pertimbangan akal, sesuai dengan bahu dan tangannya yang berat memikul tanggungjawab. Apabila suami bertanya, dia mahukan pandangan. Dia mudah rimas jika ruang berbincang diisi dengan esakan, tangisan, dan bukannya buah fikiran. Suami mencari penyelesaian, bukan sekadar perhatian dan perasaan.

Sama ada isteri itu seorang suri rumah, atau kerani, cikgu mahu pun doktor dan jurutera, nalurinya adalah naluri wanita. Kaya emosi dan mungkin kurang berminat dengan rasional dan justifikasi.

BELAJARLAH UNTUK SALING MEMAHAMI

Di sinilah perhargaan saya kepada buku Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus oleh John Gray kerana ia mengajar saya dan isteri untuk saling faham memahami. Pelajaran dari dua planet ini juga mendidik kami untuk memberi ruang kepada rasional dan emosi masing-masing berfungsi dengan baik, sesuai dengan peranan dan tanggungjawab yang diberi Ilahi.

Hal ini jugalah yang dibahas dengan panjang lebar oleh Stephen Covey dalam Habit #5 beliau iaitu Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.

Peraturan-peraturan ini bukanlah rekaan penulis seperti Covey dan Gray, namun ia adalah hasil kajian mereka terhadap tingkah laku manusia. Iaitu sebahagian daripada Sunnatullah... peraturan Allah dalam hubungan sesama manusia.

SUAMI, ISTERI DAN KAWAN

Kerana soal emosi dan logik tadi, saya cuba untuk memahami sesuatu.

Sering saya ketemu, isteri-isteri tidak begitu berminat atau komited lagi dengan persahabatan mereka. Biar pun mereka ada ramai best friends semasa anak dara, hingga tidur berkongsi bantal dan mimpi, namun selepas berkahwin dan beranak pinak, mereka tidak lagi serapat dulu. Tumpuan dan attachment mereka sangat tertumpu pada suami dan anak-anak.

"Kalau Yang nak gi kedai dengan kawan-kawan, do some shopping, Abi tak kisah pun. Take your time. I'll mind the kids", saya membuka tawaran kepada isteri.

Bukan apa, saya sering rasa bersalah kerana selalu terpaksa meninggalkan isteri. Mesyuarat, bekerja out station, ceramah, program dan macam-macam aktiviti luar, menyebabkan saya sering meninggalkan isteri dan anak-anak di rumah. Bukan bersuka-suka bercuti dan bercanda, tetapi tugas dan tanggungjawab yang menjadi punca.

Lantas, saya tidak keberatan jika isteri saya mahu mengambil sedikit ruang untuk beliau pergi menziarahi sahabat atau menghadiri kursus-kursus rasmi dan tidak rasmi. Waktu untuknya tanpa saya. Tetapi lazimnya isteri saya lebih prefer untuk berada di rumah. Dan sebahagian besar sahabat yang saya temui, mengakui hal ini.

Mengapa hal ini berlaku?

Oleh kerana perempuan kuat pada emosi, maka emosinya terpilih untuk hanya disuburkan oleh suami tercinta dan anak-anak. Kepuasan pada mengisi keperluan emosi hanya boleh diperolehi dari insan yang diberikan emosi itu iaitu suami dan anak-anak. Tidak ada apa sangat yang hendak dicari di luar sana.

Namun bagi si suami, kehidupannya banyak dipengaruhi oleh rasional kerana itulah alat utama beliau berperanan sebagai pemimpin keluarga. Mungkin kerana itu, saya merasakan bahawa, si suami perlu kepada rakan berbincang. Sesekali suami perlu mendapatkan pandangan ketiga. Dan kerana ini, seorang lelaki yang telah berkahwin, tetap menjaga hubungannya dengan rakan karib, kerana beliau perlu kepada input-input yang membantu beliau membuat keputusan... terutamanya ketika berkonflik dengan isteri dan keluarga.

Janganlah si isteri salah faham, dengan menyangkakan suami yang pergi kepada sahabat karib itu, telah membelakangkan dirinya. Lebih mengutamakan sahabat dari isteri sendiri. Lebih percaya kepada orang luar dari teman hidup yang dinikahinya.

Jangan begitu.

Suami pergi berjumpa dengan rakan karibnya dengan motif rasional. Mencari panduan dan penyelesaian. Sedangkan emosi, perasaan dan kasih sayangnya tetap teguh pada isteri dan anak-anak. Suami memerlukan rakan bukan untuk urusan emosi sebagaimana yang sering difikirkan oleh si isteri.

Emosi dan perasaan itu eksklusif dan hanya ada antara suami, isteri dan anak-anak. Namun keperluan mendapatkan input rasional, izinkan suami mencarinya dari seorang rakan, kerana hasil perbualan mereka, akan memulangkan kebaikannnya kepada kasih sayang antara suami, isteri dan anak-anak.

MERAIKAN PERBEZAAN

Saya yakin, jika setiap insan menghargai keunikan diri masing-masing, mengiktiraf kelebihan dan mengakui kelemahan, hidup kita akan seimbang. Bacalah buku Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus itu agar kita dapat belajar untuk saling memahami. Dengan bekalan Syariat Allah dan Sunnatullah... sempurnalah perjalanan sebuah rumahtangga.

"Apabila seorang hamba itu berkahwin, maka sesungguhnya dia telah menyempurnakan separuh dari agamanya. Maka bertaqwalah kepada Allah untuk menyempurnakan separuh yang berbaki" (Al-Hadith)

"You complete me", itulah realiti hubungan antara suami dan isteri.

13 Cara Hilangkan Serabut

2009-10-26T12:19:00.000+09:00

13 Cara Mudah Utk Kosongkan Fikiran Yg Berserabut

Kehidupan seharian yang sibuk dan permintaan demi permintaan yang menyesakkan dari tempat kerja dan rumah sudah pasti membuatkan kita hilang arah. Fikiran yang berserabut boleh mengurangkan fokus kepada perkara-perkara utama yang perlu diselesaikan. Akhirnya, kerja tak selesai dan fikiran makin berserabut.Untuk menjadi seorang yang produktif, kita perlu mempunyai pandangan yang jelas dalam membezakan perkara yang penting dengan perkara yang kurang penting. Kita harus mempunyai fikiran yang tenang untuk tujuan ini. Ambillah langkah-langkah dibawah ini untuk menenangkan fikiran anda.

1. Tarik Nafas

Ingat lagi bagaimana anda bersenam di waktu pagi semasa bersekolah dulu? Ingat lagi bagaimana kita memulakan senaman dengan menarik nafas dengan kaedah yang betul? Gunakan teknik ini untuk mula mengosongkan fikiran anda.

2. Ambil Wudhuk

Jika anda seorang yang beragama Islam, mengambil wudhuk boleh menenangkan fikiran. Kembali kepada fitrah manusia dapat memantapkan lagi rohani kita dan air yang bersih boleh mengembalikan kita kepada fitrah kejadian. Air yang segar dapat memberi tenaga dan fokus yang diperlukan dan wajah akan pasti kembali ceria.

3. Tulis

Ada banyak perkara yang bermain di dalam fikiran anda. Anda perlu mengenalpasti apa sebenarnya yang anda fikirkan untuk membolehkan minda mengurus perkara-perkara ini. Cara yang paling mudah adalah dengan menulis satu-persatu apa yang anda sedang fikirkan. Jangan cuba untuk mengenalpasti kategori perkara-perkara ini dahulu, teruskan sahaja menulis.

4. Kenalpasti Yang Utama

Setelah anda rasa puas dengan apa yang anda tulis, anda kini perlu kenalpasti yang mana yang paling utama. Tandakan dengan nombor atau gunakan “rating system” yang baik untuk membantu anda dalam proses ini. Lebih baik lagi jika anda klasifikasikan perkara-perkara ini berpandukan matlamat hidup anda dan apa yang paling penting dalam hidup anda; keluarga? kerjaya? cinta?

5. Buang Yang Tidak Penting

Pangkah atau padamkan perkara-perkara yang remeh dan tidak relevan. Perkara-perkara remeh yang anda fikirkan boleh jadi perkara seperti “Apa yang kekasih lama aku sedang lakukan?” atau “Osama hidup lagi kah?”. Anda akan dapat lihat yang kebanyakan perkara yang bermain di fikiran anda sebelum ini adalah perkara-perkara yang tidak relevan dan hanya membuatkan anda kurang produktif dalam menyelesaikan urusan harian dan masalah-masalah lain yang lebih penting. Perkara-perkara inilah sebenarnya yang menghalang anda untuk berfikir secara bijak.

6. Cukup Rehat & Tidur

Dengan memejamkan mata, atau memandang jauh ke arah kehijauan alam akan dapat memberi anda perasaan yang tenang. Tidur yang tidak cukup bermakna minda anda tidak mendapat rehat yang secukupnya. Sebab itu minda anda liar berfikir. Pejamkan mata untuk seketika di waktu rehat anda, atau keluar ambil angin dalam keadaan yang selesa dan positif.

7. Kurangkan menonton TV atau membaca akhbar di waktu pagi

Akhbar harian kita saban hari penuh dengan berita-berita yang menyanyat hati. Jenayah, kemalangan, bencana dan lain-lain boleh memberi tenaga yang negatif kepada kita. Jika anda mengamalkan tabiat membaca berita-berita ini di waktu anda bersarapan, anda akan bermula hari anda dengan pandangan yang negatif. Bangun pagi sahaja fikiran anda sudah berserabut. Elakkan atau tukar masa anda untuk membaca akhbar.

Menonton TV dengan berlebihan akan membuatkan fikiran anda menerawang jauh tentang perkara-perkara yang cuba disampaikan dalam rancangan yang anda tonton. Fokus anda kepada perkara yang lebih penting akan terjejas kerana anda mengizinkan info-info dan idea-idea baru ini masuk ke dalam minda anda. Kurangkan menonton TV.

8. Kembali Kepada Alam

Dalam kehidupan kota yang sibuk dan sesak, kita semua bergerak dengan pantas. Teknologi masa kini menjadikan kehidupan harian semakin laju. Mengembalikan diri kepada alam semulajadi akan dapat melambatkan waktu dan membolehkan anda hidup dalam waktu kini; Bukan hidup dalam waktu dahulu atau waktu hadapan, di mana anda terkejar-kejar dengan impian demi impian dan dilambatkan pula dengan kisah-kisah sedih dan sesalan demi sesalan tentang apa yang sudah pun berlaku. Bawa keluarga anda mandi air terjun atau pergi memancing dengan rakan, dan waktu akan menjadi perlahan bagi anda. Bila waktu bergerak perlahan, anda akan dapat memberi fokus.

9. Lepaskan

Anda risau tentang sesuatu? Anda rasa tidak puas tentang apa yang telah anda lakukan? Rasa marah? Berdendam? Tertekan? Cara yang paling mudah untuk mengosongkan fikiran yang berserabut adalah dengan mengalah dan melepaskan. Kita perlu menjadi seorang yang berjiwa mantap dan tegas dalam mengawal perasaan untuk membolehkan diri maju ke hadapan. Walaupun perasaan-perasaan ini adalah semulajadi, tetapi kebanyakannya adalah tidak menguntungkan. Fikirkanlah.

10. Kemas Ruang Anda

Tempat kerja atau kediaman anda perlu sentiasa berada dalam keadaan yang kemas. Mata kita sentiasa melihat, dan melihat keadaan yang tidak kemas sedikit-sebanyak akan mempengaruhi minda anda. Kita cuma tidak sedar akan hakikat ini. Ambillah tindakan dan inisiatif untuk mengemas dan anda pasti akan mendapat tenaga yang baru.

11. Berkongsi Masalah

Jangan simpan permasalahan anda. Jika anda mempunyai kekasih atau seseorang yang penting dalam hidup anda, berkongsilah masalah anda dengan mereka. Mendengar masalah orang lain juga dapat membantu anda dalam menyelesaikan masalah anda sendiri. Kadang-kadang kita tidak sedar tentang sesuatu yang lebih baik sebagai jalan penyelesaian. Dengarlah dan berbicaralah dengan hati dan minda yang terbuka.

12. Sedikit Lagi

Ingat lagi perkara-perkara yang anda tuliskan dalam langkah ketiga hingga langkah kelima? Buang separuh dari perkara-perkara ini.

13. Buat

Fikir dan buat. Jangan fikir dan terus berfikir. Buat perkara yang paling penting dan tidak mengambil masa yang lama terlebih dahulu. Jangan bertangguh!

10 Secret Powers

2009-10-26T12:18:00.001+09:00

10 Secrets For Good Loving Relationship

The first secret - the power of thoughts.
Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about others and ourselves. If we want to love someone, we need to consider his or her needs and desires.

The second secret - the power of respect.
You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect, ask yourself, "What do I respect about myself?" To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself, "What do I respect about them?"

The third secret - the power of giving.
If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Before committing to a relationship ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what you will be able to give them.

The fourth secret - the power of friendship.
To find a true love, you must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into each other's eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love him or her for who they are and now what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love's seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationhip, you must first bring friendship.

The fifth secret - the power of touch.
Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.

The sixth secret - the power of letting go.
If you love something, let it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances.

The seventh secret - the power of communication.
When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic words: "I love you."

The eighth secret - the power of commitment.
If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships.

The ninth secret - the power of passion.
Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone; it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. Passion can be recreated by recreating past experiences.

The tenth secret - the power of trust.
Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feels trapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you trust him or her completely.

When The Way U Love Matters..

2009-10-26T12:15:00.001+09:00

Honey, When The Way U Love Matters..

1. TRUST

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".

2. NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?"

The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.

3. CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one."

The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please."

"Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing, willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if I don't go out, tTelling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."

The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

4. NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.

It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.

5. RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school."

On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker."

She answered ,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

6. PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison.

A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?"

Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?"

Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.

Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman."

The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey.

Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.

It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river.

You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future. Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..

7. BE PATIENT

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.

Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, "Daddy,I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?"

The father went home & committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.

People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

21 Ways to Meet and Marry TWOYD

2009-10-24T01:20:00.004+09:00

21 Ways to Meet and Marry TWOYD

by Brian Tracy.

1. Decide EXACTLY What You Want

- What you want more, less, not at all

- Describe everything!

- Set your standard High!!

2. Develop a Positive Mental Attitude

- Yourself, your life

- Be a complete optimist

- Good sense of humor

- Think only about things you want

- Think about the future

- The best is yet to come

- Think about the solution rather than the problem itself

- Proactive rather than reactive

- Do not wait things to happen, make things happen!

- Have unrealistic expectation of success

- Dare to try and endure longer

- Look for good in every situation, and how to benefit from every situation/problem

3. Look Like a Winner In Every Aspect

- Women are very visual, and impression lasts long

- Dress properly, dress for success!

- Buy clothes that look good on you, and can boost your confident

- Maintain good physical condition, look your very best you can!

4. Cast a Wide Net

- Expose yourself to more women

- Where mostly TWOYD hang out?

- Fish where the fishes are!

- Join any activity, seminar, course etc

- Increase the likelihood you will meet TWOYD

5. Become Actively Involve In Your Business and Community

~ Cast a Wide Net, Fish Where the Fishes Are ~

- Accept any invitation to social function

- Volunteer etc

6. Talk the Talk, Walk the Walk

- Be fairly knowledgeable about matter that women like

- Read women magazine, ask their opinion about article etc (most men don’t do this, so you will stand out among the rest)

7. Be Smart About Money

- The ability to provide

- Given a choice, intelligent women will choose money-prepared guy

- Pay yourself first, save! 10% of your income. And more

- If you have money in your pocket (or bank), you are different man!

- - women can actually feel your presence! your aura! your strength!

8. Look For a Winning Attitude

- Positive and cheerful most of the time

- Future oriented, situation oriented (like yourself)

- Talk about where she is going, and how to get there

- Optimistic, confident about the future

- Inner strength that comes from positive mental attitude

People Don’t Change!

In fact, under pressure, they become even more so

And success didn’t change people either, they become more of what they already are ( if they even have success at all )

People Don’t Change

What You See Is What You Get

Look for quality that you are happy with

Don’t Compromise!

9. Increase Your Self-Confidence

- your level of self-confidence

- more confident = more sex appeal

- self-confidence is based on your self-esteem ( how much you like yourself )

- Self-Esteem = Core of your personality

- The more you like yourself, the better you Feel, the better you Do

- How much you like yourself = how much you like other people = how much people like you

- I Like Myself! I Like Myself! I Like Myself!

10. Develop a Clear Sense of Direction

Set Goal for Every Area of Your Life:

Financial Goals,

Career Goals,

Health Goals,

Personal Development Goals,

Relationship Goals,

DECIDE EXACTLY What You Want TO BE, TO HAVE, TO DO!!!

Set a Clear, Written Goals:

7 simple steps of Goal setting and Achieving

1- Decide exactly what you want

2-Write it down in clear, specific details

3-Set a deadline, and sub-deadline

4-Make a list of Things To Do

5-Organize a list into a plan, by sequence and priority

6-Take ACTION Immediately. GET BUSY!!

7-Do something EVERYDAY that moves you towards your most important goals. Do Something Every Single Day.

Exercise:

1- List 10 goals you want to achieve in 12 months

2- Pick 1 goal that will have Greatest Impact on your life

3- Set a deadline, Make a plan, take action, Do something everyday.

Test Of Three By Socrates

2009-09-01T20:47:00.002+09:00

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test.

It's called the Test of Three." "Test of Three?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say.

The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about It." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.

Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness.Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary... ""So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness.

Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all? "The man was defeated and ashamed.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

ZINA AKAN BERTERUSAN WALAU PUN DAH DI IJABKABUL

2009-08-20T20:06:00.003+09:00

blogger's intro : well, this is a revelation for me. enlightenment, ataupun pencerahan. THOUGH, tooooooo many people today, esp. youngsters, dont care much about zina ke tak zina, but still, someone need to uphold the law, and set the guide, what is black what is white. --------------------------------------------

TAJUK : ZINA AKAN BERTERUSAN WALAU PUN DAH DI IJABKABUL...

BACA UNTUK PENGETAHUAN SENDIRI DAN PEDOMAN SEMUA... HIDUP
SEBAGAI SEORG BERNAMA ISLAM JNG TERUSAN DLM KEJAHILAN.

Sesungguhnya, permasalahan ini berat. Perhatikan soalan 1 - 5.

Perkahwinan seumpama ini Hari ini memang tersangat biasa kerana keluarga biasanya memilih jalan ini untuk menutup malu. Bila dapat tahu anak “pregnant luar nikah”, cepat cepat dikahwinkan. .

Berdasarkan kenyataan ini, nikah itu TIDAK SAH, maka pasangan itu kelak hidup dalam zina sampai bila-bila... .

Persoalan ini telah diajukan kepada seorang Ima m, di mana banyak persoalan lain timbul dari persoalan pokok tersebut. Saya kongsikan bersama anda di sini kerana ianya amat penting:

Soalan 1 : Apakah langkah yang sewajarnya sekiranya seorang gadis belum berkahwin didapati hamil anak luar nikah?

Jawapan 1 : Gadis itu tidak boleh berkahwin sehingga bayi itu dilahirkan..

Soalan 2 : Sekiranya lelaki yang bertanggungjawab itu bersedia mengahwini gadis itu, bolehkah mereka bernikah?

Jawapan 2 : Tidak. Mereka tidak boleh bernikah sehingga bayi itu dilahirkan.

Soalan 3 : Adakah pernikahan itu sah sekiranya mereka berkawin?

Jawapan 3 : Tidak. Pernikahan itu TIDAK SAH. Seorang lelaki tidak boleh mengahwini seorang wanita hamil, walaupun lelaki itu merupakana ayah kepada bayi yang dikandung itu.

Soalan 4 : Sekiranya mereka bernikah, apakah tindakan mereka untuk memperbetulkan keadaan?

Jawapan 4 : Mereka mesti berpisah. Perempuan itu mestilah menunggu sehingga melahirkan, atau sehingga sah dia tidak mengandung, barulah mereka boleh bernikah sekali lagi, secara sah.

Soalan 5 : Bagaimana sekiranya keadaan itu tidak diperbetulkan?

Jawapan 5 : Maka mereka akan hidup di dalam zina kerana pernikahan itu tidak sah

Soalan 6 : Apakah hak seorang anak luar nikah?

Jawapan 6 : Kebanyakan pendapat mengatakan bahawa anak itu TIADA HAK untuk menuntut apa-apa daripada ayahnya..

Soalan 7 : Sekiranya hukum mengatakan lelaki itu bukan ayah kepada anak tersebut, adakah itu bermakna dia bukan mahram kepada anak perempuannya sendiri?

Jawapan 7 : Ya. Dia tidak boleh menjadi mahram.

Soalan 8 : Sekiranya seorang lelaki Muslim Dan seorang wanita Muslim (atau bukan Muslim) ingin bernikah setelah bersekedudukan, apakah tindakan yang sewajarnya?

Jawapan 8 : Mereka mesti tinggal berasingan segera Dan menunggu sehingga perempuan itu haid satu kali sebelum mereka boleh bernikah.

Soalan 9 : Sekiranya saya kenal/tahu seseorang di dalam keadaan ini, apakah saya perlu memberitahu kepadanya, atau lebih baik menjaga tepi kain sendiri?

Jawapan 9 : Anda wajib memberitahu, kerana itu sebahagian tanggungjawab anda sebagai saudaranya. Mereka harus diberi peluang untuk memperbetulkan keadaan mereka, kalau tidak semua keturunan yang lahir dari pernikahan tidak sah itu adalah anak-anak yang tidak sah taraf.

Kesimpulannya: Ibubapa, saudaramara, org2 kampung, tok2 imam, tok2 kadi Dan saksi-saksi yang tahu akan keadaan tersebut tetapi mendiamkan, membiarkan atau membenarkan pernikahan tersebut diteruskan maka mereka juga tidak terlepas daripada menanggung azab Dan seksaan samada didunia atau pun diakhirat... .

Katakanlah: 'Sesungguhnya sembahyangku Dan ibadatku, hidupku Dan matiku, hanyalah untuk Allah Tuhan yang memelihara Dan mentadbirkan sekalian alam'.

Some Health Tips

2009-07-28T14:04:00.000+09:00

- Answer the phone by LEFT ear

- Do not drink coffee TWICE a day

- Do not take pills with COOL water

- Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm

- Reduce the amount of TEA you consume

- Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume

- Drink more WATER in the morning, less at night

- Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS

- Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time

- Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning

- Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping

- When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation is 1000 times

Simple Tips For The Morning

2009-07-28T11:46:00.001+09:00

IF YOU"RE LIKE MANY PEOPLE, the start of the day isn't your favourite time. So here are some tips you can sneak into your routine without much effort. Try at least one of these tomorrow.

1. Stretch every extremity for 15 seconds. Try this before you open your eyes. Lift your arm and begin by stretching each finger, then your arm. Repeat with another arm.

2. Then your toes, feet, ankles, and legs. end with a neck and back stretch that propels you out of the bed. You've just limbered up your muscles and joints and enhance the flow of blood through your body, providing an extra shot of oxygen to all your tissue.

3. Brush your tongue for one minute. There's no better way to rid yourself of the morning breath and begin the day minty fresh. Hundreds of bacteria take up residence in your mouth every night, so just brushing your teeth alone isn't going to vanquish them.

4. Drink a glass of water. Remember, you've been fasting all night long, so you wake each morning dehydrated.

5. Check your morning calendar. Have a large calendar or whiteboard in a prominent position in the kitchen. On it, write everything you need to know for that day. Check it each morning as you sip your coffee. It will help you to avoid the stress of forgetting something important.

6. Kiss all the people you love in your house before you leave. Connecting with the ones you love soothes stress and gives a positive start to your day.

Must-Know Info To Help You Get Your Zzz's

2009-07-28T11:44:00.000+09:00

Can't sleep? You have plenty of company. About half of all adults experience insomnia on occasion, and 1 in 10 battle insomnia on a regular basis, according to the Cleveland Clinic. If you fall into one of those groups, chances are you're already following the tried-and-true rules for a good night’s sleep. Don't have too much caffeine (especially late in the day), do not exercise late at night, keep your bedroom at a cool, comfortable temperature, and make sure your bed, pillows and linens are comfy. Those are all good tips, but there are lesser-known things you can try to help you get more rest.

1. Set a Bedtime Alert
Most of us already use an alarm to wake up in the morning, but sleep expert Michael Breus, PhD, author of Beauty Sleep: Look Younger, Lose Weight, and Feel Great Through Better Sleep, suggests setting it at night as well. "I tell people to set their alarm for one hour before bedtime, which reminds them to begin what I call the power-down hour," says Dr. Breus, who is also a spokesman for the Zeo Personal Sleep Coach. He says you should spend the first 20 minutes of that hour taking care of any necessary chores (like walking the dog or making your kids' lunches), then spend the next 20 minutes on hygiene (washing up, brushing your teeth, etc.), and save the last 20 minutes before bed for relaxation. You don't necessarily have to meditate, if that doesn't appeal to you; you can also do deep breathing exercises, read a book or even watch a little TV (as long as it's not too stimulating).

2. Don't Clear U’r Mind
Experts say anxiety and depresion top the list of reasons people have trouble sleeping. Part of the problem is that many of us just can't seem to quiet that internal voice that starts rambling on about the worries of the day. Of course, if you can clear your mind, go ahead and do it. But if that's impossible, don't force it--you'll only end up panicking about the fact that you're not sleeping, says Paul McKenna, PhD, author of the soon-to-be-released book I Can Make You Sleep. Instead, try slowing down your thoughts. "Practice saying anything and everything that comes into your mind to yourself in a slow, monotonous, drowsy tone," says Dr. McKenna. It doesn't matter if you're thinking about what to buy tomorrow at the grocery store or how a big presentation at work is going to go. If you slow everything down and talk to yourself in an even tone, you'll find it's that much harder to keep worrying (or stay awake).

3. Count Numbers--Not Sheep
Another great way to quiet those racing thoughts is to count backward from 300 by 3s, says Dr. Breus. Unless you're a math ace, you probably won't be able to focus on anything else while you're doing this, which means you'll end up distracting yourself from your stressful thoughts.

4. Get Up a Half-Hour Earlier
Yes, you read that right! If you're suffering from chronic insomnia, try getting up, for example, at 6:30 instead of your usual 7 wakeup time--no matter what time you fell asleep the night before. You may be extra-sleepy for a little while, but this is hands-down the most effective way to reset u’r body clock, says Dr. McKenna. It works because it teaches your body that it can't catch up on sleep in the morning, so eventually you'll start feeling drowsier earlier in the evening.

5. Consider Seeing a Professional
A sleep psychologist is someone who specializes in gathering info about your emotions and your behaviors specifically as they relate to sleep. Often found at sleep centers, a sleep psychologist can usually help resolve your sleep issues in just four to six sessions, says Joseph Ojile, MD, founder of the Clayton Sleep Institute in St. Louis and a spokesman for the National Sleep Foundation.

6. Don't Worry If You Can't Sleep Right Away
You shouldn't pass out the second your head hits the pillow. If that happens all the time, it's a sign that you're sleep deprived. (Ditto for nodding off during boring meetings and long movies.) Ideally, it should take 15 to 25 minutes from when you lie down to when you drift off to sleep, says Dr. Breus.

7. Go to Bed When You're Tired
If you're having ongoing sleep troubles, don't worry so much about the fact that it's almost midnight and you have to get up in less than seven hours. Forcing yourself to stay in bed when you're not sleepy is just going to contribute to more tossing and turning, says Dr. Ojile. Instead, get up, do something relaxing, and go back to bed whenever you do feel tired. You might end up exhausted the next day (but that was bound to happen either way under these circumstances), and the following night you should have better luck getting to bed earlier.

RS : Zaid Ibrahim - God Favors the Braves

2009-07-28T00:45:00.000+09:00

The Preservation of Democracy and the Rule of Law in Malaysia

Speech at The Oxbridge Malaysia Dinner Dialogue Series, hosted by the Oxford & Cambridge Society, Malaysia.
Date: Thursday, 9th of July 2009
Venue: Bankers’ Club, Kuala Lumpur.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Thank you for your invitation for me to speak today. When I accepted your kind offer, I was ‘party-less’. But things have now changed. I have drawn my line in the sand. And I have chosen sides. Today, I am a proud member of Parti Keadilan Rakyat.

Today I am persuaded by the argument that for Malaysia to have democracy and the Rule of Law, we must have a new government; a viable inclusive government of the people; a government for all Malaysians. Today I am dedicated to the cause of securing the success of Parti Keadilan and Pakatan Rakyat, and ensuring that it galvanises the best talents and ideas to form a robust alternative Malaysian political force to lead the nation, to deliver true integration and nationhood.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
This country was established as a secular multicultural and multi-religious democracy ala the Westminster model. The Constitution however provides for a special position for the Malays and natives of Sabah and Sarawak. They unfortunately omitted to include the Orang Asli in this special category, although they were naturally the first original inhabitants of this country. All they got was a Jabatan Orang Asli. The special provisions for Bumiputras under Article 153 do not make them more special than other citizens, for the fighters of independence did not envisage an Orwellian society where some are more equal than others. The acceptance of equality of rights as citizens is central to the success of our Malaysian journey.

When the PM announced his 1 Malaysia slogan, I asked if that meant he would make a declaration that all Malaysians are equal. The answer was not forthcoming till today. All he said was rights must be understood in the context of responsibilities. Another fuzzy reply. When critics asked if 1 Malaysia meant that the cultural characteristics of the diverse racial groups would be assimilated to a new design called 1 Malaysia, he quickly denied that it was an assimilation plan. So therefore I assume that 1 Malaysia is an affirmation of the rights of ALL the citizens under the Constitution, an affirmation of the multicultural and multi- religious nature of our country; and that the principles of Rukun Negara will continue to be the mainstay of our society.

My detractors say that my views are fodder for the egos and insecurities of those who detest the constitutional position of the Malays. They say I work too hard at being a Malaysian and by doing so, have forgotten my roots and responsibilities to the Malays. And that no right thinking Malay, who truly understands what is at stake, would ever support me. I know my heritage, I know my humble beginnings, and I know my roots and my responsibilities as a Malay. They are wrong. To them, let me say this.

UMNO — being hidden in a cave for so long and concealed from the real world — have almost abandoned the idea of a shared and common nationhood. They believe that for so long as the MCA and the MIC remain with them as partners of convenience, that is sufficient to build a nation. They think it’s sufficient to forge a new nation by electoral arrangements. The MCA and the MIC also think it’s sufficient for nationhood if they remain business partners of UMNO.

A new united Malaysia can only come true when UMNO changes and abandons racial politics and the politics of racial hegemony. Or, when the Malays can be made to understand that patronage, authoritarianism and nationalist extremism, which underpins UMNO’s style of leadership, does more harm to the community and the country than good. That Malays themselves must break from the shackles of narrow nationalism so that they may realise self-actualisation and emancipation. The first is difficult to achieve but I take it as my responsibility to try and achieve the second.

Let me now get into the subject of the speech by giving you an understanding about how UMNO ticks. This, to me, is critical in order for you to appreciate what hope we have for the preservation of the Rule of Law and Democracy in Malaysia.

At the heart of UMNO’s philosophy on leadership is a conviction that there is an inherent, almost ‘divine’ right to retain power at all costs. This is so for two reasons: Firstly, because they assume that they are the only political force, by way of Barisan Nasional, to offer a workable power-sharing leadership of this nation.

And secondly, because they believe that the Malay hegemony that UMNO maintains is necessary to prevent the Malays from becoming marginalised. It is these beliefs that are at the centre of UMNO’s self-indulgent sense of indispensability and self-importance that is today causing them to steer the nation to an authoritarian rule. It is this sense of self-importance that is accountable for the authoritarianism in leadership and government. It is this that has helped justify in their minds their right to quell anyone who threatens the status quo, whether it be a group of politicians or activists protesting against abuses in government, or a group of Indians protesting against their treatment and lack of opportunities, or a previous deputy prime-minister who was no longer in step with the ‘Big Boss’. It does not matter. Self-preservation demands expedience at all costs to resolve any impending threat.

But there is more. Since the hegemony is protected by policies that benefit the elites and other powerful forces, this sense of self-importance becomes even more dangerous. Because it justifies why real checks and balances against governmental abuses can be done away with. It justifies trampling on fundamental safeguards in the Federal Constitution in the last 20 years.

But there is more. If you are on the cause of preserving the rights of the elites, the oligarchs, then it brings you no shame to have a former UMNO lawyer as Chief Justice; in fact, you become proud of that achievement. Even if the Attorney General had committed many errors in the discharge of his functions and duties, a well-known fact amongst the legal fraternity, you will not change him; nor would you change the Chief Of Police despite so many reports of transgressions committed by him. All for the ‘Malay cause’ they would say! And if you are on the Bench writing your judgement on the Perak fiasco; you can tailor it to suit your master’s political interests, and you will be lauded for that. The ‘Malay Cause’ is everything. The Constitution can wait; sound legal reasoning can wait, justice can wait.

But there is more.

Many in UMNO see the hegemony as a ‘be all and end all’, with the power sharing between component parties as being a means to an end. Ketuanan Melayu, a mantra of Malay supremacy, has gained ground instead of receding over time. More accurately it is Ketuanan Elit Melayu as the majority of the Malays have found out to their dismay.

What is the price that we ultimately pay as a nation, if this pernicious doctrine is embraced by many? Clearly to start with, we would continue to be cursed with a non-transparent government without the capability of functioning in a way that respects the rule of law. We will be cursed by having laws that oppress, that curtail and suffocate the basic freedoms of the people. We now have a set of rules for the elites and one for the rakyat, one for Barisan Nasional and one for Pakatan Rakyat.

If the public believes that the government is not beholden to a set of commonly revered values and principles, and its actions are tainted by racial biases, there will continue to be physical and emotional segregation of communities, regardless of how may times we change the slogans to break such divisiveness. The notion of creating a free and democratic Malaysia therefore becomes unachievable.

The ultimate price that the country suffers from the present political culture is that the Malays and non-Malays will continue to be denied a sense of ownership of Malaysia’s nation-building journey. And instead of become partners in this voyage to mature nationhood they continue to bicker and remain suspicious and distrustful of one another. Because of this segregation, the government is unable to set a new direction of the country. Because of racial polarization the people are not ready to accept a multiracial dimension of this country. As a result, we are not able to enact or even discuss comprehensive national policies whether it is regarding the police, education or judicial and civil service reforms .The distrust of the communities will prevent objective appraisals and solutions to the problems. Ethnic interests take precedence over national interests. National interests become a strange and fearful concept. And there will continue to be a brain drain of Malaysian talents who would have decided that they would rather make their home elsewhere. This is a high price that the country can ill-afford to pay given the increasingly challenging global outlook.

Authoritarianism, patronage, and nationalist extremism from any quarter destroy the key ingredients necessary for the Malaysian community to really build on and retain that wealth and knowledge. Competitiveness and true economic and scholastic success, is a function of instilling in the hearts and minds of beneficiaries a set of new behaviours, around the capacity and desire to take personal accountability, to trust one another, to be achievement oriented, to develop a sense of curiousity, a sense a solidarity that go beyond your own ethnic clans and groups; so that together, we are to be able to build this country. We must do away with unprincipled politics, with Machiavellian methods, but instead seek to change with reforms that encourage the development of a viable democracy and a prosperous country for all.

The government says it hopes to amend up to 33 laws, which involve discretionary powers to the Home minister, beginning with the controversial Internal Security Act (ISA), in the next Parliament session. Let’s hope and see if this will bear fruit. Authoritarianism in government will continue albeit in a different guise, unless the whole of the ISA, Official Secrets Act, The Sedition Act and similar such laws are abolished. This would be an example of good governance. However, authoritarian policies will most likely continue while corruption is rampant, when the elites need protection from their misdeeds. Najib will not be able to change any of these.

Perak State Government
The whole cloak and dagger story of intrigue about the overthrow of the Pakatan Rakyat government gave rise to much suspicion about Najib’s style, well before he took office. He could have allayed the fears that he would not be one to resort to under-the-belt tactics in his leadership, by calling for fresh elections. Najib’s unwillingness to dissolve the Perak Assembly has gotten the country deeper into a political quagmire. By doing so he will also help the Federal Court judges from having to come up with a convoluted legal reasoning, like that of the Court of Appeal, to please the Prime Minister.

Malay Unity Talk
This is again Najib’s idea to strengthen himself. If PAS were to support UMNO under the guise of a unity government, a viable alternative to Barisan Nasional at the next elections will be seriously undermined. Najib wanted the internal difficulties between Pakatan Rakyat parties to continue and fester as the mainstream media went full steam ahead to ensure Pakatan’s demise. Let me assure you that that such a scenario will not happen. Pakatan will only get stronger. Pakatan has its weaknesses but we do not have the culture of hegemony. We do not suppress dissent. Hence you will hear of occasional disagreements. You will hear of occasional flare-ups; but PAS, Keadilan and DAP are committed to finding ways to strengthen their partnership. They will not break up. Instead, they will form a formidable coalition that will be ready to provide an alternative government to the people.

Today, Malaysians are suffering the deleterious effect of a stagnating world economy, and the GDP will contract by 4.4 per cent according to the World Bank. FDI’s continue to fall, while talent is being lost. The standard of education and the skill sets, including the command of English, necessary for the work force to remain globally competitive continues to fall. Now after spending billions on teaching Science and Maths in English in the last 6 years, the Government has announced the reversal of the policy effective 2012. One wonders if the farcical National Service programme, which is neither a national service nor an educational programme will be scrapped too. .

Crimes and home security issues have increased since 2003 and these remain major concerns of the people. In the 1998 case of Anwar Ibrahim, allegations by the investigating officer himself of tampering with evidence by the IGP and the AG have not been answered satisfactorily. Of course the government had formed a certain panel comprising three ex-judges deliberating in a secret place. Not surprisingly the Panel cleared them. The findings of the Royal Commission in the Lingam case have not been acted upon in satisfactory manner. And many high profile cases reported to the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC) remain unattended. Such is the state of the Rule of Law in Malaysia. Will Najib attend to these issues? Certainly not.

All he can do is to announce the scrapping of some outdated policies that he had little choice but to do it anyway, as part of the demands of the international and ASEAN trade agreements. After decades of the NEP, the 30% equity requirement in companies listed amongst the 27 services sub-sectors are taken away. Also, the Foreign Investment Committee regulating investments in Malaysia, have been scrapped. The reasoning of the government, which is disputed by many Malays, is that the Bumiputra participation in the relevant services sub-sectors are satisfactory and hence the removal of the quota requirement. Whilst the move has made Najib popular in the short term, it will come back to haunt him. Economics and social justice require him to address the larger question of disparities in income of the rakyat. The plight and grievances of ordinary people will not be redressed by one or two populist policies.

On the question of the preservation of the Rule of Law and Democracy, he did nothing and probably will continue to do nothing. He should have acted as if he has only 100 days before his reign comes to an end. He should have embraced Roosevelt’s dictum, ‘There is nothing to fear but fear itself’, and embarked on far reaching policies to give back judicial power to the Courts, to give back integrity, trust and respectability to governmental institutions like the Police, the Attorney General’s Office, the Election Commission; that of which Malaysia desperately needs. In doing so he can show the people he was prepared to sacrifice his neck if that is required of him.

He should not have started the Perak debacle but since it had already got under way, he should have had the courage to win back the support of the people by allowing for the dissolution of the Legislative Assembly. Instead of embarking on the inane idea of UMNO-PAS unity — confirming the suspicion that he is like his Deputy who only understands UMNO-PAS unity at the expense of everything else — Najib should have called for a national debate amongst all leaders of major political parties for a serious discussion on key and core values for the country.

The problems in our country are not race or religion based, but BN has worked very hard to make them so. It’s always about the Rakyat against the elites or the powerful oligarchs that run and control the country’s institutions and wealth. The Rakyat, for too long have becomes pawns in this political game where the race and religious issues are being played out to divide them.

Najib should have started his administration with pushing through a Race Relations Act that will punish racism and racist speeches and writings from all quarters, even if it’s from leaders of his own party and from Utusan Malaysia. The single greatest impediment to Malaysians being united and working together for the common good, is racist politics in Malaysia. Racism here is not the same kind that the Anglo Saxon whites have over blacks and coloureds (or vice versa) for many years. It’s not the apartheid kind of racism where whites generally believe they are superior to blacks and coloureds in genetics and all spheres of life. Our racism is driven more by ethnic distrust and ethnic rivalry for the economic cake. They are mainly economic and cultural in nature, based on the fear that the wealth of the country will be taken away by the Chinese, and vice versa. But it’s just as divisive and dangerous. It refers to both institutionalised racism and those exhibited by individuals. Malaysia needs to combat this problem because it’s particularly acute. Because we have three major races that did not have the luxury of time for natural assimilation or the time to gel and live in harmony, we need legislation and governmental support to push through the unity factors and manage the divisive factors found in the community.

To bring about a truly united 1 Malaysia, our PM must not always refer to the deprivation of the Malays suffered under the British. No amount of wallowing of the past can change history, nor can we just tell the Chinese and the Indians how grateful they should be for events taking place 100 years ago. Equally, he cannot just be happy that he has the MCA and MIC taking care of the non-Malays. He has to do more to make sure the non-Malays are equally responsible and generous with the Malays. Will they open their businesses to the Malays? Will they give credit on the same terms they do to their own clans?

But at the same time the people, including the Malays, must be convinced that democracy and a functioning bureaucracy is good for them. That they have a better chance of realizing their potentials and benefiting from their rights and privileges under a government that respects just laws. They must resist corruption by all means at their disposal. The notion of Bangsa Malaysia will not detract or take away anything from them, but instead they become a part of a larger and more diverse community where they too can experience the generousity, beauty, strength, and richness of Malaysian cultures. They will benefit from the solidarity of people from all walks of life, and their worldview will change to make them stronger and more confident of themselves.

A PM of this country must not succumb to the idea that force and repression will prevail over the people’s will. The PM of this country must not suffer from the delusion that the Police, the Army, the Courts, the Election Commission and the Attorney General could strike fear in the hearts of the people to the extent that they will retreat. No leader in ancient and modern times has survived the outrage of the masses. Today we have witnessed a new sense of outrage; outrage against the abuse of power, against inequality, outrage against the continued persecution of Anwar Ibrahim, and outrage against the policies of divide and rule.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
The winds of change have never blown so strong. Today, the rakyat has spoken and they want their voices heard. They want a new beginning, so that this country, which we all call home, will be transformed into a dynamic, open and vibrant democratic sanctuary. A sanctuary where we live without fear of police harassment, without fear of wearing black or yellow, without fear of detention without trial, without the nausea of reading newspapers whose editors have to toe the line to keep the papers alive. We will make this country such that we have room and space for all of us to have our dreams and hopes come true.

But the window of opportunity has opened for one central reason. And that is because the people now have a choice; between the establishment that has led the country over the last 50 years, or a viable alternative in Pakatan Rakyat that can inclusively carry the hopes and aspirations of all Malaysians, no matter they be Malay, Chinese or Indian. For without this alternative, the self indulgent and delusional sense of self-importance of UMNO and its cohorts in Barisan Nasional will continue to impose itself.

No doubt, Keadilan is a new party, and Pakatan Rakyat is in its infancy, and the coming together of different political parties to find a common thread with which to build meaningful solidarity to work together, is a long and arduous journey. Let us not kid ourselves. Many challenges lie ahead to make it a truly viable alternative political force to Barisan Nasional and acceptable choice to all Malaysians. And the traps and snares to trip up this fledgling alternative are being laid everywhere; the Unity talks being just one.

My colleagues and I in Pakatan Rakyat must be cautious, and yet courageous, patient yet purposeful, tolerant yet principled, to ensure that Pakatan Rakyat steers clear of these traps, and that we build a truly robust and secure alternative from which the electorate can choose to form government. We must desist from any temptation to go back to the ways of the past, in which opposition parties represent their own narrow factional interests, only to grant a walkover victory to the status quo.

At for Parti Keadilan Rakyat, it must soldier on come what may, as a party that will protect the people regardless of race and ethnicity. The Special position of the Bumiputras and Islam as mandated by the Constitution will be honoured but will do so in an open transparent manner; as a democratic multiracial party that observes the Rule of Law will be obliged to do. Keadilan will not champion racial politics and will not seek racial hegemony. We are a lot more humble than UMNO. But we will be fearless in the defence of the rights of the Rakyat against powerful oligarchs and vested interest groups. We will make the public institutions in this country respectable and full of integrity. These institutions will regain the respect and the trust of the people.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
We do not live in a world of black and white. We live in a world full of different colours, shades and textures. No truer is this than in Malaysia. I can stand here and tell you of my immense sense of pride and affection in being a Malaysian, just as I can do the same about being Malay. And I believe that we all are just as capable of feeling that way about being Malaysian, and yet similarly proud of being Malay, Chinese, Indian, Kadazan or Iban, no matter who we are.

And it is this mix of seemingly conflicting values, which when blended and tempered with courage, tolerance, good faith, and framed by universally held moral and civic values, that makes the canvas of Malaysia so rich, so powerful and so full of potential. Let us preserve this living piece of art, and ensure that it continues to beautify and enrich our personal lives, as private citizens.

For if we fail, then the providence with which we are blessed today to make a breakthrough change, will disappear as quickly as it came, and we will be back to square one. Our future and that of our children and their children, depends on our success. Failure is not an option. God favours the brave.

Thank You.